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me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink · 8 months

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a dedication to someone that doesn’t deserve one

AroarA // june gehringer // sue zhao // ashstfu // ryebreadgf // sue zhao // rvbhleo // osamu dazai // ojibwa // ashstfu // anna ahkmatova // trista mateer // margaret atwood // unknown // mahmoud darwish // ocean vuong // yves olade // unknown // ocean vuong // lucille clinton // fleabag

[text IDs: Image 1: AroarA, #6: “that the house is slowly on fire / that the house is slowly on fire // and I can't get you to leave it / and I can't get you to leave it // and I can't leave without you / and I can't leave without you”

Image 2: june gehringer, I love you, it looks like rain: “the worst part of love is / that I remember it. // I walk around all day thinking: I'm going to die in the universe you loved me in. // I get so jealous of euthanized dogs.“

Image 3: sue zhao: He asks: “"how do I get over somebody I never had?" And says: // I did not love you but I almost did. At one time, I might have loved you - at least, I felt I might have. If you were never loved by me, then nevertheless you were lovable to me. Last night I dreamt that your head lay on my stomach and traced the rise and fall of my breath. It felt complete natural - even though I knew once, we had left each other. Even though I knew we had wounded each other. In the dream state, forgiveness comes easily. I never loved you but I almost did. There are days when the breadth of ambiguity feels much worse. There are days I wish I would have loved you so I would know how to stop.

Image 4: ashstfu, tumblr: “girls vs getting over anythings thats ever happened to them in their life”

Image 5: ryebreadgf, tumblr: “YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!”

Image 6: sue zhao: “How often are you violent against yourself? Does it horrify you? Can you stop? Do you want to? And if you did, would you know how to?”

the last three sentences spanning from “Can you stop?” to “would you know how to?” have been underlined in blue

Image 7: rvbhleo, all caps: “WHAT IS THE POINT OF LUKEWARM LOVE? IF IM NOT DROWNING IN IT I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR IT”

Image 8: osamu dazai, no longer human, highlighted in pink: “the wound has gradually become dearer to me than my own flesh and blood”

Image 9: ojibwa, tumblr: “Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving./I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't save.”

Image 10: ashstfu, tumblr: sometimes getting over something is accepting you will never get over it”

Image 11: anna ahkmatova, parting: “I am very calm. Only do not talk to me about him.”

Image 12: margaret atwood, more and more: “there is no reason for this, only a starved dog’s logic on bones”

Image 13: unknown, all caps: “OTHER BOYS ARE BORING AND YOU ARE A BURNING HOUSE I WANT TO LIVE IN”

Image 14: mahmoud darwish, formatted as if in dialogue between two people: “ -Do you have any weapons on you?” “-I have a longing that's killing me.”

the second sentence is highlighted in yellow

Image 15: trista mateer, honeybee: “I've gotten so good/about not flinching at the sound of your name/that people don't know I'd still throw myself/mouth-open into the ocean/for the chance to drown somewhere you might see it.“

Image 16: yves olade, bloodsport: “All that/matters is that you want to hurt me. // All that matters is that you want me/Say the word & I'll burn for ten days.”

Image 17: unknown, all caps: “LETS GO TO THE GARDEN./LETS BE KIDS AGAIN./I’LL CHASE YOU IF YOU CHASE ME.”

Image 18: ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous, highlighted in yellow: “When does a war end? When can I say vour name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?”

Image 19: lucille clifton, climbing: “maybe i should have wanted less./maybe i should have ignored the bowl in me/burning to be filled./maybe i should have wanted less.”

Image 20: fleabag, season 2 episode 6: a screenshot of the priest looking at fleabag, captioned, “It’ll pass.” below]

#silv's back on her bs #web #web weave #web weaving #quotes #AroarA #june gehringer #sue zhao #ashstfu #ryebreadgf #rvbhleo #osamu dazai #ojibwa #anna akhmatova #margaret atwood #mahmoud darwish #trista mateer #yves olade #ocean vuong #lucille clifton #fleabag #on relationships #on past relationships #on love #just #the person who defined over five years of my life doesn’t deserve to have a post dedicated to him #he doesn’t deserve to live in the corner of my brain he doesn’t deserve the sick feeling I get when I walk past him #but at night when I can’t fall asleep I can’t help but think that if he told me he loved me one more time it could change something #that I could swallow the bile and pretend that this is the love I’ve been waiting for #i don’t even know how to tag this because every moment I have is an exercise in love and grief and moving on

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