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#called it when i wake up i wld be too embarrassed to have ppl see n know that side of me ;;;
noxtivagus · 2 years
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if anyone saw my posts last night at 4 am, no u didn't 🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#called it when i wake up i wld be too embarrassed to have ppl see n know that side of me ;;;#OR MAYBE I CLD#make that spam acc that no one will know 🥺#i'm just too embarrassed at the thought that what if anyone that knows me irl wld read .#the light will never know the things i write at night <33#the things i write late at night end up going all over the place ;w;;#like last night it started w a normal thought then i was oversharing abt smth then#started rambling abt the things i usually talk abt then i think of smth even more sad#then i start crying along the way wwww#in my defense part of feeling more hoenst n free at night includes being more emotional#i feel like sm changes every single month. like in a weird way where it's all so quick but#at the start of the year i rmber listening to different songs n typing differently n idk#hmmm i wld say that in the past few months i've been feeling a bit more like myself again but#i'm not really sure what that means. for the past few days i think i've been feeling v lost again. esp today so far#the way we grow as humans is smth so interesting n beautiful yet painful for me#it's nearly my birthday again next month aaa...#i don't know what to do abt the future rn. i feel so lost#rn in this moment it feels like i'm stuck between uhh my past self / ideal self / n current self#in relation to both myself n others. my curiosity hurts me sometimes but i can't help but want to know and learn#n then the usual overwhelming n overthinking n i'm just on 2 hours on sleep so i wna nap but#actually i'll just submit one assignment then i can work on more after i nap#sigh anxiety tho bcs i want to be more open n all but#ONE THING BOTHERING ME RN THO IS 🫠 idk how to really phrase it but let me give an example#actually no i will not expound bcs it relates to what i wrote abt last night hahhaha#i hate being anxious in social situations n i hate unintentionally distancing myself from others#i know what i can do or what i need to change but smth in my head contradicts it all n fucks it all up#bit by bit in time i'll understand a little more every day. hopefully. i just need to continue n i'll eventually find my way
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