Taking a risk and looking for feed back as well as opinions

Back during the time between S3 and 4 of MLP FIM, I decided to dip my toes into the realm of Fan diction writing once again. I say once again, because I wrote one YEARS back, talkin early 2000s for Command & Conquer, but it was horrible and was never posted on a C&C site due to never really being a full chapter and just plain bad. The spark of creativity hit again during Kung Fu Panda 2 & the TV show and I did post a chapter on DA to rather positive favor but never continued due to getting distracted, worried, and other things (it was a romantic fiction between a OC and Master Tigress.....don’t just me, angry women are attractive. May come back to it too...). Now fast forward back to between S3-4 I was nervous as I know alicorn ocs are unpopular due to how easily overpowered or whatever they can be, but I forge ahead because I love making a OC of each race of a fantasy/sci-fi series I really love if each race is unique and appealing. So, with my OC thuroughly thought out and a story fully formed in my head I start turning out five-ish chapters only to stop when the S4 finale blows a idea of mine, involving Discord, out the window. Anyway, seasons pass and I wish-wash between how I should proceed and make it believable, along with how closely it sticks to current show events/cannon.

Well, with the end of S6 and the more recent movie I’ve gotten the creative urge and spark again along with deciding to update it to about the current show events while possibly leaving out the changeling reform, or having it be a splinter between true changelings and abnormals. Anyway, that said, the story is about my main OC Midnight Strider, who is both the main antagonist and in the second half protagonist. I decided I wanted to make a character and a story based on whaqt Lauren Faust had planned originally for S1 and Nightmare moon. The initial concept then turned into something more Jekyl and Hyde with a more lawful villain who truly believes in what he does despite being corrupted by his foolishness in thinking dark magic is not harmful. Through that corruption believing in a balance of good and evil that has become distorted due to the overabundant and long lasting harmony and thus deciding to bring forth a age of darkness to balance things out after seeing the rate of threats, thus ensuring something far worse is prevented. That’s just part of the first half of my novel/novella-esque fan fiction, the second delves into the Jackyl & Hyde aspects that involve literal facing of own demon along with romance. I’d say who his romance interest may be, but I’m debating on if it should be one of two candidates. One has a fair bit in common with him, though may draw ire due to just who it is and how popular this mare is due to her esteemed position. The other, is VERY new and draws from my liking of angry women who can  and has beat everyone by herself. (bet you can’t guess who I’m talking of lol) With a third section involving ramifications of the first and second parts along with a possible epilogue involving a future of how everything ended, Needless to say this is a big undertaking that in total may have well over 50, more than likely even more, chapters That being said, I’m going to post the prologue of this story and would love to see the feedback of not only the idea, but the prologue and if I should proceed/ I’d especially like to hear the thoughts of those waaay better versed in such things like @ink-rose-the-hylian , @tyandaga or @looneyturtle as they are experts in matters of character consistency and the like. But they by no means need to feel obligated to even respond as I’m sure they are busy and have better things to do. With all that said, here’s the prologue. Again, only looking for opinions, this is still under altering/changing and other stuff/

Princess celestia smiled as she walked among a field of flowers with her younger sister Luna in the canterlot gardens, enjoying a moment of sisterly bonding. They laughing, reminiscing about their youth while enjoying the idealic sunny day. They soon stopped and stared in wonder as the sky turned black and a strong wind began to blow, followed by ominous shadowy storm clouds that soon filled the sky as lightning shot out of them. Malevolent sinister laughing came from nowhere, coming from every direction, as a menacing figure cloaked in thick shadows formed before the surprised princess. The only notable features of the presence before her were faded bronze-ish gold eyes that pierced through the thick black shadow that made up it's form.

"Who are you, why have you intruded upon the castle grounds?" Celestia demanded. only to be met with more laughing. As she looked on at the occurrence, the shadowy figure shot a black burst of magic into the ground causing dark figures to rise up from it. Although hard to define, Celestia was able to make out a few. To her absolute horror, she could make out the appearance of her former faithful student and her friends but they were wrong, the exact opposite of how she knew them to be. The countenance of her student turned fellow princess was all so wrong, she looked prideful, arrogant and vain, nothing like how she knew Twilight. And her friends, they looked just as wrong and cruel as Twilight did.

"No....What have YOU done?!" Celestia barked at the shadow cloaked figure, which still refused to respond. After the initial shock she looked at the malevolent figure, her mouth turning into a stern and determined frown as her eyes narrowed, glaring at the shadowed figure in front of her before shooting a magicical blast, only to have it go right through the menacing visage.

The figure seemed to not even notice or care, instead shooting it's strange beam of magic once again after a few seconds. Although believing it to be aimed at her, instead Celestia looked in horror as the beam hit Luna who she soon realized had not actually moved since the figure appeared. "Luna!" Celestia cried out, "Are you..." Celestia was cut off as the princess of the night slowly started to laugh in a all too familiar tone, one that Celestia had hoped she had heard the last of for good. As Luna began to change, her coat slowly faded from it's dark blue color to black from her hooves up, eyes turning teal and irises changing from round to more slit like as she soon became Nightmare Moon. Smirking she walked over to the figure, standing by it's side as Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra appeared on either side of them. As Celestia began to step back, eyes wide in disbelief and shock,  trying desperately to not let the sheer dismay from what was unfolding before her eyes overwhelm her.

"Luna.....no....." Celestia said softly as she looked down at the ground, heart practically shattered, slowly raising her head after a few seconds toward the figure in a look of sheer hatred and eyes that would shoot daggers if they could.  "You....I'LL SEE YOU ROT IN TARTARUS!" Celestia roared in rage at the figure that was at the center of the events as She began to fire off more spells at the shadowy figure in a mix of anguish and rage at what it had done to her sister only to see them continue to pass through. Her look of anguish and shock grew into terror as darkness began to engulf the ground, seeping from the figure as the black mass moved toward her from where it and her sister stood along with the past threats she thought were either at bay or gone forever. She stepped back more and tried to retreat only to see the darkness heading toward her not just from her front, but from behind her as well as to her left and right, surrounding her in a hopeless situation. Now starting to Panic, Celestia spread her wings to take flight as the darkness closed in on her only to have her own sister, now Nightmare moon again, swiftly close the distance between them and grab hold, preventing her from getting up off the ground as the darkness slowly started to engulf her.

"Equestria is MINE!" the figure bellowed in victorious wicked glee, laughing along with the other foes that stood with it as the darkness enveloped her completely. "NOO!" Celestia cried out. Gasping as she woke, Celestia trembled while cold sweat ran down her face.

"Princess is something wrong?!" The guards that were posted at her door asked as they burst through the door. One, a Pegasi, had his spear firmly ready in one of his wings while the other, a unicorn, had his horn glowing at the ready to attack anyone. "No, no, I'm quite alright. Just a lil bad dream, must have been that last piece of cake I had before bed." Celestia said, playing it off with a dismissive hoof. "No need to worry, I probably just need to get some walking and a lil water before trying to sleep again." The princess of the sun added as she got out of her bed.  

"Are you sure, you seem to be trembling a lil and sweating. One of us could go get you one or we could both escort you if you like." The Pegasi asked. "It's fine, isn't a grown mare allowed to have a nightmare every now and then?" Celestia said with a light giggle, "Now, you two stay here at your station while I go get some water, I'll probably stop by and see how Luna is doing as well. After that I'll be right back, promise"

"Well.....I suppose...."

"Good, now you two stay here while I walk off this bad dream." Celestia stated before walking off from her room, much to the dismay and slight bewilderment of her guards. Once she was sure that she was far enough away where they could not see her, Celestia picked up the pace of her walking into more of a frantic walk as she headed to meet her sister who was watching over the surrounding area from an observation tower in the castle, making sure not to panic her sister's guards as well as she entered the base of the tower before hurriedly rushing up the stairs.

"Sister, What's wrong, You look horrible?" Luna asked in surprise as her sister charged in, causing her to turn away from looking into her telescope. "I Fear that all of equestria.....and you are in grave danger. We need to send for Twilight and her friends as well as Cadence, shining Armor, and Discord as soon as it is daybreak."

"What could be so dangerous as to require such measures, and why am I in danger?" Luna asked with a look of worry, concern filling her voice.

"I don't know yet, but I fear that we all are in grave danger if the dream I just had was not just a mere bad dream but a premonition." Celestia replied as she looked up into the night sky.