#but. argh. what did i sayyy. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

supercantaloupe · 1 year

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i had a meeting to discuss the grad fellowship job and while it was overwhelmingly positive and both myself and the professor/faculty are happy and excited for me to take the job my stupid fucking brain can't stop turning over the one (1) slightly negative comment i got regarding my candidacy/qualification like shawarma

#she told me that during honors evening one of the professors said i'd said something in front of the prospective students #that wasn't altogether positive or encouraging of the school #which like. idk i understand that this job is public facing and part of the responsibility is to maintain positivity and confidence #in the school and the program #but i hadn't. been offered the job yet? i wasn't Working? at honors evening?#it was like 7 pm after a long day i was tired and in a big room full of strangers and i just wanted dinner #not my strong suit socially speaking....not that i can even recall saying anything Bad #maybe just like saying how busy i am with my classes and rehearsals and concerts all the time #but like no one i spoke to was a musician so. how much does it actually matter.#also who fuckin snitched on me. put em up #idk. i'm Definitely overthinking this. i still have the job i'm still qualified and they're still happy to hire me #and i know i can maintain a cheery customer service kind of affect when i'm in the office #like i was a camp counselor for 6 year olds i should be able to manage the lounge at a university a couple hours a week just fine...#but. argh. what did i sayyy.#once again forcibly reminded how utterly shit i am at socializing.#even when i think i've improved i always Awkward And Bumbling in some way. sigh #i wanna talk about me

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