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beautifulsnake2162020 · 1 year

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The Vitulation Cycle: An Arthuriana fanfiction (King Arthur x OC and Arthur x Guinevere x Lancelot [eventually]) CHAPTER 3: LANCELOT

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction I do not make any money from this. Cultist Simulator elements belongs to the Weather Factory, House of the Dragon/Game of thrones elements belongs to George RR Martin and Arthuriana while generally regarded as under the public domain, it comes from the culture of Britain.

CW/TW: There is attempted rape and sexual assault via deception in this chapter. It's not graphic but it is there (towards the end). If you don't want to read it, the moment a certain guest arrives in Camelot - that's when you may want to stop reading (I'll be recapping the incident in the next chapter).

Chapter 3 - Lancelot

"Have you noticed?" Guin asks you one night as she lay in your embrace in her private chambers.

"It is hard not to. And it worries me." Your King - Arthur has been planning a private trip. To where you don't know. You didn't mind if there were some matters that he chose to confide in someone else. What worries you is that in this case, he only confided in his sister Morgan. And she was more than happy to keep any information of this trip away from either you or Guinevere.

It was not lost on either you or Guinevere that Morgan has always been rather protective of Arthur in her own ways. It was rather funny that people think Morgan is scheming against her brother and sought to undermine his work. The actual truth is Morgan was scheming to undermine Guinevere's influence over Arthur's life. And now as her assigned protector and her secret lover, this meant danger to you too. This was not to say that Arthur did not protect Guinevere. Several times he managed to prevent things from getting worse between Morgan and Guinevere. Which is why Morgan waits for whenever Arthur was not around to put her plans against Guin in action.

The first one was about two months after Arthur gave his blessing to you and Guinevere in that Beltane celebration. You and Arthur were having a meeting with a nearby lord in his territory that was strategic to Camelot's defenses. It was when you were both away from Camelot that a mysterious green knight appeared in court. The moment Arthur received the message from Guinevere you could see the exhaustion and a bit of annoyance in his face that he tries to hide from everyone who weren't in his confidence.

"Was there an attack?"

"Not the kind you are thinking. A green knight of magical origin has appeared in court."

"Magical origin?" You ask puzzled.

"He beheaded himself on front of Guin causing her to faint and went away just as quickly." When your eyes met Arthur's you could feel your shared feeling that perhaps one of you should have been left at Guin's side when this happened. But you both knew that neither of you could miss this crucial strategic meeting.

"I'll have to speak with my sister once we get back."

"What makes you think it was her?"

"Lance, how many people do you know in my court who has magical powers and who has contacts with other magical folk?" There were only two people that came to mind. And Merlin is the least likely to be behind this incident.

Fortunately Guin was able to quickly recover and neither you nor Arthur did not need to venture out of Camelot any further.

You remember how you felt a swell of affection within you as he joined you in checking if Guin was well.

"Arthur I'm fine, truly."

"If you are certain."

"Don't"

"Don't what?"

"Think this is your fault."

"Perhaps I should have-"

"Don't be ridiculous Arthur, you both needed to be there."

"Still-"

"I know it's hard to believe, but I'm stronger than you think. I was just startled that's all."

"That doesn't mean it's okay for my sister to do this to you."

"My lie-Arthur, Morgan is just doing what she thinks is right." You finally enter the conversation as your lover and your unrequited beloved look to you.

"She's just trying to protect you, even though there is no threat to protect you from."

He sighs.

"I know, but I wish she wouldn't do this. If only she could just know both of you a little better…know you both just as I do, then maybe there would be no need for her to act this way."

"I highly doubt that would happen Arthur. I've tried to bond with her during the early days of our marriage, but she has remained cold towards me. It's almost as if my mere existence is a nuisance to her. But don't worry, she caught me by surprise and that won't happen again."

"Besides, it's beyond your control Arthur on who bonds with who. Some people just simply don't like each other. To force a friendship between them may only make things worse. This might be the case between Guin and Morgan."

You say hoping your voice and expression was enough to remove his worries for now. Your hand wanted to reach out to his, but you resist. Neither you or Guin know why it seems he is blind to both of your affections. You suspect that it may be Morgan's influence over him.

It was times like these when you wonder if the fates were playing a game with you. How is it that Arthur's heart is fully capable of loving nearly everyone but is blind to your small moments of adoration for him? Does he know that him giving you his blessing to you and Guin only made both of you fall for him more?

It was times like these when you were reminded how in many ways he was a better person than you. How he strives to make Camelot if not the whole of Britain better. How he still thinks of his enemies as people while you and the other knights of the round table had simply seen them as enemies to be slain for the people you loved and sworn to protect. How he was able to unite many groups of people without allowing them to compromise who they were.

And he did this all by making people forget he was a King, but rather only a man who wanted to truly speak with you without the barriers titles or the lack of them created.

It was why whenever he would allow you to hear his grievances and insecurities, you had to resist moving closer to him. Resist showing through your flesh why he was the best person to be your leader.

Resist showing how you felt for him. It was bad enough that you couldn't resist your feelings for Guin who was supposed to be only your Queen and nothing else. He allowed you two to be lovers. You've already stolen Camelot's Queen, but Camelot cannot afford to lose it's beloved King. With Guinevere it was comforting to know that her feelings for you had remained ever since your night of passion together after you rescued her from Malegant. And ever since your union was secretly allowed you have discovered that it had become even more passionate than since you've first lain together.

With Arthur, the sad truth was that you were his confidant and dear friend. His heart belonged to Camelot. No matter how much you - and Guin - wanted to be his lover, Camelot came first. You would confide in her as you both also long for Arthur to share in the passions you two shared. It's what made him so frustrating and yet so beautiful.

So beloved.

Until the day when Arthur felt he no longer owed Camelot, or that Camelot owed him even a little bit of freedom to be himself, you would have to settle being among his confidants. The few with whom he would allow a glimpse of the man behind the King with all the things he is scared to show everyone else.

And you would bury all his secrets deep within your soul, even if you would have to take it to the grave.

Perhaps it was a little bit of selfishness that caused you to worry. Or maybe it was rooted from fear that he was slipping away from your grasp. You were already desperately grasping to remain in his confidence when he began to seemingly be close once again with Morgan. You would never want to break their bond, even though there are many times when temptation almost made you do so. You don't know why Morgan seems to hate you and Guinevere, but it was clear that she cared about Arthur to think either or both you and Guin were threats to him. If only you could tell her that you would never threaten Arthur, and if you were indeed a threat to him you would be the first one to remove yourself from becoming a threat to your beloved. If only Morgan would tell you why she thinks you and Guin are threats to her brother.

"There is no need to fret, I've already prepared all of you for what may happen in my absence and I trust you all to know what to do under pressure." Your King says a few days before he begins his private pilgrimage. To where, he would tell no one.

No one except Morgan le fay.

"Besides, Morgan would be with me. You are all well aware that she is more than capable of protecting me."

"But who will protect you from her?"

"Are you volunteering yourself to be killed sir Gwaine? I personally wouldn't mind but my brother here would have issues with it." She says as if her voice alone was a dagger made of ice. Even if it wasn't pointed at you, you didn't need to be near it to know how sharp and painful it would be should she actually attack.

"Morgan."

"If your knights can't handle me dear brother, then I fear for your safety in their hands."

"Are you sure you don't need anyone more for your personal protection?" Guinevere hastily interrupts an incoming argument.

"Guin, please trust me. I'll be fine with Morgan alone."

"But-"

"It's Camelot that needs the most protectors. And it needs you to lead them." He then turns to the rest of the knights, and he looks at each one of you as you feel his commanding air become more prominent.

"Camelot needs all of you as its protectors. I am counting on all of you while I and Morgan are away. Will you promise me that?" Each one of you stood up.

"Aye" Sir Agravain says as he lays his sword on the table.

"You know me brother, if this is what you need." Sir Kay lays down his sword.

"Aye, especially since you aren't about to change your mind." Sir Bedivere lay his sword down as the rest of the room chuckled.

You waited until you were the last knight who has yet to lay down their sword. Looking into his eyes, you express as much love as you can as you stood across him.

"I shall do as you desire." Then you finally put your sword down. You hope he could see the love you had for him. You hoped that his smile was largely from your feelings.

"Thank you all. Don't be too rough with Mordred while I'm away." Mordred, a young orphaned boy just beginning his adolescence, and a knight in training flushed with embarrassment.

"Your majesty, that's not necessary."

"Mordred, I don't know what's going to happen while I'm away. For the meantime sir Kay will be in charge of your training. But if anything should happen don't hesitate to tell me when I return, alright?"

Mordred nodded with reluctance, before Arthur embraced him and he responded with a tight of embrace of his own. Mordred had become an adoptive son of sorts to Arthur. And yet even you couldn't help but be a little bit jealous at how quickly they bonded even though he isn't included among Arthur's confidants. Arthur looks up to you as he continues to embrace Mordred and using his eyes he glances at Guin before he gazes back at you.

Take care of her.

You give a subtle nod.

Of course beloved.

As I have said, I shall do anything you desire.

Had you known what was going to happen, you would have secretly sought a way for you to join Arthur's personal pilgrimage.

Not too soon after Arthur and Morgan had departed, a delegation from a ruler called the Fisher King had arrived to seek help on behalf of it's ruler. The delegation was lead by his daughter Elaine, with whom you have all given the standard care and respect. It wasn't lost on you that she was infatuated with you. It wasn't the first time a lady was infatuated with you but you have learned to ignore or polite turn down their affections.

You went through the secret passage which brought you to Guin's private chambers. You were in nothing but your night clothes to enable you to be faster in returning to your own chambers.

Upon your arrival you were surprised to experience the room in near complete darkness. Usually Guin would leave at least one candle still lighted if there wasn't a full moon in the sky. It was a moonless night, and yet the chamber had not even a small candlelight to guide the way.

You immediately experience what you thought was her lips. At the back of your mind you noted that she was a lot more eager than usual. Whenever the two of you would meet in her chambers she would be more careful with her steps in case there were spies lurking just outside of her chambers. Neither of you could take the risk of being discovered. That night, although she was still light in her steps, they weren't as quiet as she normally was.

Something was not right.

You realize this as you found yourself laying on her bed.

You have never made love to Guin on her bed.

The servants would easily find out and then your secret affair would be discovered. And so you two would make love on the rugs which provided some warmth from the cold as the heat of your bodies and kisses would provide the rest.

You two have made love in almost everywhere using almost every furniture. It was easier to clean up and once you were done, one of you would just open the window to allow the air to remove the scent of your passion. It was only when you two were thoroughly cleaned as you can be, that the bed was used for rest. On most nights you would only lay by her side and wait for her to sleep before silently getting dressed and returned to your room.

"Wait - who are you?" You ask as you hold her hands to stop her from taking your trousers off from your legs.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a stranger, you did this on purpose didn't you." You replied in a whisper that contained your disgust.

"I love you Lancelot. And I'll show how good of a lover I am." The stranger says in Guin's voice as she tries to lean in for another kiss.

You hold your hand against her.

"No, this stops now."

"Hmph, well if you will behave that way." You suddenly feel your body freeze and yourself forcibly erect.

"No!"

"Oh shush, I don't want us to be interrupted. Now, just in case you really won't give in, I need to take something only you can give."

"Wha-" A sensation of unease overwhelms you. You were horrified. This sensation would only come to you in the midst of pleasure with Guinevere. But here you are frozen and in pain as you felt your body release without your will.

"Ah yes, here we are." From what little you could make with your eyes, you see the stranger still in the form of Guin magically guide your release into a glass container.

"This is for later, I'm not surprised that you tend to give so much." The stranger tucks it away as the stranger spreads her legs in Guin's form and was prepared to sink into you.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Guin screams as she barges in her own chambers through the secret passage with Merlin following her.

"Shit." The stranger says as she immediately gets off you. The moment she does, Guin holds her down against the floor. Merlin immediately assesses you in your frozen state traumatized state.

"A simple freezing spell with multiple layers. Can you speak?" You try to but your mouth now refuses to move.

"Don't fret, I know the counter spell, but it may take awhile."

In your periphery you see a flash of light as Guin stands up and brushes some of the dirt off her clothes.

"Lancelot? Darling what happened?"

"He can't talk now Guinevere, you may have to wait till morning. How are you feeling?" Guin rubs her temple as she let's out an uneasy groan.

"I had expected I might be a target for assassinations, but I never thought that I was slowly drinking my way to sleep since the arrival of our guests."

"The sleeping potion was poured into all the drinks that was used to entertain the Princess Elaine. My guess is that the Princess and those closest to her, took the antidote and was able to somehow pour it in all the drinks used to welcome them. Now aren't you glad your majesty that I refuse to partake in such celebrations? Otherwise who knows what may have happened."

Guinevere shakes her head.

"I don't want to think on what may happen. I will have some words for her in the morning should she still be here."

A knock from the main door of her chambers startled her. She goes to see who it is as Merlin continues to heal you and remove the spell while making sure to shield you from whomever was entering. You're not sure how much you could trust Merlin with the secret of your affair. Like Morgan he was first and foremost on Arthur's side. And although he may be healing you now, you're not sure if you've gained an ally or an enemy.

"Mordred? What are you doing this late-?"

"Your majesty, the Princess and the entire delegation left. It-it's as if they disappeared into thin air after several bursts of light." Mordred says as he takes a breath after saying his message a little too fast.

"Everyone of them?"

"Yes your majesty. All they were saying is that they got what they came for. I'm not sure what they mean my Queen since it seems like nothing was taken from the treasury or anything valuable."

An eerie silence follows.

"I see."

Guin says in one of the harshest tones you've heard from her.

"Ma-ma'am?"

"Mordred, tell the knights that after we break our fast we will be having a meeting at the round table. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at our new enemies."

"Ye-yes my Queen."

When he leaves, she came to your side.

"Don't worry my love, I will send a message to Arthur to encourage him to return to us. Just rest now, don't rush, you need to recover."

And after seeing her comforting smile you allow yourself to descend into dreams of both her and Arthur in your arms.

#arthuriana #arthuriana fanfiction #Arthur Pendragon x OC #arthur x guenievre x lancelot #arthur x guinevere #arthur x lancelot #Guinevere x Lancelot #The Vitulation Cycle

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

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Prompt: Can I start off by saying that once I stumbled across one of your fics, I had to read all the other Merlin fanfics? Hooked right from the start! Your writing makes me want to cry and coo at the same time gahhhh

(I’m not sure if you’re still taking prompts. If you’re not anymore, please ignore this part😭😂) I don’t think there’s enough fanfics in the world with the abuse Uther puts Arthur through as center focus? Arthur may or may not be my comfort character so I’d love something that’s more about his childhood, how the knights know bits and pieces of it. And especially how Merlin would react, since he’s so protective?? Sorry one last thing,,, your take on how Arthur sees the abuse.

I realize this is not at all specific and more of a rambling than a prompt. My apologies akjskshshs. Also, if this isn’t your cup of tea, that’s totally fine!! - kalki-preta

Read on Ao3

Warnings: child abuse, child neglect

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic I don't mind

Word Count: 2910

The first things he learned were never talk back, keep quiet, and don’t tell anyone.

Never talk back.

His father is Uther Pendragon. His father is the king. His father is his father. He has no authority. Not here. Uther will tell him what to do and he will do it. His father knows better. His father is the elder. If he says something is true, then something is true. It doesn’t matter what Arthur thinks, Arthur is young. Arthur is the son. Arthur does not know what is true, not like his father knows.

Sons do not disrespect their fathers, and fathers do not allow their sons to be disrespectful. Uther is better to him than the other fathers would be because Arthur is his son. Uther cares about him because he is his flesh and blood. His father protects him because no one would dare try to discipline a prince of Camelot, the king’s sire, and thus when he misbehaves, it is only Uther that will see that he gets disciplined. That will be behind closed doors. They need to present a united front. Arthur needs to behave, Uther needs him to behave. When no one else can see, when the guards have been given orders not to intrude under any circumstances, and when the only one who might know anything is Gaius, who practically raised him, then and only then will the two of them fall apart.

Running a kingdom is stressful. Uther has enough enemies as a powerful king, those who want nothing more than to see Camelot reduced to ashes or worse, absorbed into their own kingdoms to fatten their own pockets and hurt the people. And when he isn’t fighting enemies outside of Camelot, he’s battling with the ones inside. Not just spies and assassins sent by those others, but the lords and the nobles that think they would do a better job of running Camelot than Uther. He has to keep his head about him all the time, to undermine shady plots that seek to undermine him, to catch the traitors and root them out before they destroy Camelot with rot from within. He doesn’t need his own son turning traitor as well.

Running a kingdom is stressful. Tempers run hot sometimes. Sometimes Arthur won’t be smart and realize that his father has had a very long day, he’s been working very hard, and he’s very tired. Sometimes Arthur won’t realize that his father has already been drinking and so it’s not a good time to be there. Sometimes Arthur won’t be quick enough to catch the hints his father is dropping and he won’t say the right thing. So sometimes…sometimes things happen. He’s not supposed to question his father, that’s not what his father needs. He has to do what his father needs.

Keep quiet.

Uther Pendragon is a very private man. He doesn’t like to talk about the former queen, nor does he like people speculating on why things are the way they are if they don’t like the answers he’s giving them. Arthur knows this from the nights where he asked for his mother, or asked for someone to tell him about his mother, or even asked his father to remember her for him. He doesn’t get to ask for anything else from his father, not after everything his father already does for him, and not after what he’s taken from him.

That means that Arthur isn’t allowed to draw attention to himself either. Uther knows when he does things. That is good and bad. He knows when to praise Arthur, when to remind them both that Arthur is his son, that he will be King one day, that there is already a worthy heir in Camelot. He knows when to scold Arthur behind closed doors, when Arthur must be taught a lesson because he is an arrogant boy, when he needs to be reminded that he’s not the heir to Camelot yet.

Arthur knows that the guards are not allowed to pry into the lives of nobles. He cannot ask them for help the same way he would Gaius or his governesses. He knows that his father is busy enough already without being bothered by any of his problems. He knows that the problems he makes for himself are his to clean up. His father likes to help him remember that lesson.

Don’t tell anyone.

Uther is the King. Uther is the king that saw the kingdom through one of the most difficult times. Uther is the most well-loved king in living memory because he destroyed everyone who was a threat to Camelot. He eradicated magic, he enforced strong rules, he protects the people. No one wants to hear a bad word spoken about Uther because they won’t believe anything otherwise.

The servants won’t believe him because they love to gossip and spread stories that aren’t true but they know they’re all fake.

The guards won’t believe him because they love their jobs and they want to be here, in Camelot, serving their king.

The people won’t believe him because they love their king.

And it is shameful that Arthur has grown up so much and Uther still has to punish him like this. Arthur is nine years old, now, then twelve, then fifteen, and still Uther has lessons to teach him. That is shameful, that he’s a young man and his father is still suffering from a struggling son that does not know how to behave himself yet. And Arthur’s shame will only bring more shame to Uther. And Arthur doesn’t want that.

Arthur learns those three things and he never lets himself forget them.

He learns other things too. How to balance his weight near the heavy furniture where the floor has settled so the floor creaks less. How to sneak food from the kitchens into his mouth without leaving any crumbs. How to place a piece of string over the lock on his door so he’ll know if someone’s opened the door when he isn’t there.

He learns how to read the emotions of others and stand just so in a room. How to avoid his father when the servants bring back caskets of wine early afternoon instead of the evening. How to fake being asleep or bury himself behind mounds and mounds of paperwork so that no one will disturb him.

He learns how to let his voice go carefully blank, just this side of a whisper. How to school his expression into a neutral one that won’t crack, not even under the highest of pressures. How to separate his mind from his body and examine the situation logically, to view it as an extension of himself rather than the thing he lives in.

He learns and he grows and he does his best to be the perfect cutout of what his father expects.

Morgana is different.

Morgana is strong in ways that he isn’t. Morgana is brave in ways he isn’t. Morgana is naive in ways he isn’t.

The first time she dares to ask Uther a question in front of company, Arthur stiffens. His fingers twitch to reach for her, to pull her behind him, say he asked her to ask him the question, but Uther just smiles. He answers her question and guides her to stand next to Arthur with a hand on her back. Arthur doesn’t reach out to take her hand until Uther’s back is turned.

The first time she comes to him, crying that something is unfair, Arthur takes her into his arms and holds her tight. He lets her bury her head in his shoulder and sob, shushing her and keeping a watchful eye on the door to make sure the guards don’t hear. He tries to tell her what he’s learned, the things that can keep her alive, but she shoves his shoulder and says no, they can do better. He watches her leave that night and part of him wishes that she can find it so she can show him.

The first time Uther takes her away, Arthur can’t breathe. He stands there in the corridor where they left, not wanting to take a step toward Uther’s chambers or away toward his own. He doesn’t want it to be his turn next but he hates, he hates, he hates that Morgana is in there alone. He doesn’t want her to be alone. Morgana finds him afterward and she looks confused. They just talked, she says, Uther showed her some of the pretty things in the old jewelry box, nothing happened. Arthur never stops being worried when Uther takes Morgana away.

When they are older, Arthur never takes off the armor he learned when they were young. Morgana has made her own armor by then and he is so, so proud of her, but he has to hide it because Uther won’t be proud of them both. He is proud of Arthur when Arthur is what he made him to be, and he is proud of Morgana when she is everything he wishes he could make. There is no good in drawing attention to something that could make them lose this tenuous peace.

Arthur has learned.

He knows now.

He’s lucky, in fact, sure that his rank and his crown and Uther’s care for him has kept him safe.

Now, if only he could explain that to the knights and Merlin, who are currently looking at him like they want to pluck out his gizzards and feed them to the birds.

“I’m going to kill him,” Gwaine growls, a thunderous expression on his face as he throws himself out of his chair and starts to pace around Arthur’s chambers, “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“You won’t do it alone.” Arthur’s eyes widen as Percival, a man he’s never seen anything other than slightly irritated, looks ready to tear Camelot’s walls apart with his own hands.

He looks over to see Lancelot’s hands clasped in front of his mouth, the man’s eyes closed as he bows his head to mutter into them. Next to him, Elyan isn’t much better off, the two of them muttering back and forth as their fists tighten on the table.

“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” Arthur sighs, adjusting his papers, “and why did you ask me about this if you didn’t want to know?”

“We asked,” Lancelot says slowly, “because some of the older knights have told us that their squire retention rate has been increasing since you took over their training, and that if any of us wanted to understand how the king trained the knights, we should ask you.”

“What we were not expecting,” Gwaine adds, his boots still thumping on the floor, “is that Uther was an abusive, neglectful piece of—“

“Now hold on,” Arthur says, pushing himself to his feet, “that is my father you’re talking about—“

“Oh, I know damn well who I’m talking about—“

“And second,” Arthur says firmly, “my father did not abuse me.”

Gwaine stares at him like he’s just grown another head. “What in the hells would you call it, then?”

Before Arthur can say anything, he catches sight of Leon. The man hasn’t said a word, standing in the corner, still as stone.

“Leon,” he sighs, gesturing at the others, “will you please help me explain to them that there’s nothing wrong here?”

Leon takes a step forward. Then another. Then another. The other knights watch him closely. He doesn’t speak, his gaze instead is trained on the floor. Arthur frowns. What is he doing?

His mouth drops open when Leon kneels.

Leon takes his sword and lays it on the ground, bowing his head and sinking into what can only be described as penitence.

“Forgive me, sire,” he says, and oh, no, why is his voice like that? “I have been remiss in my duties.”

“Leon—“

“I stood by for many years,” the knight continues undaunted, “and allowed the abuse and mistreatment of a boy I had sworn to protect. I did not protect him. In many ways, I enabled this to happen.”

He raises his head and Arthur has to hold back a gasp at the sight of tears in Leon’s eyes.

“I am sorry,” the man croaks, “that I did not see this before, and that I was not there to help you.”

“L-Leon—“

Arthur’s words are cut off in his throat as Leon bows his head again. He glances frantically around the room only to receive no help. The knights are either staring at him, at Leon, or at the floor. Even Gwaine’s rage has cooled slightly, the man staring at the ginger knight as if he wants to get down on his knees too, to repent for not doing something about this sooner.

Then his gaze lands on Merlin.

Or, more precisely, on Merlin’s back.

Merlin is facing away from him. The entire line of him is tense. The back of his head is bowed, his neck bared for the room to see. Arthur wants to reach out, to hold him, to say no, it’s alright, he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to, he—he—

But something keeps him still. Something makes him stay rooted to the ground, swallowing the lump in his throat, waiting, waiting, waiting.

“How would you feel,” Merlin says softly after a long, long silence, “if you found out someone had been doing this to me?”

Arthur’s chest drops. Fury rages through his bones, striding across the room to whip Merlin around and pull him close.

“Have they?” He searches Merlin’s face. “Who did it? Are they here in Camelot? What’s their name? Where are they now?”

Merlin’s face doesn’t soften all the way, but a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “No one’s done anything to me, Arthur.”

Relief courses through his blood and he scoffs, giving Merlin a shove in gentle reprimand for scaring him.

“Then why would you—“

Oh.

Oh, no.

“That,” Merlin says softly from far away as warm hands land on his shoulders, “that’s why. Now you know a bit about what we’re feeling right now.”

He swallows through a parched throat, scrabbling uselessly for Merlin’s shoulders. “Only a bit?”

Merlin steps forward. His eyes glow. There is a strength in him as he holds Arthur firm that should scare him, but…doesn’t.

“Because it actually happened to you, Arthur,” he says in a low, dangerous voice, “and what’s worse is you don’t believe it.”

Arthur’s shaking. He’s holding on too tight. He’s not holding on tight enough. Oh, god. Oh, god.

“Arthur,” he hears faintly from over his shoulder, “Arthur, you need to breathe.”

“Come on, let’s get them on the floor.”

“Grab the blankets.”

“Here, take this, tuck it behind them.”

“Come,” says a voice, Leon, that’s Leon, Leon is safe, as arms guide him up against a firm chest, “there, shed your tears here, sire.”

Arthur turns his head blindly, croaking into ginger curls. “You were always safe, always, you…you…”

“Shh, hush now,” Leon says, relief coursing through both of their voices, “that’s enough for right now. Let’s just—how about we just sit here for a moment, sire, all of us?”

“As if you could make us leave.” Gwaine, that’s Gwaine.

And that’s Percival standing guard, that’s Elyan tucking the blanket around them, that’s Lancelot instructing him on how to breathe. His chest starts to collapse in on itself a bit, breaths coming easier but faster.

“You can shed your tears,” someone murmurs, “it’s alright, now.”

Merlin. Where is Merlin? Arthur wants Merlin. If he has Merlin, he’s not alone.

A crop of black hair takes his hands and wraps them around skinny yet firm shoulders. His hand is pressed to a chest with a heartbeat. Something gold glows between them.

“You’re safe now,” Merlin whispers, “I’ve got you. We’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you ever again.”

Arthur wants it to be true. So it is, even if it’s just for this moment. He feels the tears slip down his cheeks as weathered and gentle hands wipe them away. The dark weight in his stomach pulses and writhes and slowly, so slowly, it starts to back away. The warmth from Merlin’s hand reaches deep inside and undoes it, tangle by tangle, until Arthur is breathing freely for the first time in…too long.

The first thing he learns is how to breathe.

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