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ellanainthetardis · 7 years

Note

Hey! If you're still taking prompts,,, can u do one where Effie gets/already has/needs glasses but she doesn't want to wear them or smth so she's squinting around but then haymitch is like wtf wear them and then he thinks she looks hot in them and sexy time ensues?

AND

Hayffie prompt? Effie wears glasses but is really insecure about them bcof her mom or something and Haymitch sees her w/out makeup wearing them…? Andreassures her she’s always been beautiful or something like that maybe pre mjidk it’s up to you THANK YOU

AND

Most prompts in my inbox about glasses :) [X]

The Pink Glasses

Haymitch startledawake with a strangled cry, heart pounding inside his chest, eyes searching theroom for the nightmarish monsters that lurked in his dreams. It had been thepink flamingos mutts that night. And Maysilee, of course. Always Maysilee.

It took him a fewminutes to make out the familiar outlines of the furniture. It was a moonlessnight and not much light was spilling from the windows. With a sigh, he slumpedback against his pillow and rubbed his face. He waited for the unease to passbut it didn’t, not even after a few gulps of moonshine. Not that surprisingreally.

At long last hegave up and got out of bed. It was only a little past one in the morning and hesensed it would be one of those nights were only a good dose of liquor wouldconvince him to go back to sleep.

He tried to avoidgetting wasted lately though, ever since Effie had showed up at his door. Shehad nightmares and he had taken to comforting her from them - or he tried to, at least.

He would get abook. Or watch something completely stupid on TV. Maybe that would do thetrick. He had half a mind to take a leaf out of Effie’s book and spend thenight cleaning the house just to have something physical to do.

He tried to avoidthe creaking floorboards but paused at the top of the stairs when he chanced aglance at the guest room. He could see the soft glow of the bedside lampslipping through the half-opened door.

She always keptthe lights on at night, she couldn’t sleep without them – unless she crawled in his bed, she had no trouble sleeping in thesemi-darkness then. He always woke upwhen she did that. He didn’t always let her know but he always woke up. Andthen, when he fell back asleep, he always slept better. Because there wasnothing more peaceful to him than having her within reach. Sometimes, theyended up cuddling and that was even better, the source of warmth at his side,the smell of her perfume… It was usually enough to make him feel safe.

He rubbed hiseyes again, really not in the mood to spend half the night trying to run awayfrom the ghosts lurking in the shadows. He wanted to sleep, in truth. He wasexhausted.

And he couldn’tafford liquor but maybe…

His feet took herto her room before he could talk himself out of it.

He pushed herdoor completely open with some hesitation, relaxing a little when he found herin bed, a book propped on her bend knees and ridiculously pink glasses perchedon her nose. He wouldn’t have climbed in her bed uninvited – his was alwaysopen to her but the reverse… he wouldn’t take that for granted.

She snatched theglasses off her nose and frowned a little at him. “Is something wrong?”

He made a face,shuffled his weight from one bare foot to the next and then stepped in, vaguelygesturing to the bed. “You mind if…”

He let hissentence trail off on purpose.

She studied him.He kept his gaze resolutely away from hers but he knew she could see everythingon his face anyway. The tightness at the corner of his mouth, the reddish eyes,the shaking hands… She had known him too long not to know the signs.

“Of course not.”she smiled, lifting the blankets in invitation and moving closer to her side ofthe bed. He climbed in without needing to be told twice, curled up on his sideto watch her, leaving enough space between them that she wouldn’t feel crowded.“Do you want to talk about it?” He snorted because it was a stupid question andshe rolled her eyes. “Well, it was only polite to ask.”

“Won’t staylong.” he promised, wary of forcing his presence on her.

He wasn’t certainwhere they were at.

She lived in hishouse – as temporarily as she claimed that arrangement was – she sought him forcomfort but their friendship was on rocky ground since the war. And the part oftheir acquaintance that wasn’t friendship… Well… That part seemed to have beenlost somewhere. Not for him. That was the irony. He had reached Thirteen andsuddenly everything had been very, very clear.What he felt for her, how much he needed her… So obviously fate being the bitchit was, he had lost her to the Capitol. And he had gotten her back…

He had thoughtthey might be alright at first. The first few weeks after her rescue… She hadclung to him, had dismissed his apologies and explanations because she couldn’tdeal with them, had refused to stop and think about what had happened becauseshe needed him to go on. They had fallen back in bed, albeit hesitantly on herpart, a few times but he had known something was wrong even then. The changehad been gradual but he had seen it coming. When he had announced he needed toleave with Katniss…

He had nevermeant for that to mean they couldn’t be together but she had exploded in a rageof accusations. She had claimed he had only used her for sex – from the start –that he always left her behind, that he didn’t care… He had refuted everythingand had asked her to come with them but she had been hysterical in her mistrustand there had been no convincing her. He hadn’t had much time to do so either.With only an hour to spare, he had been forced to leave her to collect Katniss,very much hammering the nail in the coffin of their relationship.

He had honestlybeen surprised when she had showed up in Twelve, even more stunned when she hadquietly – and discreetly – asked him if he could host her for a little whileuntil she found a new place, a job and some stability. He had opened his house,of course, and his arms with it.

At no point hadthey discussed what had happened on the day of his departure for Twelve. Theyacted as if they never had a relationship that was more than friendship. Itwasn’t mentioned, it wasn’t hinted at and there was no clue that she wanted himto bring it up so he tried to respect her wishes.

“It is alright.”she hummed, looking back at her book. “You can stay the night if you want. Iinvade your bedroom often enough. Turnabout is fair play.”

Turnabout is fair play…

How many timeshad that sentence been used in a different context?

He chasedmemories of her delicate hands gripping his wrists out of his mind. Sneaking inher bed because he had a nightmare was bad enough, getting a boner once therebecause of a stupid phrase would be pathetic.

He didn’tacknowledge that offer even if he relaxed a little against the pillow. Hecouldn’t see what she was reading. She wasn’t usually a great reader, the onlynovels he had seen her read were romance stuff he certainly didn’t have on hisshelves. She hadn’t gone out in weeks and he was pretty sure she didn’t havebooks in her suitcase – she hadn’t brought much in her suitcase but secondhandclothes that were too thin for Twelve and all the mementos she had managed tosave from her apartment both after it was ransacked and after it was seized bythe government.

He couldn’t seethe cover and the few words he caught on the page didn’t tell him much. It wasvaguely familiar but it didn’t ring any bell. It was a paperback though somaybe she had found something she had liked on his bookshelf. He had a goodcollection of cheap Capitol novels he had picked up over the years. Crimenovels and thrillers, mainly. Not quite her thing, though.

His gaze traveledfrom the page to her face and he smirked when he saw her squinting a little.

“Those glasses mightwork better on your nose.” he teased, tapping the fist in which the glasseswere trapped.

She made a face.“They are just for comfort. I don’t need them.”

“Light isn’t goodfor reading.” he pointed out.

She pursed herlips and turned the page a little too abruptly. “I am perfectly fine.”

She clearlywasn’t but he wasn’t sure he wanted to press that particular button.

Fashion was fornatural looks thanks to the Districts’ influence, she claimed. And he knewperfectly well just how ill-at-ease she was about that. She never wore wigsanymore, kept her make-up light… She didn’t have the kind of money needed toafford a couture wardrobe… She wasself-conscious about the scars on her body… He had never known her to beinsecure before the war, not when she had still be in full battle armor, exceptwhen he had asked her to take the make-up and the wig off… It had taken him along time to convince her to let him see her bare and natural, even longer toconvince her he actually liked her betterlike that. She had eventuallygrown comfortable with being without artifices around him, simply happy that heliked what he saw, but she had never learned to see herself like he saw her.

So now, walkingaround with blond hair she judged too plain and not enough make-up to hide theflaws she always found on her face… She never hinted at not being at ease withthat but he saw it.

“I’ve seen thembefore.” he shrugged, taking pain to keep his voice casual. “It’s no big deal.”

But for her it would be.

He wasn’t evensure how she could have hidden the glasses as long as she had. He had onlyfound out during the Tour because he had walked in her room late one nightwithout knocking first to find her crossed-legged on the bed, hair pinned up ina messy bun, glasses on top of her nose and looking completely dead on herfeet. They had both been dead on their feet back then. They had spent halftheir nights on that Tour perfecting speeches and going over schedules to thepoint they hadn’t seen straight – and to the point she hadn’t really caredabout her looks because they had been too focused on making sure the kids cut it.

“Nothing is evera big deal for you.” she grumbled.

Again, he thoughtit would be wiser to let the matter drop entirely. But he had never been verygood at letting things drop.

“What’s thatsupposed to mean?” he retorted, probably too defensively.

She shot him aglare, opening her mouth only to close it again, take a deep breath and focuson her book again. “Nothing.”

“Oh, come on…” hescoffed. “Don’t do the passive aggressive bullshit.You’ve got something to say, fucking sayit. Never stopped yourself before.”

She pursed herlips in clear annoyance but when she talked, her tone was clipped and calm. “Itwas before.”

His irritationfaded. He slowly reached out across the space between them again, lightlystroking her forearm with a finger. She didn’t shrug him off and he countedthat as a win but she didn’t give any clue that it was welcome either so hefolded his finger, letting his hand rest there on the bed, not too far from herwrist. “Maybe we should talk aboutbefore, Effie.”

“About which partspecifically?” she chuckled bitterly. “The Games? Prison? Those are not periodsof my life I care to revisit.”

“Us.” he said.

How such a smallword could sound so ominous, he didn’t know. He was reminded of the terrifyingnoise of the bombs raining down on them in Thirteen. How a sound could be soterrible…

“Was there everan us to talk about?” she scowled and then shook her head. “I do not know whatyou want me to say, Haymitch. We never had anything. We had sex. We had…”

“It was more thanthat.” he spat, propping himself on his elbow just so they were at the sameheight. He didn’t want to have this conversation with her towering over him.“You know it was more than that. Notat first, yeah… But, come on,sweetheart… Maybe I was a stubborn blind idiot but you never were.”

She sighed andlet her book fall close on her finger, staring at the round light the lampprojected on the ceiling. “I cannot afford for us to fight and for you to kickme out…”

“I would never…”he protested.

“…or for me tofeel that I should leave because I am not saying what you want to hear.” shefinished without even pausing to acknowledge he had opened his mouth. “I havenowhere else to go.”

“You’re homehere.” he frowned. “Look, I’m a grown man, I can take a no and not be an ass about it.”

She studied himfor a few seconds, looking thoughtful. “A noto what question? Are you asking for sex?”

“No.” he snapped.“I’m asking for… I’m asking if…” He stopped, cringed at his own inability toword that stuff and eventually flopped down on his back and pressed the heelsof his hands against his eyes, wondering why he had even gotten out of bed atall. He should simply have remained there with his moonshine and… “Guess I’masking if there’s any hope you’re ever going to forgive me.”

“For what?” sheasked.

He chuckledbitterly. “Ain’t gonna make this easy for me, are you?”

“Not in theleast.” she confirmed.

There was a hintof teasing in her voice and he dropped his hands to look at her again. And shewas so beautiful… Reddish blond hair falling on to a little below her chin inwild curls, sparkling blue eyes, lips that begged to be kissed…

“Letting youdown.” he said at last. “I’m sorry for letting you down. I never meant for youto get hurt. Never.”

“I know.” shehummed, averting her eyes. “I had a few… chatswith Plutarch. What happened to me… You were not responsible for it. Iunderstand that and I do not blame you.”

“I should havegrabbed you and kept you with me.” he growled, old regrets railing their uglyheads. “Shouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do my job.”

“Protecting mewasn’t your job, Haymitch. Your job was to protect the children. My job was to protect all of you.” shecorrected.

“A man protectshis family.” he countered. That was how he had been raised. That was what hehad sworn to himself after his father had walked out on them. “A man protectshis…” Words failed him. He wasn’t sure which one was the right one. Lover would have been too dismissive. Girlfriend was ridiculous. Wife was too much and as inaccurate asit got. Partner was too vague. In theend he swallowed hard and shook his head. “You’re my family and I shouldn’thave trusted anyone else to protect you.”

“You thought itwas safer that way.” she pointed out. “And from what Plutarch told me, you didnot have much choice anyway. He was the one calling the shots.”

He suspectedPlutarch had tried to direct her anger on himself to spare him but he didn’twant to live in a lie. “I had weight. I could have insisted. I let themconvince me that the hovercraft could be shot out of the sky at any point andthat you would be safer with the prep team.”

“Was it true?”she asked, sounding curious.

“If it had workedout, then yeah.” he admitted. “But it didn’t and…”

“I do not blameyou for that.” she cut him off.

“But you blame mefor something else.” he sighed, rubbing his face. “For leaving with Katniss…”

“Not really.” sheadmitted quietly. “I was angry about you leaving me, yes, but I knew you hadto. I just… I did not want to be left alone.”

“You could havecome.” he said. “I told you… I wantedyou to come.”

“I did.” shepointed out.

“Yeah, after awhole year of silence and because you had no more money and no roof over yourhead.” he scoffed and immediately regretted it when she flinched. He grabbedher wrist before she could even think about doing something as stupid asfleeing. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m…” He sighed. “I ain’t good at this, sweetheart, you know I ain’t.”

“I wanted you toput me first.” she whispered, her eyes riveted to the hand encasing her wrist.“It is stupid, of course, because even then I knew the children had to come first, I would not havewanted it any other way either, but… For once, I wanted to be the mostimportant thing for you. It was utterly selfish, naturally, but as you so oftenpointed out, I am very selfish. Ijust wanted someone to put me first.”

He closed hiseyes, squeezing her wrist by reflex. “Katniss…”

“I know,Haymitch.” she sighed. “I know. They are your children and I come after themand it is as it should be but… It is hard to never be enough.”

“They’re yourkids too.” he argued. “And you’re enough. You’ve always been more than fucking enough. You’re… You’re so farout my league, it’s a joke.”

She rolled hereyes. “And yet you prefer a ghost to me.”

His heart misseda beat at the barely veiled reference to Mabel. He hadn’t spared a thought forhis dead girl in a very long time. Not like she was implying at least.

“Effie…” hefrowned.

But she gentlyfreed herself from his grip and he fell silent, watching as she placed theglasses back on her nose. She didn’t open the book again though.

“It hurts not tobe loved as much as you love someone.” she whispered. “I should be used to it,I know, but… I do not think I ever loved anyone as much as I have loved you. Ido not think you ever realized how much I…” She laughed and it was all wrong.Sad and bitter. “I would have left the Capitol if you had asked. If it had beenpossible for me to give up my citizenship and go with you to Twelve, I wouldhave. I knew you would never consent to live in the city with me so I wouldhave left it behind for you. I would have become a nobody for you. I wouldhave… I would have killed for you. Iwould have done anything to pleaseyou. I have loved you that badly.Blindly. Completely. I would have died for you and I almost did in those cells.Out of loyalty. Out of… I refused to hate you. They were harsher on me becauseI refused to hate you.” She sighed. “Ihate myself for giving you that much power over me. I was a fool. I am a fool. My mother was right all alongand that vexes me perhaps even more than you not loving me enough.”

It was a lot totake in and Haymitch clenched his jaw, torn between getting angry and defensiveand just being sad over the whole mess.

“You don’t knowwhat it is to lose people you love.” he stated quietly.

“I lost my familyand all my friends to this war.” she spat. “I lost my parents, my sister, mynephews… I lost Finnick. I lost…”

She fell silent,took a deep breath and breathed out slowly.

He took advantageof that, staring at the wall straight ahead, regretting having even startedthat conversation in the first place. “You weren’t sixteen and they’re not deadbecause of you. Ain’t saying it’s not hard, sweetheart, just… It’s different. Loving someone… For me it wasa death sentence. You know that. They would have used you against me and then…Then what?” He shook his head.“You’re angry ‘cause I made you a fool? Sweetheart, how many times did I makemyself a fool for you?”

“I do not see…”she started.

He scoffed,cutting her off. “I’ve been the butt of the joke ever since we slept togetherthe first time, Effie. Chaff and Finnick… Everyone else… They kept teasing andI kept denying and I was always the butt of the joke ‘cause they knew how Ifelt and it was funny to them ‘cause it was just ridiculous. Victor and escort…Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales.”

“We were not thefirst.” she pointed out.

“Sure, weweren’t. We weren’t the only ones.” he shrugged. “Ain’t the point, is it? Pointis… It was easier to make it a joke ‘cause it was too dangerous. I couldn’t fuckingbear a guy simply flirting with you, I almost killed a hundred of them just forputting their paws on you at those parties…” He shook his head. “I spent entirewinters obsessing over you, what you were doing, with who… You’re worse thanbooze sometimes… I crave you like…You’re like a buzz under my skin. And, yeah, I didn’t want it at the time‘cause feeling that much…” He lickedhis lips. “Losing you… See, I told myself again and again I hated you even whenI knew better deep down and it wasn’teven enough to stop me from… I lost everyone once and it fucking destroyed me. If I had let them know… If I had let myself know… I couldn’t risk that. Icouldn’t risk losing you. So I’m fuckingsorry I don’t know how to make pretty speeches, can’t even tell you how much I…Got no excuse, really, but I can promise one thing. It wasn’t about unrequitedfeelings. Never was about unrequited feelings.”

There was a verylong silence.

Then fingers brushedhis closed fist, stroke his skin until it unclenched and her palm could slidagainst his.

“We are toxic foreach other.” she said slowly. “There is too much passion between us. All we dois hurt each other.”

“That’s a lie.”he scowled. “At first maybe but now… I need you. You need me.” At least, hehoped so. “We help each other. We’re a team. We’re still a team, yeah?”

“Always.” shepromised with a soft smile.

She played withhis fingers and he let her, bracing himself for the next part.

“You used pasttense.” he commented after a couple of minutes. She had said she had loved him and that…

“I have spent along time trying to convince myself my feelings for you are past tense.” sheadmitted. “But…” She sighed and placed the book on the bedside table to slidfurther down the bed, taking off her pink glasses to toy with them. She twirledthem by one of the branches. “You never treated me like Capitol men did. Thatwas what made it impossible for me to let you go. You saw me, the real me, andyou wanted me anyway. Plain and common Effie”

He snorted androlled on his side to steal the glasses from her hand. “I’ve never seen youlooking plain.”

A spark ofamusement danced in her eyes. “I love that you think I am not plain without my make-up and my wigs. And I love thatyou think I am not ugly with those glasses.”

“I’m liking thepresent tense.” he smirked, gently pushing the glasses back on her nose.“Though, I don’t think, I’m just stating a fact. You’re gorgeous. Anyonewho looks at you can see that.”

She leaned in andhis smirk softened. He strained his neck to meet her lips halfway, thirsty forthem like he had never been thirsty for anything else. It was a tame kiss, abit hesitant maybe. And the glasses were squashed between them, which made themboth chuckle like idiots.

“Alright, maybethey’re better off when we do that…” he commented, drawing back just enough toslip them off and toss them on the bedside table. Just in time for her tobundle his shirt in her fist and tug him in a kiss that was a lot less tame.

Well…

If he had knowntalking about glasses would solve so many unvoiced problems he would have triedit a long time ago.

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #prompt #post mj #book!verse #no wig no make-up #angsting effie #haymitch with feelings #not established #nightmares

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sunflowerstationary · 7 years

Text

My dear Toni,

You have hella stuff going on man it’s not a problem

The only problem about getting a surprise couch for mom is that the truck has essentially been run into the ground so I don’t have an easy means of transporting large objects anymore. I’ve sent her a couple pictures of couches on the side of the road but she always turns them down and i’m ugh.

Yeah, Kevin really does not have the same tastes I do which I feel is kind of awkward because I like people who are outgoing because I want to be outgoing so like. If I somehow achieve that (ha) what will he think of me?

I don’t think I understand how your and steve’s relationship works. I know theres stuff I can’t talk to kevin about, but when it comes to personal needs were both pretty good about mentioning them (well, at least as far as I’m aware. And also its not usually verbal but thats just how we roll) It seems like you get more than you did with other partners but it seems like its still not quite right?? idk.

Also my coping mechanisms continue to be nonproductive avoidance and alcohol so I mean. I don’t even know how good coping mechanisms happen.

I mean, I like the new snapchat filters. They’re really cute. It’s also convenient because they made a option to have the image last forever, which is perfect bc I send pics of shit to Kevin nearly constantly.

That apple liquor?

I miss the big commune dream can we please bring that back. I was so ready for it. I don’t think I’m ever going to have friends like we were again. I just don’t imagine it being possible anymore. Maybe its the depersonalization or how everyone is always so closed off and it feels impossible to do the same heart outpours anymore.

Have you ever had a Midori Sour before???? I had some at a wedding and we just bought the ingredients and its super great and totally up your ally.

When I used to open with only managers twice a week, i really did start to trust them. I can’t believe I ever did that. Jenn is so good at playing the like, protective older sister or something. But I think in reality she’s just a petty and is constantly collecting receipts.

I don’t think mom has any fucking clue how to deal with teenagers. I really think so. I haven’t heard anything else about it, I’ll have to bug tj about that.

I’m not much into role-play I don’t think (which is hilarious) I’m not really sure why. Maybe I just need to explore it a bit? I don’t think I’d be good at keeping in any sort of character. Even when I’m trying to be dom I’m liable to lose any semblance of awareness one things really get going.

That is a really good point. His father cheated when he was younger so it probably influenced he feeling one way, well before he could really understand what cheating really feels like. He’s had it pretty good- I’m no saint, but I think I’m a decent girlfriend. I mean, He could do better and depression sure doesn’t fucking help, but besides Collin and the hickeys, things have really been smooth sailing. He won me from Tyler, and I’ve given everything to him. I’m constantly complimenting him and doting on him and making him things (even if they’re never done in time). There hasn’t been break up drama or cold shoulders or anything that would make him necessarily want to look someplace else. He’s never been grounded ridiculously or had his shit thrown out because he did’t pick it up. And of course, he’s white and cis and a guy. Nothing really life changing has happened yet.

You know, after the hickey (i think it was then) I packed up all the stuff he’s gotten me and dropped it off at his house. I can’t remember if it was while he was in PA or not, I think it was because I did it while he was driving. I went for a very long walk and didn’t answer any phone for a while and I left a note saying that I loved him very much, but I clearly am not the right person for him. I mean, We’re good for each other, but I’m also so different from him. Obviously, I weak and eventually caved and came back but I just. Wonder what would have happened I had stayed strong and gave it some time, you know? Even if we still got back together if it would have, idk, given him some context? Idk.

The coordination of drunk sex relies a lot on the level of drunkness.

I was keeping up on my russian and then I missed a day so I gave myself a break while I caught up on homework. I’m not caught all the way up but I’m better. I’m having trouble with the words as they get longer, and there’s a couple I haven’t memorized yet. I’ve kind of only been doing it by repetition rather than like, really putting it in my long term memory

Remind me to talk about Jacob Wolf.

Bondage. bondage. It already means so much to me. It’s crazy. I can barely remember how it started- I think the first time was kevin giving me a chest harness. I loved the feeling of it. Bondage is really what convinced me that I’m a sub and not a swing with a sub preference. I want to explain so much how it feels, but I’m not sure I could put it into words that would even come close to actually experiencing it. Kevin put a few chest harnesses on me, I think I’ve done one to myself. I’ve done myself up in body harnesses, I love getting to experiment with them and theres usually just enough constriction and even pressure to be really calming. If you have small rope and baggy clothes you can wear it around. If you wear it loose enough you can breath normal but tight enough that it squeezes when you breath deeply, its the easiest way to get a second of just like. Relief or calm or something. I’ve put a simple one on kevin a few times but I don’t think he’s had it on for sex. We’ve also used it for the tradition tying arms to bedposts and arms together but while thats nice, it doesn’t really compare to having it on your body. And if it’s done right it’s fucking heavenly to just give into- the way the ropes dig into your skin, the way it can just take everything away.

Of course, theres a million things to consider, but thats always how it is.

I honestly, desperately, desperately wanted to tie you up when we started. I mean, I still do. I want to be able to share this with you, I want to try to make it good someone else doesn’t do it to you first and ruin it. I just like… Probably put too much into it emotionally but its not even entirely sexual to me and just. idk. I feel like you’ll understand. The balance of the sex, the aesthetic, just enough pain and the intimacy of the process. Even putting it on yourself. I Love it.

Tell me more about the cats and your canada adventures!!

Love, Ivy

#you are the reason that i'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about

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