#but then i get home again and its just ao fucking quiet here
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:((
#the sky speaks#vent moment again ✨#moms not coping well#i can hear her sobbing up there rn#she took a shower at least#depending on how high her alcohol levels were. she might need to go to jail for a little while#but we still don't know and the anticipation is killing her#it could be upwards of a 5k fine#and ahes probably going back to rehab or something like it#im at the point where im not really feeling anything anymore#some good things have happened tho#i took a walk at the park yesterday#and like 10 minutes in. i squint at a figure across the park and i go. is that my fucking brother???#so i call him. and he doesbt pick up. typical. and then i call his gf instead and she picks up and im like heyyy. r u at the park rn?#and turns out yes it was them and we meet up and shoot a basketball for like an hr and just chill#it was nice#they told me i can crash at their place whenever#but then i get home again and its just ao fucking quiet here#im starting to hate the quiet
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Don’t Let Me Down
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Pairing: McKirk
Word Count: 2482
Rating: Teen
Beta’d: @outside-the-government
Perma tags: @feelmyroarrrr, @wonders-of-the-multiverse, @pinkamour1588, @goodnightwife, @ryon1101archive, @captainsbabysitter-blog, @medicatemedrmccoy, @mrkrychek, @southernbellestatues, @goingknowherewastaken, @emmkolenn, @landlockedastronaut, @eyeofdionysus, @bookcaseninja, @haveyouseenmymind @revengeofthespacenerd, @yallneedtrek
McKirk: @pinkamour1588, @yourtropegirl, @medicatemedrmccoy, @imoutofmyvulcanmind, @frostingsfics, @nasanatmfers, @lurkch, @a-legion-of-benedicts, @illogical-potato, @future-kat-lady, @eyeofdionysus
Opening his eyes Jim looked up at the darkening purplish skies of the planet. Not Earth. Not home. What was the name of the planet? Spock had told him. It had been in the report. It started with an A… He shifted his leg and had to bite his lip to keep from screaming. It had to be broken. Bones would be able to fix him up soon enough though. He carefully reached for the comm on his belt only to find it gone.
“Fuck!”
It must’ve fallen off when he fell…
He fell. The memory came back to him suddenly. Three security crewmen had been with him. They’d been running from...a monster? Some native animal they’d managed to piss off somehow. He’d heard a phaser blast and one of the crewmen yell. He’d turned to look as he ran and had tripped and fallen down the side of the rocky hill. Taking a slow steadying breath he carefully tried moving his arms. Nothing seemed to be broken there.
Sitting up carefully he could just hear Leonard screaming at him not to move. He smiled and laughed...laughing hurt. Running a hand along his ribs on one side he winced. Broken. Maybe just cracked not that it made much difference. It still hurt like hell.
Looking back up at the sky he groaned. The sky was even darker than before. A storm was rolling in. Glancing around the area for any kind of shelter he spotted a small cave a few meters away. Crawl? Try to walk? Or was there another option?
Sighing he shifted onto his good leg and pulled himself up on a boulder. Once he was upright a wave of dizziness hit him and he reached a hand up to his head. Wet...blood...He’d hit his head too. Bones was gonna have a field day with him once he was back on the ship. Waiting a few moments for the dizziness to pass he started toward the little cave dragging his injured leg and trying not to breathe too deep.
He made it into the shelter just in time for the storm to hit. The wind was picking up and the storm was coming in fast, there was no way the Enterprise would be able to find him until it passed. He could only hope and pray that the storm passed quickly.
“What do you mean you can’t find him?! Track his comm!”
Uhura shook her head, “Leonard we’ve tried...He’s not answering and we can’t track him if he doesn’t answer.”
“What about the others? Is no one answering?”
“The last we heard from them they were being chased by something. We couldn’t lock onto their signals and there’s a storm rolling into the area.”
Leonard scrubbed a hand over his face. “Is there any good news?”
The others all looked to Spock who just shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”
“How long before we can go down there?”
Chekov turned in his seat to face the doctor, “The storm could last for hours…”
“So we just leave him down there and do nothing?”
The bridge was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. When no one answered the question Leonard turned and walked to the turbo lift. “Call me when one of you has an idea on how to save Jim.”
Hitting the button for deck five he leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. He couldn’t leave Jim down there for god knows how long. He had to get him back. He needed to get him back. He wasn’t going to lose him...not like this. Storming into the medbay he went straight into his office and grabbed his medkit, ensuring it was properly stocked with anything he might need he grabbed it and his tricorder and headed back toward the door.
“Chris tell M’Benga I’m making a house call. He’s in charge ‘til I get back.”
Christine nodded and watched him walk out the door.
Heading back to his quarters he quickly changed into his survival suit before heading off to the transporter room. Passing a handful of crewmen on his way he walked right in and up onto the pad. “Beam me down to the team’s last known coordinates.”
The transporter technician looked up at him and opened his mouth to say something but Leonard stopped him with a glare. “Do it.” He said more firmly.
“Aye sir.”
As much as Leonard hated the transporters he loved that idiot that was lost on the planet below and he would do anything to find him and bring him back.
Watching the rain fall outside the mouth of the cave Jim leaned back against the stone wall and tried to get in a position that didn’t hurt. Everything hurt though. His head, his ribs, his leg, his whole body ached. Bones was going to be pissed. Giving up on comfort he settled in and leaned his head back. “As much as I hate to admit this Bones was right. I should have stayed on the ship.”
A sudden noise came from deeper in the cave. A sort of growling sound. A very unwelcome sound. No Comm. No phaser. Broken leg. His mind was spinning out of control there was nothing he could do but hope it was over quickly. Squeezing his eyes sit he tried not to listen to the sound of the creature getting closer and closer but he just couldn’t drown it out.
He felt the hot breath of the animal on the side of his face. The smell of what he could only assume was the creatures last meal on its breath. The sound of large feet on the hard rocky cave bottom. He whimpered involuntarily as tears streamed down his cheeks.
What would happen to Leonard with him gone? He’d promised him that he would be back for dinner. He’d promised he’d be careful. He’d promised Joanna he’d see her for the holidays. He’d promised his mother he would sit down for a long overdue talk with her...
Something large and wet pressed against his cheek and he tensed up preparing for the worst. It sniffed him, then moved away slightly and sneezed. Jim opened one eye cautiously and looked at the creature. It sat back on its hind legs and cocked its head at him. He sat frozen in place as the creature looked him over before stepping closer again.
Flattening himself back against the wall as much as he could the animal stepped right up to him and licked his face. “If you’re going to eat me just do it already…”
The creature stared at him and then bent it’s head to nudge his hand with its nose.
“You want me to pet you? Are you some kind of dog or something?” He asked slowly raising his hand and settling it on the creatures head.
It made a deep rumbling purring sound and laid down beside him with its head resting on his thigh. He sighed and relaxed as the creature drifted off to sleep. “That actually sounds like a great idea. I should sleep…”
In a matter of minutes he had also drifted off with his hand on the creatures head.
The planet was practically barren. Only rocks as far as the eye could see. The landscape was one rocky cliff face after another. No wonder Jim was lost down here. This was the point of their last known coordinates. There should be some sign of them nearby…
“Enterprise to Doctor McCoy”
Pulling his comm off his belt he flipped it open. “McCoy here!”
“Doctor it is inadvisable for you to be on the planet at this time. The storm…”
“I don’t give a damn about the storm! If none of you lot are going to do anything to find Jim then I’ll do it myself!”
“We won’t be able to beam you back once the storm hits you. It’s closing in on your location fast Doctor. We need to…”
“Let me find him! If he’s hurt and needs medical attention who better for him to be stuck here with until the storm passes?!”
“We can’t guarantee...”
“I’m not gonna let him die down here alone!”
There was silence on the other end and then Uhura came back on the line. “Before we lost signal Jim was headed west. I’ll keep the line open but we will lose your signal once the storm hits.”
“And I’ll be on my own…”
“Good luck and come back to us in one piece.”
“That’s the plan.”
He shut the comm and hooked it back on his belt before turning to the west. Directly into the oncoming storm. “You would have gone that way.”
Carefully he made his way over the edge of the hill and started down the steeply sloping side. Small rocks coming loose and tumbling down to the bottom of the hill. “Go slow. Do not fall. The last thing Jim needs is for you to hurt yourself looking for him. Don’t have time for that anyway.”
A short way down he stopped on a ledge to rest and figure out the best path down from where he was. Surveying the area directly below him he noticed something yellow caught between a couple of rocks. “Jim…”
Jim woke to a sudden sharp pain in his leg and his cries echoed through the cave. The creature raised its head and looked at him as he clenched his fist and squeezed his eyes shut. Panting he turned to the animal. “Don’t suppose you know how to set a bone do you?”
It cocked its head to the side.
“I didn’t think so.” He glanced around the dark cave and sighed. “Will you help me?”
It stood to its feet and stepped over to him licking his face.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Can you lay over my foot?”
It huffed and walked over to his feet, carefully laying on the foot of his injured leg.
Taking hold of his leg with both hands he took a few steadying breaths and closed his eyes. His scream echoed off the cave walls and the animal laying over his foot howled. Breathing heavily he leaned back against the wall. His head was throbbing. The creature shifted off of him and crouched low facing the back of the cave.
“What is it? Something wrong?”
A deep growling sound reverberated off the walls and sent a chill down his spine. A dark shadow moved in the darkness toward them and the creature moved between him and the shadow with a snarling growl. Whatever was in the darkness slowly moved back but the creature remained poised beside him.
He reached a hand out cautiously and placed it on the creature’s back and the creature relaxed a little at his touch. He turned and looked out the cave entrance, his eyelids growing heavy, “Where are you Bones….” he whispered before his eyes closed once again.
Drifting in and out of consciousness he barely noticed the creature settling in against him. He barely noticed the wind howling outside or the when the rain started coming down in fat heavy drops. Drifting off in the darkness with only the dull throb of his head and the heaviness in his limbs a voice called out in the darkness.
“Jim? Jim!”
He knew that voice.
Bones.
“Jim!!”
Bones.
“Let me help him dammit!”
Opening his eyes he lifted his hand toward the brunette. “Bones…”
The creature shifted as Jim’s hand fell to his side and he slipped back into the darkness.
“Shit! Jim!”
He rushed to Jim’s side yanking the tricorder off his belt as the doglike creature backed away. Quickly running a scan over the unconscious blonde he pulled a hypo out and stuck a vial in it before pressing it to his neck. Carefully shifting him onto his back he started an IV and moved down to his injured leg. He placed a splint on the broken leg and bandaged the gash on his thigh before turning his attention to his head wound.
The doglike creature sat on the other side of Jim watching his every move. “Can I help you?”
The creature nudged Jim’s hands with its nose and whimpered.
“He’ll be okay. Once I can get him to the ship.”
A couple more bandages and another round of hypos later Leonard sat down beside Jim with his back against the cave wall. “I’ve done all I can. Just have to hope the storm clears up soon.”
The creature stood and walked around Jim to stand in front of Leonard. He sighed and reached a hand out. It sniffed him and nudged his hand. “At least you’re friendly. You help him out?”
It huffed.
“Yeah I get that way with him sometimes too.”
It licked his hand and looked back at Jim. Leonard shook his head. “I know. I’m worried too. We’ll just keep an eye on him.”
It cocked its head to one side and laid down beside Leonard with its head in his lap. “I bet Jim loved having you around. He’s always pestering me for a dog.”
The creature whined and looked at Jim.
“That’s not going to help. I’ll watch him while you sleep okay?”
It sighed and closed it eyes. Leonard looked over at Jim and then back out the mouth of the cave. “I sure hope this blows over soon.”
A warm tingling sensation and the sound of equipment beeping steadily. His eyelids were still heavy but he managed to open them a little. The light was dim thankfully and there was a weight on his left hand. Turning his head with a groan he smiled. “Bones..” he whispered.
The brunette shot up out of his seat. “Geoff! He’s awake!” he called out the apparently open door before clasping Jim’s hand in his. “How do you feel Jim?”
“Been better.”
“Yeah, I bet. Don’t move okay?”
“Couldn’t if I wanted to.”
“You’re going to be okay Jim. I’ve got you.”
Jim smiled up at his boyfriend. “I never doubted you. How’d you find me though?”
“Uhura pointed me in the right direction. I found a piece of your shirt on the hillside and then followed the blood trail. I found you and that damned dog in the cave. It wouldn’t let me anywhere near you.”
“Fluffy was just protecting me.”
“You...you named that thing Fluffy?”
“Yeah. Can I keep it?”
“No Jim. You can’t keep it. Once Fluffy backed off I was able to get some of your injuries treated. The storm cleared and I brought you back here.”
“Did you….did you go down...alone?”
Leonard nodded and cupped Jim’s cheek with his free hand, “Anything to save you Jim. I wasn’t going to lose you. I love you too much.”
“Love you too Leonard. “
#Star Trek#Star Trek AOS#Star Trek Fanfiction#McKirk#Slight angst#Injuries#Leonard X Jim#Bones X Jim#McCoy X Kirk#Jim X Leonard#Jim X Bones#Kirk X McCoy#Audie Writes
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The night we shared for the first time + hamliza (bc who else) please?
Here it is, the AU you’ve all been waiting for!
Best Friends and a Baby AU!
(Also, seeing as it’s my birthday, if you fancy giving me an amazing, completely free of charge present you could always leave a comment on this or any of my fics on Ao3! And for the more affluent, I have a ko-fi)
Forthe second time in as many weeks, Alexander Hamilton found himself on aspectacularly, singularly uncomfortable chair, looking at his best friend withan utterly staggered expression in his wide, brown eyes and straining his earsthrough the ambient chatter around him in the vain hope that he’d just misheardand she didn’t just say what he thought she’d said. It was a pretty damnspecific situation to be in but it was one that he was starting to find eerilyfamiliar; one he assumed with a sinking heart he wasn’t through with.
“I’msorry, it’s how much?” he stressed, his hands shifting restlessly in thedeep pockets of the hoodie he wore, a nervous, fidgeting tic he’d been doingsince he took his seat in the waiting room and hadn’t stopped or even slowed.
Elizasighed deeply, tiredly and pulled the stiff pamphlet the doctor had just givenher out from under her arm and pushed it across the seat between them towardsAlex, the relevant page open so she wouldn’t have to say it again and tastethat sour disappointment.
“Fuckinghell,” Alex winced at the sight of the figures almost apologetically printed onthe page, a breakdown of all the medications needed and the consultanciesrequired and the procedures involved, each with its own piece of stone to addto the enormous boulder of a sum at the very bottom line.
“Yeah.That about sums it up,” Eliza allowed with a forced shrug, “And I’d have totake time off work too. For yet more hospital appointments.”
“Oh,”Alex grunted, biting his lower lip and freeing one hand from his cavernoussweater to play with his hair, a sure sign that he’d shifted onto a whole otherplane of anxiety. He knew how much Eliza despised hospitals, it was a miracleand a testament to how much she wanted this that she was even here today, “That…that sucks.”
‘Sucks’felt like it fell a few thousand miles short of what this situation was. Alex’sstomach felt like it had detached from whatever biological skulduggery held itin place and was bouncing loose inside his stomach, the sensation someone wouldprobably have if they’d been riding one of those proper skull-shattering,skeleton-rearranging roller coasters for two weeks straight. Which was prettymuch exactly what Alex had been experiencing, albeit in more of an emotionalthan literal sense.
Hecouldn’t deny that the overwhelming emotion he’d felt when it had become clearthat his best friend didn’t intend for this to be one of their usual lunchdates where they spouted bile about their colleagues who were driving them upthe wall (mostly Alex) or entertained with stories of what ridiculous RichPeople Shit their family had pulled this week (exclusively Eliza), the emotionthat ruled his mind in that instant was fear. He refused to feel guilty forthat and knew Eliza wouldn’t expect it of him. How else was he supposed toreact when the girl whose right-hand man he’d been since the very first day ofcollege, when he’d made an admittedly shaky but impactful first impression bywalking into her and spilling black coffee down the both of them, took hishands across their usual table at their favourite place to eat in the city andasked him in that firm but quiet voice of her’s if he’d mind having a baby withher. She genuinely did phrase it like that, of course she did.
She’dclarified a little better after Alex had recovered from choking on his soda andspending ten minutes hacking and spluttering loud enough to turn most otherheads in the cafe towards them. Her eyes had grown anxious and her cheeks hadturned pink as she’d insisted that she wasn’t asking anything of him but asperm donation, she’d thought about this so carefully and agonised over it formonths, she couldn’t think of anyone better than him, she trusted him, if hedidn’t want to be involved with…what it produced, no obligation at all, ofcourse she’d understand…
Allwhile Alex felt like someone had whipped away the classy hardwood floorsunderneath his feet and left him spiralling through empty space. Memories he’dhoped to never feel invading his brain again were piling up faster than hecould tip them back down into the darker recesses of his mind, giving him thesensation of swarms of spiders clambering and skittering over him, gettingunder his skin. The word father didn’t have amazing connotations forAlex, it never had, but he’d been able to avoid it for a long time while he wasat college and law school, only getting the slightest roiling stomachs andsweaty palms and lips chewed until they bled when his friends would talk abouttheir children, Lafayette and Martha and even John would talk of his daughteroften and fondly. Of course, the panic would only last until he actually metthe little sprogs, they were all cute and funny and liked how their Tio Alexkept marker pens in his pockets so they could colour in his tattoos; theanxiety never held up long after that but there would still be that twinge deepin his stomach at the word alone. He wasn’t sure that was ever going away butat least it was small enough to cope with.
Andthere he was in the middle of the cafe, trying to hide a goddamn riot behind agrin that was turning into a grimace and eyes that were far too shiny to beconsidered normal. And somewhere in the middle of it all, while his back wasturned and his brain occupied with damage control, with putting out as manysmall fires on the inside of his skull as he could before it could turn into aconflagration, a ‘yes’ slipped past his gritted teeth.
Bothhim and Eliza had been utterly stunned by that, nothing passing between thembut a shared look of slack, wide eyed surprise. Alex hadn’t even been awarethat there was a ‘yes’ lurking somewhere, battling its way through his anxiety,through beating winds and raging storms to climb off his tongue ahead of thefrantic screech that oh fuck, he just remembered he’s parked by a meter and heleft his iron on at home and he doesn’t speak English and he only has two moreseconds to live, please excuse him…
Butit had worked so hard to get there…so he supposed that was his answer?
Sohere Alex was, being confronted with the damnable highway robbery that was theAmerican medical system and trying to platonically make a baby with his bestfriend. What exactly his game plan was in the moment his…stuff mixed up withEliza’s…stuff and made…more stuff and he was technically no longer neededaccording to the laws of biology, of that he wasn’t exactly sure. He could tellEliza was wondering but she hadn’t pressed, she’d only began to cry and leaptacross the table to give him one of her patented, full body, vice tight hugsthat showed how much unexpected strength was in those delicate arms of her’s.Alex didn’t really think he deserved so much thanks, that he’d earned that lookof awe and adoration in her eyes when she looked at him ever since that fatefullunch date, just for saying yes to jacking off into a specimen cup. That’s allhe’d said a firm yes to. In the few weeks since that day, he’d been franticallycombing his mind for another scrap of certainty to present itself and tell himwhat his brain wanted but it seemed to have completely dried up after the firsttime. Which was pretty fucking rich of his brain, to get him into thissituation and then bail entirely, leaving him with just a terrifying, panicstreaked blankness.
Buthe was here. He loved Eliza, he wanted to help and he’d hold to his promise.Besides, it was only himself he was terrified over, he knew without a singleshred of doubt that Eliza would be a fantastic mother, so wonderful and perfectfor the job that it would be kind of criminal to deprive a child of being bornbelonging to her. Maybe that love and assurance would be enough to cancel outhis contribution…
“Howis it so expensive?” Alex exclaimed, reading the paper again like he could willit to be more palatable, “I mean…isn’t it just like a fancy turkey baster?”
Elizascrewed up her face, making her nose that could only be described in that clichédbut sweet way as ‘button’ crinkle adorably, “Ew, Alex.”
“I’mpretty sure that’s what it is,” Alex crossed his arms defensively, “I did do myreading.”
Hehad, in fact. Alexander Hamilton didn’t do anything without researching itfully first.
Elizaran her fingers through her hair, twisting it into curtains around her facelike she always did when she was stressed, “Well…I guess we can’t do thisright now.”
Alexwinced. He’d love to offer to cover the cost of the procedure, hell even halfof it would do, but college and law school had left him with a crippling amountof debt and not an awful lot else. He’d arrived on his very first day with nextto nothing and had somehow come out the other side with even less.
“Couldyou ask your parents?” he suggested, not liking the idea even as it came out ofhis mouth but he just wanted to do something to take that devastated look offher face.
Elizalooked down at her hands, retreating even more into the sanctuary of her hair,“Um…I would but…they aren’t really fans of the idea.”
Thatjarred him. Not only was Eliza making this huge decision, and entrusting awhole huge chunk of her future happiness to him, she was doing it without thesupport of her parents. Alex wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first timein the twenty-six years she’d been alive that such a thing had happened.
“Oh…”Another thought closed up his throat and made his fingers tense into fists,“Are they…not fans of the whole idea or of the fact that it’s gonna be mybaby?”
Eliza’seyes widened, ‘Oh! Oh, no, no it’s not that, I promise. They’ve not liked itfrom the start, I told them I was thinking about it a while ago and well…thereaction wasn’t great. They just don’t get it.” Her voice grew so faint and sadat the end, her eyes dropping, her tone resigned but as if she’d still hopedfor better in spite of the evidence.
“I’m sorry, Bets…” Alex murmured in as soft a voice as he could evermanage, reaching across and taking her hand, gently moving it from pulling ather hair to clasping it in his lap with both of his own. If there was anyonewho understood general parental shittiness, it was him.
“Hey,it’s okay,” Eliza said, smiling with her usual quiet bravery, “I don’t mind.This is just a setback, right? We can come back to this in… I don’t know, ayear or so. Less if I let my car finally die and start roller-skating aroundNew York. Hey, maybe I’ll have an even more stable job and this will turn outto be for the best?”
“Morelike you’ll find a much better sperm source,” Alex lifted an eyebrow, smilingcrookedly.
“Hey…”Eliza socked him lightly on the arm, “Stop that. I don’t want anyone else, youknow that.”
Alexchuckled, appreciating the lengths she’d go to in defending him from himself,in silent awe of her which, in fairness, was how he spent most of his timearound Eliza. But he knew that face. He’d seen that face at 2am when they’dbeen sharing a cab back from the bar and she’d stuck her head out of the windowto see the lights rushing by and feel the wind in her hair. He’d seen that faceat half past eight, with thirty minutes to go before their final exam, blearyeyed with wild bird nest hair and a look of fierce, caffeine fuelleddetermination the likes of which he’d never seen. He’d seen it illuminated fromwithin like there was some kind of power source behind her eyes that otherpeople didn’t seem to have, a kind of sun that worked on pure joy and wonder,so bright that it could even warm someone like him. He’d seen that face nearlyevery day of his life for the past six years and he knew how to read it.
Andright now, he could see plain as day that Eliza was devastated.
She’dlooked so excited, that joy there again, as she’d taken him through all thethinking and daydreaming she’d done about this, how she’d known the time wasright now that she’d gotten herself a low paying but at least steady job, doingsome kind of clerk or data stuff type for one of the orphanages in town. It hadthe right hours, she could advance in time and with the time she’d beenspending with Dosia’s two boys and Martha’s little Frances and the gaggle ofkids Laf had been producing since the scarily young age of eighteen, she justwas so certain that this was what she wanted. And a year was a hell of a longtime to wait for something you wanted that badly.
Maybeit was that thought, that desperate need to offer her some kind of help, orelse pure and simple stupidity, the rise of his chronic and terminal foot inmouth disease, that made Alex say what he then said next. Or maybe it wassomething else entirely. Maybe, and this was a pretty shaky maybe, it was hisown want for this crazy, insane thing to happen. Maybe it was the fact that, asterrified and confused as this whole thing had made Alex at the start, rightnow? The thought of having to let go of the idea was more than he could bear.
So,he said it.
“Well,why don’t we just do things the old-fashioned way?” he tilted his head, tonelight and airy but there was no solid evidence that he was joking, “You andme?”
Elizalooked at him, a snarky comeback loaded and ready to go on her tongue but whenshe saw his face, her face became a mask of comic surprise.
“Theold-fashioned way?” she asked in a voice that was half scandalised, halfastounded, “As in…like…that.”
“Sex,Eliza, yes,” Alex filled in the gap for her, “You and me. Having sex. To make ababy. That is how it’s worked for thousands of years so…”
Elizagaped at him, reminding Alex of something his mama used to say, about closingyour mouth before you started catching flies. Absurdly calm, enough to reachover and delicately bringing her lower jaw up to close her lips, Alex smiledbemusedly. There didn’t seem to be any flies in here but you could never be toocareful.
“Imean…” he clarified, “This is something people do, right? They hook up forreasons other than, y’know, that they’re in a relationship. Platonic like. I’mnot gonna lie and say I don’t find you attractive, certainly enough to get thejob done. I may be setting myself up for a Mike Tyson blow to the ego here butI think I know you well enough, Bets, to say that you feel the same about me.”
“Butit’s…” Eliza found some words, if fragmented and scattered, “I… I do and I…I know what you’re talking about but…I do love you, Alex…but it’sweird!”
Alexpursed his lips and raised his eyebrows, “As weird as asking your friend todonate sperm?”
Elizaflushed a little, “Okay, smarty pants. Now we’re even.”
Hechuckled, noting that she still hadn’t taken her hand back from his own, shehadn’t moved away from him, “It is weird. But it makes a lot of sense, doesn’tit? We’re both single and young and pretty damn good looking and, mostimportantly, we care a whole damn lot about each other. And you’d get a baby,free of charge with no hospital fuckery required.”
Elizapercolated the logic in her head for awhile, Alex did always have a gift forselling his utterly madcap, bonkers ideas in a way that made them seem like thebest option for everyone involved. And she’d never seen him be wrong yet…notcompletely anyway.
And,if she was being completely honest with herself? At the thought of a night withAlex, freshman Eliza had perked up considerably and was currently bouncing onthe balls of her feet. Her crush on him had been intense, with it being hervery first and all, but it had settled with age as they both grew and maturedand the whole thing that once very possible could have been just neverhappened. Alex was the best friend she’d ever known outside of her family,someone who understood her completely inside and out and somehow still wantedto know more.
She’dalways love him and she was dizzyingly excited at the possibility of being amother. Ever since Alex had said yes, she’d been daydreaming of a tiny littlething who curled into her chest looking for love and safety that she was sowilling to give in staggering amounts, something beautiful that she could lookat with pride and know they would always belong to her and her to them. Herlittle piece of the universe. And yes, with Alex’s wry smile and thirst tolearn and to persevere through anything. The slight weirdness of having sexwith her best friend would be well worth that price.
Andwith half the stuff she and Alex had been through together, what was seeingeach other naked? What was a little roll in the sheets between friends?
“Okay,”Eliza had to laugh a little as she said it, feeling like a character in asitcom about to cut to commercial, “Just to get me pregnant.”
Herlaugh was infectious, soon Alex was giggling helplessly too. It was hard notto.
“Hey,it’s not even that weird, right?” he snorted, muffling his laughter in hissleeve so they didn’t get any more suspicious glances from the nurses andpatients around them, “Just think of it as me loaning you ten dollars. Except,y’know, instead of money, picture my penis…”
Elizalaughed even harder then, so hard tears began building in her eyes, “I thinkI’d rather not.”
“Well,yes, it’s a terrible metaphor,” he chuckled, “But in my defense, this situationis pretty damn rare.”
Thatwas certainly true. Rare and wild and risky. But that was kind of how Alex andEliza had always operated.
Elizashifted a little closer, only looking cuter red in the face and glittery in theeye from laughter, her hands knotting together with Alex’s, “You really are thebest friend ever, Hamilton.”
“Hey,let’s reserve all accolades until you’ve seen my moves, okay?” Alex chuckled,grinning that way he did that made the corners of his eyes crinkle up. But hestill kissed her cheek as they got up to leave, “And you’re my best friend evertoo. Which is exactly why you get the privilege of seeing me naked.”
“Oh,shut up, Hamilton,” Eliza grinned, “I take it back. Now, come on and knock meup.”
Alexscrewed up his face, trying not to dissolve into hysterics again, “Your placeor mine?”
Theanswer to that question was obviously Eliza’s place. Alex had a little cornerof the heights where you could touch both walls at once by stretching out yourarms and the whole thing rattled whenever the elevated train rushed past, insuch a way that all the furniture was rearranged when it was gone. That and itwas inhabited by Alex himself, who’d turned it into a nightmarish hoarder’snest. Not exactly the most sexy of locations, there were no pornographic filmsset amongst stacks of books threatening to fall over and boxes full of halfeaten pizza and groaning folders of case files fit to burst.
So,Eliza’s it was.
Bothof them let out twin sighs of relief once Eliza had put a glass of wine in eachof their hands, it made things feel a little easier. There was a thick pull oftension in the air, one that threatened the whole madcap operation until theycaught each other’s eye in the middle of a slightly stilted conversation on howAlex’s last few job interviews had been going (Eliza had been coaching him forevery single one). Then they both just bust out laughing.
“Idon’t think the whole ignoring the elephant in the room thing is working?” Alexgrinned, rubbing the back of his neck, “Want to just call it what it is and dothe damn thing?”
Elizasnorted, nearly getting rose right up her nose, “And would ‘the damn thing’ inthis case be me?”
Thatmade Alex laugh out loud, the tension in the pit of his stomach uncoiling andslithering away to hide, the way it always seemed to when Eliza was around,“Good thing this isn’t a date or I’d be out on my ass, huh?”
“Coursenot, I’d give you at least two more strikes,” she chuckles, “Though, to befair, if this was a date I wouldn’t be inviting you to my bedroom this early.Which I am about to do, heads up.”
“Thanks,”he smirked, clambering to his feet. He didn’t need Eliza to show him where herbedroom was, he’d slept over a good handful of times, after parties where Elizadeemed him too tipsy to get himself home.
Ithad to be said, the room was quintessentially Eliza. She couldn’t do much aboutthe faded carpet in the living room or the squat, leather sofas or the kitchencupboards that were the colour of phlegm, in Alex’s own words. But the bedroom,tucked away in the corner of the apartment with a window that looked out onto afire escape where she could perch on an evening and watch the sun sink belowthe New York skyline, leaving the stars free to come out, like a million eyesopening cautiously, only gleaming as bright as they could through the thick pollutionas soon as they saw the coast was clear. The room itself was a dusty blue, asoothing colour that seemed to wrap itself around you and keep you safe, thepalate broken only by the many, many photos of her loved ones on the wall (manyof them included Alex) and the rainbow of books and the bursts of green asflowering plants and succulents gathered like old friends embracing on everyspare surface. The quilt on her bed was the same one Alex remembered from herdorm room and every other place she’d lived since, the one she, of course, hadmade herself.
Thewhole scene was just so familiar to him as he stepped inside, trotting atEliza’s heels, so warm and safe and forgiving that he relaxed in spite of thefact that this was a step closer to go time. It was just that this room, maybein different locations but the same room in essence, had seen the absoluteworst of him- crying, having a panic attack, blind drunk, angry- and yet stillwelcomed him back.
Alot like Eliza herself.
“Okay,”Eliza spoke decisively, as if the awkwardness could be wrestled intononexistence by a firm word and a pair of crossed arms, “Kiss me. That’ll letme know if I actually want to do this or not.”
Alextilted his head a little, rolling the sleeves of his sweater up his arms, “ButI kiss you all the time?”
Andhe did, it was true, pecks on the cheek and forehead to make her smile when shewas feeling blue or in joyous awe after she yet again saved his ass with aperfectly timed up of coffee or one of her wonderfully simple solutions thatsomehow utterly fixed problems that he’d been chewing over for days.
“No,I mean…” Eliza searched for words, looking a little exasperated, “Kiss me likeyou’d kiss someone you really wanted to have sex with. Kiss me like…likesomeone you were dying to see naked, like you’re going to explode if you don’tget with them right this minute.”
Alexgave a little snort of disbelief but he stepped forward all the same andwithout another thought in his head, he brought his best friend close to him byway of firm hands on her shoulders and a swift, sure movement, pressing herlips to his, thinking of passion and love and want. He let his lips part alittle after a few moments, after she relaxed in his hold, tilting his head toclose just that little bit of unnecessary distance and was gratified to findher mirroring him. How long the kiss lasted, neither of them were really surebut it ended with both of them a little reluctant to let it go, leaving theundeniable answer as ‘not long enough’.
“So…”Alex murmured, a rasp in his voice.
“Yeah,”Eliza’s eyes were wide and her pupils seemed so big that Alex could fall intothem, “Yeah, I want to do this.”
Hesmiled that crooked smile of his though, underneath it, he was thinking thatthe kiss didn’t really feel all that different from any other time he’d kissedher, which was…disconcerting.
Theydecided to shed their clothes at the same time, in the interests of fairness.
Elizadiscovered that Alex had a lot more tattoos than she’d ever imagined, one’s hehad mentioned to her but she’d never seen with her own eyes, diminishing their expansiveness.Constellations scattered across his lower stomach, she’d seen them poking upabove the line of his pants when he stretched but she’d never realised how farthey reached, how detailed and beautiful in their simplicity they were. A papersailboat trekked bravely across his upper thigh, waves crashing around it, afeathered quill penned a long, looping line of ink up the length of one leg,smatterings of English, French and Spanish were carefully etched onto variousparts of him, curling around clocks and birds and flowers and a Puerto Ricanflag. He was a work of art.
Alexdiscovered a kind of roundness, a fullness, to Eliza around her hips, thighsand stomach. There were curves and slopes and valleys usually hidden underneathher clothes, a smattering of stretch marks he hadn’t known existed, a fewfreckles that moved up the inside of a thigh to places he couldn’t see fromhere but found himself desperately wanting to follow them. His fingers itchedto touch that softness, follow the curves and squeeze and stroke and kiss.
Itwas amazing what new things you could learn from someone with one glance andthe absence of clothes.
Elizahad read up on good positions for conceiving, where gravity could hopefullyplay its part, bringing all the right elements close enough together for thespark to catch and a baby to start forming, like the way dust and gas collectedinto stars under the same force. A pillow under her hips and sprawled backagainst the cushions, she felt a little silly but all Alex could think of wasthe intoxicating darkness of her hair against the sheer white pillows, the wayshe could look up at him as he moved to take his place between her knees, thesoftness now right there under him and nothing to stop him reaching out andcaressing it.
Noone needed to make any kind of verbal request now, their lips met entirely oftheir own accord, though it was Alex who started the gentle nipping at Eliza’slower lip, already a little drunk on kissing her full, slightly swollen,beautifully dusky pink lips, the spine tingling but not unwelcome sensation ofhis tongue sliding over her’s. Though it only took a few seconds before Elizawas responding in kind, her hands coming up to tangle in his thick, dark massof hair and keep him good and close.
Alexalmost made a total idiot out of himself and stopped to request a condom beforehe remembered the whole goddamn point of this and just went for it, needing toshuffle her over a little, raise his own hips, fumble just a tiny amount andthen he was there, with a low sighfrom himself and a short gasp of surprise from Eliza. He almost stopped, terrifiedhe’d caused some hurt, moved to fast, moved without permission, taken too muchtoo soon. But then Eliza’s legs were thrown around his hips, her feet pressinginto his lower back and pushing him, if anything, deeper.
Herteeth grazed his earlobe and she murmured in a tone that was nothing short ofbegging, “Please.”
Alexwasn’t about to make her ask twice. He didn’t think, he didn’t ask for anylogic or reason, he just chased this wild desire in his chest and the plea inhis friend’s voice. He rocked her, heavy and rhythmic, into the softness of themattress, never taking his eyes off her, not wanting to miss a second of theway she bit her lip and her eyes rolled back when he hit home and her pupils swelledand her face took on the achingly beautiful blush of fresh rose petals. It goteven better when his thumb, apparently of its own volition, slipped down andpressed none too lightly against her clit; that made her cry out loud, herexpression rapturous, panting as she climbed higher and higher under hm.
Assoon as he saw her getting there, the only thing he wanted to do in the wholedamn world was get her there faster, harder, better, the pace of his lithe hipsincreasing until the bed springs began to make themselves heard and Eliza’ssweet little gasps became louder and higher, melding into one wordless cry.Alex wasn’t even really aware that the low, wanton growl was his own, the onethat pitched so perfectly with the noises she was making. He just lost sight ofhimself in the pull of her muscles, the feeling of her fingers tugging at hishair, the beautiful heat where their bodies joined and his thumb rubbed.
Asdistracted as he was by what he was doing to her, what she was giving him inreturn, his own climax caught him by such surprise that Alex felt the wholeroom, the whole damn world, tip dizzily around him as his hips jerkederratically and he spent himself inside her. Though he didn’t miss Eliza cominga second or two behind him, writhing so uncontrollably that he was a littleworried for a moment, until the tension let them both go and they were leftexhausted and a little bit shaken.
Alexand Eliza both held their breath, waiting for the awkwardness to comebarrelling back with a vengeance, braced for it, Alex actually mapping outwhere he’d left his clothes so he could scramble back into them as swiftly aspossible and bolt for the door. But it never seemed to find them, like they’dsuccessfully held their breaths and stilled their bodies and it had just passedthem by.
Theyuntangled themselves as painlessly as they could, leaving Alex to roll onto hisback by Eliza’s side, both just catching their breath. At some point theirhands found each other and joined, subtly and gently, without either of themreally being aware of it. It was a long time before either of them saidanything.
“I…well,hopefully that worked,” Eliza found her voice first, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
“Yeah…”Alex began, short of breath, gazing straight ahead just like she was, like theyboth recognized that that was a safe place for their eyes to rest. Who knewwhat might happen if they went wandering? “Though…what are the chances that yougot pregnant back there?”
Elizablinked, her free hand fluttering unconsciously to her stomach, resting therelightly, “I’m not sure. Low, I guess, relatively speaking.”
Alexspoke as casually as he could, “Well then, it would make sense, wouldn’t it,if, y’know, as long as you were still ovulating, we…we kept doing that?”
Therewas a slight mutual wince as they both froze, waiting to see of what he’d justsaid had crossed the line, upset the painfully delicate balance they stood onhere. But there was no thunder, no sudden swarm of locusts, the earth didn’topen up underneath the bed. Nothing happened.
“Imean, it’s only logical,” Eliza murmured, “Yeah, why not?”
Evenas they (eventually) dressed and gathered themselves back together, it stillfelt like something important hadn’t been said, there was the feeling of a gapgoing unfilled, a missing step. It was still there as Alex stood on Eliza’sstoop, lingering as they said goodbye, both of them feeling this glaringabsence.
“Hey…”Eliza called out as Alex’s sneakers touched down on the sidewalk, reaching in asudden, frantic rush to fix the problem. But as Alex turned back, looking ather quizzically with his wide, brown eyes, she didn’t know what to say.
So,what she said was, “You know you’re my favourite person ever, right?”
Alexcracked a smile, chuckling gently, “Yeah. You’re my favourite too.”
Itwasn’t quite right. But it would do for now.
#best friends and a baby au#night we shared prompts#prompts#my writing#ficlet#hamliza#alexander x eliza#some classic fanfic shenanigans
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