#but the naked spice orc story needed to be told
Note
skill, nat20, & vibe! :o
Nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?
The saga of the Naked Spice Orc is legendary amongst my group! Basically, I was playing Kenku Bard named Strum, and one of our tablemates was playing an Orc Paladin named Felzak. Our characters did not get along at first, and the first part of the game was filled with (in-character) sniping at each other and bickering.
Anyway, this story is long and twisting. Because of my character setting fire to a bandit encampment we were held captive in, Felzak's armor (which was taken from him when we were captured) melted. The gold he found ransacking the place (which the DM intended as compensation for his armor) ALSO melted because Felzak insisted on going back for his armor, which by now was a fused sheet of metal. This didn't improve relations between our characters and left him with basically nothing to wear.
Maddened by rage, Felzak decided he knew exactly who was behind the bandits and the larger criminal enterprise we were investigating; a Gnomish spice merchant who had nothing to do with any of it. Because of the aforementioned lack of clothes, once we escaped he marched right back to the man's storehouse, Felzak blundered through his storage getting himself covered in spice and nothing else, and publicly accused the gnome of something he didn't do. Ballsy move, we might say.
Later that night, defeated and exhausted, our party stopped at an inn, where the proprietor asked Felzak whether or not I was his slave (Kenkus often being slaves in this universe) and, if so, if he would rent me to the bar to play for a while. Felzak consented to this and I was stuck at the bar for a while.
Anyway, I got my revenge. When Felzak and I locked eyes across the bar, I decided to introduce to the patrons my newest epic song; the Ballad of the Naked Spice Orc. The DM asked me to do a performance roll, and I got a nat 20, which was good enough not only to entrance the audience but also to get the song spread throughout the entire realm. We kept hearing it played in bars for the rest of that campaign, in increasingly distant and unlikely locales... and later on in whole other campaigns and universes. Somehow.
THAT is the story of the Ballad of the Naked Spice Orc.
Vibe: How does your character get along with the party? Does your group talk about party dynamics outside the game?
Currently I'm playing a Warlock named V who I decided to play as, basically, Odin from God of War if he was actually a nice guy. But preserving all the obsessive knowledge seeking. He pledged himself to an eldritch god seeking to be corporeal on this plane once more, in return for the knowledge to save his kingdom from a Fae spell.
He gets along fairly well with the other characters. Sometimes he tries to be a peacekeeper during what seems to be a growing rift between some of our party. Unfortunately, almost every session a new part of his body is transmuted into yellow glass after a horrific vision of the underbelly of reality and a new eldritch god has taken an interest and started playing tug of war with the first one for his soul, so sometimes it's difficult to keep the "nice uncle" vibe going. :D
Skill: Do you prefer RP, combat, or something else? Is there a part of the game you consider yourself best at?
Oh RP for sure! Combat sometimes runs the risk of getting boring for me unless there's something really intense happening. Like, borderline party wipe intense. Mabel Pines called it "Homework: the Game" or something and while I don't *agree* with that, when I'm bogged down in combat I kind of start to see where she's coming from :P
I've been gravitating away from magic casters lately partially because of that; I don't like all the bookkeeping. If I must fight, I like to be able to just point at an enemy and go, "Yeah, I hit that with my hammer."
#dnd#i also have another legendary rp(ish) story called The Time My Character Shot Herself (Almost) to Death#but the naked spice orc story needed to be told#asksolotl
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Omru: Dezar’alor RP 2
(( The second half of the short discord rp. Archive purposes. ))
As he pointed out her charms and trinkets, she nodded and beamed a big grin at him.
“Yea I do! And each one has a cool story, of course. Like this one..”
She pointed to a tiny golden rabbit hanging on a leather strap around her neck.
“This one I got in the most epic game of dice ever. I say epic mostly because it was played through the bars of a cage with a couple of slimy Faithless turds. Crazy right? When I won they ‘gave’ me the prize to hold onto just for funsies, thinking I couldn’t go anywhere with it anyway. You know, just to taunt me? Little did they know I was just the bait and biding my time until dark when I knew our crew was showing up. That was one of my first jobs working with these horde folks, nice people. Some goblin girl with the whitest hair I’ve ever seen was asking for a volunteer to help them locate the camp of the jerks that had been causing trouble for us. Told her that’s what I do so she strapped some little doodad under my shirt, told me to go get myself caught and off I went. Wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I volunteered but hey, they had my cousin Oji and a handful of others so of course I’m gonna help. Oh! And best part is it’s chanted up for a quick speed boost in a pinch. Pretty cool right?”
She lifted her hand and tugged at one of her bracelets. What appeared to be a wide, flat strip of scaly grey leather.
“This one doesn’t do anything special but I thought it was cool. My dads helping out over at Camp Lastwind, you know over near Port Zem’lan? A few of them have Sethrak tent flaps as a sort of warning. They have a good chunk of help there luckily but get hit a lot, heh. Anyway, he gave me a little piece off his. Told me to remember that even our enemies can be put to use. Just kinda sentimental, you know.”
She smiled, running one clawed finger over several others on that wrist then tossed him a shrug.
“Eh, we could be here all day if I try and explain all these. Some other time maybe, let’s get you to someone that can help with that soggy guitar.”
She stepped around the fish funk mess as they padded off, tossing one more glare up at the bird.. which continued to eye her. Nodding as he spoke about the city’s recent attack, her bright amber yellow eyes flicked around, taking everything in. Though she didn’t necessarily -need- company, being in a place so huge with so many unfamiliar faces, races, noises and so on had made her feel a bit isolated. It was nice to have a little familiar company, even if she didn’t know the guy.
They walked for a while longer, pausing to get out of the way of an enormous, slow moving dino that carried several rowdy looking orcs. Finally, Noh ducked behind a worn looking hide curtain and motioned for Om to follow. The narrow entryway descended into a dimly lit hallway that lead to several doors ahead. The heavy scent of potent herbs and smoke immediately assaulted their sensitive nostrils as they entered. Each inhale somehow left an odd metallic aftertaste in their mouths. Irony, and not unlike the taste of blood. Passing the first set of doors, Noh made for the 2nd door on the left and knocked. Though her posture appeared confident and at ease, her eyes darted about as if nervous.
After a long moment, the door finally swung open. A Zandalari woman filled the doorway, towering over the two Vulpera. Though the wrinkles in her face and skin advertised advanced age, her expression and gaze suggested a confidence and power. Grey hair hung rolled and tied and braided about her head and shoulders. Bits of bone, claws and long tusks decorated not only her hair and attire but the myriad of piercings on her face and ears. She stared down at the two of them, the demand for them to state their business clear with no words spoken. From behind her, fire light flickered and the scent of herbs and spice wafted out. Noh shoved a smile onto her face.
“Uh, is Heke here? How’s he doing?”
The woman leered down at them for a long moment. As if judging them, their motives.. their souls.. Noh couldn’t help the slight chill that ran up her spine, especially after her last visit when she had first met the woman. The fur along the top of her tail and the back of her neck lifted slightly. She tried to cover the reaction by clearing her throat and adjusting her pack. Her intense, glowing, turquois eyes shifted to Om then. Taking in the strangers attire, equipment and then landing firmly on his face for what felt like forever. The silence was too awkward, Noh hated it. Silence itself wasn’t bad but in such a setting it was agonizing. She cleared her throat again and spoke up, trying to move things along.
“Omru, this is Ja-row-kah. She’s Heke’s mother and uh, one of the city’s healers.”
She looked up to the woman, hoping she had said the name correctly.
“I don belong to da city, little Noh. I jus be ‘ere, healin ma son. Now get in ‘ere before someone else be seein da door open an come buggin me fa sometin.”
The woman moved aside just enough for them to enter the room. Her eyes only leaving them to make a quick scan of the hall before closing the door behind them. The place was small and lit only by a small open fire place and a few candles. A single room that seemed to serve as temporary living quarters. Ja’rokah moved to a side table covered in miscellaneous herbs and pouches where she began busying herself with something. Something burned in a low, wide bowl that seemed to fill the small space with an unnecessary amount of spicy smoke.
Noh waved a hand in front of her face, as if to clear it somehow and made a beeline for the cot near the fireplace. A large, mostly naked troll lay on the cot. His already thick, corded muscles were accentuated even more by the dance of the flames and the accumulation of sweat on his deep green skin. In contrast, bright golden tattooing covered a fair amount of his chest and upper arms. The patterns typical to much of the artwork around the city. Did it have meaning? Was there a language to it or were they just picked on what looked cool? For all she knew, it could say ‘mom’ for these guys, who knows. His head turned towards the two and a wide grin spread around enormous curved tusks.
“Ah, de little hero returns. Good ta see yu, Noh.”
His eyes shot to Om then and it was easy to see the resemblance to his mother in that intense look as Om was sized up. A single nod was offered Om’s way after a moment.
“Dis ain’cha boy from before. Where be Vondo? Yu too bossy ta keep’im round?”
He chuckled, the sound deep and rich but then winced, a hand coming up to hold the left side of his ribs. Ja’rokah appeared behind them then, offering the two each a mug of some steaming liquid. Noh took it with a smile, then as the woman padded off, gave a not so subtle shake of her head to Om and set the cup on the end table near Heke.
“Uh, yea.. Let’s just say he and I are really only good for short jobs, you know? Different motivations. Anyway, this is Omru, I’m helping him find a place to get that soggy guitar fixed up. Some girl punted him out into the ocean because she didn’t like his playing or something. Rude, right?”
She poked a finger towards Om and the guitar he carried.
--
Omru was always eager to hear about a person’s stuff. Their trinkets, nicknacks, weapons, jewelry, books, armors, whatever. Back and forth the pair of Vulpera seemed to sprinkle conversation with, ‘Ooh, and I have one of these’ or ‘Did you hear about the blah-blah’. It was a much welcomed experience for Om, in stark contrast to his initial arrival at the docks.
Exploring the Zandalari capital hadn’t been something on his to-do list. He had met more than his fair share of Trolls, and had heard all about the nefarious politics of the city. Dozens of different troll clans, stabbing one another in the back, constantly using dark magicks called voodoo, and worst of all, cannibalism. Trolls could and would eat anything. On more than one occasion he had heard stories of desert trolls stripping the fur from the vulpera and roasting them over fires. He had actually spoken to one such person. She said she only ate her enemies, however. Funny, the city-folk sent their criminals to the dunes as punishment, but for the hundreds of vulpera living within the sands, the city was the worser of the two.
As they walked along the streets, turning this way and that, Om took in the sights. The dinosaurs, mostly. The large reptilians weren’t exactly unseen in Vol’dun, but never in such numbers. Some were impossibly tall, taxiing people around the city in long albeit slow strides. More impressive than the giant lizards, however, was the giant dung left behind. Holy dinosaur shit were these turds big. Om had expected them to be as long as his arm, for some reason, but they were five feet tall. Five feet! Of course, the city’s sanitation department would get to cleaning that up, eventually. They had been busy for a while, taking away dead bodies, scrubbing the blood out of the floors and walls.
Thinking back to the bodies, the Horde and the war, Omru put two and two together. Every third stall was stocked full with armors in red and black. At first the little fox boy had thought merchants were capitalizing on the Horde’s presence. Then he realized why the armors and weapons were so plentiful. The tough leathers he was presently wearing weren’t simply ‘hand crafted’ by the Zandalari. They were used goods.
Unfortunately, Omu hadn’t come to said conclusion until after he had followed Noh inside. Some half naked troll on a cot had been talking to them. The red furred Vulpera had just pointed a finger Om’s way when he said, “I’m wearing some dead guy’s clothes.”
Bright orange eyes blinked up to the Joker, or whatever her name had been, then back to Heck. “Not that I’m opposed. We make due with what we have in the dunes, I just didn’t think someone had.. You know, bled, died and shit themselves in this outfit, likely in that order. I traded good stuff for this. I should have got a discount.”
He wasn’t necessarily disgusted by the notion. The Troll merchants had taken the armor from the bodies, patched them up, gave them a cleaning and sold them full price. Ugh. Bartering was always in the details. He should have been given -two- sets! Two!
Two long tusks turned towards the red furred vulpera, “Is ya friend ‘ere okay?”
Omru’s thought-cache caught up to him, refreshing his mind. Everything that had happened in the last minute or two came flashing forward in a brief four seconds. Input lag. “Oh, yeah, I’m gonna need my guitar fixed. I have a ship leaving tomorrow morning that I need to be on, sooo. How long would this process take, and how much is it gonna cost me?” This was followed by a sincere smile.
--
Heke seemed to ponder the question for a moment, then nodded.
“I do know someone dat may be able ta help yu. Da names Am’ika, she should be playin’ down by da docks t’night, if she ain’t der already. Likes ta hit up whateva fresh blood be comin’ in on da ships and da full pockets dey be bringin.. Her an her group be playin da drums mostly, but she can play a bit of everyt’ing so likely yu best bet fa dat ting. Best musician I know. Hmmh.. Best musician any be knowin I bet. Well, unless yu count Ol’ Bwonsamdi..”
He glanced to Noh as she shot him a confused, disbelieving look. He laughed, again the sound loud and deep. The kind of rich laughter that could be heard across a room and contagious in social settings or.. might illicit goose bumps if heard echoing in a dark alley. Again he winced, holding his side as he played out the last few chuckles of it.
“What? Yu never heard he can play, little Noh? I hear he play da bones like yu wouldn’t believe..”
His eyes narrowed as he grinned her way, the turquoise glow of them thinning into erie slits. Her brows furrowed as she blinked back at him. Was this guy just screwing with her or was he serious? Bones… Seriously? She scanned him up and down, then deciding it was a joke, rolled her eyes.
“Yea yea, sure sure. Plays the bones with little skull capped sticks and makes the jaws flap about like they’re singing along right? And let me guess, next you’re gonna tell me he plays the bone flute too? Like I’m gonna fall for that pervy joke?”
Heke’s eyes widened and he let out an uneasy half chuckle. He shot a look to his mother, who had turned to glare at Noh over her shoulder. Following his glance, Noh looked back and saw the woman’s nostril flaring expression. Sssshit. Had she read the situation wrong? Weren’t they just joking? What if they weren’t.. and she had just insulted one of the baddest bad ass Loa these people knew?
“Don’t get me wrong here, that insult was for you, not Bwonsamdi. I thought you were joking. Not that it was really an insult, just, you know.. friendly teasing. I actually think Bwonsamdis pretty awesome. If I had to pick a Loa to follow like you guys, it would definitely be him. I mean, taking the shape of beasts and being in charge of the hunt or the sky or garbage or whatever is pretty cool and all but death? I mean, pfft, how do you beat that? Absolutely everything dies, even other Loa right so he’s gotta be the biggest badass ever. Imagine having him on your side in a bad spot? Vision going dark, you know it’s over and then bam! He shows up, tells you it ain’t your time yet then ‘bloop!’ pokes the reset button and you pop back up to finish off the turd that tried to take you out?”
Scratching at the back of her head she offered a shrug, hoping she wasn’t simply digging the hole deeper. She honestly meant what she said buuuut wasn’t exactly fluent in all the Loa or what they do exactly. As was the case with most of her knowledge, the bulk of it came from stories that were shared and eavesdropping. Still, it made sense in her head and should be seen as a complement right?
“Not that it probably works that way though I’m sure. I mean, we’re all just like sand fleas in the never ending desert called life. Why would our time be worth his, right?”
She looked back to Ja’rokah, hoping this had cleared things up. The woman had her back turned again and was furiously grinding away at something in a stone bowl. She watched as the old Zandalari woman carefully dumped some of the ground up powder into a mug then dropped in a pinch of something she couldn’t identify and filled it with hot water. She turned and stepped toward Noh then, the look on her face hard to read. She was smiling, technically, but if the look in someone’s eyes could choke you out.. Well, she was always a bit intense so Noh did her best to offer a smile of her own when the mug was offered. She took it, despite not having touched her other one yet and nodded, waiting for the woman to go away so she could set it somewhere like before. Unfortunately, Ja’rohak simply stood there, staring. When the young Vulpera didn’t immediately take a drink, the woman reached down to nudged the girl’s mug filled hands towards her face.
“Drink. I be makin dat one special just fa you.. Ta help wit yu travels..”
Noh blinked down at the cup, sniffing at it since it was nearing her nose anyway. It actually didn’t smell horrible but the vibes rolling off this lady made her skin crawl. A flash caught her attention and she leaned out to look behind Ja’rokah, eyes widening. Whatever was left in the stone bowl had caught fire and was threatening to catch fire to several of the dried herbs the woman had hanging above the table. Ja’rokah turned, cursed and flew into action trying to smother it. Though initially covering the bowl seemed to work, the moment she removed the bit of hide, flames bellowed out, quickly catching the herbs above.
“Shit! Here!!”
Noh bolted forward and threw her arms out, flinging the cups contents over the flames. It's just what you do when there’s a fire that gets a little out of hand. You throw water on it. Sometimes it's tea or juice or soup or whatever else. Heck, she had even seen a couple people pee it out once. Liquid, that’s all it takes. So when this ‘tea’ exploded into a flaming wave of liquid on contact her jaw dropped, her eyes bugged and she was dumbstruck. Most of the top of the table was now on fire and the cursing woman flailed to gain control. She slapped at the few flaming droplets that hit her arm, tore the rack of dried herbs from the wall, throwing it into the fireplace then grabbed and dumped the boiling pot of water over the entire thing.
The room filled with a mix of smoke and steam. Mixes, tincture bottles, containers and other components were scattered about and washed off the edges of the table. As the flames disappeared and the steam cleared, one item sat unaffected near the edge of the table. A small, golden pocket watch. Ja’rokah stared down at it for a moment, then reached for it. As her wrinkled and pocked fingers closed in though she jumped as the thing’s lid popped open, knocking it over the edge and to the floor. There it sat facing up, its ‘tick tick tick’ somehow seeming louder than it should be. Ja’rokah watched it for a moment then lifted her gaze to Noh, her expression a mix of annoyance and suspicion. At the look, Noh jerked from the dumbfounded, frozen state of having just watched that shit show and threw her hands up defensively.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know your tea would catch fire! Tea isn’t supposed to.. Wait, why were you trying to make me drink something like that anyway? Wouldn’t that hurt?”
With a slight sneer, the old woman dismissed Noh’s question with a flick of her wrist then bent to pick up the watch. Apparently clumsy though, as she stepped forward the biggest of her two fat toes kicked the little thing, sending it sliding across the rug. It bumped up against Noh’s foot, its lid closing with a tight snap on impact. Ja’rokah practically snarled at the thing, then stood up straight again and let out an exaggerated sigh.
“Fine.. Ain’cha time, just take it an get outta ‘ere.”
She flung one long finger towards the door then turned her back on them to begin cleaning up the mess. Confused, Noh looked from the watch to Heke, to Om and back to Heke.
“…What…”
“GO!!”
The woman’s raised voice made Noh jump and if she wasn’t mistaken, it had even made Heke jump too. She searched his face for clues, having no idea what exactly had just happened. He winced a little and shrugged, nodding towards the door.
“Yu got what info I could give. Seems yu best ta get goin’ now. I’ll be up an about in a few days. If yu still around, I’ll come find yu fa dem stories I promised, eh? If not, den take care of yu’self little Noh and I be owin’ yu.”
He offered a warm smile then pointed to the watch.
“Take it wit yu. It be good luck to yu now. Or bad.. Dependin’.”
His lips curled up around his left tusk into a mischievous smirk and he motioned for the door, though less pointedly than his mother.
“What the hecks that supposed to-“
“Go..”
He said it softly but it was clear the visit was over. Flashing Om a quick awkward look, she snatched up the little watch, stuffed it in her pocket and headed for the door.
--
Omru furrowed a furry brow, “Uhh, Bwon’samdi worship isn’t as prevalent in the dunes. From my understanding of the capital, there are a half a dozen Loa being praised in the city of gold, and the Loa of Graves isn’t even in the top three. Not that there’s anything wrong with picking him to be your patron saint or whatever. Fear of death might be a great motivation. I’m not particularly religious. Not sure what comes after death for those unpledged to the Gods, but if I -had- to pick, maybe Akunda? I wouldn’t wanna change my identity though. Oh wait, Sethraliss! She’s a good one. Loa of Lightning. Yeah, if I had to enter a pact with someone, it would be her. I mean, yeah she’s a Setherak and all, but the bad ones are very very anti-Sethraliss. Faithless is what they call themselves, and anyone they’re opposed to is probably a friend worth having.”
Om sat down his tea and began rummaging in his pack for a few moments, his little fingers working buttons and pockets and zippers within his bag of bags. Eventually he pulled out a yellowed rolled parchment, unfurled it and read, “In the densest jungle of darkest green.. Ahem, that was Vol’dun once upon a time. Anyways, continuing! - Rules the mother of many, but rarely seen. Warm and lush and full of life, iron will and without strife. Her mind unfurls, envelops all. Her faithful ever heed her call. See? Faithful, not Faithless. Anyways, across the ages her eyes do see, seeking the best for you and me. Through darkest night and brightest day, she will ever find her way. In her, your haven will be found. Her all for us, her care profound. Love unsurpassed will surely be, when Sethraliss you truly see. Isn’t that sweet? Like a Loa of love.. And electric sparks. But mostly love. And snakes.”
The little black fox had just picked up his drink, bringing the mug of tea up to his snout when the room exploded in a rush of heat and flames. Jaw dropping, Om looked from Noh to Joker and back again. Clearly while reciting his Loa scroll he had missed the flames in the bowl. Hearing the accusations of Joker spicing the tea with something flammable, Om very quickly dumped the contents of his own drink off to the side, away from the flames. What was more interesting than the contents of Noh’s cup, however, was the little pocket watch. Flame retardant. Interesting.
No longer welcome in the smokehouse, the pair of Vulpera retreated, Om shutting the door only to reopen it and poke his head back inside, “Thanks again for the help. Sorry abou the-”
“GO!”
He closed the door behind him, then hurriedly chased after Nohko. “Seems like you’re about as welcome in this city as I am, judging by your friends back there. I wonder what was in that tea. Something sinister or just booze?”
It took little more than an hour to figure out that the drummer Heke had been referring to happened to be the same one that had kicked Omru into the ocean. The band had a music shop they owned, complete with a stage for performances. It turned out those were for special occasions, where the shop would work with local restaurants and bars for a night of celebration. Primarily the band just played the drums and performed on the streets, raking in enough coin in tips to keep their business afloat. Through very little investigation, the vulpera learned of the process required to fix Om’s guitar. It would take a few days, having to dry then sand down the wood, restring the instrument and retune it. A few days that Om didn’t have.
“Hey, I gotta get going, people to see before I take off. I have a huge favor to ask of you, though. Would you mind getting my guitar fixed for me? I can give you the coin with a smidge extra for your trouble. Just get it back to me if you ever come to Durotar? Or I might could track you down here.”
Being the reasonable type, Nohko agree to help Omru out. After submitting it to the music shop, he even bought her lunch. Zandalari kingsteak with zeb’ahari kiwi and southsea breadfruit. After parting ways, Omru made another trip to the music shop. Sun was coming down but it wasn’t quite dark yet. That didn’t stop the little fox boy from slipping into the shadows.
It was always a chilling sensation, beginning at the base of his neck, wrapping itself around his enter body from his head to his tail. Some folks called it shadow magic, some called it voodoo, he called it sneakiness. It wasn’t a hundred percent foolproof, especially for people looking for invisible creatures. There were traps that could be set, potions that could grant enhanced vision, gadgets that could expose him. None of those were present in the little shop, and in under three minutes, Om got in and got out. With him was a fancy little lute, made of some kind of white wood with purple strings. It wasn’t his flamenco guitar, but it would suit his purposes. Besides, those jerks shouldn’t have assaulted him at the docks. Eye for an eye, that kind of thing. He could always return it when he got his father’s instrument back.
That night he stayed at the cheapest inn he could find. The place was rundown and a bit dirty, but he honestly slept great. He was used to roughing it, so any commodities were welcome. When morning came he was back at the docks, paying his fee for a special little boat to take him to the fabled jungles of Durotar. He gave up his enchanted troll dagger, and judging by the captain’s face, the whispers had taken hold of the blade’s new wielder immediately. Whatever, it was his problem now.
The End For Now? -
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
