#but the god is not capable of denying the rapture in the journey. it is in fact all it has to offer.
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the difference between the triumph in 'i found you!' and the shame in 'you've found me.' is proof enough!!!
#distext#i feel strongly enough abt this one to tag it#the silt verses#youve found me and the god i unwittingly fed-- it was never yours but it was mine and you stayed because you found me.#blah blah the narrative twists to incorporate the listener's hopes and desires for a happy ending blah blah#but the god is not capable of denying the rapture in the journey. it is in fact all it has to offer.#sebastian being unhappy *now* doesn't mean that the god is unfed. of course not. the journey is eternal.#but the lingering doubt would not have been centered upon his lifelong traveling companion. because that *spoils it!*#there is no journey in staying here. staying here is an ending. and the other narrative can't bloom with such a shadow hanging over it.#hope exists. of course it does. it must. but it isn't like. saccharine and revisionist.#not the decision to stay in the place of potential and never see and ending through.#dev calls him sebastian. whether it's an attention check (are you listening?) or a slipup back to formality it is a fuckup.#in much the same socially inept way that 'let's stay here' was such a desirable idea for your lover this morning you dont even consider NOW#elephant. elephant is what i meant.#anyway. meta fodder for the listener (i dont have the commentary but ive seen the phrase 'coin-flip') vs. watsonian social interactions.#........ frankly i dont think that sebastian gave enough of a fuck to pick a winner between hayward and carpenter either but that is just m#i think there's probably something smart to say about how moving forward this season involves nothing but uncertainty#where even following the cairn maiden to an assured ending leaves the pulsing question of when#but man im just upset. gay sex saved the day solved the mystery and now we're going back to get shotgun married to dodge the draft#if you dont have your own insurance plan your spouse's is fine.#sorry. what was i talking about?#right. there isn't a joy in this. there is no definite moment where the hurt- this trauma. the fog.- would pass and settle into comfort.#and among all of the promises and threats. it would only hurt for a moment.#nope! congrats. scarred for life you have to keep on living and difficult conversations you have to keep on having and continued awkwardnes#can't catch me suicide metaphor i'm gay as fuck. anyways#podcast tag#tsv spoilers
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