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beewolfwrites · 3 years

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And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter 15: Love and Squalor

Helloo again! Lots of Chishiya in this chapter, because frankly there can never be enough of him.

If you’re only just reading this fic, this is a Chishiya x OC/Reader fanfic, and you can find all the chapters, including this one, here on AO3.

Enjoy :)

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‘Get out.’

The words stung like frost against my bare skin. This coldness was achingly familiar. I had heard it once before on the roof when I had asked about his injury and tried to touch him. Several subject changes later, the distrust had finally thawed. And now, we’d come full circle again.

It was impossible not to stare at the reddened bandage wrapped around his waist. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I didn’t say you could come in here. Get out.’

I blinked away tears, determined not to let him see. There was no way I could go back out there with Niragi was prowling the halls looking for me. I met Chishiya’s stony glare and shook my head.

I’m not going out there.

At that moment, Niragi’s gleeful voice sounded from somewhere in the hallways. ‘Come on out, Shorty, and maybe we can finish what we started. Wouldn’t that be fun?’

Chishiya’s jaw tensed slightly, but only for the briefest second before returning to its apathetic state. Placing the gauze back into the first aid kit, he muttered, ‘get under the bed and don’t make a sound.’

I frowned, silently asking him why.

‘Unless you’d rather be caught by him?’

No. Not that. Anything but that.

Having made my decision, I pulled away from the door and got to the floor. Still clutching the copy of Wuthering Heights in one hand, and almost banging my head on the bedframe, I scrabbled under, making sure to stay away from the edges where someone could see. It was very, very cramped, and claustrophobia was creeping up on me from every recess, but Chishiya must’ve had a reason for telling me to do this. I had to trust in that, even if I didn’t completely trust him.

Several bangs shook the door, and I gulped, knowing exactly who was behind it. It was as if Chishiya had somehow predicted what would happen. There was a rustle of clothes as he zipped up his hoodie before going to open it.

Before Niragi could begin saying anything, Chishiya spoke. ‘Don’t waste your time, she’s not in here.’

‘Oh?’ Niragi sneered. ‘If you know why I’m here, then she must be in here.’

‘Has it occurred to you that the entire Beach can hear you shouting and causing a fuss?’

There was a click, presumably of Niragi’s rifle. ‘Oi, don’t even think about pissing me off. I know she’s in here. She’s your little pal, and she disappeared right around your room.’

I closed my eyes, praying that I could melt away into the darkness under the bed.

There was a slow, annoyed exhale, followed by Chishiya’s voice. ‘You can come in and see for yourself if you want. But there’s no point.’

Don’t invite him in!

I froze, scared even to breathe too loudly. The door creaked as it swung open, and from the slither of light under the bed, I could see Niragi’s boots as he waltzed through the room. He flicked on the lights in the bathroom and peered into the closet, before circling back.

Niragi cocked his rifle, letting out a half-laugh. ‘I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll see your friend again soon enough, and next time she won’t get far.’

There was a shuffle and a click of the door as the footsteps disappeared. I released the breath I’d been holding, and all my muscles relaxed, sinking into the soft carpet.

He’s gone… for now.

Chishiya’s sandalled feet appeared at the edge of the bed.

‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t stay there all day.’

It was hard to tell whether the irritation in his voice was genuine or just put on to make me uncomfortable. I forced myself to ignore it as I climbed out from under the bed. Chishiya was perched on the end, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, but his gaze rested on the wall opposite rather than on me.

‘You can’t hide from him forever.’

I sat down on the duvet, awkwardly playing with the book in my hands. ‘I know.’

When I didn’t move, Chishiya finally turned to me. ‘You know you can leave.’

‘I know that too,’ I said. But whether it was because of Niragi, or because of something else, I found that didn’t want to leave. ‘Why don’t I help you? You know, with…’ I gestured to his side.

This time, the coldness had disappeared from his voice, but the distrust was still evident. ‘I don’t need your help.’

The way he phrased it didn’t go unnoticed. It wasn’t that he didn’t need help; he didn’t need my help. I lacked any medical experience to be of use to him, but that didn’t mean I was going to give up. Back in the Hunting Season game, when he’d tumbled over the fence, and I’d felt the weight of him on top of me, I knew he was in serious pain. Chishiya wasn’t a fan of physical contact, so the fact that it had taken him a good minute to get up was what gave him away.

And even then, he’d still trailed around a shopping mall after me.

Even then, he’d held up his end of our bargain.

I could at least try and do this.

‘Fine then,’ I insisted, ‘you can guide me. It can be like a lesson, since I’m more likely to get injured in a game than you. If I know the basics, I won’t need your help again like I did in the pharmacy that time.’

His expression filled with callous amusement. ‘In other words, you feel guilty. And now you’re trying to convince me to let you repay me in some way.’

I knew I’d been obvious in how I felt about what happened, but it still stung to hear him talk about my guilt as though it were one big joke to him. ‘Maybe… is it working?’

‘I suppose if Niragi shoots you, you could patch it up rather than coming to me.’ The words were softly spoken yet calculating. He gestured to a bowl on the bedside table. ‘You need to fill that up with water. Boil a kettle to sterilise it first.’

Does this mean… yes?

Smiling from ear to ear, I told him he wouldn’t regret this. Ditching the book on the bed, I picked up the kettle and filled it with water from the bathroom, leaving it to boil while I washed my hands meticulously using the techniques I’d seen on posters in public bathrooms.

He’s only now trusting me enough to do this, I thought. If it gets infected, he’ll kill me.

I reached for the towel on the back of the door, then stopped. They didn’t use towels in hospitals; it was far too unhygienic. ‘What can I use to dry my hands?’ I called out. ‘Your towels are too germy.’

‘My towels are always clean,’ his voice drawled back in response. ‘And there are gloves here, so it doesn’t make any difference.’ I could practically hear him calling me an idiot just through his tone alone.

When I returned, he was holding out a small box of sterile latex gloves that looked awfully like the ones in the medical room. He must’ve stolen them for himself. He had also removed the old bandages and the dressing underneath, revealing a large tear in the skin beneath his ribs. It was no longer bleeding, but it still looked painful.

‘We’re using water to clean it?’ I asked, taking the kettle and pouring the boiling water into the bowl to sterilise it as much as possible. ‘In the pharmacy you used antiseptic first.’

‘Ah. That’s because I didn’t have water or saline.’ He said, as I disappeared into the bathroom to drain out the hot water and replace it with cool tap water. ‘And also, because I was curious about something.’

He always seems to be curious about something.

‘And what was that?’ I returned, balancing the bowl of water in my lap as I sat close to him on the bed. Close enough that I could see the goosepimples on his arms, and the way his pale hair lightly brushed his skin.

He smirked. ‘I wanted to see whether you would cry.’

Even though I was mildly insulted, I knew there was more to than that. At the time he was trying to recruit me to the Beach, so it was more likely he wanted to see whether I was resilient enough to deal with a bullet graze. ‘And did I pass your little test?’

‘Well… you didn’t cry,’ he said. ‘Although you bit your hand instead, which was just as stupid.’

I was used to him making me feel insignificant by now, but that didn’t mean I was willing to put up with it. ‘You know, calling me stupid is the same as calling me an idiot. And you were the one who said I was intelligent enough to be useful when you brought me to the Beach.’

I took a cloth out of its packaging and submerged it in the bowl to dampen it. Moving slowly and applying only the lightest pressure, I began gently cleaning the wound. With every cold touch of water, his muscles tensed.

‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘And yet you don’t know how to treat a basic injury.’

I couldn’t help but smile.

I suppose even Chishiya can be wrong sometimes.

‘I know how to treat an injury,’ I told him. ‘But I don’t know how to do it properly, and it’s not like we have much modern medicine here to help us.’ I paused, thinking back to before the Borderlands. ‘It’s also because I’m not especially smart.’

His only response was a huff of air as I dabbed the cold rag against his skin, removing traces of dry blood. From his silence, I could only assume he was waiting for me to explain.

‘My brother is a psychologist. He once said to me that being smart doesn’t make you intelligent.’

‘That was smart of him,’ Chishiya commented.

I hummed in agreement. ‘He is smart. My dad never made him feel that way though. He always said my brother wasn’t cut out for psychology. He went and proved him wrong though.’

It was hard to ignore the intimacy of being so close to Chishiya right now. At times, our skin was almost touching, but it never quite made it.

Don’t think about it.

‘But my brother was right about what he said. A smart person might know how to treat a wound because they’ve studied it. They’ll study loads of subjects and gain a lot of practical skills. They ace all the exams because they remember all the answers.’ I paused, smiling. ‘But being intelligent means questioning the answers… looking at thing differently… and when you don’t know something, you’ll find a solution that’s completely outside of the box.’

As I spoke, I could feel Chishiya’s eyes on me, watching my every move. He could have just been wary, except it didn’t feel that way. Rather than his cruel, calculating stare, this seemed closer to passive interest.

‘Take the Borderlands for example,’ I said. ‘A smart person would say that it can’t be God who’s behind all of this craziness, because God doesn’t exist. We’ve seen outer space, and it’s not rational to think that there’s a God out there sitting on the clouds. But an intelligent person would know that even if we can’t prove God exists, we also can’t prove that God doesn’t exist. So, they’ll consider every possibility at once.'

Even just talking about this was comforting. It made me feel like I was carrying my brother’s words with me. I only wished I knew where he was.

Chishiya had been so silent that when he spoke, it completely took me out of my thoughts. ‘And what about me?’ He asked. ‘Would you pin me as smart or intelligent?’

I rinsed the cloth in the now pink water, taking a moment to think my answer through carefully. ‘Probably a crazy mixture of both. Sometimes, I wish I knew what’s going on in your head. Only, I can’t read you at all. It scares me.’

‘Everything scares you.’

‘Okay, okay. Let’s not go there,’ I brought the cloth closer to Chishiya’s skin once more.

‘That’s enough.’ He flinched away from it. ‘The water’s freezing.’

‘An eye for an eye,’ I said, grinning, as I dropped the cloth back into the water. ‘Consider it repayment for trying to make me cry.’

The corner of his mouth curled. ‘Touche.’

Gesturing to a tube of antibiotic ointment, he talked me through the correct amount to use. Even through gloves, touching his skin felt uncomfortably intimate, although perhaps I was just too easily embarrassed. Chishiya didn’t seem to mind, or at least, he didn’t pay it much attention.

‘You never told me why you wanted to make me cry,’ I said, trying to break the ice.

He pointed at a dressing wrapped in clear, sterile packaging. ‘I wanted to gauge whether you would survive in a world like this.’

Bingo! I was right.

‘I thought that much.’ Unwrapping the dressing, I carefully positioned it against his skin so that the sticky edge wouldn’t catch on the wound itself. ‘I’ve survived so far. Isn’t that enough?’

With two fingers, he flicked me hard on the forehead. Caught by surprise, I could only blink up at him, confused, as I rubbed the stinging skin with the back of my wrist.

‘Of course not,’ he replied. ‘It’s only enough when you get to return to the real world. And you’re still too naïve. No wonder Niragi’s made you into such an easy target.’

Immediately, my mood soured at the mention of that name. Niragi wasn’t going to stop until he’d gotten what he wanted, and I was running out of ways to avoid him. ‘What do you think he meant before?’

‘I’ll see your friend again soon enough, and next time she won’t get far.’

The words still echoed in the room. He was planning something.

Chishiya hummed as he pulled his hoodie back on. ‘I have a theory, but it’s almost game time,’ he said. ‘Your visa expires tonight.’

How does he know mine expires?

I raised a brow, confused, but if he noticed, he didn’t ask or explain. Dismissing the thought, I focused instead on how much more at ease I felt now that he was no longer shirtless, even if Chishiya himself didn’t seem to care about being so exposed. Although I kind of wanted to stay and enjoy talking to him more, I didn’t want to push my luck. It was a marvel he had even let me stay this long. Picking up my book, I thanked him for distracting Niragi earlier, and left.

It was only when I got half-way down the hall, staring at the book, that I realised I’d forgotten to ask him about the line of text.

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As darkness spilled through the windows of my room, I knew it was time. After Niragi’s words earlier, I had a bad feeling about tonight’s game. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but I just knew something was off.

To be on the safe side, I took the taser from its drawer and pocketed it before heading down to the lobby.

I squeezed my way to the table at the front and took my slip of paper, making a mental note of the group number. Searching the room, it didn’t take long before I spotted Chishiya and Kuina on the other side. They were leaning against a wall and staring at something I couldn’t see. I scanned over the crowds until I realised what, or whom, they were looking at.

The boy with messy hair and the climber girl from the Tag game.

Looks like those two teamed up, huh?

Walking towards Kuina and Chishiya, I leaned up against the wall, but said nothing as I watched the pair.

Chishiya clocked onto my presence immediately. ‘So, you’ve noticed them too.’

The climber girl and the boy hugged before parting ways. ‘Of course. I remember them from the Five of Spades.’ Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the cogs in Chishiya’s mind turning. ‘You’re planning something, aren’t you?’

‘Perhaps,’ he said. ‘It all depends on how he does tonight. Hatter’s already impressed by the cards he brought with him.’

I didn’t like the look on his face. It was clear he was already creating some kind of strategy, a way of using the boy and the climber girl within our plan. That’s just what Chishiya did; he used you to his advantage and dispatched you without a second thought. It was side of him that scared me, and it made me wonder where I stood. Was I his friend, like Kuina, or perhaps just a dish kept in the cupboard for him to take out and use whenever the occasion suits.

But he gave me those books and a taser to protect myself.

He also patched up my arm in the pharmacy, and later admitted that it was merely a ploy to recruit me to the Beach. Looking at him now, I only wished I knew how to read him.

What am I to you?

‘Kuina,’ he said, breaking the silence that had fallen between us, ‘you’re in the same group as him.’

Next to me, Kuina made a noise of understanding as she already knew what was being asked of her. ‘Leave it to me. I’ll make friends with him and see what he’s made of.’ Nudging me gently, she added. ‘Sorry we couldn’t be in a game together.’

I squeezed her hand. ‘Just make sure you come back.’

‘Got it,’ Wish me luck!’ Then with a little wave, she left us alone.

Looking over the room, I wondered who else was in my group. It would be better if my group consisted of people I’d never seen or spoken to before, just in case the unthinkable happened. When Kuina had apologised for not being in the same game, I hadn’t felt sorry at all. It was much, much better this way.

There was a shuffle of fabric as Chishiya slid closer, filling the gap where Kuina had been. When he spoke, his voice was low and quiet. ‘結局俺の理論が正しいだった.’

The words caught me by surprise; he didn’t usually speak to me in Japanese unless it was to mock me behind my back.Unfortunately, I didn’t understand anything other than the word for ‘correct’.

What was correct? His theory from earlier?

‘どういう意味か?’ I asked. What do you mean?

Even though he was speaking to me, he was focused on a particular spot on the opposite wall, his eyes amused and sly. ‘そのテーザーをあるか?’ Do you have that taser?

And without having to look, everything clicked.

Lifting my head, I saw my fate resting on the other side of the room. That feeling of dread from earlier returned, creeping over my shoulder and settling heavy in my gut. Niragi was leaning against a wall, his expression triumphant and his eyes trained on me. It could only mean one thing.

This is going to be one hell of a game.

#alice in borderland #aib #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x oc #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #imawa no kuni no arisu

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