who is me sending a bunch of texts in rapid succession without thinking about them tooooo too much

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away- 

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner. 

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

okay i now we are all worked up about whether red should have said what she said and thats valid 

BUT

WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE LOGISTICS OF THE FAERIES

we know when they get a name, they also get their own clothes and their own job- ive seen some people wonder if red is now in a different class from ayilu, but im pretty sure she actually ‘graduated’ and is presumably working for the court in some capacity, tho who knows as what ??? the only other fairie/woods folk we’ve seen in the court’s employee is bugsy, who is a teacher and supposedly only because she wasnt suited for anything else?

based on tom’s comments, it seems they are presented with clothes to choose from, but who decides their job (assuming they are eligible for multiple positions?)

if fairies prefer dull colors in the physical world, why did bugsy chose a pink outfit? is there something special about their ‘own’ clothes that allows them to decorate them in the ether, or do the kids in the class just not embellish their school uniforms?

does everyone who comes from the woods need a name to transition to ‘adulthood’? we’ve only seen fairies (bugsy, red, ayilu) get names, none of the animals? and for that matter, how are names earned for those in the forest? *snuffle* already has a name (apparently one she mostly kept a secret), and while she seems to a fairy of some sort, she does not resemble the suicide/regional fairies in either physical or etheric appearances? if she decided to become a human, would she have to give up her name and earn a new one? would coyote need to remove her soul as he did for bunny, assuming her situation is different from the regional fairies?

the anwen people already have names, even their young seem to- their culture seems distinct from that of the other forest creatures, and as much as i can recall, we have only ever seen them interact with annie or with jeanne. are they truly loyal to coyote, or do they hold some resentment for his presence and his creation of the divide?

shadow is an oddity in the court according to Jones, which suggests that none of his brethren have ever made the forest-to-court change. again, is this option only offered to small mammals and the ‘hollow fae’? speaking of the hollowness of said hollow fae, WHY and HOW did the court get ahold of their souls? what if one of the hollow fae did NOT want to go to the court- would they be forever cut off from their etheric form?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

fairies can name each other ??????? this was a sticking point for me at first- if red missed her friend and was sad the naming had seperated them, couldnt she just have named her herself? (or, because that would be sappy, tricked someone else into doing it maybe?)

but on reflection, i think the answer is NO. that likely never occurred to red, because getting a name is A BIG DEAL™ to them, unlike to our court characters. i reckon that within fairie society, you have to EARN your name- perhaps with brave deeds or accomplishments, or by virtue of having navigated the horrors of ‘school’. so when annie had a dangerous quest, that fulfilled the requirement that ayilu have to work for her name

but as we can see, that turned sour- after all, red didnt have to earn her name at all, did she? annie just messed up, and BAM, red got a name and new clothes and a new job and a whole new, awesomer life!!! because annie has that power- she exists outside their culture, and so possesses the ability to hand out diplomas and medals and all sorts of things

so i think fairies CAN name each other, they just usually dont, unless the occasion allows for it- i don’t award my friend an ‘a’ in her class unless im the instructor, and i don’t bake her a cake that says ‘happy birthday’ on it just any day of the year

and i know i said i didnt want to to get into the right or wrong and appropriate or not with what red said this chapter

but i do think that annie- almost certainly unwittingly- offered something to ayilu that had ENORMOUS value to the recipient and NO value to the giver, and placed conditions on it that had not been needed for the past recipient (red)

which i think just highlights that, despite being their medium, annie (and the readers) has a lot of misunderstandings about the culture and society of the forest, and those misunderstandings are going to have consequences

Reflection

I’m feeling a lot better now. I’m sad I wasn’t able to talk to Andrew but I did message Jeanne and I did find myself trying to drown my emotions and thoughts out through videos and music but I did also try and pause it immediately or just turn it off when Jeanne had something to say bc I did really want to take it to heart. And I thought I had gotten over it but when I started thinking about it again with Jeanne.. I did cry. Just a few tears at first but I was definitely choked up. but it was nice to just have Jeanne comfort me. And I want to be more supportive for her too bc I do feel like I make it all about me sometimes but I do genuinely want the best for her bc as loving and supportive as she is, i cannot take her for granted bc shes a person too and i cant take advantage of that. she is seriously my best friend and has seen me given into worldly temptation and my highest points with God and still loves me nonetheless and has always remained faithful and cared so deeply for me, always. and i cant take that away from her. i cant. that would be a huge injustice and disservice to her. 

and i did just briefly tell andrew why i was sad and he just kinda accepted it and idk if im relieved or disappointed. bc on the one hand, i dont want to get into it and i do have to sleep soon so that im wide awake for work tomorrow but im also disappointed that he didnt push me further and really see how im doing. but im sure hes tired and i dont blame him. ive been there too. i get it. 

but, i just imagined him suddenly calling me on skype and pushing me for more information on why i dont want to just be alone with my thoughts and why i cant give into that and wallow in my pain bc i have to be strong and just breaking out in tears bc i feel like i have to be strong for everyone and be their rock and a stable figure in their lives and i feel so bad whenever i take away from their joy and their life. i know jeanne is busy with her own things at school and how big the workload is and she should focus on that and andrew has his own family situation to deal with and sofia is still struggling w/ her self esteem but shes getting better and i dont think i can trust MAST on that level yet and even if i did, i dont think we’re close enough and i think they would just be really uncomfortable and i dont want to do that to them and im just so worried about how other people are doing and would much rather suffer as a result and be their rock and help them through this time and just deal with my own stuff on the side and hopefully just rely on God and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be here or not but the situation doesn’t feel ideal. and i could’ve been my usual self via chat and text and social media but i didnt and it was probably bc i was hoping someone would pick up on it but no one did. idk.

but my day---

after our conversation about authority and what it means to still live as a christian in unjust situations, i tried really hard to bite my tongue today and not get so angry and bitter towards her and i did do better today and i was pretty straightforward with her and actually made an effort to get along with her but i was still pretty bitter all day and the whole thing with my package and umbrella didnt help. i think i really do dislike her the most out of all my teachers. ever.

sigh.

but we are called to love and understand and i dont want to have a one-sided perception of her bc she is here and she is trying and we should give her props for that. but overall, my day was fine.