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buttsmasher · 1 year

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Seth (Repost)

Warnings/Tags: Underwear Stealing, Sweaty Underwear Sniffing, Face Farting, Fart Torture, Fart Punishment, Gay Farts

You’ve just finished your workout when you see Seth, one of the lead basketball players for your collegiate team, heading to the locker rooms. You head that way as well, watching his ass as he walks. When you both do make it to the locker room, you try not to stare too much as he gets dressed. But you can’t help it, the dude is a total hunk. You can’t stop wondering what his balls smell like after a sweaty gym session.

You shake your head and try focusing on getting dressed. You hear Seth say fuck, and he throws on the pair of yellow shorts he was working out in and jogs out the locker room. That’s when you notice Seth’s locker is slightly ajar. You take a peak around the locker room and determine that you’re alone. You creep over to his open locker and pull it open. There they are, the green boxer briefs with clear sweat stains on them.

You take another look around before swiping the prize. You bring the sweaty green boxer briefs to your nose and take a long inhale. You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from moaning.

The musk is intoxicating, and you just have to get another whiff. You put his pouch right up to your nose and draw in a breath getting high off of the scent of his tangy balls. You sit down right on the bench in front of his locker, feverishly sniffing the musky clothing.

Someone clears their throat behind you, but you don’t hear it. You’re too occupied by the scent of pure man in your face. “Hey faggot!” The person yells at you and you turn around to come face to face with Seth. “I think you have something that belongs to me.” You slowly pull the boxers away from your face.

“Uhh, no, I think-I think these are mine.” You lie, gettin up, boner obviously tenting your shorts as you try to walk back to your locker. He grabs your arm and swipes the undies out of your hand.

“You think I’m stupid?” He pushes you.

“No! No!” You shake your head frantically and he pushes you again.

“Steal my underwear and try to gaslight me.” He feigns a punch, stopping right before his fist makes contact. You see gears turning. “Get on the ground.”

“What?”

“On the ground, now!” You get down on your knees. “On your back!” You’re beginning to worry that someone might hear him.

“Okay, okay, just stop yelling.” You lay on your back. Before you can even get comfortable he’s dropping his full weight onto you. Your nose pokes into the ass crack of his shorts as he moves back and forth. His shorts smell even muskier than his boxers did.

“How’s that? You like that?” He jostles your head around with his making sure your face is overwhelmed by his stink.

PFFFFFFFFFTT PFFFFFFFFF

A couple of short but noxious farts escape from his ass assaulting your nose immediately. They didn’t sound like much, but they pack quite a punch and make you cough and you struggle to get away from the eggy smelling ass smothering you. “I bet you liked that huh?” You rapidly shake your head no. “Well hold on, there’s more where that came from.”

PFFFFFFFFBBBRRRRFFFFFTTTTT

“Aaah fuck yeah!” He groans as the five second beast of a fart gets released up your nose. The smell of rotten sewage and broccoli overload your senses. To make matters worse, you can taste his farts in the back of your throat. “Bet you were wishing you didn’t try stealin’ my undies now huh bitch? Ate broccoli and brussel sprouts before I came here.”

PFFFFFFFFFRRRFFFFFTTTT PFFFFF PFF

“If you try hard enough, bet you can smell them.” You continue to struggle and Seth lifts up slightly. You get a clean breath of air into your lungs and seeing the opportunity you try to push yourself off the ground, but you watch in horror as he pulls his shorts down revealing his ass. His ass is covered in light blonde hair and as he sits back down on your face, the hairs tickle your nose.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT

This time a 15 second fart punches it’s way up your nose. Your breath is literally taken away as you inhale the toxic fumes. You struggle to breathe against Seth’s sweaty and musky ass. “Can’t forget about that protein shake. Those things are deadly by themselves.”

PFFF PFFFF PFFFFFFFF

“How you like that faggot? You like it when you get your face blown up with Seth-Bombs?” He mocks. “I bet you like it. I bet that you followed me here just to get a whiff of a real man.” His ass cheeks clench on your face.

“Please, I can’t take it.” you whine. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh bud, it’s too late for apologies.” You can hear his stomach gurgling. “I mean, you should’ve known you’d be caught.” He pulls his leg closer to his face.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT

A loud, echoing fart explodes from his ass. “And that’s what I call a Seth-Nuke!” He yells. The scent is easily the worst thing you’ve smelled your entire life.

“Please stop.” You cry as your head falls back against the hard concrete. “No more.” You huff, trying to get any clean air you can.

PFFFFFFFFFFFTTT

You breathe in the exact moment he lets out a torrent of gas. The fart overloads your brain and you can’t think straight. The world feels like it’s spinning as you cough up a lung. All you can taste and smell is his nasty ass. Your legs stop kicking as you no longer have the strength to put up any resistance.

“Aww did little fart face pass out?” He mocks as he stands back up. You lay there staring up at him unable to move. You try to move but you're too tired. “I’ll just let you stay there, maybe you can think about how you fucked up.” Before leaving he hikes his leg up and lets out another loud fart. “Adios faggot.”

He leaves you there, his stench lingering on you. You lay there for what seems like an eternity, contemplating on how to get the taste of his ass off your tongue.

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feathers-fallen-on-riverdale · 2 years

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Season 1, Episode 1: Chapter 1 - The River's Edge These Aren't The People From My Polycule! (They Said What?)

[Ep. Statues: Already Watched/First Time Watching + Remember/Vaguely/Don't Remeber]

First off. It sort of slipped my mind that Jughead narrates the opening of each episode. Doesn't he become like a God type writer in the new season? Very Jensen coded of The CW to only know how to do one (1) thing.

Oh god that nasty "Welcome to Riverdale!" board.

Also I will probably be saying this a lot but what are these outfits? Cheryl and Jason are going for thier stupid little boat ride (really? A boat ride? In the morning? On July 4th?) dress all in white expect for Cheryl's bright red stilettos. Like no wonder first time watcher me though Cheryl killed her brother. All the white, the creepiness of the scene and the "are you scared Jason?" just convinced me Cheryl had ritualisticlly killed her brother in a fucked up horror movie girl kinda way. Instant way to make me stan her. Kinda disappointed she didn't (would now would also be a good time to mention that I completely forgot who actually killed Jason? Oops?). Anyway where is that AU? Where is that show?

"In those last moments I hope he suffered. May Jason Blossom burn in hell" ? Miss girl. Are we sure Betty's mom isn't the real family psychopath?

Also can we talk about Jughead in season 1. With his lil beanie and his camera. I'm like 90% he was written to be a movie nerd/buff then it was retconed to books and they never talk about it again? That was weird.

Lol okay so I forgot how privileged the Lodges are made out to be. But honestly, Veronica's mom? Kind of a MILF. Now that I think about it, aren't they like, the Riverdale Kardashians?

Girl naurrr the gay-bestfriend-ification of Kevin 😭💀. My mortal enemy. I will make Kevin a full fleshed character if it kills me. Kevin walked no-crawled so that Will from Stranger Things could stumble over to Mike only to be called a slur.

Also how old are these bitches supposed to be? 15 year olds do not look like that. What is in the water in Riverdale? Pfffff what am I talking about Archie is Just Like That TM.

Also something about the way the actors deliver thier lines. I can't explain it but it's hilarious. Maybe just cause it's the pilot and everything's a little stilted still.

Also I think Kevin wants to hit that (Archie). #LetKevinHitThat2022 #LetKevinBeArchiesGayAwakening2022

Oh Archie's music passion my beloved. I forgot that one too. Season 1 may not be as batshit as its descendants but it has it's gems.

Betty and Archie: having their disgusting little heterosexual talk

Me looked in the background: omg Pop Tate 😍😍😍

I used to laugh at the sketches of Riverdale on tiktok because the facial expressions were so greatly exaggerated. But nope, it's actually Just Like TM.

Omg Veronica's slow-mo entrance my beloved. Some would say it's over the top but honestly she's an icon, she's a legend and she is the moment. She deserves this.

Also I know I should be focused on the Archie and Veronica's meet-cute but there's this one shot of Betty's face that is absolutely sending me.

Betty said gay rights because I'm going to be homophobic towards a straight couple.

ALSO FRED ANDREWS. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ARCHIE STOP BITCHING AT YOUR FATHER.

Forgot just how... Karen-like Betty's mom was in season 1. I know it's out of worry but I can't wait for her character to flesh out (as much as it can on a CW show). Also I did not know Betty has ADHD?

Archie, honey, what is your handwriting. Okay, if Betty has ADHD then I want Archie to be dyslexic. They bond over being neurodivergent and mistake that comradery for love.

Nasty ass early season Chad Reggie 🤮🤮🤮. Where is my is my mafia bimbo meow meow. Give him to me now.

What. What was this moment. ONLY The CW. I would only accept this moment if Veronica was wearing a little bi or pan flag. Hold on.

Guys she sewed them on herself! (her mother taught her!) (I know it looks like shit alright I'm horrible at editing)

JOSIE! AND THE PUSSY CATS. Okay but genuinely they sound really good.

JUSTIN GINGERLAKE ??! Oh she's savage I love her. Also Josie and her girlies all use she/they pronouns because I said so.

Also the way Veronica talks. How does Camilla Mendes pull it off. What ever they're paying her, double it.

"Are you two dating?"

"No we're just friends."

"No he's straight.'

I stand by my earlier statment, #LetKevinHitThat2022

Oh god. The one plot line I wish I could desperately forget is the one where Archie fucks his music teachers. How is nobody noticing these 2 eyes fuck infront of the entire gymnasium.

Oh Fred and Hermione 😔

"Is cheerleading still a thing?"

"Is being the gay best friend still a thing?"

Shots fired. I am loving the mlm wlw hostility. At least The CW got gay on gay violence right.

Cheryl? Body shaming! What year is this?

They're trying to make me like or feel sympathy for Grundy and it's not working. I'm just waiting for her to leave.

Okay no actually I need her to DIE. A student is asking for help because he's feeling guilty and scared of something he's witnessed but your saying no because you fucked him? 🔪🔪🔪

Beronica kiss hello? Young sapphic me blocked this out because they could not deal with the emotions and revelations this brought her. Also this is beginnings/foundation of the Riverdale polycule. Also that kiss was.... a little longer than necessary 😏.

Cheryl is not impressed tho and honestly good for her. But that baiting scene. Sheesh I'm not one to judge be get a better coping mechanism honey. Betty's half moon scars I remember vividly. I wonder if they ever resolved that plotline.

Also. VERONICA ACTUALLY POPPED OFF NOT CLICKBAIT!???!!!???

WE COME AS A MATCHING SET? I AM THAT RECKONING? SORRY CHERYL BOMBSHELL MY SPECIALITY IS ICE?

I am losing it. Is this Riverdale's version of "Freedom is a lenght of rope and God wants you to hang yourself"?

Nope, now I've lost it. That scene! Where Veronica is zipping up Betty's cheerleading outfit and the sweet music is playing and they're all smiles and giggles and she turns around and Veronica compliments her and Betty just touches her in the same way Veronica did her even though Veronica was already set! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOODBYE! The entire show could end right here and I wouldn't care. Also, I see you Veronica's black nail polish.

Oh Betty and Veronica's little chat after that felt very very real. Oh no this Supernatural all over again. Shit show, good moments that keep u coming back.

Okay Betty's mom is giving my mom vibes and that is not okay.

Fred's words to Archie about his future are ringing really true and are a really fresh and good twist on the parents dont support the kids passion trope.

Maybe this first season is actually good? Skdjkskdjd nah.

Omg our favourite trouple doing their entrance!

"What does your heart say?"

Archie: *looks over at Grundy*

Me: Come on, Grundy?!

Archie: *demands lessons*

Me: Oh he chose music!

Oh god.... I keep pausing the fantasy couple scene because I just can't.

Veronica and Kevin, mouthing: ask him about the polycule!

Betty, who can't read lips for shit: power couple? 🤔

The absolute silence on Archie's side. WHY did he look at Grunkle what's her face.

Let's see who's riding the ginger stallion tonight? WHO IS WRITING THESE SCRIPTS?

"Who are you asking for, you or Betty?"

Me: SAY BOTH

Veronica: *doesn't say both*

Me:

Me watching Archie and Veronica kiss even tho the polycule is in shambles before even fully forming:

Veronica and Hermione's relationship. God I wish I had something like that.

"Archie went looking for the girl next door. Instead he found me." Okayyyy, it's giving Jarchie.

Archie and Jughead's scene. First of all Jughead's dark humor. Love it. The talk to her. It'd go a long way. It'd have went a long way with me. Ooof. But also what did happen? Omg gay coming out went wrong!

Me watching the "I can't give you the answer you want" scene trying to focus on literally anything else but the forced monogamy in front of me: huh the way they shot this reminds me of the "I was there where were you scene".

Okay but let's put a pause on the polycule and talk about Barchie. Archie says something along the lines of "You are always perfect, I could never be good enough for you" and earlier on Betty said she's sick of being perfect, the perfect x,y,z for everyone else. I don't know if she's realised this but that may include being the perfect love interest for Archie. And Archie perceives her as Perfect when Betty just wants to be perceived. So if they were ever to get together, polycule or not they'd need to work past that.

Oh Moose. Didn't he just fade into the background as the show moved on or did I just forget him?

Oh Jason? Neat ig. Was he shot and his body dumped after the lake was searched? I can't even remember.

Unhinged rating: 3/10. There were some moments (mostly from Cheryl) mostly from the dialog and things I'd forgotten but this episode is really tame reconsidering my expectations for later seasons.

Tag list (you can ask to be added [or removed] though I doubt anyone will ask: @youre-only-gay-once

#riverdale #riverdale polycule #unhinged ep. review #barchie #jarchie #beronica #season 1 episode 1 the river's edge #archie andrews #betty cooper #jughead jones #veronica lodge #cheryl blossom #jason blossom #josie mccoy #josie and the pussycats #kevin keller #live slug reaction #live betty reaction #the cw

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themountainsays · 2 years

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in response to your last post about adding incest-

the answer is yes.

huehuehuehue furry incest it is >:3c

nowwwww obviously i'm thinking about isamira because i'm isamira trash. These sorts of stories obviously have the accidental inc3st appeal so imagine Isabela idk she's about to be married off to some human imperial dude, maybe for economic reasons idk, and he's like giving her a tour around Cyrodiil to show her his hometown or something. I imagine Alma was very strict about NONE of the grandchildren leaving their town in Blackwood, ever, without being properly accompanied by an adult. Even after some of said grandchildren became adults themselves but ok. So Isabela is traveling with Mariano and Julieta and Alma and it gets veeeeery very boring to be locked up in her room at an expensive inn all day so she chats with the cute wood elf girl hanging out there for totally not-lesbian reasons, you know cos she's engaged, to a Man. Anyway the cute wood elf girl is totally not trying to pickpocket something from her, no, it's not like she's with, pfffff, the thieves' guild or anything lmao.

I guess Isabela, just like everyone else in the family, is desperate enough to ask every bosmer-looking girl some questions just in case they ever cross paths with Mirabel again. The girl doesn't remember her childhood. Doesn't know anything. She doesn't give Isabela much information, really, and Isabela gives up. But they do talk, and the girl learns Isabela lost her little sister, an ohmes khajiit girl, like almost two decades ago. And the girl is just dense enough to not connect any dots.

Anyway Mirabel is a dirt poor little thief who owes money to the guild, and this khajiit family looks rich af, AND Isabela just offered her some work so who is she to say no? SOMEONE needs to carry all of those bags and Isabela's soft cute fluffy little khajiit paws sure won't be doing it. Mirabel mostly wants to steal from them when she gets a chance, because that's what she grew up doing to survive. Such a pity Isabela looks so fucking cute like drop dead gorgeous her little gay heart can't take it.

#madrigalcest #isamira #isamira engato au #I GUESS #engato au #apparently this is the tag #a dumb name for a dumb au #imagine explaining this to someone who knows nothing about TES TT_TT

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bitletsanddrabbles · 2 years

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I posted 769 times in 2021

281 posts created (37%)

488 posts reblogged (63%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.7 posts.

I added 411 tags in 2021

#downton abbey - 171 posts

#thomas barrow - 83 posts

#downton abbey fanfiction - 45 posts

#wip wednesday - 22 posts

#island of the gays - 18 posts

#richard ellis - 16 posts

#writing - 16 posts

#fanfiction - 15 posts

#research - 13 posts

#politics - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#little old lady came through my line today and thanked me for doing such a good job packing her groceries and told me i was a very nice girl

My Top Posts in 2021

So, I love Edith. I really do.

*watches mutuals erect shields to protect against flying fruit*

...thanks, guys. Nice to see you know me.

Ahem.

I really do love her, but I’m always kind of ‘wtf’ when I’m reading a fanfic and she is suddenly Sybil’s replacement when it comes to servants rights. I mean, of all the family, she’s the one we see show the least concern for the well being of the staff, especially when it’s in comparison to ‘that bitch Mary’.

I don’t mean that she’s a heartless monster to them, of course! She was nice enough when the whole Ethel thing was going on, and she joined Mary in looking like Robert’s brain had fallen out when he suggested having the Carson/Hughes wedding breakfast in the servant’s hall. I’ve not actually watched in years (despite vows to do so, because I’m awesome like that), so I may be forgetting things, but I know I’m not forgetting that much.

She’s the only member of the family who isn’t shown forming a close friendship with someone. Robert has Bates, Cora has O’Brien and then Baxter. Mary has Anna. Sybil has Gwen. Edith....has a lady’s maid who ‘Isn’t Anna’. And Spratt, but only because he starts writing for her magazine.

Mary apologizes to Bates if the first episode. She encourages William to go see his mother when she’s dying. She recognizes Thomas’s ambition and restlessness as a footman during the Spanish flu episode. She’s on Anna’s side during all of the Alex Green crap. She’s alarmed when her father says they can’t afford to keep Thomas any more, get straight up nasty with him when Thomas tries killing himself, and then takes her son to see him while he’s recovering.

Edith, by contrast, just treats them as. Well. Servants. Employees. People you know and talk to but aren’t really super close to, except Carson who you’ve known your whole life, but likes your older sister more.

..........about the way everyone accuses Robert of viewing them, actually, now that I think about it..........

We don’t even see Edith thank Thomas for carrying her out of a burning room! Mama took care of that, so hey, due diligence done!

It doesn’t make her a bad person. They are employees. It’s a completely believable attitude from the middle sister of an aristocratic family, and hey, people are writing the fanfiction to start with, so obviously they liked her as written. And why shouldn’t she? She wasn’t an angel, but she was a decent enough person. She had other really admirable traits.

So can we maybe lay off the taking Mary’s good points away from her and using them to make Edith a halo? It really isn’t necessary.

39 notes • Posted 2021-04-20 04:27:05 GMT

See the full post

41 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 05:59:52 GMT

Fanfiction Writers: Okay. Okay. So. Thomas is in Yorkshire. Richard is based in London, but he travels with the king. So in order to get together either one of the aristocrats would have to visit the city (or town, but the royals coming back to Downton ain’t likely) or they’d both have to have the same day off somehow. There had to be some way for them to meet up! Maybe Christmas? Perhaps? ...didn’t someone write a timeline of where the king was when during that time period?

Non-Fanfiction Writers: Pfffff, yeah, I mean, London’s not that far! If the aristocrats can just pop off to London because they feel like it or whatever, the servants can absolutely just meet up for lunch whenever no prob! If it doesn’t happen in canon it’s ‘cause homophobia!

Modern Retail Workers: ..................................they have different days off and don’t live together? Fuck. They won’t see each other until they retire!

44 notes • Posted 2021-03-28 04:52:15 GMT

Phyllis Baxter Doesn’t Give A Fuck, and That’s Marvelous!

I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’m reading (well, have read by this point) “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” No, I’m not censoring the title – the cover has a stylized ink blot where the U goes. It’s the only self help book I’ve ever read and the only one I’m ever likely to read because honestly? It’s really good. No, seriously. It’s not the smart ass nihilism you might expect from the title (in fact, it warns away from that). It’s just very down to Earth and grounding and it explains so much! Why there are wildly successful people who feel like failures! Why, no matter how much you avoid drama, you still aren’t happy! Where these mind sets came from!

….Why Phyllis Baxter is the most mentally healthy person in Downton Abbey!

No. No, really. The entire second half of the book, I had scenes from Downton going through my head, dominated by Raquel Cassidy and her freakishly beautiful eyes! (Seriously, how does anyone get eyes that pretty? Can not even!)

So since I haven’t done overly much character meta in awhile, let’s look at this a bit!

The main thing about Phyllis that stands out, that’s always stood out, that just stands out more and is easier to put into words having read the book* is that she takes responsibility for her life. The obvious example here is her insistence on owning her part in the jewelry heist rather than letting people foist the blame off on Peter Coyle, but it goes beyond that. That is something she takes responsibility for that is also her fault, but she manages, somehow, without a book telling her, to recognize that ‘responsibility’ and ‘fault’ are two difference concepts; that accepting responsibility is not the same as blaming herself; and to apply that to all aspects of her life. A better example is the Bateses getting their noses out of joint when Thomas summoned the police to talk to her. That was not her fault. The fact she was confused when she was told they wanted to talk to her should have made it pretty darn obvious to anyone that she hadn’t done the summoning. The Bateses missed that, or were just so rattled they overlooked it, or whatever, and got pissed. That was also not her fault. But it was still a thing that was happening to her, it was a part of her life, and she took responsibility for figuring out what to do about it, and she did a really good job. I mean, she could have just sat there insisting that it was Thomas’s fault for writing the letter and the Bateses’ fault for not trusting her or questioning things and that it wasn’t her fault, therefore they were responsible for fixing it. She didn’t. She sat down and solved the damn problem. The fact that life had left Thomas Barrow with a mental health level that can be reasonably classed as ‘stage four emotional cancer’ was likewise not her fault, but again, it was something she had to deal with. It was part of her life. She could easily have followed the lead of most the staff and simply let Thomas happen, but she’s way to responsible for that. She knows that’s not going to fix any problem for anyone, and she knows that while she can’t solve Thomas’s problems for him, he can’t solve them himself without a butt load of support.

She doesn’t give a fuck if the problem is her fault, she’s still going to deal with it!

Next point is that while she might tremble at the thought of public ridicule, she is not afraid of failure. Before we even meet her, she’s already failed all over the place. She failed to recognize Peter Coyle as a toxic pos. As a result, she failed at keeping her job. Once she got out of prison (which she actually seemed to succeed at, ironically), she failed at getting a new job until Thomas came along. She failed at making a deal with Thomas. She succeeded at getting out of the deal, but she failed at keeping Thomas’s trust. She failed at keeping Cora’s trust. She repeatedly failed at winning Thomas’s trust back. Heck, her aforementioned attempts to regain the trust of the Bateses failed! Not once did she let those failures stop her. Each time she took responsibility for her life and it’s problems and she tried again until, eventually, she succeeded. She won back Cora’s trust and got to keep her job. She needed Molesley’s help to repair relations with the Bateses, because you can’t always do everything yourself, but she managed. Eventually she managed to rebuild that bridge with Thomas that had been hit with napalm (before the invention of napalm! These guys are impressive!). She succeeds because she’s failed, learned from those failures, and is not afraid to fail again. It’s a straight up inspiration to anyone.

She doesn’t give a fuck if she fails, she’s gonna try anyway!

I can’t speak specifically to her core values, other than to say the seem to be pretty solid ones, because the specifics of those are very personal and very internal. She clearly values supporting people and has learned to value honesty, but that’s as far as we can go there. However, she’s also okay being average. That’s huge. She’s okay being not terribly special. She is special, of course, and she likes being appreciated, but the extremest need to be the best-and-most-loved or the worst-and-most-pitied is not her. She does not see simply living her life, known to a few close people, and then being forgotten after she dies as the ultimate failure. This frees her of most jealousy issues because she’s not focused on what she doesn’t have. It’s brilliant.

She doesn’t give a fuck if she’s special, she’s got a life to live!

(Thomas and Edith both fail spectacularly at this one, which isn’t surprising, considering their respective lives. I mean, if they were masters of this, I’d kinda be bashing their characterization as hyper unrealistic.)

And finally, while she has been repeatedly victimized she (like a lot of true victims who get help and get out), does not go in for what the book terms Victimhood Chic, that lovely entitled view that says everything that makes you unhappy is oppression and you have the moral right to be offended by it. She doesn’t make trouble so she can have the moral high ground for a few seconds. She doesn’t dogmatically insist that she’s right and everyone else is wrong. She allows others their circumstances and view points. She tries to understand those view points rather than just insisting that other people have to try and see hers. She allows herself to move on and find new, healthier relationships with new, less toxic people rather than holding the world up to the standard of Peter Coyle.

She doesn’t give a fuck about moral superiority, there are better emotional highs than being pissed off 24/7! Like sitting on the beach listening to that nice guy you work with tell you about the book he’s reading!

She’s still not perfect, of course. She has her flaws. Everyone does. She can still be timid and get herself into less than healthy relationships. But damned if she isn’t also a hell of a role model.

* Honestly a lot of what it told me is things I already knew, it just helped to clarify them, give clear ways to talk about them, and give some suggestions on how to combat them. Not ‘fix’ them – that is too easy a word and there are no easy solutions in this thing. Combat.

45 notes • Posted 2021-04-21 20:31:31 GMT

Fanfic Authors: Look, if we didn’t pick on you, you’d think we didn’t care!

Thomas Barrow: .................could you maybe care a bit less?

47 notes • Posted 2021-01-13 21:51:33 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #because why not?

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unicorn-poop · 5 years

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Everyone dresses Cfonus up for his date.

RUFIOH: I’m telling you doll you’re going to look great!

MEULIN: Yeah!

MITUNA: A handsome douche you’ll be!

PORRIM: HOLD STILL GOG DAMMMIT!

Porrim puts the finish touches on him.

PORRIM: There!

KANKRI: (BLOWS WHISTLE)

DAMARA: 私はお尻にあなたをファックしたいです！

RUFIOH: I wanna bang your rang

LATULA: Guys, Stop!

KURLOZ:....

HORRUS: I’m afraid the purple blood is right. Something is missing.

HORRUS pulls out a pony keychain and gives it to Cronus.

HORRUS: There!

Aranea facepalms as does Meenah and Porrim.

CRONUS: Now Do I look cool?

Suddenly Latula gives Cronus handlercheifs. Red, purple, orange, brown and yellow. Of course Latula places them on the right side meaning Cronus will be telling the world he is submissive (a bottom).

LATULA: THERE! Now you look rad!

Cronus then goes off to his date. Latula then starts laughing. Everyone is like....wtf

PORRIM: What?

LATULA: That Asshole is going to have a fun night

MEULIN: CAN WE SPY ON HIM?

KANKRI: Good idea!

MEENAH! Fuck yeah! I wanna see him get slapped!

Meanwhile....Cronus is at a bar. He is trying to look cool waiting for his date. His date doesn’t show up but Mallek approaches

CRONUS: Hey

MALLEK: So I see you’re......quite interesting

CRONUS: Yes! I am interesting! I am a highblood after all

MALLEK: Yeah But it is also the.....

Meanwhile with the dancestors

MEENAH: Shit...that’s his date?! Gay male Vriska???

PORRIM: No

RUFIOH: What’s going on?

MITUNA: It seems like the asshole is speaking to another asshole

LATULA: Ha, ha! It’s working!

Back to Cronus

MALLEK:....Have a nice day

CRONUS: (Shrugs)

Karkat walks up to Cronus

CRONUS: Hey-

KARKAT: YOU ARE A DISGUSTING DEGENERATE! WHAT YOU NEED IS TO GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!

CRONUS:-

KARKAT: GET A LIFE YOU SICK FREAK!

Karkat walks away. Cronus just stands there confused as fuck

MEULIN: HA HA HA

DAMARA: 彼は病気の嫌いな人です。

ARANEA: Ok Latula What is going on here?

LATULA: Oh you’ll see! Ha! Ha!

Suddenly Lanque comes up to Cronus

LANQUE: Hey Asshole!

CRONUS: Hey other asshole!

LANQUE: My name is Lanque you dumb fish!Why are you here?

CRONUS: Waiting for my date!

LANQUE: Your date?! Pfffff! You got a significant other? OH FUCK! This is hilarious!

MITUNA: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

ARANEA: I still can’t believe it!

PORRIM: Me Neither!

DAMARA: 誰かファックしたいですか？

PORRIM: No

CRONUS: Yep! This hot piece of shit got a date! He should be here any minute!

LANQUE: Wouldn’t surprised me if he just canceled!

CRONUS: Nah. He would’ve texted me! Btw why are you bothering me? Go away! Fuck off! Your jealous because you can’t keep a boyfriend.

LANQUE: At least I’m not into degenerate shit!

CRONUS: What? What is this degenerate shit you speak of? Seriously?????

LANQUE: Your wearing handkerchiefs in your right pocket dumbass!

CRONUS:?????

LANQUE: You’re a bottom Apparently....

CRONUS:....um....how is that degenerate?!

LANQUE: Oh right....The colors of the handkerchiefs....

CRONUS: I know! Don’t they look rad!

LANQUE: Pfffft! Sure! I didn’t know you like to be fisted! I got a guy who’d be great for that....GALEKH!

CRONUS: What?!

GALEKH: What?

LANQUE: See Those Big YAOI Hands! They’d wreck your tiny asshole. So, are you interested Galekh. This sea dwelling Twink is asking for it!

CRONUS: Uh, no thanks....

Galekh leaves awkwardly

LANQUE: Didhg know you love to eat shit and drink piss.

CRONUS: WHAT?!

————————————————

PORRIM: What is he talking about?

LATULA: Dudes, you know the handkerchiefs I gave him. Each color tells someone something. The things he’s into.

ARANEA: You Telling me that douce likes to participate in those things???? Ewwwwww!

DAMARA: 私はまた、糞を食べておしっこを飲むのが好きです。おいしい！😋😋😋😋😋😋

MEENAH: Shut the fuck up! Nobody wants to know that!

Everyone just stares down Rufioh

RUFIOH: What?! Why is everyone starring at me? Come on! It’s not what you think!

DAMARA: 私は彼の尿を飲んでいた。

Everyone stares at Rufioh again.

KANKRI: We will talk about your disgusting triggering behavior later!

———————————————

CRONUS: WHAT?! I DO NOT!

LANQUE: Your handkerchiefs day otherwise bud!

CRONUS:?!

LANQUE:

CRONUS: WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!

LANQUE: Ha! See bud! You are disgusting!

Lanque walks away as Cronus is just shocked. Every Dancestor is just laughing their ass off. They think this whole situation is funny. Poor Cronus is being kinkshamed and bullied. What Cronus forgot to mention was that Lanque could’ve joined Cronus in the fisting act since Lanque wears a red handkerchief. Lolz. I reached my limit!

#homestuck #porrim maryam #cronus ampora #damara megido #rufioh nitram #meulin leijon #aranea serket #Horrus zahhak #kurloz makara #meenah peixes #kankri vantas #mituna captor #latula pyrope #Lanque Bombyx #Hiveswap #Hs #Kink shaming

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reasonablespeculation · 6 years

Text

how do paparazzi photos work??

putting this all here for my own peace of mind more than anything.

12 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Paparazzo [Cosmo]

You spend money on tips [people who call you to tip you off to where a celebrity is are oftentimes rewarded with money as a gesture of goodwill].

You can either doorstep, which is when you are assigned or you assign yourself to a particular celebrity, and you go sit outside their house and hope they leave. You could doorstep a gym or a restaurant or an area of town or a city block that celebrities go to a lot. Or you can troll and just drive around looking for celebs.

To be honest, I can recognize a celebrity from a long way away just based on the way they walk and the way they wear their hair. You become really good at people-spotting.

Most people look at the covers of some of the seedier tabloids and they see really negative stories that make it look like the tabloids are all about trashing the celebrities. But 90 percent of what we photograph, and 90 percent of what the public wants and buys are happy celebrities looking stylish with their head up, smiling. Those pictures are what the tabloids want to buy, and those require us as paparazzi to be non-antagonistic with the celebrities and to actually even develop friendships with them.

Cameron Diaz is another one who I love. She's just brilliant. She uses the paparazzi when she wants to and when she needs it: When she and Justin Timberlake broke up, she wanted to get photographed all the time looking super hot and totally used us. We were all here for the use! We were like, "All right, you're making us money. We'll help you, you help us."

A Paparazzo Explains How Staged Celebrity Photos Really Work [Cosmo]

Certain celebrities, like Taylor, not only accept that paparazzi are a part of the business, but they actually go out of their way to use us as a tool for publicity. [...] Taylor loves to have control, and I'm sure she absolutely hates that someone was able to catch her sharing an intimate moment with her new love interest.

Why would a celebrity ever set up and stage photos?

Many setup photos include a paid product endorsement, where a photo agency works as a middleman between a celebrity and a company who has a product to sell. [...] Certain photo agencies specialize in these types of fake paparazzi photos. They usually try to make the photos look natural and candid, but in reality, the celebrity and the photographer are working together.

Control is another big reason for staging photos. There are certain celebs who hate being photographed by paparazzi and they will do anything to avoid it. When your image is such an important part of your career, the last thing they want is to be photographed looking badly. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are a good example of a celebrity couple who hates paparazzi, but you will see nice photos of them released on a regular basis. Those photos are totally set up. When they see paparazzi in real life, they put their heads down and hide their faces — unless they are promoting something.

Another example is when there is high demand for a certain photo. When Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's daughter Apple was first born, they worked directly with an infamous paparazzi photographer in New York. Together, they staged the first baby photos and made them look like candid pictures, then they sold the shots to a major magazine. The pictures were rumored to sell for upward of a million dollars.

Most paparazzi have heard rumors that the first shots of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal looking cozy together on a sidewalk in Brooklyn were staged. They were shot with a long lens from a great distance, and the photographer had to put time into the job. But many people believe that his tip came from inside Taylor's own camp.

Most of the staged shots look silly and are very obvious to a trained eye. If it's a huge news story, you always have to wonder, don't you?

Ask a Publicist [Jezebel]

(spoiler alert: 2/3 professional publicists don’t believe that even Hiddleswift was purely a setup. let me reiterate, an extremely over-the-top seeming romance with obvious benefits on either side with two extremely well known celebrities was not seen as a purely fake relationship by PR professionals.)

I am more than sure some short-lived Us Magazine romances were purely for press, and I think they happen with the aid of PR but also the needs of the celebrity. There are obvious things one can watch for: Is the man rumored to be gay? Does the relationship coincide with the promotion of new series or movie? Is the celebrity becoming a has been and worried? Are they only photo’ed together in the most obvious public places?

I’m sure film studios and movie executives are lining up to get him. It’s now as simple as one social media post from Taylor Swift about a movie he’s in and it will go viral.

So there is a lot of planning and scheduling with each and every single movement in their life. So when you see these pictures of couples that seem staged in public, well, they are. And they have to be. Look for the fake celebrity relationship rumors first. Usually that’s PR testing the waters to see how it’s going to affect each of the brands. There is major business and money at stake.

I’m sure there are more fake relationships that the public is unaware of. I don’t think they are always the easiest to spot, nor do I think we really know to look for fake relationships.

The telltale signs would be timing and abruptness (around an upcoming project or release, post break-up), Over-obviousness (t-shirt and tattoo on Tom, professing love, “acts” of desperation), lots of tabloid photos that are not completely candid (like T Swift and Tom on the rocks in Rhode Island, strolling with his mom) and photos taken at close range w/o long-focus lens.

anyhoo, I’ve been uncomfortable with this narrative that one of them sicced the paps on themselves for ?reasons? [insert ur choice wacko conspiracy theory here] when the simplest explanation is that pap was in soho taking pics of various people, recognized Seb (see bullet point 3 in link 1), grabbed a few pics, done. the only mystery here is how/why they were dumped on weibo/IG.

(((- but they match!!! ... ehhhh sort of. their lewks are pretty generic, I bet you could see that exact outfit on ten other people within a 2-block radius.

(((- she’s a beard!! pfffff

(((- he’s promoting Destroyer!!! I mean... not really? Nicole is promoting Destroyer.

(((-he’s doing it for something something fandom something Margo something if one of y’all can draw me a lil diagram of how this does anything for anybody other than the most rabid of fans (including myself why am I even researching this why) and/or why a grown woman in a serious relationship of her own would care about one measly set of awkward & bland pap shots that were not even commercially released I AM ALL EARS

#the occam's razor of paparazzi photos #the pap walk controversy of 2018

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germansandwich · 7 years

Photo

2/4 pages of "new" OCs to show you guys. YO THESE GUYS ALSO TURNED OUT GOOD! MORE CHILDREN! I HAVE SO MANY PFFFFF! Btw, none of these that I draw are exactly at the heights they are compared to each other. Drew: Old pic of him: germansandwich.deviantart.com/… He's always been kinda grumpy, and a little bitch to me honest. XDD Takes after his dad in that aspect. His friends call him "Grumpy Old Man" because of his attitude and his natural grey hair. (He insists that it's silver, but let's be honest that shit's grey and he knows it XP) He likes to dye half his hair black for "aesthetic" purposes. (AKA, make him look less like an old man XDD) He's a pretty okay friend though, but he doesn't like other people, so he rarely makes new friends. Maxwell/Max: Old pic of him: germansandwich.deviantart.com/… He's a precious baby boy who loves movies and TV shows and food! Unlike like the name of the old pic of him, that stuff on his face are not tattoos. In fact, he doesn't really know what they are, his parents have taken him to the doctors to get it checked out, but even the doctors can't figure out what the marks are. They continue to spread across his body over time, but they don't hurt him at all, so he usually ignores them. He's a real sweet heart though and loves to cook! Aidan: Old pic of him: germansandwich.deviantart.com/… The stud who thinks he can pic up any girl and guy at all. (He's Bisexual) He's a big flirt, but rarely ever actually goes on dates. He also likes to try and set other people up together. (Usually his friends) He likes to think he's a great wing man, but low-key, he sucks at it. Aidan also really likes piercings, if you couldn't tell! He also has a tongue piercing! His canine teeth are a bit sharper than they should be, so he bites him lips a lot on accident. He's a pretty funny person to go on a double date with though! Matthew/Matt: (I don't have any old pics of him DX) My super shy and awkward boy. He has to be practically dragged out of the house by either his parents or a friend on a daily basis. He hates talking to most people in general and fumbles with his words a lot. He's had a lot of crushed before, but never had the guts to go and talk to any of them. (All guys, he's gay, just thought I'd throw that out there) Aidan tries to help him out the best he can, but again, he's not the best wing man, and a lot of the time Matt would chicken out. He's my poor child who is socially handicapped most of the time. Olivia: Old pic of her: germansandwich.deviantart.com/… My beach babe! She loves hanging out at the beach, (if you couldn't tell from her tan lines from her bikini) but has a problem with remembering to wear sunscreen so you can almost always see her with some kind of a sunburn. She also does yoga, and she absolutely loves buying new cute matching yoga and fitness clothes. She also loves makeup and is really good at it! (Ignore the horrible job I did on her makeup, she usually does it a lot better XD) Blake: Another pic of her: germansandwich.deviantart.com/… MAH BIG GIRL! *"brick house" plays softly in the back* Not gonna lie, she's a bit of a drinker... okay yeah she has a problem with it. She spends a lot of her nights at the bar near her house after work. She works for a large company in security. She doesn't has a problem with her belly. She use to when she was a kid, but she grew to love her body. (She still got that drinking problem tho) At work she doesn't show it, but when she's off, she likes to wear skirts and belly shirts. "If they don't like what they see, them they can close their eyes, but they sure as hell are missin' out." - Blake. She got a good alcohol tolerance now, not that that's a good thing I guess XD. When she is drunk, she's not super sloppy, she gets very silly though, joking around and such.

#art #myart #myocs #my ocs are my babies #mychilren #my characters #digitalart #Ilovethemsomuch #thistookmesolong #istillhavetwomorepagestodo

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the-sun-princess · 7 years

Text

chappa 14: curiosity oohoo of secret dreamer @occasionallydiverting

“i suppose it went acceptably” :P oh sevvy you grump

aw wait did Luci not make it down at all.

pffff, of course Severa always worked well with Lucina

goin a bit slower is usually better so you don’t all die

and please, Lucina, of course Severa is willing to risk her life for you

and everyone is alive, no need to dwell on ifs

and she didn’t go yesterday. aw, but luci is so approachable, BUT FESTIVAL TIME WITH SEVVY

yes, please Lucina, let Cynthia or Severa pick something out for you. “quite eyec-atching” is ONE way to put your fashion sense....

sounds like a cute outfit for sevvy

Severa tsk tsk stop those naughty thoughts.

though thigh-highs are not gonna help in this case are they van. nope. tsk Sevv tsk

oh freddy

“If you’re sure that you won’t get cold in that outfit,” said Severa, letting herself believe that her second glance down at Lucina’s legs was pointed rather than appraising. “I’d bring a cloak, just in case.”

just fooling yourself there Severa, you’re too gay for that to be pointed

heheheh

aw Severa, cmon, walk beside Lucina and be buddy buddy. HAHA loser, you were gonna give it to Lucina. Gaaaaaay

i also don’t like crowds

NAH

oooo pfffff, right, she becomes the Voice of Naga (or, voice of Tiki, I suppose. The Voice. she now runs a singing competition)

pfff yes, a long way to go in the art of frilly dress-wearing

At recitial oooohaha.

i suppose her presence would be a distraction. Who pays attention to Laurent tho

She waved a hand toward Lucina and Severa, somewhat dismissively. “You can introduce yourselves, people.”

so kind, Nah.

Poor Jun.

oh Sevvy, grumpy about being kept out of the loop.

i can’t blame Nah for being short (heh) with them anymore tho, if that’s the kinda nonsense her guards do.

oh Severa you and your lesbian dilemma

treasuring her memories of Luci being Lucina. you gay sweetie you

i also never know what to do with a menu.

ey mattie’s back. gotta chill boy, Lucina is just lucina

pfeh, can Luci truly hold her alcohol better than Severa or is she just better at hiding it.

Severa looked up, smiling faintly. “Thanks for letting me come out here with you. Well, at least…” She shook her head. “You know what I mean.”

“Thank you for coming with me,” said Lucina. “No matter what the situation is, you’re always by my side.” Her smile was radiant.

And by your side is where I want to remain for the rest of my life.

that’s some choice gay, severa

Somewhat embarrassed, Severa looked away, staring into her mug. Her thoughts went once again to the pendant. I need to give it to her. Now, before I lose my nerve.

Severa managed to tear her eyes away from the few sips of ale left in her mug for long enough to make eye contact. “Um, Lucina…”

Lucina smiled at her. “Yes?”

“I had… I mean, that is… I… um…” Severa found herself completely tongue-tied. I should have thought over what I was going to say… oh gods, I’m going to make a complete idiot of myself.

Lucina’s smile took on a puzzled cast. “You…?”

Just get it over with! Severa’s hand went jerkily down to her pouch to pull out the pendant. “I bought this.” When Lucina didn’t respond, Severa plunged on with as much delicate consideration as Cynthia tripping into a hedge. “What I mean to say is that I saw this in the market and thought of you. So I bought it. As a gift. For you.” Yep, there it is. Gods, I couldn’t sound like more of an idiot if I tried…

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

aw pff it’s sparkling yellow OH WOW SEVERA “IT MEANS LONGING”

SWEETHEART na.fkrewhlgui and throwing out the better future uh huh just FUCKIN ADMIT THE GAY U IDIOT DO IT

oh Lucina and your obliviousness over fashion.

you mention a wide-brimmed hat and i’m thinkin of a hay-seed farmer with a sunhat before i hit the black wizard hat

Gerome u butt

really, Laurent, you couldn’t have just said “putting on a play” (well you’re you, so i suppose not)

“Since my raging quill hand“ fuckin Owain

wow how weird would it be to see a play about yourself.

awwwwww brief serious moment and consolation.Oh pff, Luci, selfish reasons. HOLD HER HAND DAMMIT SEVERA MAKE YOURSELF HAPPYYYYY. MAKE YOU BOTH HAPPY

#vip #emi reads sd

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justoverseas · 5 years

Text

Louie Watches Haikyuu!! Season 1 Episode 18

Alright, another day gone by, another episode uploaded.

Okay, Haikyuu, you cannot lie to me anymore, I know at least one of your v. Dateko episodes look like garbage, WHICh ONE IS IT??

Tsukki is so pretty omg.

Lmao, Daichi saying “you’ve gotten big/ have grown up”. I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to say here, granpa Daichi...

Hinata: *has a single line of Dialog*, Me, immediately: “YOU ARE SO CUTE LET ME LOVE YOU!!!”

Do y’all ever watch this exact match and imagine you are Oikawa and try and see if that yelling pattern he is talking about is as obvious as he makes it out to be?

(this is probably like the 5th time I watch this match and I still can’t do it)

Did I already mention that Dateko’s libero is adorable?

I like how the non-karasuno cast are always like “he keeps playing to that small ten, even though his ace is right there,,,, how impresssive :O” Like, it’s cause he gay.

Hinata has so much faith in Asahi, it’s so cute <3

(Also I need to remember to actually make comments, and not get sucked in by the series...)

COME ON ASAHI! SCORE THE POINT! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!

Daichi: “Damn, there is no one in the back.” Noya: “Time to activate my teleporting powers!”

Holy shit, that foot receive moment is so fucking tense that I legit stopped breathing.

You don’t understand how often I have watched this show and even this episode in particular, it shouldn’t have an effect on me anymore, but it does!!

We’re seeing Asahi score a point reflected in Nishinoya’s shining eyes, and just when you thought Haikyuu couldn’t get any gayer...

I’m a sucker for unlovable asshole characters being pushed into genuine, overwhelming emotions, so my point is FUCK YOU FUTAKUCHI AND ALSO PLS MARRY ME!!

Hinata’s harem just expanded by one tall, awkward, quiet, probably autistic person.

THAT SIZE DIFFERENCE HOLY SHIT!

AND HINATA HOLD AONE’S HANDS IN BOTH OF HIS OWN THIS IS SO PRECIOUS!!

NOYA IS SO PRECIOUS PLEASE MARRY ME!!!

“Are you quitting because us second years are going on your nerves??” “Not all of them, just you Futakuchi.”

I wonder how much Moniwa’s VA hated having to pronounce all these tongue twister school names in quick succession.

Suga: “I would have loved to have played in the game.” Lmao Suga, be careful what you wish for..

Oikawa’s VA is making me cheer for Aoba Josai...

Also, I absolutely adore that ending theme...

Lmao, Kyoko pretending to cheer for Oikawa in the preview pfffff

Alright, peeps, Another beautiful, wonderful episode to bless my sore eyes and strained ears. I hope y’all get a wish fulfilled today and that you may see some people playing volleyball in the distance ✨✨✨

#Haikyuu #season 1 #episode 18 #Dateko #Date tech #Tsukishima Kei #Sawamura Daichi #Hinata Shoyou #Oikawa Tooru #Azumane Asahi #Nishinoya Yuu #Futakuchi Kenji #aone takanobu #Moniwa Kaname #Sugawara Koushi #Aoba Johsai #Shimizu Kyoko #lmao i forgot a tag at the beginning #german dub

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buttsmasher · 3 years

Text

Annoying Roommates

@one-inch-chick submitted a very hot photo to go along with this post. If you'd like to see that photo you'll have to go to NewTumbl to see it. Thanks again @one-inch-chick who's been a fantastic friend and fan! You photo submissions have been getting me through this whole situation.

This is a complete rewrite and reimagining of a story I've written before.

Warnings/Tags: Face Farting, Willing Victim, Gay Farting, Gay Face Farting, Roommates

You’re playing Fallout 4 in your bed when a shirtless Kian busts into your room. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“No.” He says sarcastically. “Do you have a second?” He makes himself comfortable by laying on his stomach next to you. He’s a little closer than you’d like but you give him your attention.

“What’s up?” You put your controller down and give him your full attention, trying not to stare at his boxer clad ass.

“I know I’m supposed to do the dishes today, but… Do you think you could do them for me?” He gives you a slight pout and bats his eyes. You roll your eyes and start to shake your head no. “I’ll make it worth it for you.”

“How could you-what are you doing?” Kian gets onto his knees and bends downward so his ass is sticking up in the air towards you.

PFFFFFFFFFBRBRFFFFFFFTTTTT

“What the fuck man?” You shake your head in disbelief. “I’m not doing your fucking dishes.” He wiggles his ass in what you believe he thinks is seductive. “Seriously, don't you have something better to do? Like, I don’t know, the dishes?”

“Nope,” He pops the p. “Not really.” He goes back to laying down on his stomach and focuses his attention back towards the TV even though you aren’t doing anything. The fart finally hits your nose, and it’s awful.

“Jesus, what did you eat?” You pinch your nose.

“Oh you know,” He pretends to be in deep thought. “Beans, broccoli, oh and a bowl of ice cream.”

“Fucking hell dude, get out before you stink my whole room up.” You unpinch your nose, the faint smell of his last fart lingering.

“Why? I thought you were a fart loving bitch?” You cringe at the joke that constantly gets brought up.

“I literally watched that weird porn once. Stop calling me a fart loving bitch!” You throw his right leg off the bed making him hang off the bed partially. You do your best again to not stare at his ass, but the way his boxers are framing his nice ass is making it hard.

“Oh come on, don’t deny it. I see how you look at my ass.” He shakes his ass again and you can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I do not-” You begin but get cut off by Kian’s ass.

PFFFFFFFFFFFTTT

“Uuh,” He groans as the fart escapes from his ass. “And it’s okay to like what you like, I ain’t judging.” The scent is as bad as the first one. “I’m just trying to make a deal that’s, you know, mutually beneficial.” You use your hand to fan in front of your face.

“That’s just rank man.” The smell is honestly equatable to a skunk, it’s terrible.

“And it’s all for you. You just have to wash the dishes.” Your eyes linger to his ass again and back to your face.

“That’s all? I get to huff on yer stink and all you want in return is me to do your dishes?” You ask somewhat in disbelief.

“Yup, you can even stroke that small cock of yours if you want.” You both stare at each other in silence for a moment, both of you waiting for each other to make the first move.

“I’m good.” You finally say turning your attention back to your TV. “I can find any guy I’d like to fart in my face and not have to do dishes.” He glares at you. “Not that I would want that anyway, that’s just groaty.” Kian gets back onto the bed and puts his legs to frame your body, and angles his ass so it’s facing right at you.

“Last chance bud, you know I got that gassiest ass here. This tank is full and is waiting for you.” He slaps his ass hard making it jiggle in front of you.

“Uh-uhm. What?”

PFFFFFFFFTT PFFBRBRBFFFFTT PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT

He lets out several blasts of air that get blown right at your face.

“Jesus fucking fuck!” You yell out as you get subjected to his ass bombs. It smells like raw sewage and you don’t think anyone would be able to withstand that. For some reason though, your cock is hard as rock. You do your best to cover up your crotch with a pillow so he doesn’t notice.

“See you do like it.” Kian points at the pillow you just moved.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFBBBRRRFFFTTTTTTT

“See, I think we can come to an arrangement.” You take a large inhale of his butt fumes before you shamefully nod your head.

“Fine, fine.” You shake your head. “Just pull yer undies down and I’ll do the dishes.”

“And clean the toilet.” He quickly adds trying to take advantage of the situation.

“Fine, and clean the toilet.” He laughs as he pulls his boxers down revealing his hairy ass. He backs his ass against your face and get’s comfortable.

“Gimme the controller.” You hand him the controller as his hole presses snuggly against your nose.

PSSSSSSSSS

You grimace as a warm fart gets shot right up your nose and it burns it’s way to your lungs. It’s awful and has one of the worst scents you’ve had to endure close up. “God, you're disgusting.” You manage to say as you keep sniffing.

“Not as disgusting as you, fart lover.”

PFFFFFF PFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF

“I mean, you’re down there getting off on my ass bombs.” He pulls the pillow away that was covering your crotch. “I mean look at your tiny dick straining in your shorts.”

“Shut up.” Your voice gets muffled under his ass.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

“Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sound of my manly farts. Oh shit deathclaw.”

“What?” You try to get him to move but he doesn’t budge.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFBBFFFFFF

He sighs in relief as the last fart hits your nose. You take another deep breath in and you feel your eyes go cross. The scent is absolutely horrid but it doesn’t stop you from sniffing like a dog. You swear you can almost smell the beans that he said he ate earlier.

“Shit, I died.” Kian lifts off your face and looks back at you. “Alright, well I expect the dishes and toilet cleaned by eight. That gives you enough time to jack off right?”

“Fuck you.”

“I think you meant to say thank you. And you’re welcome.” You roll your eyes as he slams your door shut. But he’s not wrong, as soon as the doors closed your hand is in your pants stroking your dick until you’re shooting your load inside of your shorts.

You feel a little ashamed, but at least you’ve got a working deal now with Kian. Whenever he wants out of chores he makes a stop at your bedroom and you get to plant your face into his sizable ass and inhale the most toxic fumes of your life and get off all at the same time. Guess he was right; it was a good deal.

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tyler-slime · 7 years

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92 Truths About Me i was only tagged on a technicality but w/e LAST: [1] drink: root beer i think [2] phone call: my sister [3] text message: SVA group chat, namely matt and gem, [4] song you listened to: [I Do Not Want This] [5] time you cried: in an anomoly, today, bc i got depressed and shed like three (3) tears [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: Kinda,,, [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Yah i used to date girls lmao [9] lost someone special: kinda,,? [10] been depressed: literally all the time 11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nah LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] neon green [13] black [14] gray IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yah [16] fallen out of love: not sure [17] laughed until you cried: maybe? [18] found out someone was talking about you: nothin bad but yeah [19] met someone who changed you: yeah [20] found out who your true friends are: yeah but not out of something bad happening, [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: i dont know whos on my list but im pretty certain its a no wait shit nevermind its a yes [22] how many of your fb friends do you know in real life: all fo them cause i only had one for school things [23] do you have any pets: yah [24] do you want to change your name: legally yah [25] what did you do for your last birthday: nothin excitin i dont think, dinner w/ family? [26] what time did you wake up: no idea [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: dyin my vest and thinkin about gay shit [28] name something you cannot wait for: cool and good tour dates confirmin i'll be able to see it lmao?? im sure it'll come to DC but its not CONFIRMED so im nervous [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: very very recently [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: wish i were livin somewhere else, things are,,, stressful,,, here [31] what are you listening to right now: [Closer] [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yAH EVERY TOM I KNOW HAS BEEN A DICK. this does not change my perception of future toms, just a correlation, [33] something that is getting on your nerves: constant headaches for over two years now, now its been migraines [34] most visited website: youtube and tumblr i think [35] elementary: a couple places [36] high school: a couple places [37] college: hopefully SVA [38] hair color: greeeeeeeeeeen [39] long or short hair: short [40] do you have a crush on someone: nnnnnot really i dont think? [41] what do you like about yourself?: pfffff fuck if i know [42] piercings: i have one ear pierced and used to have a septum, which closed. planning on collarbones and hips [43] blood type: no idea [44] nickname: slime [45] relationship status: romance is a joke [46] zodiac sign: libra cap libra [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: ???? nothin rn [49] tattoos: yah [50] right or left handed: right FIRST… [51] surgery: 8 stiches on my head [52] piercing: ear [53] best friend: alex and amir and kei are the people ive been in closest contact with recently [54] sport: no idea i did a lot, dont know which came first [55] vacation: idaho proabably [56] pair of trainers: ??????? why would i k now this??? RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: nothin [59] I’m about to: disociate probably [60] listening to: [Bring Me Back A Dog] [61] waiting for: ?? nothin i guess [62] want: ????? nothin i guess [63] get married: probably not ever [64] career: looking into comics/freelance WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: the latter [66] lips or eyes: the former [67] shorter or taller: the latter [68] older or younger: the former [69] romantic or spontaneous: the latter [70] nice arms or nice stomach: the former [71] sensitive or loud: neither?? [72] hook up or relationship: the former [73] troublemaker or hesitant: the former HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? yah [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? ya [77] turned someone down: yEAH [78] sex on first date? yeah [79] broken someone’s heart? ye a h [80] had your own heart broken? nah [81] been arrested? nah [82] cried when someone died? no. [83] fallen for a friend: not in a romantic way DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? eh [85] miracles? ehh,, [86] love at first sight? nnnah [87] santa claus? nah [88] kiss on the first date? yah why not [89] angels? Like winged angels? nah OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: listed above?? [91] eye colour: brown [92] favourite movie: [Robin Hood, but the Mel Brooks version.] Please watch this trailor for it

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