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#but its a gigantic step for me in terms of recovery and my bestie is busy
administer-distractions
·
8 months
Text
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#im going to preface this by saying this is all really vague and personal and not funny
#but its a gigantic step for me in terms of recovery and my bestie is busy
#and im filled with anxiety so my thoughts have to go somewhere so it goes on my blog
#which is i think how blogs are kind of supposed to work?
#anyway
#a year and a half ago some shit happened that kicked off about eight months of steadily building relationship traumas
#that i felt stuck in because i was doing dnd with the people actively making my life miserable
#and theres so much god damn nuance that it makes it impossible to concisely explain what happened
#but the end result is that i lost all of my friends and it really truly wasnt my fault at all
#and anyway now ive been diagnosed with pstd over the whole fiasco
#and tonight i sent a message to the person who started it all
#basically like 'hey i wasnt able to defend myself before but i can now you abused the hell out of me'
#but they were never of the notion that they were ever wrong
#and theyre friends with people im still friends with
#i know that i blew up the evening for their discord server
#and based on what ive been told it doesnt seem to be going exceptionally well
#but when i apologized i was told twice in no uncertain terms that its okay
#so i am attempting to will my heartbeat back into my control
#sorry for being all personal but also this is my blog so i guess im not really
#i had to cask of amontillado the part of me thats a nosy bitch though so i didnt unblock them to see if they responded
#ill get her out in the morning shes fine in there
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