in this house we love piracy we love stealing we love having that much more money to eat with and also being able to engage with the media we want to engage with we love having our cake and eating it too

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

the short version

im trans gay autistic and mobilezoned

big ol’ sjw!

if you refuse to reflect critically on how you engage with media and how you interact with other people then i throw rocks at you

the long version

hi my name is foggy (no relation to that nice boy who is dating the catholic guy with the horns) or if u dont like that then im kirsch. i am gay+trans and i am autistic so you can imagine i do not know how to maintain a conversation but dont let that stop you

i dont have a computer i do everything from the app

ergo, This Post

im 24 but i keep this blog sfw and incidentally teen-friendly (i think?) BUT i also understand if younger ppl feel weird abt me interacting w them—if this is the case for you, just block me, i promise i dont mind.

(i dont keep track of who’s who on this website and if you softblock me to get me to unfollow you i may follow you again without realizing)

ok this part is important

(TLDR no transmisogynists, no anti antis, no edgy assholes who cant mind their business)

i NEED YOU to block me if:

youre going to call any lgbt person “queer” without their explicit permission

you think trans women hold institutional privilege over cis women or trans men

you think trans women dont experience female socialization

you think trans women are men

you consort knowingly with ppl who believe and spread these ideas about trans women

you think man-in-a-dress humor and jokes of that ilk are acceptable

you dont see whats wrong with Cringe Culture™️

this includes benign but widely mocked aspects of media like superwholock or whatever cartoon character people are self shipping with these days

this does not include genuinely harmful shit, please mock racists

for that matter—if you think critiquing a piece of media for racism/sexism/etc is the same as spreading “pointless negativity” then you can get out too, i dont have the time

now, i also probably need you to block me if

you think producing and uploading content that eroticizes rape and sexual abuse, including child sexual abuse and statutory rape, is permissible in any context

im not talking about writing stories that include these themes or explore their consequences. im talking about material that downplays, erases, or eroticizes these consequences. cmbyn is a good example of this.

yes, even as a coping mechanism. making this kind of material publically accessible is not a vital part of anyone’s recovery. really.

yes, i know the characters are not real people. something happening in fiction is not the same as something happening in reality

however—fiction exists within, and has an impact on, reality. if youve grown up lgbt or autistic or of color, if youve ever fought for minority representation in books and movies, you already know this.

victims of grooming have already spoken about this at length. or, if you don’t believe their experiences warrant this kind of concern, then consult the literature on what happens when pedophiles choose to cultivate their attraction to children by consuming porn of real or fake children.

the reason i separate this part from the rest is because when i was younger, i held those values too, so i understand and remember what it’s like to think that way. i will not fault kids for defending this material.

if you’re in your mid 20s or older and still defend the dissemination of eroticized depictions of children then the world will be a better place when youre gone, no question about it

if you want to come into my dms to ask about or contest any of these points, you’ll do so politely and in good faith or not at all.

artemidi replied to your post “boy oh boy i sure hope nobody asks about the embarrassing sappy au i...”

I need......more info on this.....blease

i’ve GOT more info on this don’t you even worry your sweet fred head about it !!

nxt’s tag team division is, to say the least, KIND OF...UH...BORDERLINE NONEXISTENT AS OF LATE and so when the time comes to set up the dusty rhodes tag team classic they really end up needing to Scrumble something together! the original plan was that tyler (bate) (to name specific tylers) and jack would team up however long they needed to for the tournament, but oh NO tyler’s been gravely injured, probably by pete because he’s a motherfucker

jack is stuck without a partner and the tournament is stuck without the final team! regal puts out a desperate call for help and ariya decides to strike a deal because why would he team with jack motherfucking gallagher without something to gain from it

the deal is this: ariya teams with jack, withstands whatever mockery comes his way this time, carries the team through the tournament and when he wins, he gets a shot at the cruiserweight title. ariya is a difficult person to work with but desperate times calls for desperate measures, and so ariya and jack end up being the newest addition to the tag team classic! Oh What Drama ! 

things are TENSE, TO SAY THE LEAST

they have to take a bit of a hiatus from 205 so they can travel with nxt, some of the tournament matches take place at house shows and live events and they do still need to work together as a team outside of the tournament if only because they’d be completely fucked otherwise! jack still can’t drive so ariya (dear sweet ariya who can’t drive for shit) is the official pilot in their travels, and jack is...an...interesting co-pilot

the first few weeks are mostly ariya giving jack Ze Silent Treatment while jack refuses to shut up ever and it’s kind of an awkward uneasy dynamic, even after they win their first tournament match through SOME MIRACLE

ariya finally talks to jack during a drive because jack stumbles onto the topic of musicals and says some things and ariya gets very heated very easily and it MIGHT turn into a cutting discussion about the accessibility of theatre and of bootlegs, and about who and what gets visibility in mainstream media and who and what gets nominated for tonys, etc, but its the most fun ariya’s had in awhile and they both kinda learn smth from it and from then on ariya’s more willing to like. at least talk to jack. and it’s...disappointingly...very nice

i feel like during a house show ariya gets trapped in the corner and almost gets dropkicked but jack manages to get to his corner and use his umbrella as kind of a makeshift shield to throw off their opponent and give ariya time to collect his wits and it’s maybe a silly thing to think about but its cute imo! my city now! 

after their second round match, which they almost accidentally win (against reDRagon, no less, bc let’s be real while we’re being self indulgent here i DO care more abt this storyline than about those two probably very talented but uninteresting slices of white bread), jack compliments ariya’s performance in the match and ariya doesn’t take it well because like. to this point he’s only thought jack’s just been humiliating and mocking him for no fucken reason since they met, and why wouldn’t he turn up this opportunity to backhandedly insult ariya now. and jack doesn’t KNOW that, and so ariya starts giving him a cold shoulder again for no reason as far as jack knows. OOH this drama. OOH this suspense

after they make it to the semi-finals (which no one was expecting, and certainly not them, honestly), they’ve gotta go to a press event with the other semi-finalists and it’s maybe not the most plot relevant thing but ariya does clean up really nicely and jack is maybe a little distracted the entire time because holy shit

and maybe then jack kinda realizes he hasn’t been engaging in a rivalry with ariya so much as maybe he’s had a dumb awful crush on him this entire time and not known how to realize that or express it and spends the night trying to keep his composure (because who is jack gallagher if not composed) while internally just writhing in embarrassment and agony and going “oh nnnnNNNOOOOOOO oh my goddd what did i DOOOO why did i DO that oh noooooOOOOOooOOooOoo” and its a rough night! 

and ariya sees jack being less than 100% during all this and sees it as Oh He Doesn’t Care, Of Course, Why Would He, and he’s pissed because he really thought they were getting somewhere as a team, and alas here they are and jack isn’t even paying attention to what’s happening, what a rude asshole as fucking always, and ariya MAYBE--just maybe--maybe just fuckin clocks jack in the face after jack tries to tell him he handled that really well

and jack sincerely admires that ariya remained pretty composed and serious and focused even when jack was busy trying not to wither into embarrassed gay dust but ariya only hears that as jack intentionally leaving ariya to his own devices and mocking how shitty a job he did

(not that ariya would ever say he thinks he did a shitty job, but in his heart he DOES want to do well and be a worthy contender, and opponent, and partner, and he knows he gets lucky a lot and so when he DOESN’T and when he’s painfully in control of the things that happen to him everything feels amplified and clumsy and Wrong and jack’s not helping lmao. i love drama)

obviously this isn’t received well and jack and ariya get into a brawl and they have to get broken up by their coworkers in attendance and ariya’s just yelling WHAT DID I EVEN DO TO YOU ASSHOLE, WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM

jack stays with mustafa and lince for the night because ariya straight up threw his bags outside the door of their room and locked him out and jack plays the words back and he’s like Wait...Maybe I’m Misunderstanding The Situation Here

and the next morning he goes to talk to ariya 

(who answers the door looking just fine and who hasn’t been alternating between uneasy sleep and furious tears all night, ariya’s fine) 

and he doesn’t like...get the nerve to go “hey i think i might be in love with you a bit” but he does manage to tell ariya he hasn’t been mocking him, and he’s been sincere this whole time, and he’s genuinely sorry he’s been a dick to ariya since they started on 205, but ariya, to be fair, has also been a dick, maybe more in terms of beating people up but jack’s sorry about what’s been happening, and ariya doesn’t have to accept that apology, and if ariya wants to forfeit their semi-finals match, he understands entirely

and ariya’s just like “yo what the fuck are you kidding i’ve still got a title shot on the line and we’re gonna win this, get in the car, it’s cool or whatever cmon lets GO” and he’s a bit flippant about it but for some reason he wants to...start grinning like an idiot and never stop again? for some reason? weird

things aren’t just all Cool suddenly after that because when i say i love slow burn shit i MEAN like, years, they’re still only barely allies but something’s There and that’s endgame, don’t play with me, we’ve gotta get face!ariya calling for a parlay with heel!jack in between here and The Datening for me to feel truly alive but thats just my humble imho

also they lose in the finals but ariya puts on enough of a performance to merit a title shot anyway and after the loss they might not work as a team anymore and they’re back to their own stories on 205 but before they get back to the hotel and get cleaned up and wash off the grime of bitter bitter defeat ariya finds jack sitting with his chin on his knees in the stairwell and sits silently with him and they maybe hold h*nds for like the BRIEFEST of minutes and never talk about it again but like. we’ve gone this far with this shitty badly written self-indulgent embarrassing post right? try and stop me

just kidding im stopping myself now. i hate that i wrote all of this. im gonna kill myself thanks

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

Read more: http://betches.co/2leb0vU

from A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms