my first 1D concert

I went to my first One Direction concert on July 7th, 2013 during the Take Me Home tour. This was the first concert I had ever been to, and I can’t even describe how excited I was. I went with my sister, my cousin, and our aunt to Hershey, PA. Below you’ll find a picture of the very seat I sat on.

Most of the concert went really well. I remember how excited we were, that we were practically shaking with adrenaline. We literally couldn’t believe we would be that close to One Direction, and we weren’t even that close to the stage! Lol. There are some classic pictures of us in the stands of the stadium. In one of which, it looks like one of us has a naked Harry Styles doll on our head because someone behind us was holding one, which always makes me laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed as much as I did that night.

Unfortunately for me, and the people sitting around us, I ended up getting sick about 4/5 of the way through the concert. You see, I’m pee shy. And I was only 11 at the time of the concert. My cousin was even younger than me. As such, my aunt was afraid to leave us outside the port-a-potty because there were some weird people around trying to sell tickets at the last minute. So, because of being pee shy, I wasn’t able to go. This would have been okay because I really didn’t have to go that bad anyway, but because I didn’t want to miss any of the concert to go to the bathroom again, I decided I wouldn’t drink anything. At all. You might see the problem approaching, as it was early July in south central Pennsylvania on a day with next to no clouds. So, it was quite hot.

We were most of the way through the concert and we were all still screaming and cheering when suddenly, I started getting black spots in my vision. I like fell into my seat and my aunt, who is a nurse, immediately knew something was wrong. I don’t remember if the cup was ours or someone else’s who gave it to us, but basically I probably threw up into this big ass cup more than 4 times. I remember I was crying because I didn’t feel well, and also handing my IPod Touch to my sister to record Little Things because I wasn’t good enough to stand and do it myself. It makes me laugh now that I was much more focused on getting that song recorded than how I was feeling at the time.

I don’t entirely remember what happened because my memory is very bad, but I believe the encore was just about ending when my aunt was like “okay we need to go to the first aid tent and check your blood pressure and stuff.” My sister was super upset we had to leave and I still feel so bad that I got sick and had to make us go before it was over. We went to the first aid tent and listened to the rest of the encore from there. I don’t remember how my blood pressure was, but it wasn’t so bad that I had to go to the hospital. The dude there and my aunt were sure I just got dehydrated from not drinking. When we were finally back in the car and trying to get out of the mess that was parking, I was crying and my cousin asked if it was because I didn’t feel good or because we had to leave early. I said, “Both.” Lol. Part of me is still upset about how that night went, but the other part also doesn’t remember that much of the concert anyway because of my awful memory, so I’m not that bothered by it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed hearing about my first One Direction concert. I’ll post about the other 2 I’ve been to at a later date.

Oumota, but i feel like you already answered something like that for it so Kaimaki too

Lol I could rant about oumota all day but cuz I know I have I'mma keep it short!

Ship It: (obvs)

1. What made you ship it?

Chapter 5. Full stop. I loved Kaito's character from the beginning and Kokichi grew on me but seeing their team up was 😍. I didn't originally ship it in a romantic context until I looked at the fan content and saw just how well the pairing works in a platonic as well as romantic lens. Plus I love a good narrative foil/enemies to lovers dynamic and they have the best I've seen.

2. What are your fave things about the ship?

Narrative foils, the fact that they understood each other better than anyone else despite hating each other, chaotic energy, smart boi/"dumb" boi, height difference, P U R P L E. But mostly the potential the ship has for so many different relationship dynamics. They work in any AU or situation. They came together during their hardest times so it's possible that under different circumstances they'd work as well. Domestically or casually, healthy or unhealthy, whatever you want to explore with the pairing, you can, and it'll stay in character for them. They're two great characters that become amazing when played off each other. Even in a platonic context.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have for your ship?

Idk what's popular and unpopular so imma just give a couple headcanons?? Lol.

• Kokichi is a very "show my love thru actions" type of person so he doesn't always say "I love you" or other mushy stuff (except in a teasing way) so he'll get gifts or show kind gestures esp if he accidentally (or purposely) pisses Kaito off, he'll do sweet things to make it up to him.

• Everything is a competition with them. Theyd do dumb shit like "who can give the other more kisses in a day" or "who can get the other a better gift". They're pretty even with who wins, but Kokichi is a much more insufferable winner.

• Kaito would propose first, he'd make it super romantic and perfect and just how Kokichi would want it. But then a week later, Kokichi also proposes in an even grander gesture because he "needs to make sure Kaito wants to marry him just as much as he does."

Kaimaki tho... It kind of teeters on the edge for me. I love both Kaito and Maki as characters, and their friendship is sweet and romantically it's cute, like seeing art and reading fics I always find it adorable but canonically... It feels more one sided than anything. So I'm gonna say

Don't Ship It:

1. Why don't you ship it?

Maki very obviously had feelings for Kaito, she literally says so. However, I relate to Maki in the sense that I've felt unwanted and unloved and struggled to love myself. And I've had people who come along and make me feel special, almost like a replacement for that self love I needed. I think Kaito is that someone to Maki. He cared for her, and saw the good in her when others seemed not to, and as sweet and romantic as that can be, it also has potential to lead to a misunderstanding and over idealization. So from I guess a personal stand point it's one of those "oh yikes this doesn't seem ideal" situations.

2. What would have made you ship it?

Probably if Kaito showed a bit more of reciprocation, but he doesn't. Also if maybe there was a moment of Maki realizing that Kaito kind of has a lot of issues too.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I think it still has potential. It's possible for them to grow and love each other in an equal way, but it requires a lot of effort on Kaito's part to bring down his walls for his friends. I think that Maki would need to also establish herself and understand who she is and what she truly wants because it's hard to tell if her feelings for him come from a genuine romantic love or if she simply loves the idea of Kaito. I just think it would end up very one sided without those things. Which, don't get me wrong, would still make for an interesting dynamic when it comes to exploring that part of their relationship.

This was tons of fun, thanks for asking!

Send me a ship and I'll tell you if I ship it or not! 😊💜

1102

survey by joybucket

What color are your eyes? They are dark brown. They’re actually really more of black because of how dark they are, but that sounds creepy so let’s just go with really really dark brown.

What's your favorite type of milk? I don’t take a lot of milk and am not familiar with most of them.

What's your passion? What a deep, introspective question three questions into this survey lmao. My interests are always changing so I don’t really give much thought into this. I don’t let myself be bound to just one thing.

What's your favorite color? I really like the way baby pink looks on everything.

Are you shy? Sure, but I’m trying to break out of that shell. Based from hundreds of past experiences, being shy is the easiest way to be forgettable and I’m tired of people never remembering my name or anything about me.

What is/was your favorite school subject? History. Anything about it I will surely enjoy.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yes.

What's your favorite quote? I don’t keep track of quotes.

What is your natural hair color? It’s black.

Do you like it? There’s nothing to complain about. I’d love to have it dyed just to try out something new with my look, because it’s been black and untouched for 23 years; I guess it’s just a matter of when I’ll push through with it.

Are you happy with the way you look? I wish some aspects were different, like my hair to be less frizzy, my front teeth to be straight, my eyesight to be clearer, etc. But it’s also whatever; I don’t really focus on these things too much as I’ve never been the type of person to concentrate on my physical looks.

What would you change about your appearance if you could? ^ Well, those things I listed. Also, to have boobs?? Puberty never did anything for me in that department.

What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I’d move the bed up against the wall because that’s always been more my vibe. If I had the energy, I’d buy a storage container and place all Gab-related stuff in there so I can finally hide away those things (but not entirely throw them out). I would also fix my closet, all three sections of it. I’d also love to get a homey and soothing night lamp and be able to regularly buy scented candles to de-stress at the end of the day. In other news, my room has remained stale for so long and needs a revamp HAHAHA.

Are you rich or poor? I’d say we are in the middle, but our financial situation throughout Covid has been making me increasingly worry.

Are you double jointed? Nope.

What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? The time I ripped my ear piercing, and my foot infection from snorkeling. Also getting my blood drawn, but that’s only because I’m a big baby when it comes to sharp things.

Do you like shots? See above.

Are you afraid of spiders? Our spiders are never too large or look menacing where I live, so not really. I’m aware of how big they can get in other places though so I totally understand the widespread hatred for spiders lol.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? Not sure if it’s an allergy, but my legs quickly get irritated if they’re exposed in a grassy area for too long. My face also doesn’t seem to appreciate face masks, (the skincare kind), but I’m not sure if that’s an allergic reaction or if face masks are meant to do that.

Name a food that you like that's green. Green curry, or broccoli.

Do you like to read? Yes. More of non-fiction, though. I haven’t read a fiction book since I wasssss probably in middle school or early high school.

Do you know what your purpose in life is? No. I don’t stress out over stuff like this lol, I just make sure I’m happy where I am and at the same time, still feel fulfilled with the things I’m doing. 

Are you lonely? I can be, but I guess it’s just meant to happen sometimes.

What's something you are good at? Reading people. Sometimes to my benefit, sometimes otherwise.

What's a color that looks great on you? Olive green and maroon are my favorite shades.

What's something you would like to improve at? Being creative. My work requires a lot of it and I end up being a shitty teammate whenever we have to do brainstorming, because I literally just stay to the side, unable to think of anything.

Do you believe you have great potential? Yes.

What's one word to describe you? Right now? Tired.

Are you spiritual? Nope.

What's one thing that you get a lot of compliments on? My writing.

What's one hidden talent that you have? I dunno if it counts as a talent but I memorize a great deal of songs from Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne album, which has always been a fun ‘talent’ to whip out and surprise friends with when we’re partying at a club/bar and a song from the album is suddenly played.

What are three girls' names that you really like? I love Olivia, Mia, and Harper. I’ve probably listed those names a thousand times on these surveys by now.

What are three boys' names that you really like? I like Liam, Mason, and Lucas.

What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld?  The prettiest place I’ve been to was probably Palawan.

What is your favorite pizza topping? Just cheese is fine with me. If that doesn’t count, bell peppers come second. I can definitely live without the other usual toppings like pepperoni, beef, etc.

Name a food that you like that's red. I said green curry in the green foods question, and I’ll answer red curry here, haha.

Are you color blind? Nope.

Have you ever had a crush? Yes.

Can you type fast? I can and I do on a daily basis.

What's your favorite type of cereal? Erm, I’ve never tried them before but I’m drawn to cereals that are rather sweet lol, like Reese’s Puffs or Hershey’s Kisses cereal line. The thing is, they’re classified as one of the luxury imported brands over here so their prices are very unreasonable for a box of cereal, and I never get to have them as a result. Otherwise I don’t enjoy cereal too much.

What is one of your dreams? I would love to have a family.

What are your top three favorite colors? Baby pink, white, and mustard yellow.

What is your favorite book? I don’t have one.

What is your favorite amusement park ride? Ones that would provide enough thrill but won’t make me pass out, like the octopus.

What are three middle names you wouldn't mind having? Idk, I’m fine with my second name. I actually really like the name Isabelle and at one point I unsuccessfully tried to make it my main name, back when I still hated Robyn.

Are you flexible? Not really anymore. I used to be, kind of.

Do you consider yourself religious? Not at all. I haven’t been in around five years. I’ve been atheist since I was in the 4th grade, then I had this very sudden (but very brief) change of heart back in senior year when I started praying a lot. I went back to atheism as soon as I started university.

Are you bold? I can be, but it’s not one of my principal traits.

Are you spontaneous? It’s nice to be every once in a while, but I’m not always.

Do you have a significant other? No.

What's your pet peeve? Lateness.

How tall are you? Just a little over 5 feet, which does not classify me as tall at all.

What's your sexual orientation? Demi. I’ve also been increasingly self-identifying as asexual, so let’s go with that too.

Can you sing? Nope.

Can you dance? Nope, but I still do it when I’m alone.

Can you draw? No.

Do you play an instrument? I mean, just the recorder, but I don’t know if that counts.

What school subject do you hate the most? Chemistry. I struggled with it both in high school and in college. I hated physics and geometry too, but at least I got better at them as I got older. Chemistry is just far too complicated for me to appreciate.

What's your least favorite color? Most shades of yellow and neon green.

Do you eat healthy? I wouldn’t say I exclusively eat healthily, but I do keep a good balance in the food I consume. I enjoy my junk food as much as I like eating vegetables.

Do you think you look better with short or long hair? I’d say short.

What's a color that doesn't look good on you? White.

Are you passionate? Sure.

Are you doing the most you can with your life? Right now, with the world falling apart around me? I definitely try to. I have a great job, I spoil myself and try out new things for myself every now and then, I’ve pulled myself out from the rut I used to be in a few months ago, etc. I guess I can say I like where I am.

Are you proud of yourself for the way you are living? See above.

Do you love yourself? I've started taking a couple of steps down that path.

Do you have regrets? Sure.

Do you have wishes and dreams? Of course.

Do you have a huge secret you are keeping from the world? I suppose so.

Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah, I get quite a lot of compliments on my penmanship in general. I liked practicing my writing as soon as I learned how to properly hold a pencil, so I guess all those times served as good training.

Name a current favorite song. I dunno but Hayley is set to release a new album by tomorrow so a couple of songs from there will most definitely end up being a favorite.

List a song lyric that you like. “Can you live with what you know about yourself when you're all alone, behind closed doors?”

Are you happy? I think so. I’m definitely not as sad as I used to be.

Are you a generally optimistic person? I try to be, but I allow myself to be negative or realistic sometimes.

Have you ever had something horrible happen to you? Between deaths in the family, depression and other mental health issues, and personal life events that were less than nice, absolutely.

Have you ever been abused? Sure.

Have you ever been harassed and/or bullied? I was bullied as a kid because of my name, and as a result it was difficult to make friends for years. I’ve never been harassed though.

Do you love nature? Yes, I love being around nature when I get the chance.

Are you free-spirited? I wouldn’t consider myself that. I like being on the careful side when it comes to many things.

Are you carefree? Not really. 

Would you say you are an overcomer? Yup.

Are you a good friend? I hope I am.

Do you like animals? Love them, except insects.

Do you meditate? No. I actually tried yoga for the first time yesterday because that’s what my workout app had planned for me, but I quickly learned that I am way too impatient for it, lmao. The whole session was meant to be I think 30 minutes? but I quit by like the 14-minute mark and did another program. Idk, I guess it’s just not for me.

Do you pray? No.

What month were you born in? April.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons but I’m gonna go ahead and say winter because it’s what appeals to me most.

What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I want to keep coming back to Sagada.

What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? Thailand.

What's your favorite type of tree? I don’t have one.

Are you laid-back? I tend to be uptight most of the time, actually.

Are you hard on yourself? Yes.

How's your self-esteem? It’s been getting better, but sometimes I still can’t help but feel insecure.

What medical conditions do you/have you had? Scoliosis.

What are you allergic to? I have had itchy, irritable reactions to face masks and grass before, but not sure if they’re allergies.

Do you like to try new things? For sure, as long as it’s not a crime or if it involves my fears lmfao. Like I would be willing to skydive or dye my hair a strange color, but I’d never scheme a burglary or jump in a tub of cockroaches.

What's one word to describe your style? Chic.

What's one word to describe your bedroom? Plain. I definitely need to mix it up so that it can feel more like who I am.

What's one thing you like about yourself? I like that I’ve always been able to surpass difficulties and come out a better person from them, instead of letting them consume me.

What's one thing you dislike about yourself? I need to stop blaming myself for things out of my control.

Are you competitive? To a fault.

Are you faithful? Sure.

Can you cook? Hell no.

What's your favorite restaurant? Ramen Nagi.

450.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 18

1701. How will tomorrow be like today? i’ll have the day off :) totally fine with that. 1702. How would you react if a stranger pinched your bottom? i’d call them out. 1703. When was the last time you went on a date? i don’t really know what counts as a date with my boyfriend and i anymore, but we went out for dinner together on tuesday. 1704. Have you ever ridden a horse? yes. 1706. What is almost over? ok i can’t, there’s missing questions again...

1707. What should you be doing that you are putting off? looking for new jobs. 1708. How much would you have to change physically before you would no longer be yourself anymore? if someone couldn’t recognise me from old photos then i’d consider that not being myself anymore. 1709. How much would you have to change mentally before you would no longer be yourself anymore? if the people around me don’t like me for who i am anymore i guess. 1710. Would you rather be famous or notorious? famous. 1711. Would you rather have a necklace that's dripping with diamonds or a blueberry farm? the necklace. i don’t even like blueberries. 1712. Could you take first place in a beauty contest? hell no. 1713. Who is the biggest hypocrite you know and why? no one comes to mind straight away. 1714. Would you consider yourself to be more opinionated or bitchy? opinionated. 1715. How long is it until your next day off? today! 1716. What sound is annoying you right now? there’s been the same bird chirping outside for the past couple of hours. it’s not even a chirp, i think it’s in heat or something. 1717. Imagine you're taking a vacation with 4 people. Who are they? dwayne, irene, ahmad andddd bek. 1718. The five of you travel by plane. Suddenly your plane crashes down over snowy mountains. The pilot and the air crew and all the other passengers die. The only way for you to survive is for one of you to get eaten by the others. Who will it be? omg idk... i’d offer myself i guess. 1719. Anorexia and obesity are two life threatening eating related disorders. Why is it that when it is discovered that someone is an anorexic they are rushed to the hospital, but when someone is obese they are not rushed to the hospital? not sure how to answer that. 1720. Who is your favorite smurf? smurfette. 1721. Why do you do things that you know are bad for you? for some reason they always feel/taste/are better. 1722. How important is testing to education? no idea. i always hated tests. 1723. What food group do you eat the most of (bread and pasta, meats and eggs and fish, fruits and vegetables, milk and cheese, sugar and butter)? between meats and veg i guess. 1724. Who is the most adorable person you know? my baby cousin, victoria. 1725. If you had to spend a half hour locked in a dark closet with someone from school or work that you don't normally hang out with who would you want it to be? haha i have no idea. no one tbh. 1726. How often do you masturbate in a week? i’d say once every 2-3 weeks tbh. 1727. In the USA people work a full third of the year for the government, due to taxes. How do you feel about this? i don’t live in the usa so idc. 1728. Should people be allowed to use cell phones in their cars? nah, i know of people getting into accidents coz they were on their phones. 1729. Have you ever been in the room while a human baby was born? nope. 1730. Have you ever been in the room while an animal baby was born? no. 1731. Did you see the video The Miracle of Life in school? no. 1732. How do you feel about having a baby? not sure. someday! 1733. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? yes. 1734. Who are you waiting for an email/call/note/visit from? my boyfriend. 1735. What are you counting the days until? my birthday lol. 1736. What is the greatest temptation for you? nothing. 1737. How do you resist it? - 1738. Who is your knight in shining armor? haha idk. 1739. If you were walking and someone behind you yelled "HEY YOU!" would you turn around? yeah. 1740. Do loud noises make you tense? they give me a fright i guess. 1741. Has anyone ever told you that your epidermis was showing? nope. 1742. Would you rather work or stay home with the baby? i’d like to stay home with the baby until they’re old enough for daycare. 1743. Would you rather have people agree with you all the time or tell you the honest truth? tell me the honest truth. 1744. Will you/have you gone to your high school reunion? no thanks. 1745. What do you think of your yearbook picture? it’s alright. 1746. Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer? gatherer. 1747. If you ever were to visit Hershey Park, the theme park based on the chocolate candy, would you enjoy going to the spa where you can be treated to a whipped cocoa bath, a milk and honey bath, or simply a chocolate fondue skin wrap? the skin wrap. 1748. If someone asks you to read a poem they wrote, will you really take your time to try and understand what they wrote and tell them what you think or just read it quickly and tell them that its really good? i’d definitely try to understand it. 1749. Do you feel that if a coincidence occurs it means something? not always. 1750. Were you beautiful as a child? i was actually. wtf happened haha. 1751. Do you think that it is okay for a homosexual or a woman to become a priest? i don’t see the problem if they’re devoted to the religion and they never get married. 1752. Which would you rather give up forever, religion or sex? religion. 1753. What comes to mind when you think of these places: Canada? toronto UK? fish and chips USA? hot dogs Australia? sunny weather Germany? bratwurst Italy? pizza 1754. What does your favorite bumper sticker say? i don’t have a fave. 1755. Have you ever taken a shower with another person? yes. 1756. What bath toys do you have, if any? none. 1757. Would you rather propose to someone you love or would you rather be proposed to by someone you love? i’d rather be proposed to. 1758. How can you reject someone nicely? thank them for the offer but tell them you don’t want to or aren’t ready. 1759. What kinds of diary names make you interested enough to check out the diary? - 1760. What do you think are three common passwords people use to secure their diaries? names, nicknames, pet names, birthdays. 1761. Pick an object in the room. Give that object a name. no. 1762. What is the quickest way to make you blush? compliment me lol. 1763. Do you usually feel that you deserve it when other people compliment you? it depends what it’s for. 1764. If you were to start your own business what kind of business do you think it might be? no idea. something in design. 1765. What is one of your pet peeves? when people cough without covering their mouths. 1766. What question do you get asked too frequently? do you still talk to the last person you kissed? 1767. You notice a ring is priced $40.00, but the cashier only charges you $10.00. Do you mention this to the cashier? haha yeah i think i would. 1768. Could a kiss on the ___ be considered cheating? Cheek? no Lips? yes Nose? this is just weird Hand? no Ear? still weird. Neck? assuming it’s passionate, yeah. 1769. Would it bother you if your lover occasionally flirted with others? of course. 1770. How long has it been since you last played truth or dare? absolute years. 1771. Should people who are living now be obligated to do things that will make the world better for people who will live 100 years from now? not obligated but it’s damn logic to preserve as much as we can for future generation. 1772. Imagine you have a dream in which someone you care for acts mean to you. Is it possible you will still be angry with this person when you wake up? haha it’s definitely happened before. i usually brush it off and tell the person. 1773. Have you ever left someone a note with a picture in it? If yes, how do you do it? i don’t think so. 1774. What do you fear more, death or pain? pain. 1775. Are the questions still interesting this far into the survey? somewhat. 1776. Do you like the cartoon Inspector Gadget? never watched it. 1777. You know how Gadget wears the same outfit all the time, and his closet is full of outfits that are exactly identical to the one he wears? If your closet was full of just one outfit that you had to wear everyday what would it be like? i couldn’t just have one outfit. maybe a casual one and one for going out lol. 1778. Would you rather time travel to the future or the past? future. 1779. Would you rather know how the world began or how it will end? how it will end.   1780. Would you rather meet your ancient ancestors or your great great great great great great grandchildren? probably my ancestors. imagine going to the future to meet your greatx6 grandchildren and there’s no one there... 1781. Out of these 4 which is most important (1=most, 2= second most, 3 = 3rd most, 4 = least)? Curing diseases such as aids, cancer: 2 Preserving wildlife areas: 3 Ending terrorism: 1 Building colonies in space: 4 1782. In your opinion should every child be entitled to a good education? definitely. 1783. What news item are you tired of hearing about? fucking politics. 1784. Speaking of 9/11 the anniversary is coming up. What will you be doing? it’s already passed. 1785. If this were a recipe for you, how would it go? 2 cups: 1 cup: 1/2 cup: A pinch of: A dash of: Mix well and bake until: Add: Serve: no thanks 1786. Which of the following would YOU be more likely to survive: A fall from a 3 story building Driving a car into the water <----- this 1787. What philosophy was manifested in the communist manifesto? haha idk. 1788. Who is your exact opposite? no idea. marie comes pretty close though. 1789. Would you rather have serenity or insanity? serenity. 1790. What do these phrases mean? Moulin Rogue: red something Le voyage sur le bateau: idk Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir: do you want to sleep with me tonight 1791. What is the longest distance you have ever walked? 23km in a day while sightseeing in london. that’s a record for me. 1792. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato believes that beauty truth and justice all basically mean the same thing. What are your feelings about this? nah. 1793. How did you first begin to assert yourself as independent from your parents? it was just a slow process of instead of asking permission, i’d just tell them what i was doing instead. 1794. If you had a magic bracelet, would you use it to gain luck, money, health, creativity or love? money. 1795. What would you do if every time you used your magic bracelet something bad would happen to someone else? i just wouldn’t use it as often? 1796. This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be that she fell in love with him then and there, although she didn't even see him after the funeral ended. A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. What is her motive for killing her sister? she wanted to run into that guy again at her sister’s funeral. 1797. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone’s feelings? yeah i have. 1798. What do you think of Franz Ferdinand? don’t know much about him. 1799. What do you think of the band Modest Mouse? nothing. 1800. What do you think of Morrissey? nothing.

2018 sucked

it was probably the shittiest year of my life, and that’s not an easy title to claim. let’s recap:

it all started way back in early january, when our subway came under new ownership and we got a new manager, who had worked there for a shorter period than i had (yeah, i was part-time working during college, she was full-time, but w/e) and it all went downhill fast. our manager wasn’t bad, she just was just trying to deal with all the new regulations we were facing and the fact that we were Massively Understaffed™ for being located in a fucking mall. like, for contrast, our old managers let us get away with not turning the line coolers off at night if we were really busy, but under the new owners, we had to clean the legs of tables to get the salt of them. i decided to quit in march after having minors stay and help me close even though they were off the clock since they were required to punch out at 9:30 and still getting yelled at for staying too long and not making everything Perfect. it was so stressful trying to work both faster and harder, so i quit. then, college got out in april and i was looking for internships all over and applying everywhere, but i never got even so much as an interview request. so, june came and i just said “fuck it” and applied to other subways closer to home. ended up getting an interview the next day at a different subway, 2 miles from the old one. i got the job and starting working to find out the subway was also Massively Understaffed™ but the manager was more chill, so it seemed fine. turns out the reason the manager was chill is that he was high. like, all the time. this resulted in him having the memory of a goldfish. like, i specifically told him and his assistant manager that i couldn’t work one day and yet he still called asking where i was when i very plainly explained it twice. and he also scheduled a meeting on the day i request off for my niece’s baptism. at 8am. on a sunday. at the same time, i managed to get an interview at a local factory. it wasn’t really an internship nor in my field, but it was a job and it paid $12/hr so i was like, hell yeah, why not. i managed to get the job and started july 1st, which was great, buuuuuut... the job was super boring; it was pretty much doing the same repetitive tasks over and over again for 7.5 hours a day while ~~listening~~ being subjected to country music. BUT, we got 3 breaks a day and it was nice having a chill job. i came up with a lot of really good writing ideas for a novel that’s been a super long wip because my mind was mostly free during work since it was so repetitive. at this time, i’m still working at subway, mostly weekends and some 5-close shifts. i’m not getting a whole lot of sleep and so that probably explains what happens on july 25th, probably the single shittiest day of my life. i get into the factory and the normal manager is gone on vacation and one of my coworkers is taking over. she tells me that i’ve been missing the least important step in the process of making some parts that i’ve been doing for days now. so naturally, i mess it up a couple more times, but only when she’s watching, because ofc. this happens 3 times and the third time i kind of chuckle to myself because i’m literally only doing it when she’s watching. she takes this to mean i’m laughing at her and yells at me about how i think it’s a joke and blah blah blah, like that’s not what i meant at all but she won’t let me explain. THEN, i get out of work and i’m already on the verge of tears because i have a migraine from lack of sleep and i hate getting yelled at, and i see a text i got while at work (we’re not allowed phones on our person at all at the factory. national security stuff apparently) that my grandma is in the hospital and not going to make it. i just... lose it. i go home and just sit outside on a chair, cuddling my cat and gross sobbing for the first time i can recall. i’m supposed to work a 5-9 shift at subway tonight, but i am not in any state to work. i call them through tears saying i can’t work tonight, i’m visiting my grandma in the hospital in muskegon, an hour away. she’s unconscious when i get there. she dies an hour later, while me and my family are eating dinner downstairs in the basement where there’s no signal. eventually tomorrow comes. it’s now july 26th, which if you know me, is my birthday. my 21st birthday, in fact. you know how for most people, their 21st is the best day of your life? yeah, it was one of the worst for me. i still had to get up at 6am for the factory work, then run home, get changed, and work 5-9 at subway. the only bright spot were two helpful coworkers. one from the factory gave me a butterscotch shot, saying you should still try and enjoy your birthday and my subway coworker bought a hershey pie for me and gave me a hug and some helpful advice. (she had been through a similar experience with her mom passing, so she knew a lot about grief.) i took her advice on letting yourself be happy and decided to go to my friends’ meetup that weekend, which i had requested off from subway previously. it’s a while away, but this was planned a long time ago and i don’t get to see my college friends in the summer other than this, so i’m not missing this. but, when i’m almost there i get a call from subway insisting that i work this weekend to make up for missing my 4 hour shift yesterday. i’m furious because i missed it for legitimate reasons and i was already over 2 hours away and i was NOT driving back. (the reason they’re insisting is because they don’t want to pay my coworker overtime, despite the fact she’s living in a trailer park only off her subway income, too.) they say they might have to fire me and i’m like, sure, i have another job and i already put in my 2 weeks lol. so i go there and try to forget this whole week ever happened. the funeral is on monday, the factory gives me it off so i can attend. there’s lots of tears. lots and lots. my grandma touched a lot of people’s lives; she’s one of the kindest people i’ve ever known. she probably would have supported my sexuality if i ever told her, i regret not doing so earlier. i come back to my factory job on tuesday, and as if the universe is answering some unanswered “could things get any worse?” the hiring manager informs me i’m fired, as if it had to be july 31st, to add to the shithole that july 2018 was. this was a temp position to begin with, and i was leaving in a couple weeks anyway, but this is just another blow to an already grieving 21-year-old. i may have just lost both my jobs and my grandmother in the span of 7 days. i leave the factory and get in my car and just. scream. time passes. the pain of july slowly fades from a roaring inferno all over my body to a dull pulsing. good things start to happen again. i move into an apartment with 3 friends, get a job at the theatre after a lot of paperwork issues, i make the cut for an a capella group and find new friends, develop a crush on someone (something i haven’t really had since high school - but that’s a story for another time), and actually start getting my shit together. things are definitely looking up, despite the fact i had the worst month of life a couple months ago. ...and then comes december, as if it’s trying to challenge july to a battle for shittiest month ever. final exams are coming up, i spend a lot of the previous week leading up to exams rehearsing for performances (i had 4 performances in a week’s span), not much studying could be done. not that studying would help that much, as we would see, but w/e. i ended up forgetting my book with all the important formulas and relationships in it that are too complex to memorize, so i completely bombed that final, and therefore failed the whole class. i’m already having to take an extra semester, failing this class does NOT help. i barely stayed above a 3.0 gpa, a requirement for most internships. on the same day we got final grades back, my mom got a call saying my grandpa had died, only a week before christmas. my whole family went back up to do the whole funeral thing again. we are getting awfully familiar with this nursing home (my mom lost both her parents and an uncle in 5 months). finally, on new year’s eve i decide it’s either now or never to admit my feelings, so i ask my crush out. i get rejected, which is mostly what i expected, but it still knocks the wind out of me. so yeah, 2018 was super extra shitty for me. but at the same time, i feel like i’ve grown a lot as a person. i’ve made a bunch of new friends, gained a niece, learned a lot about pain, and done a lot of things i never thought i’d do. hell, i had the balls to ask a guy out, which was something that frightened me to my core. i went on a trip to dc and learned more about the injustices happening here, i went camping/hiking with friends, and went tubing behind a boat. so, i’m not gonna pretend it’s all bad.