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pharaohsparklefists · 5 years

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It’s time for Episode 114, part 2, the [checks notes] Duel of the Creation of Heaven and Earth. I’m gonna call a soft “lol no it isn’t” on that one, folks, but let’s see how it plays out.

(I am going through A Lot right now, and facing two pretty scary financial burdens over the coming months. It would be absolutely amazing to get a few more patrons. If you ever thought about sending a dollar or three my way for recaps, please do!)

Seto and Noah are duelling on rocky outcrops over a field of lava (hard “lol no” on that one) and Seto is laying down some Personal Philosophy!

“Here comes the spoon! Open your mouth for mommy, Seto!”

“I refuse to live for anyone but myself, mother. I will open my mouth on my own terms or not at all. AHAHAHAAA”

“There’s a good boy! [shoves spoon in mouth]”

Also, if this is true, it means he’s not just living for Mokuba’s sake at any point. He lives for himself, he survives out of spite, and he succeeds to prove a point.

He continues with his monologue for a while, and specifically says his future is a “road of glory”, which I think is interesting because the road metaphor is one he uses with Yami, so I like this reassertion that that road is the road to his future.

dirty my road, will ya?

... This sounds cool, but he means hands of cards.

Meanwhile, the Nerd Herd have discovered the Kaiba family home movies which are very depressing and also weird. They discover that, according to this VIRTUAL FILM, which is in NO WAY GUARANTEED TO BE TRUE OR ACCURATE, that Noah is allegedly dead. Spoops!

Girl it’s a VIRTUAL WORLD like you met a TALKING PENGUIN no one needs to be who they say they are.

Anyway, a short time later, they find themselves on a hand cart following what they do not realise is a dragon-train-monstrosity towards what they do not realise is a lava pit. They’re going too fast and I blame Jounouchi.

I ask you to please take a moment for yourself to look at each of their faces. Honda in particular is excited for his useless so-called friends to finally die in a horrific crash, and join him in his hellish robot existence.

Oh speaking of funny faces:

YOU ARE WELCOME.

They arrive in time to see Kaiba lay a face down card in, obviously, the cunningest possible ploy. Cunning enough to be worthy of THIS smirk:

“hehehe I’m so smart”

This is the point at which the duellists realise they have an audience.

“how very fucking dare you, you piece of shit, I haVE NO FRIENDS.”

Anyway in a wow amaze shock twist, Noah manages to connive his way past one (1) face down card and breaks out the standard issue Yu-Gi-Oh! Overstatement Gloat

“entire” “plan” = one (ONE) face down card!!!

In response, Kaiba summons some kind of fabulous fang-adorned 80s vampire fashion idol...

With a “Vampiral Effect” no less! I was like “ooh, it’s gonna be like, if he deals damage directly to the opponent’s LP, you gain LP or something cool like that!” no. no of course fucking not. It’s like “I name a type of card and you must discard one card of that type from your-- blah blah blah COME ON I miss Duelist Kingdom and its fluffy effect-focused ridiculousness.

Speaking of ridiculousness though, lookit this vampire’s SHOOOOOESS

The ankle frills are A++ and he’s basically wearing lil booties I love him. Anyway then he immediately dies. But he resurrects! But then he dies again. Fuckin’ rollercoaster, you know how it is.

At this point, Noah starts grandstanding about the cleansing wrath of a judgmental God, as you do #JustDuelThings

I dunno if this means Noah is actually Christian or has just adopted this story from the Christian canon to either suit his worldview or just for the sake of the #aesthetic and you know what? I don’t really care!

Either way, he’s like “my deCK MASTER!!!” and everyone’s like “oh fuck yeah, he had a Deck Master presumably?” cause he never declared one but in a game where there are over 4000 rules and only approximately 32% of plays are legal in any given duel, no one fucking noticed.

Anyway he summons his Deck Master, a big floating boat. Like floating in the air, not floating on the water. That wouldn’t exactly be worth mentioning, being fundamental to the whole boat vibe. He also summons a fucking tsunami to flood the lava lake which, in a move that shocked THIS geologist, did NOT result in explosive bursts of steam-fuelled obsidian shards filling the air and killing everyone but WHATEVER...

Instead we just get this:

lol no it doesn’t.

#Yu-Gi-Oh!#sparklefists watches ygo #seto kaiba #Noah #nerd herd #Jounouchi Katsuya #Hiroto Honda #robot honda #Ryugi Otogi #Anzu Mazaki #shizuka #yugi

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