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#but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show
rotturn
·
1 year
Text
every day on this trip is worse
#i can not stand my sister at all i truly can't
#she's been yelling and arguing for 10 minutes because she has her hair straightner but mum doesnt have a plug converter
#and she keeps yelling ab how her fringe is fucked when it looks literally the same as it has this entire trip
#and is yelling ab how its mums fault as if she couldn't have bought this shit herself before we left
#i am just. so over this
#any fun that would come from being on an international trip is immediately taken away by my mum and sister constantly getting angry
#and either yelling or getting passive aggressive and making me feel horrible its just so tiring
#bc i feel like such a fucking asshole for not enjoying an international trip that i will never get the opportunity for again
#like this cost so much money and it feels awful to say i dont want it or that its not fun or whatever
#but i am constantly dissociating and trying not to cry and ive had meltdowns and panic attacks almost every day but im not allowed to show
#them bc my sister tells me to calm down and not be so dramatic and everything is a sensory nightmare
#and i have a very specific diet at home and its not available outside of nz and there arent really any worthy substitutes and even if there
#are i wont know bc i dont speak the languages so im just living on shitty little protien drinks and hot chocolate which makes me feel worse
#and on top of it all im sick and i havent had any chance to rest bc my sister wont stop ab going places and doing thingd
#and gets pissy if i dont want to
#and its just so fucking difficult i knew that being stuck w them for 2 months would suck but its been 1 week and i cant do this anymore
#i have no other option but i seriously don't know what to do i don't know how to handle this im at my limit
#travelling is stressful and anxiety inducing and its hard enough doing it once on my own
#let alone every 2 or 3 days w family that rushes and runs late and has 10000 bags that never fucking fit on the trains
#and its always me left standing in the aisle blocking peoples path with nowhere to go bc my sisters giant suitcase wont fit anywhere
#i hate this so much and its making me hate all the cities and countries we go to bc i dont get to experience the places i only get
#to experience fucking breakdowns and im constantly drinking water bc im constantly dehydrated from either crying or panicked breathing
#its a mess and i hate it and i want to go home I haven't felt comfortable or safe since i left home and i wont feel either until i go back
#but that isnt until the last couple days of january so i just have to keep dealing with things getting worse by the day
#negative cw
#rant cw
#ask to tag cw
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