hi hello i woke up to an emaillllllllll

guess it sent thru their automatic system bc i got it way outside of business hours which is why i'd stopped checking and didnt see it till today

point is APPARENTLY

IT WORKED. THE NEW DR IS GONNA GHOST-RUN MY HRT THRU THE CRAP DR UNTIL THE NEW YEAR WHEN I CAN TRANSFER MY TREATMENT TO HER OFFICE INSTEAD

it listed the next 3 dates n times they could fit me in (bc its literally a 15-20 min appt max so its nbd *angrily side eyes them for lying and telling me no slots would be available for weeks*) and ONE IS ON MONDAY. THIS MONDAY. 48 HOURS FROM NOW.

it says i have to call as soon as they open monday to claim a slot and if by then it's not available anymore then i'll have to pick a different one but i am gonna be the FIRST mf-ing person on that fuckin phone queue u bet ur ass

cause oh my god. first of all ???? YES, I AM, HOPEFULLY MOST LIKELY GETTING MY FULL HRT STARTED THIS WEEK. 🎉

second of all??? IT WOULD BE SO FUCKING COOL / FUNNY / ON BRAND IF MY OFFICIAL HRT START DATE/ANNIVERSARY WAS ON HALLOWEEN. THAT WOULD BE JUST. SO GOOD LMAO

idk so there's the update y'all. i should hopefully be starting treatment this week thanks to this new doctor's persistence and support. i'm very relieved, esp knowing its just for a few appts until the new year when i can switch over. fuck yes.

(for the inevitable question: no this doesnt erase the legal issues and report being done on my drs office. that will be ongoing. theyre also still witholding other things i need and denying me other services. BUT this?? this they cannae ignore any longer bc now multiple other drs, offices, legal reps and outreach workers have kept their phones ringing off the hook. wouldnt be surprised if the reason theyre giving in now is just to stop me & my backup from annoying the absolute shit out of them tbh. ah well idc why as long as it happens.)

anyway. time for happy dance? yes? lets make it seasonally appropriate

Do all of them!

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

Ye! Sammy! @deziac

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Um... My family, probably, and no.

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Kitty! I love kitties!

4: what’s something you really want right now?

an apartment. on a less serious side, um, glasses???

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

Nope! I already have and since we’re poly im sure i will again owo

6: do you like the beach?

so/so. depends on my mood.

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

um... a pull out sofa, does that count? i have a hard time sleeping unless i can fully lie down.

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my old phone was tony my new phone is space. not sure what it’ll be soon. >w>;; considering i need to redownload all the stuff i got off tumblr. :’( i lost all my snapchat stuff, but i moved all of izaya to my computer so that’s fine.

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

what??? O_o; um... a homeless shelter’s bed and other than that they were all my own??? (not counting the “bed” made of sheets at the one place.)

10: do you like your phone?

i just got a new one!! uwu It has 32GB with it’s own internal storage and I have a 32GB sd card. nwn;; So I have a lot of space~! plus it has a fingerprint sensor and im in love with unlocking it like that owo

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

prolly not, but when do they?

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

sammy! bc we both got new phhones!

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

i heard poodles have bad temperaments!! idk about rottweilers!! whichever one is nicer??/

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional!! physical heals!! short time span for pain! emotional might not go away!

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

DONt mmake me chosoelk??! i love both!!! i lovemy fluffy butts and i went to the met in new york!!! it was so cool!!! swords!! armor!! egypt!! aahhhh!!! i cant choose!!

16: are you tired?

im always tired!!!

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

um... well it’s sammy

so uh, ten years in march owo (technically december was the first time we met!! but we count it as march since that’s when he started talking rly)

18: are they a relative?

no!!

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

it depends on if they changed their personality!! if not then no!! i mean i did get back with sammy but yknow we just count that as a break since we did actually get back together lmao

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

this morning!! she is at work so she’s not too talkative rn!

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

we’re fine with what we’re at!! i don’t need to marry her to make it ‘official’!! we’ve lasted almost 9 years and through some big hardships!! both of us unmedicated and dealing with new medication changes, so i think we’re fine!!

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

of course!! :P

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

two!! my blue sylveon bracelet (i love sylveon, i would wear umbreon but i think i packed it!!!) and my pride rainbow bracelet! i took them off when we were looking for a shelter bc i was scared we’d get denied if they saw obvious gay signs :(

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

not directly!! something along the lines of that there is no set path in life you have to choose which ways you want to twist and turn and they’ll lead you onto new and bigger things.

25: what’s on your mind?

music! stuff for my phone! i have a lot of stuff i need to add to eeet!! it’s only a day oolllddd.

26: do you have any tattoos?

yes! it’s for my kitty who passed away! Her name was luna. I’m sure i’ve posted a picture somewhere.

27: what is your favorite color?

#00C5FF

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

prolly tonight. owo

29: who are you texting?

Sammy owo

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

probably?? lol what.

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

YES ACTUALLY D: idk if it happened any other time, but when we got into the car accident when I told our one friend we were joking about her coming up and hanging with us all my brain said was ‘You shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that.’ and again when we went out to the car and it was pretty heavy snow fall. I was like ‘I shouldn’t go.’ my problem with that one was I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t think ‘we shouldn’t go’. but... what can you do now?

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

um. i don’t think i have a super close opposite sex friend. closest would probably be @h0bsyrup

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’m sure Sammy does. >w> I’m not sure otherwise. My followers don’t tell me that stuff.

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes omg. Sammy was staring me in the eyes the other day and was like ‘your eyes are pretty’ and i’m like ‘omfg shut up >//

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

if they’re not dating then she’s gonna punch their lights out, so i don’t have to worry.

36: were you single on valentines day?

November 24th, 2008 is when I started dating Sammy. You tell me.

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

... of course?? wtf is with these kiss questions.

38: what do your friends call you?

Kiki :D

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

lil bit.

40: have you ever cried over a text?

Um... probably. I can’t remember.

41: where’s your last bruise located?

omg... um i guess undermy belly button is the latest bruise??? i have a lot atm from surgery and being motionless for four days!!

42: what is it from?

Sammy actually like harshly pushed on that area. like when you go to land somewhere with your full weight then you go ‘oh fuck’ yeah.

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

um... recently??? but i guess not as bad as with my mom.

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Sammy owo

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Nah.

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

No.my hair style is like 99% bun.

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

i dont follow trends i set them.

48: do you make supper for your family?

not recently but i would for sammy and i usually

49: does your bedroom have a door?

i don’t have a “bedroom” atm e.e

50: top 3 web-pages?

tambo.c0m (tumblr), archiveofourown.org (ao3), youtube.com (the three i use the most anyway)

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Sammy. xD at least food shopping.

52: does anything on your body hurt?

Abdomen. (:

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

it depends. if it’s unnecessary then prolly. if they’ve fucked me over idc. (i.e. my family trying to replace my mom’s abusiveness, fuck them.)

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

prolly water owo

55: how is your hair?

it’s feeling fine, thank you for asking!

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

it depends! if it’s my “morning” i wake up and usually bathroom.

57: do you think two people can last forever?

sure but it takes work. it’s not gonna be perfect 24/7 without communication or compromise.

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

ye. omfg why would you give me nightmares. that’s when i started the rping side of myspce and met that douche wesley. his lying ass made me start self harming. fuck him.

59: green or purple grapes?

i don’t eat grapes .w.;;

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

sometime in the future! prolly sammy!

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

in an apartment. >w> or at the pompeii exhibit!!!

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

possibly today

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

lying in bed. :D

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

struggling to be alive. (eating chocolate chip muffins)

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

oh god. w8 no. i didn’t like anyone yet. that started like october or shit. ugh my ex. he became an ass. (aside from sammy obvs)

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

sammy!!

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

um... i don’t think so. i think we were both too tired and stressed. we didn’t get into bed until like 1 and the shelter has us be out of beds by 8:30 x3x;

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

um... ‘i should go back to sleep’ after waking up a third time and distracting myself with the phone

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yeah,but at least i tried.

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

it’s not *my* computer, so it doesn’t count! ;D (8 but im downloading music stfu)

71: how many fingers do you have?

i have 10. my one pinky counts as a half finger sometimes though. i broke it and bc i didnt have insurance i never went to a doctor to get it fully take care of so it healed up all wrong.

72: what is your ringtone?

default at the moment!

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

oh fuck i’ll be 24. man if you asked me that back in june i’d be like ‘still 23 (;’ but no. my bday is december

74: where is your mum right now?

She passed away. :/

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I realize that as much as I wanted to believe it was love, it never fully blossomed into that until I was with Sammy. I don’t think I’ve truly ever gotten to love anyone else, but that’s okay.

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

of course owo sammy and i are hella gay don’t u know.

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

i believe so owo we just don’t talk as much bc im a lazy sack of shit.

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

fuck. i think i had a minor crush on some dude who also liked green day but never fuckin talked to me so i never bothered. that might’ve also technically been when i started liking wesley. does billie joe from green day count?

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

personally? uh.... i’m not totally sure o-o; fuck me man.

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

probably wait yes. sammy. spooning is our fave position.

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

e.e no one that wasn’t a celebrity. 

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

no bc shelter e.e

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

:P i talk to them everyday.

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

i wouldn’t get drunk! i wouldn’t scream at ppl! that’s rude! ppl usually can’t even hear you when you yell at the window! we hear ‘whoosh’ with your voice in the middle’

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

i would be concerned since she’s said she doesn’t like them!!

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

um... oh! a conversation started and a lil girl asked if we were in a certain theatre and I said ‘no we were in theatre blah’ so I asked what they went and saw. She said “Wonder Woman” “hey we just came out of that, too!” :P

87: who was your last received call from?

.3.; sammy

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i-i’m torn??? i needm oney but poor butter-san... ;____;

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money. clothes maybe

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah. lmao.

91: do you sleep with your window open?

i usually do! esp in the winter/summer! need air and love cold!

92: do you get along with girls?

ye!

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no. owo

94: does sex mean love?

no! sex is something that can bring someone closer, but it is not necessary for a relationship! 

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

>3>;;; again, no.

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

owo; indirectly. i shared a drink with someone who had one. xD

97: did you sleep alone this week?

not this week! :D last week. ;~; at the hospital.

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes. >3>

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

no!!! that’s not love!! you might end up loving them but you can’t love someone unless you know them!! :c otherwise it’ll lead to some bad decisions!! D:

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

OwO Sammy I think.

survey w/ charley n katie

(from yesterday)

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? e: I don't even want to think about that thx k: I'd be like "dudeeee,, mannnn,, wtf" c:"not u again" 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? e: nothing k: same c: fwb 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? e: depends what drugs I guess but not rly k: no. depends how dependent they were c: id so drugs w/ them 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? e: it is 6 letters k: same c: no mines 5 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? e: drunk like all my my kisses lmao k: sober c: same 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? e: yes k: yeh definitely c: yeh 7. What does your last received text say? e: "11.30 please El, X" k: "I just set off, will u be on the platform??" c: cruise cook sexted me 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? e: just the once k: idk c: I've lost count 9. Where was your last kiss at? e: the college party k: here c: same 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? e: few hours ago k: never c: this morning. wait which 1? 11. What do you drink in the morning? e: green tea k: tea c: coffee 12. Where did you sleep last night? e: in my bed k: in my bed yeah c: in both of ur beds,,, 13. Do you think relationships are hard? e: idk k: same c: sometimes, depends 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? e: nah k: no c: nah 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? e: idk probs not k: no c: no 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? e: sunny k: sunny c: rainy 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? e: yeh loads of ppl k: no c: I'm the only one of my kind 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? e: jeans k: nothing c: all of the above 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? e: idk k: who knows that,,, what. I can't even see what I'm doing next week c: I don't even know what day it is half the time 20. Does anyone like you? e: no k: many c:  how am I supposed to know? 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? e: yeah k: yeh ofc I've had 14 boyfriends c: I've never been kissed... 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? e: no k: no, straightest person I know c: sexuality is a socially constructed concept 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? all: myself 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? e: yep k: yep I have 1 c: same 25. In the past week have you cried? e: a few times lol k: no n it's killing me c: times an illusion mate 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? e: idk k: same c: the Devils dog 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? e: out obviously??? k: I'm always dry c: neither bc I'm always wet   28. Have you ever kissed a football player? e: yeh. not a professional tho lol k: same here c: mate am gay 29. Do you think you’re old? e: nah k: times a concept c: age is just a number (Katie: oh don't be a pedophile about it) 30. Do you like text messaging? e: it's alright k: no c: I hate all technology 31. What type of day are you having? e: it's been a mix of emotions tbh. bad morning but spent some time w/ my pals so it's all good now x k: I had gr8 day c: I'm not it's night 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? e: yeh k: I do c: no 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? e: warm k: warm c: cold 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? e: no k: um,,, means a LOT, err,,, nooo,, c: idc about anybody 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? e: idk probs a relationship c: a fling for a extended period of time k: yeh same. like an extended metaphor but like an extended fling 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? e: idk mate k: both c: complicated on a simple level 37. What song are you listening to? all: waiting for love by avicii 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? e: usually k: depends c: yeh 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? e: yeh a few k: gender is a concept c: I refuse to conform to gender constructs 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? e: I don't like anyone TBH k: WELL... let me tell u. long story c: fate n destiny (kt: oh fuck the fucking shit off) 41. When did you last receive a text message? e: few hours ago k: same c: never 42. What is wrong with you right now? e: everything k: everything c: everything   43. How well do you know the last female you texted? e: p well k: um,, genders a concept c: same 44. Does anyone disgust you? e: idk k: um the person who spits at the bus stop c: both of u 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? e: depends who it was k: yeh bc I'm very lazy c: I'm a cheap date 46. Are you in a good mood right now? e: yeh k: yeh c: yeh 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? e: kt n Charles c: my poly partners k: my pol parts 48. What color shirt are you wearing? e: White k: red n orange n yellow c: I'm colourblind but floral bc I am the prettiest flower in the garden 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? e: probs k: yeh my mum c: yeah kt told me I was bad in bed 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? e: myself k: myself yeh c: me, myself and I 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? e: idk k: no c: who dat 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? e: probs k: yeh c: many times 53. Do you like rain? e: yeah tbh c: I don't just like it I love it k: yes 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? e: nah I do k: depends how they are when they're drunk c: don't give a shit 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? e: yeh like every person I've liked k: the only person ppl find out I like them is by chance or if they tell me first c: yeh u 56. Do you like to cuddle? e: yeh k: fuckin hate it man c: aww I love a good cuddle 57. Are you shy? e: sometimes k: same c: the shyest 58. Do you get along with girls? e: yeh k: um I feel like no c: do I? mate there's a reason I'm gay 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? e: noooo k: yes (charley: ur such a slutttt) c: in my dreams I have dated u Ella 60. What do you carry with you at all times? e: phone, earphones, polos, lip balm n tissues c: my emotional baggage k: same 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? e: yeh k: yes. 100% c: I'd do it minus the 1 million 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? e: yeah k: done it c: did it 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? e: no k: I mean it depends what u say a relationship is c: in one way or another 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? e: idk who I like so :// but yeh k: yeh c: yeh 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? e: kt gave me chocolate lol k: yeh my bae took me on a date c: I popped the question n she said yes 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? e: 17, 17, 16 k: 17, 17, n I'm guessing 17 c: 17, 17 n 17 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? e: so them myself c: diy init k: no 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? e: neither k: yeah neither c: both 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? e: don't have a car mate k: no c: no 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? e: idk who luke Bryan is so,, c: lil Wayne cos he's little so I probs won't be able to hear him anyway k: same for Ella 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? e: iPhone k: anroid all the way c: none of the above 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? e: idk a while ago k: ages c: never 73. Do you like diet soda? e: idk u can't rly taste the difference k: no it's shit c: often often often. Often 74. What color are the walls in your room? e: White? n yellow :// k: blue n white c: black like my soul 75. Are you 16 or older? all: yeh 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? e: no k: no c: yeh 77. Do you have a job? e: nah k: yah c: yeh 78. What are your initials? e: eln k: kpl c: cer 79. Did you ever have braces? e: yep k: yeah c: still do thanks to u 80. Are you from the south? e: no k: nah c: nope 81. What does your last status on facebook say? e: fuck knows k: probs back in like 2013 so fuck knows c: single pringle ready to mingle 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? e:yeh k: noooo mate c: I don't remember who it was 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? e: mum k: dad as fuck c: neither. cool, sweet 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? e: I used to do gymnastics k: same c: believe or not I'm actually not that flexible 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? e: rogue one c: trolls k: insidious 2 86. Do you smoke? e: nooo,,,, k: no. smoke? what is this what? c: 40 a day 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? e: heels, easily k:yeah same I hate flip flops c: i'd rather be barefoot 88. Is your phone touch screen? e: yeh k: yaaasss c: I mean, it is the 21st century 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? e: straight or wavy k: straight c: curly 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? e: no cos am a good girl x k: I feel like I have but idk c: yeh there was a time 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? e: pool I guess, but lakes are cool k:any I love swim c: river/lake 92. Have you ever made out in a car? e: no k: yeah c: yes. just the once 93. …Had sex in a car? e: no k: nnnn,,, no c: yeh 94. Are you single or in a relationship? e: single k: I am currently err in a long-distance relationship with God c: there is a fine line between the two. somewhere in the middle 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? e: was on tumblr I think k: watching 7 deadly sins c: I've slept since then 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? e: Bradshaw fireworks, so like October/November c: this morn/this afternoon k: idk 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? e: it's alright k: it's a bit shit tbh c: no cos it makes me look ugly 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? e: no k: yeah c: I've had beneficial friendships if that's what ur asking 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? e: yes k: yes c: probs cos I don't remember 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? e: probs k: yeh c: I don't use fb 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? e: no cos I'm a massive virgin. extra virgin olive oil over here k: constantly c: only once a month 102. Name your favorite Kesha song: e: I don't have one c: *singing* tik tok k: *also signing* tik tok, oh how does it go? 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? e: no k: no c: no I'm as white as a cracker 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? e: um probs not c: yeah k: yeah, obviously