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cantbehandled-ever · 5 years

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thanks @satans-helper for tagging me in this get to know me tag! i’ve never done one this long, so here’s a bunch of info that no one wanted to know about me lmao

1. What’s your middle name?

- Lynn, which i hateee

2. how old are you?

- 19

3. when is your birthday?

- november 17th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

- scorpio sun, libra rising, pisces moon. i have two fucking water signs which explains why i’m so emotional

5. what’s your favorite shade of green?

- forest/emerald green

6. what’s your lucky number?

- 8

7. do you have any pets?

- yes! i have three dogs and i’d die for them

8. where are you from?

- originally chicago, but now i live in orlando

9. how tall are you?

- 5’9

10. what shoe size are you?

- 10 in women’s, 8.5 in men’s

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

- 10

12. what was your last dream about?

- i dreamt that i ran off to live in a cave and raised goldfish as my past time, so i’m really jealous that i didn’t actually do that

13. what talents do you have?

- i can bs my way through stuff, because if i really need to, i can come off as decently eloquent. also i can sing kinda well, nothing amazing

14. are you psychic in any way?

- i’ve had dreams that ended up happening exactly like i dreamed them

15. favorite song?

- i could not tell you, but lately i’ve been listening to Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac several times a day

16. Favorite movie?

- the sixth sense (i just really like m. night shyamalan movies)

17. who would be our ideal partner?

- someone with a great sense of humor and i’m pretty anxious, so someone who is good at keeping calm

18. do you want children?

- nope lmao, but i do want to be an aunt. i like kids, but like only when i can give them back to their parents when i get tired of them lol

19. do you want a church wedding?

- not really, if i did end up having one, it would be bc the building was beautiful it would have nothing to do with it being a church

20. are you religious?

- no, long and sad history with religion. i do consider myself to be pretty spiritual and learning more about stuff like that is really interesting to me

21. have you ever been to a hospital?

- yep, last year over spring break i had to get my gallbladder removed:)))))))) my surgeon took pics of my gallbladder though and it’s super sick and gross looking so at least i have that

22. have you ever gotten into trouble with the law?

- nope

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

- i met andy mientus, but he’s not like a huge celebrity

24. baths or showers?

- showers, baths are gross

25. what color socks are you wearing?

- white and purple

26. have you ever been famous?

- not really, but when i was in fifth grade i submitted a poem i wrote to a publishing company and they put it into a book, so my elementary school made a big deal out of it, so i was like a local celebrity amongst ten year olds for a week lol

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

- only if it was for music, because that’s the only way i could see myself being happy with it. however, i’d much rather just have my own niche audience and be super personal with them, but still make enough money that i could afford to have that be my only career

28. what type of music do you like?

- mainly rock and funkier music, but i can pretty much listen to anything

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

- no, because i hate my body lol

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

- i’m a stomach sleeper

32. how big is your house?

- i live in a tiny apartment

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

- usually just coffee, but sometimes i’ll have a breakfast bar

34. have you ever fired a gun?

- yes and i hated it, it’s way too scary to hold something like that

35. have you ever tried archery?

- yeah! we had it as a unit in my middle school gym class and i wasn’t super horrible at it!

36. favorite clean word?

- indubitably

37. favorite swear word?

- it’s more of a statement but i say “fuck off” all the time

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

- 29 when i was studying for finals last year

39. do you have any scars?

- several

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

- yeah when i was seven

41. are you a good liar?

- when i need to be

42. are you a good judge of character?

- no i try to let everyone prove themselves, but mainly just makes me feel dumb when they screw me over

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

- i don’t really have a midwestern accent anymore, but i can do one to make fun of my family members

44. do you have a strong accent?

- no

45. what’s your favorite accents?

- south african

46. what’s your personality type?

- advocate

47. what’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

- my doc martens were like $135 and i treat them like babies

48. can you curl your tongue?

- yep

49. are you an innie or an outie?

- bellybutton??? an innie but that’s super weird

50. left or right handed?

- right handed

51. are you scared of spiders?

- oh absolutely

52. favorite food?

- sushi

53. favorite foreign food?

- sushi or mexican food

54. are you a clean or messy person?

- both, i keep my room super messy, but any area of the apartment that i share with other people i keep spotless

55. most used phrase?

- “oh absolutely”

56. most used word?

- fuck

57. how long does it take you to get ready?

- roughly about an hour and 15 minutes

58. do you have much of an ego?

- depends, but in general i wouldn’t say so

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

- suck

60. do you talk to yourself?

- who doesn’t?????

61. do you sing to yourself?

- all the time

62. are you good singer?

- i’m fine, nothing impressive

63. biggest fear?

- being kidnapped and also i’m really afraid of strange men, i can’t bring myself to trust both of them

64. are you a gossip?

- to my roommates

65. best dramatic movie you’ve ever seen?

- i really don’t know, i don’t watch a ton of dramas, mainly comedy

66. do you like long or short hair?

- on girls i like both, on guys i prefer long

67. can you name all 50 states in america?

- yeah if you gave me a few minutes

68. favorite school subject?

- biology

69. extrovert or introvert?

- introvert

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

- nope

71. what makes you nervous?

- i have anxiety :)))) so everything

72. are you scared of the dark?

- only if i’m in a strange place

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

- depends on my relationship with them

74. are you ticklish?

- holy shit yeah

75. have you ever started a rumor?

- nope

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

- not one that mattered

77. have you drank underage?

- yes, i literally have more alcohol than food in my fridge rn

78. have you ever done drugs?

- yep, like three days ago

79. who was your first real crush?

- a kid named conner when i was in sixth grade

80. how many piercings do you have?

- four

81. can you roll your r’s?

- nope

82. how fast can you type?

- moderately fast

83. how fast can you run?

- not fast at all

84. what color is your hair?

- auburn

85. what color are your eyes?

- brown

86. what are you allergic to?

- shellfish

87. do you keep a journal?

- nope but i have a finsta which i use for the same reason

88. what do your parents do?

- my mom is a nurse and my dad used to be a firefighter

89. do you like your age?

- i mean i don’t like how close i am to being a real adult, but it’s fine

90. what makes you angry?

- lots of stuff

91. do you like your name?

- nope, i think it’s stupid

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they?

- nope, no children thanks

93. do you want a boy or a girl child?

- neither

94. what are your strengths?

- i’m a good problem solver and i have a good work ethic

95.what are your weaknesses?

- i am physically weak and wayyyyy too emotional

96. how did you get your name?

- my mom watched steel magnolias in college and decided she was going to name her first daughter shelby

97. were your ancestors royalty?

- i doubt it, but on the off chance, pls send money i’m broke :))))))

98. do you have any scars?

- yes

99. color of your bedspread?

- white

100. color of your room?

- yellow

im tagging: @blackbluemichael @flowrxchild @rosecolouredash @calumsdemons @ghostofcth @what-now-lucas

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fromwildplaces-blog · 7 years

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What’s it [worth] to you?

My life, for as long as I can remember, has been deeply rooted in the outdoors. I owe this to my father, who is an archer, a bowhunter, and was for much of my childhood a very active member of conservation efforts in the state of Missouri. Because of my dad, I had a strong understanding of the interconnectedness of the nonhuman and human worlds, long before I knew the buzzwords that others had been using to talk about that relationship in books and poems and academic research. The first time I read a deep ecology essay by Gary Snyder, it was like returning home, but with different words to describe it. Since my childhood, wilderness areas have continued to provide me with the most spiritually, emotionally, and physically significant experiences of my life. They have challenged me, taught me to be strong in ways that defy expectations, and taught me to be as indifferent to adversity as adversity is to all of us. Wilderness areas have taught me about commitment–weighing risks against possible outcomes and understanding that if I begin, I must see it through to whatever end may come. My skill and my will are worth something in the wild. They’re tangible. There is no faking it, no free rides, no good ‘ol boy system, no name-dropping, no buying a successful summit. It’s just me, stripped down to the core of who I am, instinctively, and that matters.

If you let it, the wild will tell you who you really are. And each time you go out, you may very well find that you are different, that you have grown, or maybe even regressed, spiritually, emotionally, physically, or in a combination of ways. When your body is physically pushed to its limits, your spiritual and emotional stamina take over. You realize very quickly if either of those things is out of shape. We spend countless hours preparing our bodies to endure, but far less time preparing our minds. The strength of our bodies isn’t everything.

Several years ago when I was still in the Army, an instructor for the Combatives Trainer Certification course I was taking told me I was “tougher than hell.” I laughed and said thanks, but I didn’t understand at the time. I had lost more matches than I won. My opponents always had at least twice the physical strength that I had. It was frustrating. In hindsight, I get it now. I never gave up. Even as I was twisted and pulled and thrown and ribs were bruised and cracked, I never tapped out. I kept fighting. While most of us are so focused on preparing our bodies to win, we forget that what keeps us in the fight is our inner strength. Call it survival instincts. Call it will. Call it heart. It’s worth much more than we think, because sometimes “winning” is nothing more than being able to get back up at the end.

Physical strength is needed, skill is needed, but knowing (and testing and growing) our inner strength is absolutely crucial.

The last two times I’ve gone out on a mountain, I’ve questioned whether I still had heart. Back in mid-September, I’d attempted to complete a segment of The Colorado Trail that crosses over the Tenmile Range. I had an asthma attack at over 11,000’ and developed symptoms of AMS some time after, causing me to abandon the trail and head for lower ground. By the time I reached the trailhead, my body was in poor shape. It was my emotional reservoir—and my dog—that got me down, but the experience of physical failure planted a seed of doubt in me. Upon my return home, I recommitted myself to a new cardio regimen to see if I could improve lung function by getting myself in better physical shape before my next attempt. Seven weeks later I successfully summited a 14,154’ mountain, but I nearly turned around multiple times on the ascent because of lack of oxygen and extreme fatigue. I could hardly make my legs move. I again developed symptoms of AMS, this time on the descent beginning a couple thousand feet below the summit. My confidence faltered. For the first time ever, I considered quitting these “crazy” outdoor activities, and soon I started noticing something about my inner self that I didn’t like: my spirit was weakening. I felt myself giving up.

A doctor’s visit, lots of contemplation (and some cardio), and eighteen weeks later, this past weekend I headed out to another mountain, 14,265’ in altitude, with prescribed acetazolamide in my pack. Acetazolamide allows the blood to carry more oxygen and minimizes symptoms of AMS, including fluid retention. I also carried a pulse oximeter around my neck, which measures heart rate and SpO2 (oxygen saturation). The climb was hard, and multiple times yet again I thought about turning around. I was stopping a lot to catch my breath and I could feel the oxygen going straight to my legs. At some point during the first 1300-foot .9-mile incline, a woman climbing with oxygen passed me. I didn’t ask her about the condition that required her use of supplemental oxygen. I just looked at her in amazement and said to myself, “If she can do it, I can do it.” And as luck would have it, the snowfall and clouds dissipated late morning, allowing me to make out a slightly more optimistic inner voice. “The weather is perfect. The acetazolamide is working. There is no reason to not slow way down, breathe, and climb this mountain.” And so I listened to that voice. And ten hours later, I was at the car celebrating another successful summit.

It has taken me a few days to process the experience, as it sometimes does. There are lessons and growth to be had in times like that, and if I don’t take the time to process, it’s wasted. I posted a couple of summit photos to social media, however, and someone commented that I “seem to have such an awesome life!” I thought about how misleading our social media activity can be. But then I thought, “I really do have an awesome life.” It was not always so, and will not always be so, and I’ve become so much more aware of that lately, to the point that I am finally starting to see through some of the shit that held me back before, and I’ve decided to take it out of my pack, because I don’t need any extra weight on my next climb.

The question that a lot of the elite climbers get is “why?” Why do they want to climb Everest, or any other mountain? What makes the risks and the uncertainty worth it to them? I get asked why I drive 8.5 hours on a two-day weekend in order to climb mountains. The best answer I can offer is this: I do it to push myself to the max in an environment that is conducive to both success and failure without discrimination. I do it to test my skills (and learn additional ones), but most of all I do it to see who I am after shedding the layers of complex human “stuff” that tends to build up after awhile, to see how I’ve changed… to check myself and to prevent my very real core being–the one who comes out when nobody else is around–from regressing or disappearing completely… to feel my roots and grow stronger, ever upward… and then to return, back to the house, to the job, with a renewed understanding of who and what I really am.

That’s what it’s worth to me.

And, well, as Doug Hansen’s character said in the 2015 Everest film, “Because climbing that high and seeing that kind of beauty that nobody ever sees, it’d be a crime not to.”

#words #essay #fromwildplaces #FWP-essays

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