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strangerays · 3 years

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Nothing in Particular Update #3

About seven months and I finished the first draft at 93k!

I always imagined how it would feel to finish a first draft (I’ve been writing novels “seriously” since about 2017) and now that I’ve finally done it, I can say it’s a better feeling than I imagined! Telling my friends and family (and even my doctor, who was really quite excited about it) was an amazing amazing thing. I’m generally pretty nervous to tell people about my work, but I had a really positive reaction. Honestly all of it has me on a creative high (not sure I’m coming down from that any time soon lol).

I’m going back for my last year of school in two days, which means I’m not going to have as much time as I did to write all summer. This is okay, because I’m actually going to take an entire month off of writing! I’m really burnt out - don’t want to start editing a story that’s so near to me if I don’t feel ready. I’ll talk more about editing when the time comes!

In a lot of ways, I found that my life mimicked my art. I think for a lot of people, it tends to be the other way around, but this story did a lot to heal me.

Going to hop right into excerpts now! I’m not going to explain much this far into the story because I would like to try to publish this story (FAR in the future) so I apologize for that! Also, I stopped naming most of the chapters until I go back and edit because there are just SO MANY and I didn’t have the time to stop and think of cool names. Anyways... enjoy!!

(Here is the link to the original masterpost!)

text: Rays of gold curled to the ground, primordial and shy as the fire reeds on the cusps of shallow pool around the bay outside of Mothouse combed them to fine sparkles. I remembered the way Lonan kneeled on the edges of this pool. He never dove in – just blinked slowly as he watched crabs and minnows chase each other in a swirl of sand. I could not resist the water. I’d made it a part of me. My hair was longer then; down to my elbows, fading from dark red to orange and white, soaked always. Lonan let me borrow his shirts when I forgot to bring my own. They hung from my waist, too big for me, and I was warm even as the breeze rocked us inside.

text: The sky was never blue in Point Blink. At least, I couldn’t remember the last time the clouds hadn’t given way to a dark gray mist. Jude was here. I was out of place. I was floating – watching slender, underfed pines wave in the breeze behind houses on the water before they disappeared underneath furls of cloud. Bursts of warm light shone in windows on the bay, like hungry eyes watching for a storm. A group of kids our age chaffed on a rocky expanse, their heads popping over pockets of darkness when they laughed. Froths of cloud stretched across the sky, moving the ground with it. Long stretches of trees and islands far on the other side of our small pocket of ocean looked more like large freight ships. Lights glittered and beamed on the roads and highways that belonged to the city. Pink was starting to show over the horizon. Lonan was on the other side. Somewhere.

text:

Jude sucked her lips in and flopped onto her stomach so she could see the blue below her feet. Her dark curls draped over her ears and hid her nose.

“I can’t see the bottom of the ocean.” She cupped her fingers with the other hand. “See where the water fades to white and back again? The endless tide. Why do people say the ocean is blue?”

I leaned forward. She was right. Blue ocean climbed up the side of the cliffs and turned the rocks a dark gray; ate the erosion as if from a plate. I’d never had the ocean explained to me that way before.

“I think I like it that way,” I said.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was at the bottom of Point Blink.

text:

She smiled weakly. “It’s okay. This is just guesswork. Patchwork.”

I wanted to apologize again, but I had a strong guess that it might make her annoyed with me. “It’s kind of like… I’m just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.”

She wrinkled her nose and eyebrows, scrunched up her little face. “That’s dumb.”

“I think it’s a smart way to live.” Sometimes it felt like worry was the only thing that kept me alive. It wasn’t dumb at all.

“You’re going to be fine though. We’re going to be fine. If something bad happens, we’ll deal with it. Don’t let it eat you.”

There was wisdom in what this seventeen-year-old girl on my bed had offered me. I caught it like a gold coin. Before I could reply with anything, she launched into another question. I didn’t want to think much about change anyways.

text:

“Oh. Wow. That’s like, next year.” I sort of laughed.

“A year can be a long time,” Lonan said with a wince. “What do you think?”

I sighed through my nose and leaned back with him. The sun was going down. Sometimes, my life felt less like a golden hourglass and more like a stopwatch with a broken face.

“For once, I think I agree with your mom.”

Lonan just stared at me, with something like awe.

“I think you should do what you want,” I said.

“Ray,” Lonan started.

“No,” I interrupted him. “It’s not about me. She’s stopped you from doing anything and everything you’ve wanted to for the last four years, so when you go to college, you’ve got to separate yourself from this place.” I pointed to him. “You’re allowed to do this.”

text:

Maybe I was just being strange. Lonan was my best friend. It didn’t help that there was a little bit of him in everything – the tide pools, the echo of shells, my broken camera.

Soon, we stood in the center of the field. A breeze whispered through the cattails, fanning against our knees. Ellis loped behind me as I stepped in and out of tire tracks under the cloudless sun. She wasn’t much different than Jude. Her footsteps crunched excitedly behind mine, excited at the prospect of an unprecedented adventure. I’d missed those.

Lonan said he didn’t like to walk in fields because the wind tricked him into thinking that someone was behind him. Every brisk of his heel was a trick of the mind. Sometimes I felt the same way, like I might be haunted.

text:

The ageless water begged me closer, frizzed my hair and swathed my arms in a sweet, familiar scent. I remembered galloping down to the shore with a childhood friend in one May. Soft piano accompanied croaky lyrics from someone’s radio when we fell chest-first into the water. Static erupted in my head. There had been nothing new for me in Point Blink for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to float. Grass turned into pebbles, and I heard Ellis’ footsteps soften to the beat of the sand. Our eyes crumbled the shells that walled the long expanse of dark sand where waves rolled in. We leaned over like two swans, crunching shells beneath our feet, displaying shells to one another, naming the ones we recognized, and when I looked out at the horizon, I saw blue.

Red plastic cups, cigarettes, and even some broken glass stuck out through the sand as we made our way further down the shoreline, as if someone had thrown a party. My brow furrowed. Maybe this part of the beach wasn’t so abandoned after all.

Between the spit of the waves and dry sand lay some sort of book. Sand trickled out of the pages and onto my shoes when I swept it out of line of an oncoming wave. Ellis was beside me in moments. Shells tolled under her shoes.

*Warning for mention of blood (fake blood and fake knife!!) this takes place on Halloween haha*

text:

Jude held the container in her palm, kneeled down so we were shoulder to shoulder. Her eyes fixed on the knife in my neck, mine on her hands, then her focused expression. Her fingers tipped my chin up, cold on my skin. I tried not to move. Suddenly, I wasn’t thinking about Dad, or Raven, or Lonan. I only let Jude in – this girl who had come out of nowhere and wrecked me, saved me. And she didn’t know any of that. I didn’t owe anything to her, but I needed her. She kept us afloat when I couldn’t even keep myself above water. Her fingers painted blood over the center of my throat, our breath quiet on each other’s cheeks. She held my shoulder as she set back.

“Absolutely feral,” she said.

text:

“Point Blink is all I have. It’s where I am, what I am.” My throat was tight. “It’s all I’ve known. I am happy with my life. And I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to throw all of that away so we can dig up answers. I want to stay.”

Jude sat there for a moment. I think Florian and Ellis had turned to look at us, because when we went silent, I could no longer heat their hushed whispers, only the sound of water as it rose and rose and rose. I wondered if it would rain.

Jude sat up on her hands, then her knees, then she stood over me.

“Is that what you honestly believe?”

Tears bubbled in her eyes. Blood streaked down her cheeks. I’d been so focused on not crying, I had missed when she started to.

“Point Blink is just the same as anywhere,” she said. The words sat somewhere above her inside her chest, weak and frail, as though they’d been realized a long time ago.

I’d stared into her eyes until they disappeared. She grabbed onto a branch above her and quietly swung herself around a corner. Her footsteps echoed until they dissolved into waves and birds and frogs and left me in the dark.

#10

*Warning for strong language!*

text:

“Why didn’t you tell me how you’d been feeling?” he asked after a few moments of silence. It was beginning to stretch uncomfortably.

“I know I don’t deserve to know,” he added, “but you’ve always put me first.”

I picked at the wood that peeled from the fence.

“I just want you to be okay,” Lonan croaked. “Please tell me what to do.”

Even when we were together, we still worried about each other. It wasn’t always that way. Maybe that was my fault. I didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I mumbled into the crisp, red air. “To be fair, I didn’t know it like I know now for a long time. I think sometimes I got the same way as a kid. Now I have a name for it, and I still don’t know if it feels right.” I sighed. “I guess… I guess I just thought that was how things were supposed to be. I thought I was only the humming low and the high.”

“Of course that’s not how you’re fucking supposed to be.”

I coughed on a laugh, wiped away a new set of tears. On the rare occasion that Lonan did swear, he sounded much like he was doing it for the first time.

I hadn’t fully realized what I’d said before Lonan’s hand was around my arm. He pulled me close to his chest. I felt smaller than him; warm and safe. I exhaled and sunk into him, didn’t allow anything else in. I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

“You’re funny and smart and better than a lot of people.”

And... that wraps up all of my excerpts for the time being! I really enjoyed writing the last four chapters of this book. Of course they aren’t perfect. A lot of the book needs improvement. There are entire characters who are flat and plot lines I just forgot about! Come October, I plan to get back into my edits/rewrite the story.

Really quick before I finish writing this:

I just wanted to thank everyone who read about my story and showed genuine interest in the characters. Had I not received all of this love from people in real life and online, I might never have finished this draft at all. When I started this story, my mental health was really quite bad. (I’m doing a whole lot better these days!!) I guess you could say the idea started as more of a journal entry. All of these characters are like little parts of me coming together to help the main character, and I think there’s something really special about that.

Thank you so much! Good luck on all your creative endeavors! It pays off in the end, I promise :)

tag list (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting @cryptid-s-wips @kingsinking @author-a-holmes

#my little note at the end says it all haha #thank you so so much for reading!#I still can't believe I finished this book on five hours of sleep

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poetic-emptiness-fanfic · 3 years

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Swim School

Hande tries to teach Lachlan to swim.

Yay, it’s finished! This idea haunted in my head for so long I had to write it before I start to really work on my giveaway prizes (I’m so sorry for making you wait!). This is my first fic featuring an OC of other person, so I’m pretty nervous. Thank you, @leila-of-ravens, of allowing me to use Lachlan - I hope I managed to do him justice and that you like it!

Characters: Hande Kuura, Lachlan Lonan & Leila Lonan (mentioned - Lachlan and Leila belong to @leila-of-ravens)

Content warning: mention of (almost) drowning

Words: ~2 360

”I still can't believe the navy didn't teach you how to swim... That's so stupid...” Hande snaps to herself when Lachlan enters the water cautiously. ”Well, they thought it would be more important to learn how to lick officers' boots than to swim,” the man chuckles, trying to look confident. There's no fooling Hande, though: she can see he's a little nervous and is feeling uncomfortable. Lachlan can feel Hande's eyes piercing through him, as if she could read his mind. ”Is something wrong?” the magician asks tentatively. Lachlan tries to keep his bravado when he answers, ”Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?” Hande just narrows her eyes which makes Lachlan's shoulders shrink. He sighs, deciding it's better to give her at least partial truth, ”I don't understand why you're seeing all this trouble... We haven't known each other that long and you're trying to teach a grown-up man how to swim.”

Hande raises her eyebrows, feeling a little uncertain, ”It isn't any trouble, Lachlan. I may not remember most of my past, but I've learnt from my parents, that especially in Hjalle swimming is an important life skill and taught to everyone. Besides, the first time we met you almost died, remember?”

Yes, the first meeting of Lachlan and Hande had been peculiar, to say the least. Both of them happened to be on a gondola ride in Vesuvia at the same time. Everything went well, until the gondolier of the boat, where Hande was in, became distracted and the gondola crashed with the one where Lachlan was in. Both of the gondoliers lost their balance and the boats keeled over. Hande managed to rise to the surface quickly, and was about to swim to the shore when she noticed that the passenger of other gondola was in trouble. His hands were trashing around, head bobbing above and below the waterline – the man was drowning. Hande immediately swam to the man, helped him to keep his head above the surface and swam with him to the shore. After the man had puked all the water out and recovered from the shock, Hande was surprised to learn that the man was the brother of her friend, Leila. Hande escorted Lachlan to Leila's tea shop, was invited in with many thanks and became acquainted with the youngest of Lonan brothers.

Lachlan is shifting his weight, still nearer to the shore than to Hande. He's known Hande for only a few weeks, and he doesn't like the idea of opening up to her. ”This is going to be a lot of work, you know? I'm not a patient man... And I'm probably too old for this,” he remarks with a lopsided smirk on his face. Hande sighs, but then smiles back to Lachlan, ”I wouldn't have offered to teach you if I thought I can't handle it. I know it will be a long process and I'm prepared for it. And nonsense, you're never too old to learn something.” Hande realises the man is stalling right now, and can't help but wonder if he finds it uncomfortable to be in her presence. Trying her best to brush her creeping insecurities away, she decides not to push Lachlan, but let him do things in his own time. After a tense moment, the man finally breaks the silence, ”Why? Why are you so keen to help me? You've only known me for a little time.” Hande lowers her gaze, staring at the water. She keeps fiddling her swimsuit, thinking what she should say.

The silence starts to feel a little awkward, which makes Lachlan feel uneasy and impatient. He's wondering if he should leave, when Hande finally answers, her voice not louder than a whisper, ”I have seen someone die in an accident that could have been avoided... I don't want that to happen again, if I can help it.” The way the magician gave her answer, so ruefully, makes Lachlan curious. Still, he decides it'll be better not to pry. Instead, he finally approaches Hande, tentatively placing his hand on her shoulder. Lachlan can feel Hande tense a little, but then she relaxes, turning to face the man. She gives him a bashful smile, patting the hand on her shoulder, ”Well, it's no use to scowl about it, let's begin our lesson!” she chirps, sounding almost too cheerful.

Lachlan doesn't want to make his sister's friend to feel any more uncomfortable, so he tries to lighten the mood, ”Well, boss, what are we going to do? Making me wave my hands in the air like a fool?” Hande can't help but snort at his question. Feeling a little better, she shakes her head while answering. ”No, that would be way too advanced for you,” Hande snaps with mischief in her voice, ”Firstly I'm going to teach you how to float.” Lachlan's jaw drops a little in surprise. ”To float? Are you kidding me? How is that supposed to help me?” The woman barks a laughter and almost falls into the water, but manages to maintain her balance. ”Sorry, I just couldn't help it... Oh, my sweet summer child, floating is essential thing to learn if you really want to be able to swim. Firstly, you're going to float while swimming. Secondly, being able to float might save your life if you get a cramp in the middle of a lake, for example. Do you have any other questions? And really, feel free to ask anytime if you feel like it,” Hande explains with a bright smile on her face.

The man shakes his head, answering Hande's smile with a smirk. She might seem shy at first, but he has to admit she has some nerve, implying that Lachlan would be naive. Maybe this is going to be fun, after all – Hande clearly is a humorous one. ”Okay, consider me convinced – let's begin,” he declares. Hande claps her hands together before she starts explaining, ”So, the most important thing is relaxation. In order to float, you need to be relaxed. Like this.” Hande leans back, letting her lower body rise to the surface. She glances at Lachlan who is watching her attentively, ”If you feel like it, you can spread your arms horizontally and your legs apart from each other – like a starfish,” Hande instructs while showing Lachlan how to do that. Then she stands up again, wiping her wet hair from her cheeks, and gestures Lachlan to come in front of her.

”Now, let's try that together. Do you trust me?” Hande asks a little playfully. Lachlan chuckles and splashes some water in her direction, ”Well, you didn't hesitate coming to my aid during the gondola accident – just don't get any ideas, I won't admit it publicly, but it was very embarrassing for me.” Hande's lips turn into a smirk. ”I take it as a yes,” she says softly, ”Okay, so: you will lay on your back while I hold your back with my hands. When you're relaxed I will let you go to see if you can float. Don't worry: I will be near you, so I can catch you if it doesn't work out. How does that sound to you?” For Lachlan that doesn't sound too hard, so he nods in agreement. Hande places her arms above the waterline, her elbows attached to her sides. ”Whenever you're ready,” she tells her companion, and Lachlan tentatively starts to lean back. ”Don't worry, I won't let you sink,” Hande assures after noticing his hesitation. To lighten the mood she adds, ”If I let you sink, we couldn't float down here together,” her eyes glinting with mischief.

Because Lachlan wasn't prepared for Hande's latest remark, he bursts into laughter, almost tripping over. ”Is that supposed to make me feel safe?” he chuckles, ”You're not doing very good job, if that was your intention.” Hande joins in Lachlan's laughter, but still keeps her posture. ”Hah, quit whining, you'll be fine! There aren't any sewers nearby – at least not any I'm aware of,” she snickers. Seeing her opportunity, Hande cunningly pushes the back of Lachlan's ankle with her foot, causing him fall back first into her arms. ”You tricked me!” Lachlan yelps a little shocked by the turn of events. Hande just laughs, still holding Lachlan's back, ”If I hadn't done that, we would just stand here for the whole day. And you were supposed to be the impatient one.” Well, Hande really has a point, Lachlan couldn't deny that – he finally is lying, supported by Hande's hands. ”Now that the hardest part is over, you only need to relax,” Hande states encouragingly. That shouldn't be too hard, right?

More like ”easier said than done”. Every time Hande lets go of Lachlan when he's relaxed, he panics – despite of the fact Hande warns him before she removes her hands from his back. This causes Lachlan to become extremely frustrated and willing to just give up. Unfortunately for him, Hande is resilient and patient, so she doesn't let Lachlan to back down. ”No one is born a master. You should know that, since you're very gifted at many things,” Hande comforts, ”If this isn't going to work today, we just pick another day and try again. You may not feel like it, but you're doing really good: letting me teach you is big of a deal, and I'm honored you trust me enough to do this.” After a little hesitation, she pats Lachlan friendly on his shoulder. ”What do you say: should we give it another go, hmm?” Hande asks with warmth in her voice. Lachlan feels pretty uneasy: the kindness Hande is showing, although he's clearly not a very good student – it feels so overwhelming.

Hande keeps observing Lachlan and notices his inconvenience. She isn't sure how to make Lachlan feel better, but she isn't going to give up. ”Lachlan... It really is okay. I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable with my behavior or anything... I just really want to help you, it's not any trouble for me. After my resurrection, it took me almost two years to learn how to be a human again. I couldn't speak, walk or eat myself, and my friend had to babysit me, an adult woman! Why I'm saying this is because... I know learning takes time, and I don't mind it at all. I've known you only for a couple of weeks, but I can tell you're really a good man. Leila is my friend, and I hope you'll be my friend, too. Please, give yourself a chance – you deserve it.” Lachlan stares at Hande, unable to speak. He hadn't known the circumstances of Hande's resurrection, and although she told only little about it, it feels painful. The man isn't sure why Hande is being so nice to him, but her words sounded sincere. Lachlan doesn't want to cause any more trouble to her, so he nods and smiles, ”You won: let's give it a go one more time.”

Hande gives Lachlan a bright smile and gestures him to lay back again. This time she wants to make sure the man gets relaxed and stays that way when she lets go of him. Musing for a moment, she glances at the sky and see some clouds floating above them. It gives her an idea. ”Look, that cloud looks like an osprey! Isn't your familiar on of them?” the woman asks quietly, trying not to startle Lachlan. The man tries to look at the direction Hande is looking at, and after seeing the cloud in question, snorts, ”Hah, it really looks like Emer! Well spotted! And that one looks like violin.” Hande's smile widens, ”What a coincidence, I play violin!” ”Really? You must show me someday!” Lachlan exclaims excitedly. ”Well, for that you'd need to have level 50 friendship with me – I hate performing,” Hande chuckles, fighting not to tremble. ”Is that a challenge? I'm happy to accept,” Lachlan barks trying to keep still as well.

They continue like this for a moment, spotting clouds and joking with each other. Hande can feel Lachlan relaxing more and more, but this time she decides not to tell her companion when she takes her hands from his back. The duo keeps chatting, until Hande can't hide her excitement any longer. ”Lachlan,” she says, ”Don't freak out, but you've been floating by yourself a couple of minutes right now.” After Hande has said that, Lachlan finally notices how her hands aren't holding his back anymore. He's done it, he really is floating. Letting out a triumphant shriek, he spread his limbs and laughs, ”And now I'm a starfish! Hah, you really did it! You really managed to teach me something!” Then Lachlan stands up, seeing Hande is laughing as well. ”That was wonderful, Lachlan, great job – I'm so proud of you!” she exclaims and pats him on his bicep. She's glowing with happiness and pride – it's so infectious Lachlan starts to feel those things, as well. ”Can I hug you?” he asks in the moment of joy. Hande stops for a moment, taken aback by the question – she still isn't that used to endearments even from her family. After her brain starts to function again, she gives Lachlan a small smile, ”Maybe this once.”

Lachlan doesn't wait but takes Hande into his arms. The woman tenses for a moment, but then melts into a hug, giving one for Lachlan, too. It actually feels quite nice – Lachlan is a good hugger. Eventually Hande lets go, looking a little shy. ”Well, how was it? Do you let me teach you again?”

she asks unsurely. ”Are you kidding me?” Lachlan laughs, ”You are probably the best teacher I've ever had! Maybe I can learn how to swim, after all.” He places his arm on Hande's shoulder and walk back to the shore with her. Hande is mumbling something under her breath, probably about how her teaching skills aren't that great, but Lachlan won't hear any of it. ”And now, Hande, I'll buy you a drink, if you allow it.” Hande glances at Lachlan, giving him a smirk, ”All right, fair enough.”

#The Arcana #Arcana oc #Lachlan Lonan #fan apprentice #Hande the Apprentice #fanfic #my writing #my work

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