#but I've tried to remind myself it's not the faith itself it's the institution that jaded me so badly
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Before I go to bed
#kite rambles#religion has been so awkward since That Talk#for those not in the know my mom found out i identify as nonreligious and queer by reading a confidential medical document#led to the Most Fun Talk Ever in which she was most upset by me thinking i was agnostic#and i think it evaporated every shred of religiosity in me to the point that hearing other people express their faith almost made me angry?#and not just xtianity like any kind of spirituality or religion#and it was fuckin WEIRD because I'd have this reflexive revulsion but would consciously be like “hey that's a bad reaction cool it”#like a knee-jerk how can you believe that#but I've tried to remind myself it's not the faith itself it's the institution that jaded me so badly#and the more I've done that the more i almost miss it? while at the same time still having that knee-jerk ew praying reaction#and it's weird and i don't like it and I'm tired it's almost midnight and i forgot where i was going with this#but i guess i just feel lost#i should just shut up now. I'm going to sleep. i might delete this in the morning idk#but i fought with my swipe too much to just not post it sorry folks#there are probably tons of fantastic typos i didn't even spot have fun sussing out meaning between those
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