vent warning

i think one of the worst parts about losing one (out of two) of my absolute favourite people is that i can't be mad at her. she's done absolutely nothing wrong, and been nothing but incredible to me for the longest time now. but it came time for her to begin taking another path in life, and hopefully it makes her happier then she was before. i'll still see her sometimes, but pretty rarely in comparison to when i used to. i hope she's happier, but i miss her so much and i can't believe that in about 41/2 months i'm going to lose her for good.

i don't have any pictures of her. i don't have any videos, or voice memos. slowly i'm going to start to forget her voice. her eyes. her nose. her hair. the memories with her. and that shit fucking hurts.

i've had way more anxiety in the last few days since i started to lose her. i'm less focused in school. i'm not really hungry. i don't wanna go to work anymore. hell, i barely want to do anything. and i haven't even fully lost her yet. so what the fuck is gonna happen when i do?

i'm so screwed. and i can't even be mad at her about it.