#btw the reason this is a good memory is bc one person is absent from it <3 lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 5 months

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you keep having dreams about the holidays. in this last one, everyone is happy again, and it is a good day for a moment, the way that sometimes peace could settle in restless clumps over everyone's head. your father is downstairs, everyone else is picking a movie to watch. your cat is still alive and in your mother's lap. you aren't afraid to go into the kitchen to eat, the guilt isn't there yet, and everything is free. your dog is lying down with your siblings, tongue lolling out his mouth. everything feels warm and silly.

you see your hand in the kitchen and you see the light of the fridge click on and some part of you says go back into the living room, you're missing the good part. this is how you spent most of your childhood: when you weren't in the room, it was alright. being in the room was the problem. you spent so much being present wishing someone would notice if you left. you love these people. there is something fundamentally wrong with your head. you stand in the kitchen and feel that rabid heart of yours; the one that tries to make you leave any situation, even when you're wanted.

you don't have this anymore. the mashed potatoes you pull out of tupperware containers spell out big letters on the counter. when you wake up, this isn't the life you have anymore.

sometimes that's an amazing thing - you are so glad you're out of this fucking house. when the peace breaks here, it shatters into months-long screaming. these gulfs and valleys are illusions. you're holding your breath even in the memory, waiting for the wrong thing to happen, the thing that splinters the family.

but sometimes... it would be nice to have this version of the house back. the fire is roaring. someone is laughing so hard it sounds like they're crying, wheezing through the story they're telling, michael buble is singing. in a few hours it will be time for pie, but in the meantime you're going to watch some fast and the furious something. you're all going to talk over most of it, quip lines at each other like it's mystery science theatre. you're all just about to start a board game or maybe a family art project. you're just about to hang up garlands.

someone asked you recently - what if you wake up and it's november of 2013. there are a lot of things that you would be horrified by. the things you'd have to relive, the bitter slow pain of recovery. and fuck, you'd still have to escape him, and the parts of this house that are ugly. to deliver yourself, mangled, into the long road you take in therapy. fuck that entirely.

but you'd also have this moment back, standing half in the kitchen and half in the living room, talk-shouting at your siblings, wiggling and dancing, throwing karate chops at each other and splitting the last crescent roll and gleefully telling college stories your mother really doesn't want to know. the house like this is warm, held in this space before-things. in this world it will be a few years before your family is splintered. these days you have to get in a car to travel to each visit, looping each person together in a little embroidery constellation. here it is loud. it will be a few years before the holidays are quiet, reserved, a little distant.

in the dream, you waver, your hand outstretched. for the love of god, go back the room. go back in and tell them you love them, tell them what this means to you. for the love of god, go now!

you're gonna wake up soon.

#writeblr #warm up #this is a real dream i had and in it i was like . this isn't how the memory goes.#i hide here too long.#i miss the moment :/#btw the reason this is a good memory is bc one person is absent from it <3 lol #i didn't really want to bring that into the post

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professional-anti · 6 years

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Unwind, Chapter 1

Okay, I am excite!!!!! I know I asked before if ppl wanted Infernal Devices, and I know it seemed like ppl did, but ever since I read Unwind a few years ago, I’ve been dying to snark it. I’m actually floored at how many people like this book. I’ve even met ppl who hate SJM but love Neal Shusterman! And it’s confusing! For anyone who doesn’t know, Unwind takes place in a world where you can’t abort fetuses, but you can have your children “unwound” (aka organ-harvested) from ages 13 to 18.

I know. And we’re supposed to take this seriously!

The book starts with “The Bill of Life”, which lays out the rule of this new world. Basically, a second civil between pro-lifers and pro-choicers splits America, until a new bill “satisfied both the Pro-life and Pro-choice armies.” Basically, parents can “retroactively ‘abort’” their teenagers by sending them away to be dismantled for parts. A finger here, a brain stem there, etc.

This is just so mind-bogglingly stupid. Like, the stupid is SO MUCH. Imagine, right now, someone proposes this to you. It doesn’t matter whether you’re pro-life or pro-choice—you’d be horrified. If your pro-life, there’s no way you’d be okay with a child being murdered. And pro-choice people are not “child murderers” the way the right would have us believe. Soooo…this is stupid AF. And abortion isn’t about the teenage years! It’s about not being able to feed a child, not being able to take care of a child, not being able psychologically to go through pregnancy, not being able physically to go through pregnancy, etc. etc. etc. The list goes on and on. No one who wants an abortion is gonna be like, “Fine, I’ll give birth or whatever, but just wait until they turn 13!” Jesus.

Let’s dive in.

Part One: Triplicate Chapter one: Connor The book starts for real with this kid, Connor, and his girlfriend, Arina, hanging out on an overpass. They’re totes upset bc Connor’s supposed to be Unwound in one week. They decide to “kick-AWOL” together, which basically means run away. Then there’s this snippet of dialogue, which always makes me laugh (and is but a harbinger of things to come):

“AWOL…” [Ariana] says. “What does that mean, anyway?” “It’s an old military term or something,” Connor says. “It means ‘absent without leave.’”

Ooooohhhhh mmmyyyy goddd we get it, they’re in the future, look at how funny it is that they don’t know the term “AWOL”!!!! Spare me.

Connor goes home, and we learn that his parents don’t know that he knows that they signed an Unwind order. Apparently he was a bit of a misbehavor, and instead of, like, not sending their child off to die, Connor’s parents have decided the totally reasonable thing to do is Unwind him. Because of course. And these aren’t, like previously abusive parents or anything. These are just parents. Shusterman is trying to show us how commonplace Unwinding is, and instead he’s showing that he can’t write well-written characters to save his life.

We also learn that Unwind orders are irreversible, which is one of the dumbest pieces of shit in this book. What if an abusive parent signs an Unwind order, and it comes out that they’re abusive? What if a parent has a mental break and signs an Unwind order? What if a parent forges the other parent’s signature? Can anyone Uwnind their kids? And wouldn’t that be a form of abuse, to hang an Unwinding over a child’s head? This is too dumb.

Also, Neal Shusterman is sadistic. Not in a good way, in a way that inspires interesting conflict and pain. But in this needless, “look at how fucking awful like just soo fucking awful this is soo awful do you see how EDGY AND SAD AND AWFUL THIS IS look at this fucking lOOK!” is ridiculous. Basically, ever since Connor found the Unwind order, he’s been acting extra good, bringing home good grades and buying his mom flowers and talking about his future. His parents are clearly in enormous pain. Not that this is an unreasonable choice for Connor to make, but Neal has set up this situation so it has to be like this. This is one of the points I’d be willing to concede as maybe a little to Extra, but we’ll see.

Connor runs away in the middle of the night and goes to Ariana’s house. Surprise, surprise, she’s not going with him. Color me shocked. I know ppl in the Unwind fandom hate Ariana for her cold-hearted betrayel, but, um, she could quite literally be given the death penalty for running away. I’m not saying it’s not noble to run away, but come on. Anyway, Connor’s having trouble finding out how to get out of town because “Juvey-cops” are always out searching for the runaway Unwinds. Apparently there are a lot of these runaways, which begs the question, IF UNWINDING IS SO UNPOPULAR, WHY. IS. IT. LEGAL. Like, I’ve already read this book, and in it, it’s only the counterculture that’s against Unwinding. It should be, like, ninety-nine percent of the country! This is isn’t subtle “misuisng the death penalty” or “mistreating prisoners of war”. This is “we are murdering children!”

Also. Juvey Cops. I CANNOT IT’S TOO FUNNY.

Apparently, all Connor has to do is hide until he’s 18 because they won’t unwind someone that old because he’s, like, a person now. Okay. Sounds legit. Gotcha. I’m sure the whole country’s perfectly all right with teenagers being seen as subhuman. Also, I know Neal is pro-choice, and this book sure is an odd way to get that message across. Fetuses! Are! Not! Teenagers! But! You! Are! Making! It! Seem! Like! That’s! Your! Message!!!!!! Ahem.

Connor finds a rest stop but oh no! Police! Excuse me, Juvey-Cops! He hides in the back of a truck, and, luckily, the trucker is sympathetic. Like literally everyone should be, but okay. So the trucker got into an accident and had to have his arm replaced with an Unwinder’s arm, and now he’s like “my arm has muscle memory from its previous owner and I’m sad and now don’t like the Unwind policy.” He’s also like, “You’re lucky it’s me you found and not anyone else” because apparently you have to be in a traumatic accident and have your arm replaced before you can be sympathetic to a teenager who’s running from being killed.

Before they can get on the road, though, the Juice Cops surround another car and force a kid that Connor knows out of it. Andy Jameson is being Unwound too! And then there’s this moment:

Well, the [Juice Coupons] didn’t see him. But Andy does, He catches sight of Connor, holds his gaze, only for a moment . . . . . . and in that moment something remarkable happens. The look of despair on Andy’s face is suddenly replaced by a steely resolve bordering on triumph. He quickly looks away from Connor and takes a few steps before the police grab him—steps away from Connor, so that the police still have their backs to [Connor]. Andy had seen him and had not given him away! If Andy has nothing else after this day, at least he’ll have this small victory.

First of all, third-person present tense is fucking off-putting and makes it sound like Elmo is narrating. Secondly, why tf would Andy give Connor away? Thirdly, can you say Gary Stue? Andy’s whole “victory” has to do with not giving away Connor, which, btw, is not such a big victory!! Because why in the world would Andy give away Connor??? It makes no sense!!!! This whole sentence is basically Connor trying to tamp down his guilt. “I’m not really doing anything to help Andy, but at least I could help him by letting him not give me away! I’m basically saving his life, here!” Whatever, we’ll let Andy have this. I guess.

Connor and the trucker (who still has no name) finally get on the road. Connor has a stupid Symbolic dream and then his phone rings which means…Connor…didn’t turn off…his phone… I’m done. I’m actually Done. Connor, do you want to be safe??? Or no?????

It had been stupid of Connor to leave his old cell phone on—that’s how they tracked him, and he wonders how many other kids are caught by their own blind trust of technology.

Omg, is Neal trying to say something about “kids these days”?? Hate to break it to ya, Neal, but most kids aren’t so blindly trusting that they’ll leave their phones on while RUNNING AWAY. We all know that shit is trackable!

The police catch them, Connor runs across a busy highway and carjacks a Cadillac. The End.

Ugh, that was exhausting. Cathartic AF, but exhausting. I think I’ll leave it at one chapter for today.

#anti Neal shusterman #anti unwind #unwind chapter one #snarking unwind

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