Something I noticed about Haruka's change in t2 is that he says he likes the way he is now and supposedly gained more confidence, but the rest of his answers in seasons 2's interrogation are still self deprecating. Saying how no one is like him cause "no one is likehim cause they are all great people, everything (about him) is wrong, etc.". My guess is what he gained wasn't confidence, it was his innocent vote and Muu's influence that temporarily rubbed off on him. Think about it: Muu's personality did a whole 180 when she was voted innocent. She went from being shy and timid to becoming a queen bee which is what her 'true personality' is. Haruka, while he learned to become more social, was still unsure of himself. He couldn't fathom why someone like him was forgiven (what he sings in akaa) but still takes it. But why?

Cause it's what Muu does. They were both given an inch and took a mile

It's pretty clear Haruka is heavily attached to Muu (he even says his current self only exists because of her), but I think Muu influenced him to think that forgiven = what he did wasn't wrong. Since it seems like it is also her own mindset. But before, Haruka knew what he did was wrong and felt remorse, while Muu always thought she was in the right cause (her words: It's your fault for doing horrible things to me)

Also, confident people do not form unhealthy attachments like this and threaten to kts for someone else. Haruka did not gain confidence, he gained temporary relief from someone else

And this isn't to say Muu is abusive or doesn't care about Haruka at all, but it's still so incredibly unnerving to influence someone that's already broken like this

Thank you so much for this. I've wanted to talk about this for a while, I feel like the fandom overlooks just how deeply Muu influenced (and probably continues to influence unless their codependency starts to break in T3) Haruka. Not that shes evil or abusive or anything of the sort, but unfortunately their attachment styles create the most awfully perfectly fitting puzzle piece

Haruka looks down on himself so much, he wants more than anything to be a "smart, strong and interesting person" in his own words. As a result he is constantly searching for someone to latch onto and mirror, trying to create a new identity for himself, because he just doesn't see any part of himself that is worth keeping (BPD Haruka headcanon comes in...) Haruka still believes he's wrong, that he's worthless, but he's desperately looking for any solace albeit temporary or fake. A confirmation bias I think?

Something that comes into mind when proving this point, is that when Muu talked about Kotoko's attacks in her 2nd VD, she mentioned that those who were attacked were "deemed bad people by the Guard" as in they were scary and cruel, but Es, who so kindly believed that Muu wasn't at fault by giving her an innocent verdict, had deemed those people at fault, so they kinda deserved it, in her view. When Haruka was asked about what he thought of Kotoko's attacks, he said something similar, but then we see him in Mikoto's 2022 birthday TL coming to check up on him, showing compassion, wanting to wish him a happy birthday, even though Mikoto was voted guilty in T1, he should be a bad person in Haruka's book as well, but I think that shows he doesn't really believe what Muu was saying, he just doesn't think of his opinions as worthy so he latches onto those of the people he looks up to, the authority figures (Muu, Es) (I could talk about this for a while...). Also, in the newest collab, one of Haruka's lines were "Mikoto-san is a good person" but I'm not sure exactly when in the canon timeline that takes place (as in, before or after T2) (I'M SORRY I JUST HAVE TO BRING UP 0109 SIBLINGS HERE THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME)

I do think Muu feels guilt and is just as broken, just in different ways, and she copes with her own issues differently, but I won't go offtopic... but yes I completely agree with what youre trying to say here. That Haruka is largely under Muu's influence, and it's heartbreaking. I often think about how an innocent verdict in T1 without Muu's influence would've helped Haruka gain some actual confidence and maybe even start to develop some sense of identity and independence. When I see Haruka T2, when I listen to his VD, his MV, all I see is... not Haruka. As in, Haruka under someone else's influence, breaking even more. It's not either of their faults, again! But god is this codependency going to take a toll on him for a while.

Like, come on, you can't tell me the boy who gives the most birthday wishes, says that all the prisoners are good people unlike him, says he would forgive everyone but certainly not himself, is a confident, guilt-free person. I don't know if it's just me but even his smile in his T2 sprite feels so... forced...? My poor poor boy.

oops I rambled too much didn't I. but thank you for this ask I hope I'm making sense and I'm so so sorry I took so long to respond eee

I'm sending my most (used?) hc for An because im

So sane for her <3 (I'm not)

Genderflux any/all prns :)

Has insomnia (due to the experiences she had within VOT like ghost and paranormal stuff)

Is Colorblind (Red weak colorblindness/Protanomaly)

May or may not have heavy eye bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep

Actually does where light make up and nail polish from time to time even if he isn't much of a cosmetics person

Has indeed AuDHD, APD, Possible BPD and BD

FILIPINO AN SHIRAISHI IS REAL

Small stars clips are a gift from Nagi, star clip and purple hair clip given by Haruka

VBS matching bracelets is real to me

Age regressor (ahem no this is not projection)

-🌐 (SysHost)

THIS IS SO BASED ACTUALLY!!!! matching vbs bracelets???????? yes absolutely 100% AND THE SMALL STAR CLIPS BEING A GIFT FROM NAGI, SOBBING. also i so heavily agree with bpd and bpd an shiraishi is so real. i also like to headcanon her as being plural personally (<- also a system)

— Mod An 💙

HxH OC 1: Haruka Wistriän Kurta

Art Credits: Images were found on Pinterest. Credit to the artists

Name: Haruka Wistriän Kurta (Japanese: ハルカ・ウィストリア・クルタ)

Other Names: Haruka Utashima (adopted name) , Lilly Mystique (stage name)

DOB: February 2nd, 1981 (2/2/1981)

Age: 12 (Volume 0), 18 (Hunter Exam Arc), 19 (Yorknew City Arc), 20 (Dark Continent Arc)

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius ♒

Hair Color: Brown (natural/original), Black (dyed), Other Colors (dyed)

Eye Color: Silver (original), Blue (memory loss), Green (memory loss; 1999) Brown (contacts), Red (either at will or when agitated), Golden-Yellow (contacts)

Height: 5’8”, 5'9" (Yorknew Arc-Present)

Weight: 152

Blood Type: AB+

MBTI: INTP

Personality: Blunt, Straightforward, Helpful, Opinionated, Daredevil, Stubborn, Skeptical, Rancorous, Argumentative, Mercurial, Sensitive, Machiavellian

Sexuality: Pansexual (attracted to a person regardless of their gender identity and/or sex)

Occupation: Blacklist Hunter, Glamour Model, Alternative Model, Fashion Designer, Vedette, Fetish Model, Burlesque Dancer

Affiliation: Nostrade Mansion,

Hobbies: Listening to music, drawing, designing, rollerblading, photography, cooking, practicing apothecary and aromatherapy.

Love Interest: Kurapika Kurta

Nen Type: Specialization

Relatives: Meliosa Godiva Wistriän (biological mother), Grayson Kurta (biological father), Kurta Elder (Grandfather), SunHee Utashima (adopted mother), Chanyeol Utashima (adopted father)

Disorders/Illnesses: ADHD Inattentive type, Bipolar Disorder 1, BPD (Quiet subtype), Social Anxiety, Depression, C-PTSD

Some More facts About Haruka:

Haruka's real eye color is silver, but due to a traumatic event, she lost her memories and as a result, her eyes changed to blue (green in the 1999 version)

Haruka's mother had ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, making it a possibility for how she herself got the disorder.

Haruka's BPD resulted in the abuse she faced at the hands of her father growing up.

Haruka is immune to poisons and venoms due to purposely injecting herself with them as a kid to see their reactions.

Haruka loves anime and manga, fashion, food, music, etc.

Aside from being a Hunter, Haruka is also a Glamour Model, Alternative Model, Fashion Designer, Vedette, Fetish Model, and Burlesque Dancer.

Haruka is a Mach (Machiavellian), meaning that she uses clever, but often dishonest methods that deceive people in order to achieve her goals. She has no qualms about deceiving or lying to others (something that Kurapika finds deeply unsettling about her) and will very often use her charm and flattery to her advantage. Due to being taken advantage of throughout her life, she sees no problem with what she does

Despite her Machiavellianism, Haruka is empathetic and isn't completely devoid of emotions contrary to what most people think of and believe Machs are.

Tis I, the "based haruka anon" again!! I personally believe bpd simply bc he aligns with my own experiences (i kin haruka 💔💔💔) and also bc it is one of the more commonly known pd's, im definitely not against the dpd interpretation being that cluster b pd's have. So much fucking overlap 😭

God the ableism ppl show towards haruka actually hurts as a victim of very similar trauma/conditions

Sorta unrelated but, in turn to amane (oea victim) and mikoto (childhood trauma) is crazy

Some people water down the fucking milgram cast so much it hurts.

All of the characters are inherently biased narrators too 😭

The point of milgram is that these characters judgment can go any way depending on how ppl perceive them, none of them are black and white

God I love milgram this stupid series with its stipid little oingos makes my brain explode (i also love fuuharu even if the dynamic i see is completely different, just know you are so based and real)

*shakes your hand* I do be having Haruka and Fuuta on my kin list as well, I do have to admit. And that there is a lot of watering down going on for almost everybody is so true. Muu is also a good example for this, because while I strongly dislike her (hate is a strong word, but I would even use it here), I also don't see her as "evil manipulative mastermind", like people often like to accuse me of as someone who dislikes her and loves Haruka. Her actions in my eyes are a mix of her spoiled upbringing, NPD and a big fat victim complex, and of course there are plenty people who would give her forgiveness. For me she just happens to hit all my buttons in the wrong ways, so I can't do that (once again, a whole load of personal experienxes go into that), and I think everybody should just respect these different opinions. Because at the end of the day we still vote how we personally feel about what these characters did. This was a bit of a tangent, but you get what I mean, hhh Also I would be very interested in hearing how you see the FuuHaru dynamic! My circle of FuuHaru fans pretty much has the same read on them as I do and I think I never came across someone who had one that really deviated from that, so I'm pretty curious.

Alpha Centurion War

Blue Bionic or Crimson Cyborg (Amelia Himmat Mishra) a disabled Black British South Asian Indian woman of color said to Cardinal Changeling or Crimson Changeling (Alexander Kana’i Mack Ryuu Francisco Makoa Smith/Alexandria Ataahua Macy Haruka Francisca Kamalani Smith) a disabled Japanese Indigenous Colombian Polynesian Hawaiian Tongan Indigenous Pasifika Colombian person of color, “I can still feel it you know my real arm and my real leg.” “My eyes knows it is gone and is replaced with a bionic left leg and a cybernetic right arm. “But my mind it still remembers how it feels.” “The phantom pain is still there.” “Just like you know your real eye is gone but your mind doesn’t yet realize it’s been replaced by a bionic and cybernetic prosthetic eye.” “We were both disfigured in intergalactic war by the same female alien super soldier Jesiso vas T’satora.” “The one who hurt us for many reasons but few of them for ableist ones.” “You know every single day as a disfigured disabled amputee cyborg and bionic.” “I had to ask my parents my dad and mom to build me my prosthetic right arm and my prosthetic left leg.” “I had to ask my siblings my brother Isha Jayesh Mishra and sister Lavanya Sunita Mishra to upgrade my bionic leg and cybernetic arm.” “That I have to ask Maysa Nabila Uzun to help me attach my prosthetic bionic left leg and cybernetic prosthetic right arm.” “Just so I can do simple task that abled people take for granted.” “We still both have nightmares from our depression, anxiety, & ptsd of that super soldier taking our autonomy and independence away from us as disabled people of color veterans.” Alexander Mack Smith/Alexandria Macy Smith said, “I wake up screaming every night Amelia.” “The war ended for everyone else but it never ended for us.” “The war came home with us in our chronic mental illnesses.” “The nerve endings inside the prosthetic limbs and the cyberware enhancements help ground us and help us realize the prosthetic limbs are there though.” “You know what I fear Alex/Lexi?” Asked Amelia Himmat Mishra. “That as someone with a bionic prosthetic leg and cybernetic prosthetic arm that someday Maysa is going to grow tired of my body dysphoria and body image issues.” “That as someone allistic, nuerotyptical, & abled bodied she will find another abled bodied, allistic, & neurotyptical woman of color.” “That she will fall in love with her and abandon me her girlfriend who is an autistic, neurodivergent, & disabled woman of color.” “That is my fear as someone with learning disabilities of autism, add, & adhd and mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, ocd or obsessive compulsive disorder, & ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder.” “I already have body issues and body dysphoria with my ocd.” “And my disfigurement of losing my real arm and leg just adds to it.” “Maysa Nabila Uzun she says that will never happen but I can help but think that Maysa Nabila Uzun is just with me out of pity.” Alexander Kana’i Mack Ryuu Makoa Smith/Alexandria Ataahua Macy Haruka Kamalani Smith said, “I fear the same with my alien extraterrestrial wives, women of color wives, Indigenous wives, & Indigenous women of color wives.” “As a disabled Indigenous Pasifika person of color with learning disabilities of autism, add, adhd and mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bpd or bipolar disorder, did or dissociative identity disorder, & ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder.” “You know what I fear also Amelia Himmat Mishra?” Asked Alexander Mack Smith/Alexandria Macy Smith. “That as someone with depression anxiety, schizophrenia, ocd, bpd, did, & ptsd that people will use my mental illnesses as a reason to hurt me.” “I have been through abuse, domestic violence, & assault with my ex fiances the female alien extraterrestrials Migua, Hinesy, & Ziewei already.” “Media already demonizes people like me and people like one of my alien extraterrestrial wives Melmih who is disabled with bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, & schizophrenia.” “I fear we will one day become victims of ableist violence once more.” “I cannot go through that again.” “Not after what Jesiso T’satora did to us when she took my eye and she took your arm and leg and permanently disfigured us.”

Most important fictional couples ever and why:

- Tara and Willow (Buffy) - probably my first gay ship ever, whole show means a lot to me actually

- Haruka and Michiru - because of my ex 

- Penelope and Johnny/Max - him staying away to make her happy and that kiss scene

- Peeta and Katniss - maybe I will surprise everyone but the most important thing about them is when Peeta turns bad against his will and isn’t sure of what is real anymore, I sort of identify as Peeta and that part of the movies kinda feels like my BPD 

- Arman and Mirosława (On drakon) - similar situation to the one above 

- Jughead and Betty - some people told me I’m like him and one person even been watching the show just to imagine herself as Betty to be with me lol so...

- Sheldon and Amy - it’s my problematic fav, I just like how two fucked up people find love and grow thanks to each other

- Theodore and his app - yeah, because it was weirdly perfect, I would like that (without the “cheating” part tho)

- Shrek and Fiona - because they’re both gross and that makes me comfy somehow hahaha

- Alexandre and Diane (Facet na miarę) - just watch it

- Stella and Will (Five feet apart) - it’s complicated, I don’t agree with the ending tho - I think they could be together just apart but oh well... 

- Oliver and Emily (A lot like love) - it shows that even though time passes it’s not wasted - you just need to realize some things 

- Lindsay and Frank (Destination wedding) - basically my view on relationships lol

- Ivy and Lucius (The village) - it’s so hard to explain, without seeing the movie at least once it’s impossible to understand the vibe those two share

- Adam and Eve (Only lovers left alive) - they are together their whole life, leave separately, two different countries, yet are so CLOSE, you know what I mean? also all those gestures

- Ned and Chuck (Pushing daisies) - they are together even though they can’t touch each other

Honorable mentions:

- Hulk and Black widow bedroom scene when he says she should stay away because he’s a monster

- Grizz learning sign language for Sam 

- also Andrea and Jairo in Toy boy, especially when Jairo cares about his boyfriend

- and movie Numb even tho I don’t like it in general ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Alpha Centurion War: The Battle of the Andromeda and the Battle of the Milky Way Galaxy

Blue Bionic or Crimson Cyborg (Amelia Himmat Mishra) a disabled Black British South Asian Indian woman of color said to Cardinal Changeling or Crimson Changeling (Alexander Kana’i Mack Ryuu Francisco Makoa Smith/Alexandria Ataahua Macy Haruka Francisca Kamalani Smith) a disabled Japanese Indigenous Colombian Polynesian Hawaiian Tongan Indigenous Pasifika Colombian person of color, “I can still feel it you know my real arm and my real leg.” “My eyes knows it is gone and is replaced with a bionic left leg and a cybernetic right arm but my mind it still remembers how it feels.” “The phantom pain is there.” “Just like you know your real eye is gone but your mind doesn’t yet realize it’s been replaced by a bionic and cybernetic prosthetic eye.” “We were both disfigured in intergalactic war by the same super soldier.” “You know every single day as an disfigured disabled amputee cyborg and bionic.” “I have to ask my parents my dad and mom or my siblings my brother Isha Jayesh Mishra and sister Lavanya Sunita Mishra to help me attach my prosthetic bionic left leg and cybernetic prosthetic right arm.” “Just so I can do simple task that abled people take for granted.” “We still both have nightmares from our depression, anxiety, & ptsd of that super soldier taking our autonomy and independence away from us as disabled people of color veterans.” Alexander Mack Smith/Alexandria Macy Smith said, “I wake up screaming every night Amelia.” “The war ended for everyone else but it never ended for us.” “The war came home with us in our chronic mental illnesses.” “The nerve endings inside the prosthetic limbs and the cyberware enchancements help ground us and help us realize the prosthetic limbs are there though.” “You know what I fear Alex/Lexi?” Asked Amelia Himmat Mishra. “That as someone with a bionic prosthetic leg and cybernetic prosthetic arm that someday Maysa is going to grow tired of my body dysphoria and body image issues.” “That as someone allistic, nuerotyptical, & abled bodied she will find another abled bodied, allistic, & neurotyptical woman of color and fall in love with her and abandon me her girlfriend who is an autistic, neurodivergent, & disabled woman of color.” “That is my fear as someone with learning disabilities of autism, add, & adhd and mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, ocd or obsessive compulsive disorder, & ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder.” “I already have body issues and body dysphoria with my ocd.” “And my disfigurement of losing my real arm and leg just adds to it.” “Maysa Nabila Uzun she says that will never happen but I can help but think that Maysa Nabila Uzun is just with me out of pity.” “I fear the same with my alien extraterrestrial wives, women of color wives, Indigenous wives, & Indigenous women of color wives as a disabled Indigneous Pasifika person of color with learning disabilities of autism, add, adhd and mental illnesses of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bpd or bipolar disorder, did or dissociative identity disorder, & ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder.” “You know what I fear also Amelia Himmat Mishra?” Asked Alexander Mack Smith/Alexandria Macy Smith. “That as someone with depression anxiety, schizophrenia, ocd, bpd, did, & ptsd that people will use my mental illnesses as a reason to hurt me.” “Media already demonizes people like me and people like one of my alien extraterrestrial wives Melmih who is disabled with dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia.” “And I fear we will one day become victims of ableist violence.”