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harukapologist · 5 months

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Something I noticed about Haruka's change in t2 is that he says he likes the way he is now and supposedly gained more confidence, but the rest of his answers in seasons 2's interrogation are still self deprecating. Saying how no one is like him cause "no one is likehim cause they are all great people, everything (about him) is wrong, etc.". My guess is what he gained wasn't confidence, it was his innocent vote and Muu's influence that temporarily rubbed off on him. Think about it: Muu's personality did a whole 180 when she was voted innocent. She went from being shy and timid to becoming a queen bee which is what her 'true personality' is. Haruka, while he learned to become more social, was still unsure of himself. He couldn't fathom why someone like him was forgiven (what he sings in akaa) but still takes it. But why?

Cause it's what Muu does. They were both given an inch and took a mile

It's pretty clear Haruka is heavily attached to Muu (he even says his current self only exists because of her), but I think Muu influenced him to think that forgiven = what he did wasn't wrong. Since it seems like it is also her own mindset. But before, Haruka knew what he did was wrong and felt remorse, while Muu always thought she was in the right cause (her words: It's your fault for doing horrible things to me)

Also, confident people do not form unhealthy attachments like this and threaten to kts for someone else. Haruka did not gain confidence, he gained temporary relief from someone else

And this isn't to say Muu is abusive or doesn't care about Haruka at all, but it's still so incredibly unnerving to influence someone that's already broken like this

Thank you so much for this. I've wanted to talk about this for a while, I feel like the fandom overlooks just how deeply Muu influenced (and probably continues to influence unless their codependency starts to break in T3) Haruka. Not that shes evil or abusive or anything of the sort, but unfortunately their attachment styles create the most awfully perfectly fitting puzzle piece

Haruka looks down on himself so much, he wants more than anything to be a "smart, strong and interesting person" in his own words. As a result he is constantly searching for someone to latch onto and mirror, trying to create a new identity for himself, because he just doesn't see any part of himself that is worth keeping (BPD Haruka headcanon comes in...) Haruka still believes he's wrong, that he's worthless, but he's desperately looking for any solace albeit temporary or fake. A confirmation bias I think?

Something that comes into mind when proving this point, is that when Muu talked about Kotoko's attacks in her 2nd VD, she mentioned that those who were attacked were "deemed bad people by the Guard" as in they were scary and cruel, but Es, who so kindly believed that Muu wasn't at fault by giving her an innocent verdict, had deemed those people at fault, so they kinda deserved it, in her view. When Haruka was asked about what he thought of Kotoko's attacks, he said something similar, but then we see him in Mikoto's 2022 birthday TL coming to check up on him, showing compassion, wanting to wish him a happy birthday, even though Mikoto was voted guilty in T1, he should be a bad person in Haruka's book as well, but I think that shows he doesn't really believe what Muu was saying, he just doesn't think of his opinions as worthy so he latches onto those of the people he looks up to, the authority figures (Muu, Es) (I could talk about this for a while...). Also, in the newest collab, one of Haruka's lines were "Mikoto-san is a good person" but I'm not sure exactly when in the canon timeline that takes place (as in, before or after T2) (I'M SORRY I JUST HAVE TO BRING UP 0109 SIBLINGS HERE THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME)

I do think Muu feels guilt and is just as broken, just in different ways, and she copes with her own issues differently, but I won't go offtopic... but yes I completely agree with what youre trying to say here. That Haruka is largely under Muu's influence, and it's heartbreaking. I often think about how an innocent verdict in T1 without Muu's influence would've helped Haruka gain some actual confidence and maybe even start to develop some sense of identity and independence. When I see Haruka T2, when I listen to his VD, his MV, all I see is... not Haruka. As in, Haruka under someone else's influence, breaking even more. It's not either of their faults, again! But god is this codependency going to take a toll on him for a while.

Like, come on, you can't tell me the boy who gives the most birthday wishes, says that all the prisoners are good people unlike him, says he would forgive everyone but certainly not himself, is a confident, guilt-free person. I don't know if it's just me but even his smile in his T2 sprite feels so... forced...? My poor poor boy.

oops I rambled too much didn't I. but thank you for this ask I hope I'm making sense and I'm so so sorry I took so long to respond eee

#YAY AN ASK!!!!!!!!!#MY FOURTH I THINK? ASK EVER THANK YOU AAAAAAAA #Im so sleepy i wouldve talked more if i was in a better state of mind im sorry eee #but yesyesyesyes the haruka in t2 is absolutely not the true haruka #haruka already appears so detached from himself even in t1 if u think abt it... the EXTENT of how much he hates himself is heartbreaking #bpd haruka real #milgram #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #i hope im making sense i get scared of getting attacked when i talk abt muu LMAO #i am but a stressed high schooler

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mentallyinwalmart · 5 years

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‘Neighbors’ A Cresswoth AU

Not many people bothered my in my apartment. I was one of three studios on the fifth floor, and the rest of this floor was occupied by the mammoth AC and heating units, making the noise level high, but the rent low.

The floor consisted of me, a grad student, my neighbor two doors down who had about a hundred cats that she hid on the roof whenever the super came by to fix something, and the empty apartment between us. Oh, and the temperature regulation units, and the occasional pigeon that wandered in from the often open door to the roof.

That is, until this morning, when a whole mess of banging and cursing could be heard coming from the hall outside my door. And then, what sounded like someone trying to key into my apartment. I jumped up from my chair, dropping my book where I’d been sitting and dashed across the room, not bothering to look through the peep hole and yanking open my front door to reveal--

A boy who looked no older than I was fumbling with a set of keys, his cheeks flushing as he looked at me, then past me into my apartment.

“I--” He stammered as his eyes moved back to my face, still managing to scan and catalog my whole face despite seeming very flustered.

“Do you often like to break into the apartments of young women?” I ask, raising an eyebrow as I let my eyes rove over his smooth waves of hair, his piercing dark eyes, and his unfairly sharp jawline. I feel a slight tingle in my chest and curse my would-be intruder for being someone I would normally try and hit on. “Or am I a special case?”

“The super told me 503. But obviously,” He seems to have searched every inch of me and decided he liked what he found because the blush fades from his cheeks and he leans into my doorframe. “He was mistaken.”

He shoots me a cocky grin before pushing off the doorframe and taking a step back. As he does so, the elevator dings and the doors open to reveal a heap of boxes, loose books, furniture, and the most hauntingly beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her long dark hair hangs in curtains around her face, and her face looks as though it was sculpted from marble. From the way she is dressed, to the way she carries herself, even as she holds two precariously stacked boxes, she looks like she stepped straight out of a renaissance painting.

I drag my gaze away from her and back to the boy in the hall who is studying me as I stare at the girl in the elevator. I shoot him a dirty look before moving to close my door, but not before I hear the woman call in a voice so sickeningly low and melodic,

“Found the room Thomas?”

Thomas

He raises his eyebrows at the girl, eyes drifting back to me, but before he can speak, I do.

“502 is yours.” I let my gaze rove over him one last time as I gesture to the apartment across the hall. “Hope you aren’t allergic to cats.”

I close my door on my beautiful new neighbor and his even more captivating girlfriend, moving across the room to get back to my book.

But my day is unproductive. Noise of laughter and light-hearted bickering coming consistently from the hallway until finally, it fades into the usual silence, broken up only by the loud banging of the AC units.

I take a pause midway through the evening, deciding to change into my pajamas and make a cup of tea. I pull on some large boxer shorts and a cut-up T-shirt that boasted that “I dig bones”. I had tried to explain to Liza that this was an archeologist joke, not a forensics joke, but she had insisted on buying it for me anyway. I tied my hair into a high ponytail and finish my assigned reading while nursing my cup of tea.

Just as I finally begin to outline my thesis and begin to feel as if perhaps I won’t lose this whole day to my new neighbor, a knock comes at my door.

Assuming it is Mrs Harvey here to ask me to retrieve one of her cats from the roof I pad over to the door. Out of habit, I open the door without checking the peep hole and, for the second time that day am faced with my annoyingly attractive new neighbor. Thomas.

“Can I ask you a favor?” He keeps his eyes fixed firmly on my face, and I notice his own jaw seems clenched and his cheeks slightly pale. “There are about a million spiders that have just emerged from a drawer in my kitchen, and I can’t get ahold of the super.”

For some reason, I nod.

“Let me just fetch a few glasses.”

He looks perplexed but I leave him at the door, quickly grabbing a large bowl, a glass, and a piece of card stock from my desk before returning to the hall. He looks as though he wants to question me, but decides against it, simply leading the way into his apartment.

It is an absolute mess. The only room that seems to be properly set up is the bedroom, the rest of them a state of disarray, boxes and random objects piled up everywhere. The layout is nearly identical to mine, and I know my way to the kitchen without his direction.

He points to the drawer, hanging back at the edge of the kitchen as I venture closer. On the counter are three fat daddy long legs, somewhat formidable in size, but not at all concerning to anyone over the age of seven. Except apparently this giant baby. I quickly trapped all three of them under the bowl, spotting a fourth skittering across the counter. I quickly trap that one under the spare glass, and drag it across the counter before slipping the paper under both dishes.

Thomas practically jumps out of my way as I march through the kitchen, out the door, down the hall, and onto the roof. I let the spiders go in the roof garden before turning on my heel to see Thomas standing just past the threshold of the door.

“That was impressive.” Is all he says, and for the first time I can see him taking in my outfit, pausing for just a moment too long as he takes in my torso, eyes lingering on where my nipples are visible through my shirt, erected by the cool night air.

I raise an eyebrow as I take in his clothing, his faded pajama pants and baggy concert t-shirt a clear indication that he too had been winding down for the evening.

Silence hangs about us in the air, and I realize it is my turn to speak. But I can’t think of anything, so I simply stare at him, tucking my dishes under my arm.

“Let me repay you.” He says with a smile, “Dinner.” I flush and he grins, “I can’t offer much, being a broke grad student and all, but I can offer some of the leftovers my sister left in my fridge.”

My brain whirs, catching on the word sister. So that was the beautiful girl he was with! Now that I knew to look, the family resemblance was there. I offer him a smile, stepping towards him.

“Thank you, Thomas. That sounds lovely.” I walk over to him, stopping just before him.

He raises an eyebrow,

“Anytime, Audrey Rose.”

I started,

“How did you.”

But he grinned,

“A magician never reveals his tricks.” I shake my head and step to move past him but he puts a hand on my waist, “But it was on your mailbox.”

My heart flutters at his touch and his words in equal measure. He looked at my mailbox. A weird thing to be excited about, but I didn’t let myself get bogged down by my own cynicism.

We eat, drink, and make merry, talking about everything from politics, to our classes in school, to whose grad program is better. By the end of the night I am very content with my new neighbor, especially when he insists on walking me home.

I laugh as we walk across the hall and he gallantly opens my door for me.

“This was good fun, Audrey Rose.” He says with a smile that lights up his eyes, “I would love to do it again.”

He leans towards me and my heart flutters, is he really going to? But before I can mortify myself by leaning in as well, he plucks the phone from my hand. He types in a few numbers and ringing can be heard from somewhere in his apartment.

“Now you have my number.” He says, “I encourage you to use it.”

I smile as he bows his head slightly before turning away to go back into his apartment. I close the door and lean back against it, holding the phone as though it contained the most precious secret on earth, staring at that glorious set of numbers glowing back at me.

AAAAAAAA thank you so much for reading!!! I loved writing this so much I’m thinking of making it a series. Would you guys want to read two or three more that come from this AU?

#stalking jack the ripper #sjtr #escaping from houdini #Hunting Prince Dracula #hpd #efh #cressworth #cressworth college au #cressworth au #cressworth apartment au #college au #cressworth fluff #cressworth banter #Audrey rose wadsworth #Thomas cresswell #sjtr fanfiction #sjtr au

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