mal going from never staying too long with a crew to seeing himself as a protector of the group. from putting his own survival above all to growing self sacrificial in the worst possible way. from being the cheery, funny one to the more withdrawn, hurt one. from avoiding danger to jumping into it. he finally let people in and it hurt so much and now he's scared and at the same time he's willing to do anything to keep what he has and his old coping mechanisms don't cut it anymore and he's desperate to cling to whatever's left of their friend group even if it means he wears himself thin and he was keeping tabs on imtura and he thought mc was dead but he kept looking anyway and he's still mourning a death that never happened but also it did happen because so much was lost and

Finally finished! Gonna try to sum up my impressions later but at least I don't have to worry about the spoilers anymore. Here's all the tags by your creative minds I can finally delete from my filtered tags list 😅:

#blades of light and shadow

#blades of light and shadow 2

#blades of light and shadow II

#blades of light and shadow book 2

#choices blades of light and shadow

#blades 2

#blades spoiler

#bolas

#bolas 2

#bolas2 spoilers

#choices blades

#choices bolas 2

#tori plays blades 2

JUST CALL ME A WHORE OH MY GOD DDUDNDJDNDJDN

MC: I want to top

Every male LI in this book, already showing us their hole: thank GOD

Okay. It's official. I fucking hate the way Choices is dealing with the "MC gets kidnapped" shit

They're focusing on the plot to the detriment of any emotional stakes, which is always a bad move but it's a particularly bad move when we barely understand what the threat is this time but have been missing these characters and wanting to see them again for three years. Every expression of feeling over MC's kidnapping feels rushed and squeezed in, like they're trying to get it out of the way so they can get back to the Valax shit. Imtura, Nia, and Mal made up in five seconds without us even understanding how exactly this awful fight went down to begin with. MC explains what happened while they were in captivity and they all just go to sleep. Not even a "holy shit MC, are you okay?" or "we will end her" or anything. We don't even get a general line of how they reacted like "they were horrified" "they were angry" "they were sad" "they didn't give a flying fuck" or something.

Even Imtura's grief, while definitely the best written one out of the four, felt like it was dealt with in seconds (I'm yet to play with my Imtura-romancing MC in my other acc so I'm not sure how it goes with her in the bathhouse but it shouldn't take romantic involvement for the grief to last). Even when Valax shows up a second time it doesn't feel like they're as terrified of the idea of losing MC again as they should be

There are some pretty good angsty lines and moments but they always pass so quickly it feels like they're brushing it all off. It almost feels like fanservice. "See, here, your LI kisses you as if pouring all the longing of a year into it. And then you go to sleep. Happy?" No, actually. For fuck's sake, you have to dig deeper than that

The only moment we had that wasn't plot related was bathhouse scene, which was cute, but felt entirely out of place. They just made up, they still don't even know what happened to MC, if MC's okay, they barely had the time to catch up and they're just carefreely dunking each other in the water? It could have been played like a cathartic "finally having fun after so long of suffering" sort of deal at least and then it would work, but it simply wasn't written that way and it just feels like their entire dynamic is botched and weird and we're supposed to forget that for the last year MC was gone and Imtura had a massive fallout with the rest of the group. They keep alternating between these super dramatic declarations and lines and acting as if nothing has happened, and it just doesn't work. Take the time to deal with the emotional consequences of the LITERAL INCITING INCIDENT OF THE STORY, then you can jump into battles against the big bad hot gorgeous goth woman. This just feels like they don't want to deal with it and are just throwing some lines here and there so we don't complain

Don't get me wrong, I'm generally enjoying the story and I'm happy to have the gang back, but PB's not doing their own plot justice, especially considering they've supposedly been writing this for three years. The emotional stakes are always what carries a story, even a fantasy/action one. We have to care about the characters, which we do because we have since book 1, but it doesn't seem like the story does and it gets more and more disappointing every week

We... ate?

obsessed with valax btw. you can't just give me a character who was always created to be a weapon and doesn't see herself as a real person and thinks only in terms of duty yet does not enjoy violence and can't help but care deeply about others and expect me NOT to go gaga. this is the valax series now fuck everyone else

something something valax and aerin being diametrically opposite something something. aerin first being presented to us as sweet and kind versus valax being presented as evil ans bloodthirsty. aerin choosing the evil path while valax never had a choice. aerin liking mc but ultimately using them versus valax wanting to use mc and liking them despite that. aerin hating his family and valax being endlessly loyal even tho they're both terrible. aerin wanting mc close but ultimately leaving and valax wanting to keep her distance but ultimately being drawn in. something something

next chapter's summary makes me think this is unlikely but i hope mal loses his shit next chapter. he was already on the edge of losing his shit all day today (trying to kill valax, the talks about his fear of fucking up, even if u don't romance him and don't take the diamond scenes) and it draws my attention that the last panel was not MC being swept by the tide but mal's reaction to it (again, regardless of whether or not you romance him)

it's pretty clear to me that mal is fucking terrified of losing MC (or any of his friends) again and he's already carrying survivor's guilt the size of god, made worse by the fact that he's blaming himself for shadow nia. so to (possibly) lose MC again when he was right next to them? i really think it might cause a full breakdown, possibly of the crying variety but, from everything we've seen, most likely of the desperately violent, willing to do anything variety. i wanna see him jump right into the tide and almost get himself killed again. i wanna see him tear the shadow realm apart until he finally founds MC again (since the summary implies MC gets lost from the rest of the group). i wanna see him find MC and immediately try to fucking kill valax

and all I'm saying is: if there was ever a time for a shadow!mal reveal.....

i still think the writing re:plot and character arcs is not as good but god do the themes in blades 2 make me mentally ill. they fuck so hard. like in book 1 the deepest we got was some comment on social inequality (from mal) and racism (from imtura) but that's about it. book 2 though? it's just like a black and white viewpoint is doomed to be used for propaganda. nationalist origin myths are a tool for racism. embracing the parts of yourself that are considered "bad" is essential to living healthily. self sacrifice is just a cycle of pain for everyone involved. what is redemption? what does it mean to be made by someone? we are not meant to be divided in binaries and they only lead to oppression. what is forgiveness? how do you deal with having a faith that was used to commit atrocities, but being faithful to it anyway? embracing the worst parts of yourself makes you feel whole. is anyone truly evil? how do you deal with being irreversibly changed? the dissonance of being left out as others move on. accepting death as a part of life and celebrating it. what the fuck. what the fuck. oh my god

so here's my personal theory on how the mal shit is gonna go:

i think mal's been corrupted by shadow, and i think he either doesn't know about it or did it because he felt it was the only way to protect his friends. similar to how he sees money - the more power he has, the more able he is to guarantee that he'll never be in a vulnerable situation (losing those he loves and being unable to do anything) again

either way i think the corruption is more manipulating him than anything. from the way tyril talked this chapter, it sounds like mal has been making a habit of making harsh, risky decisions. we've even kind of seen this when he jumped in front of Valax' glaive. when i saw that i assumed that it was your main LI who does this, but no, it's always mal. i think this is, in part, supposed to show that mal is acting way more reckless than he usually would

the other part is that, obviously, the real reason the shadow didn't hurt him was that he was already shadow corrupted anyway

im not entirely sure what the endgame is yet, but i think that it's the watcher who's responsible for the corruption. i simply don't trust a man who makes his first appearance in Certified Choices Evil Robes, and besides, today's lore tablet pretty much proved that he's taking us in the wrong direction

aerin is going to play a pivotal role in helping mal get rid of the corruption. he's the one person in the world who knows the most about it, and, from his comments about shadow corruption being more complicated than you think, possibly the only one who believes saving mal is possible anyway. also, i mean, he did go through that process

the process to save mal will likely be extremely painful, if aerin's unwillingness to talk about it is any indication

our relationship with aerin will likely influence the outcome, since he will be the key to helping mal. especially since mal has probably been his #1 hater, the main reason aerin would have to care about mal is his attachment to mc. if you don't have a good enough relationship with aerin, maybe the outcome will be different

it will be through this process that we will learn that The Watcher Is Evil, Actually and possibly foil his plans?

it will be so fucking angsty it's unreal and we'll be fed everything we didn't get in the reunion and more, THIS IS HOW MALMANCERS CAN STILL WIN

the haircut is here to stay 😔

CGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY AND THROW UP AND CRY AND DIE AND CRY AGAIN

listen. yes it's pretty frustrating but i think it's so funny how they had aerin be an official LI, made his route fuck so hard even previous haters wanted to fuck him, and then had him dip in the same chapter that he had sex with MC for the first time. and then he's just been gone like it never happened for 9 chapters and counting. like i know ill get death threats for this but i genuinely think this was one of choices' funniest moves. what was going through their minds. 10/10 no notes

i need mal to have a mental breakdown so bad it makes me look stupid

this is the part where i beg you to hear me out. listen. mal's been a bit more like himself these last few chapters but his route still feels stilted. i know you know what i'm talking about. every time there is one of those "one of the LIs reacts to you getting hurt or something of the surt" things, mal's is always the most lukewarm, if not outright cold. the passion and personality only really comes out when we kiss. and like, listen, i romance almost exclusively women and POC (usually Black or brown POC) in this app (I'm pretty sure Aerin is the only white male LI I've ever had anything with? lol), so i'm very very used to my LIs of choice having obviously had a lot less thought when their routes were written. but this is different. it feels almost intentional. and his book 1 route wasn't like this, either

and what calls my attention the most is that mal almost never smiles lately. in book 1 smiling was pretty much mal's default sprite. i think mal was smiling, like, 50% of the time he was on screen, if not more, and the other expressions had to share the rest among each other. but in book 2 we go entire chapters without mal smiling once. and if you pay attention he almost never looks angry or sad, either (he never looked sad a lot but he did look angry often enough, i know because i always laugh at his angry face. rip king ily but calm down). he is in his neutral expression sprite 90% of the fucking time. he looks neutral more often than tyril does (although tyril obviously smiles a lot more in book 2 than he did in book 1, it's noticeable. still, though, he's tyril)

and we know that mal used humor and an untouchable persona as a defense mechanism in book 1, it's been said. so it makes sense that mal was smiling all the time; i remember mal felt more real when his face turned neutral, at least to me. and mal keeps making the same jokes as before, so - why is he not smiling?

and like we know that mal is not okay. it's been shown. the self sacrificial tendencies, the overworking himself, the self doubt. it's been said in text. but i think the neutral sprite is the biggest clue here. because a lot of the time, mal is being objectively funny, but his neutral sprite makes his jokes feel flat. mal feels flat. and i think it's because he's trying to cling to his old coping mechanisms - charming, funny personality - but he doesn't have the energy to anymore, because he's changed, because he's exhausted. and he's said that he felt like he was trying to keep the group together on his own, and we know that mal, for all his damn posturing, takes his responsibilities seriously when he accepts them. he learned how to patch a roof at age 6 so wren could sleep better. he paid off her debt before he paid his. he built a fucking orphanage, for fuck's sake. when mal decides that he's gonna do something, he gives it his all, and he refuses to be stopped. he's going to the goddamn thieves guild to help MC. he's been on the run from the guild for fucking years and they never found him despite him being in whitetower. this mf is dedicated

all of that is to say: during this last year, mal wouldn't stop. he refused to stop. going to the garden every day. building the orphanage. keeping tabs on imtura (i'll never shut up about it HE KEPT TABS ON IMTURA). trying to keep the friend group together. taking care of and feeding a bunch of fucking orphans. the only way to keep yourself going with this much responsibility at once is by repressing every fucking feeling hard and not thinking about anything else. which explains the constant neutral face. mal can't feel anything, because he barricaded everything inside himself so he could keep going. the only way he can ever express himself is physically, when he kisses MC, and that's about it. and so he never quite expresses any feeling, even concern for MC, or smiling, or anything, because he's too busy not stopping, because if he stops he'll crumble

so like. for this to have any closure at all. mal has to crumble. i think he's past the point where he can talk about this healthily and avoid a major breakdown. there's too much threatening to burst, and he's too tired. i genuinely cannot see any way for this to be resolved that doesn't involve mal fucking breaking down, and finally acknowledging how much he's hurting. he's gonna have to stop and look at this, and clearly this will only happen once it comes bursting out of him

and i want it, god damn it! i want mal to fucking lose it. i want that catharsis and i want the angst and i want the drama. fuck!!!!

but if there was ever a time for mal to lose his shit, it was chapter 13. i even wrote about it at the time. i mean, he had just been talking with MC about how much he was hurting when they were gone. fixing the roof and talking about how he feels like he's dragging the group down and he's the least important one. and then MC disappeared. again. in the shadow realm. with valax. and he had no idea where they were. and... nothing. nada. "don't do that to me again 😐". so i struggle to imagine what could possibly be worse than that to trigger a breakdown. MC full on dying and ressurrecting nia style? i mean, seriously

and so i'm climbing the walls because if mal has a breakdown? then everything up to this point will have been good writing. the way every scene felt stilted, most jokes fell flat, everyone felt that distance between mal and MC, that shitass "reunion", it will all have been part of his arc and i'll love it and hold it dearly because oh yeah, i fucking love emotional repression for the sake of self sacrifice, sign me the fuck up. but if not then i don't see how any of this can be part of a coherent arc, and so it'll just have. sucked. after his route in book 1 being so good and satisfying they just, what, gave up? lost their groove the first few chapters and then regained it later but never really addressed it? i don't know, man. i really hope whatever's coming is good but i'm used to choices letting me down, so

this post doesn't have a beautiful conclusion or anything i'm just kinda anxious and frustrated. this is why i hate reading things that aren't finished. god damn it

Valax's mom ripping her fucking arm off to fit her purposes, Imtura's mom wanting to duel her and leaving literal scars... I don't have a type I don't have a type I don't have a type I don't have a type I d

some part of you always wanted to die. some part of you always wanted to die. some part of you always wanted to die. some part of you always wanted to die. some part of you always wanted to die. some part of