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unlawfulgames · 8 months

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Our book is now available for public purchase y’all! Check it out if you like goats, troll unions, troika, haunted living cairns, swarms of tiny Boschian ne’er-do-wells another other such lovely shenanigans! Not to mention cobblestone magic, weirdly pastoral liminality, fighting capitalists, Look’n Fer Meaning, and eternal travel down an endless road.

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thestuffedalligator · 6 months

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Kinda fucked that the first two Billy Goats Gruff offered the third goat as a sacrifice. I don’t think this was an arrangement they made before they crossed the bridge, I think it was pure self-preservation. And if the third goat didn’t cross, they wouldn’t have said a fucking thing about it.

Do you think he knows? Or when he made it across did he go “Holy shit you guys there was a fucking troll under that bridge” and the other two just went “Whaaat? Oh my god are you okaaay? That’s craaazy! 🫢”

#fairy tales #i’m making a dnd campaign based on fairy tales #and this is the first time i’ve really thought about the logistics of the billy goats gruff #a sentence nobody has said before

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sidetongue · 2 days

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budgie ft. her beard

#so regal #also is she a billy goat gruff #budgie #dogs

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ekat-fandom-blog · 1 year

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Fairy Tale Curse

Valerie, Dan, Dani, Frostbite, Danny, Pandora, Constantine, Barbara, J'onn, Steph, Dinah, and Cass get sucked into a fairy tale world. They each get a chance to be the main character of a fairy tale.

Valerie's story is Little Red Riding Hood, where Dan is the Big Bad Wolf, Pandora's the Grandmother, Dinah and Frostbite are the Mom and Dad that sends her to Grandma's house, Constantine and Danny are the Lumberjack and Hunter that save Valerie from being eaten, while the rest are background characters.

Next up is Dan's story. Cinderella. He had to cook and clean for Dinah, Danny, and Dani. Then Fairy Godmother Barbara forced him to go to a ball where the Prince was Constantine.

Then it was Dani's turn. Her story was The Frog Prince. Steph turned out to be the Frog she had to kiss.

And on and on the Stories went until everyone got a turn being Main Character. But there was one last story they had to complete before they were able to break free of the curse.

The last story they have to complete before getting out is Twelve Dancing Princesses.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dcxdp #dpxdc #i was cackling a bit while writing this ngl #i was tempted to make dani and danny's story a joint one #either Snow White and Rose Red; Hansel and Gretel; or the Snow Queen but decided against it #but if i did do that i could have barb cass and steph star in 3 little pigs or 3 billy goats gruff #prompt #i was gonna add more to this prompt #but i decided i'm very tired and don't want to do more research today #almost made dan's story thumbelina

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whumpster-fire · 6 months

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The (N+1) Little Pigs

Where N is a comically large number.

From: Fairy Tales To Tell Other People's Children To Get Out Of Being Asked to Babysit In the Future: An Anthology

Once Upon A Time, there were (N+1) little pigs, who lived in a house with their mother. One day, their mother kicked them out to seek their fortunes in the world, because they were unemployed losers who turned their rooms into pigsties.

The First Little Pig saw a farmer selling bales of straw. "Aha!" he thought, "That looks like the perfect material to build a house for the minimum amount of effort!" He told his brothers this. They all looked at him like he was an idiot.

"A straw house is easy to build, but it's also easy to tear down!" said the Third Little Pig. "What if a wolf comes?" He started to show his brother studies about the maximum wind loads of straw houses, but the First Little Pig wasn't listening.

"Wolves are a hoax," said the First Little Pig. He bought the straw anyway, and built a rather ramshackle house.

The Second Little Pig laughed at the first little pig's foolishness, but when he saw a woodcutter selling sticks, he thought: "I want a big house, but I don't want to waste too much time building it. These will be perfect."

The Third Little Pig saw a bricklayer selling bricks, and thought: "These will make the strongest house possible. I'd like to see a wolf break into this!"

Soon, the Big Bad Wolf came along. He saw the houses the pigs had built, and he came up with a plan. He knocked on the door of the First Little Pig's straw house.

"Good Morning," he said to the First Little Pig. "Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior -"

"Go away, I'm playing Minecraft!" shouted the First Little Pig, and slammed the door in the Big Bad Wolf's face. So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.

"Hi, I'm installing Rooftop Solar, do you have a moment to talk about -"

"Go away."

So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.

"We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty -"

"Die in a fire, Big Bad Bitch."

So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan. He knocked on the door one more time.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

The Big Bad Wolf peered in the window, and decided the hair on the pig's chinny chin chin wasn't much of a threat. It was kind of unimpressive actually. A neckbeard, even.

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the straw house to pieces, and that was the end of the First Little Pig.

He moved on to the Second Little Pig's house, and repeated the process, only without the several ineffective scams. He went straight to the threats and demands, which is an admirable quality in a villain.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the stick house to splinters, and that was the end of the Second Little Pig.

The Third Little Pig watched his brothers' demise from his brick house, and made a smug FaceBook post about inferior construction methods. When he heard a knock on his door, he said without even waiting for the wolf to speak: "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Uhh, this is your neighbor Bob. I just wanted to check in and see if you're okay, I saw on NextDoor there were two houses blown in by a wolf, and my neighbor Dale said both the victims were pigs, so it seems like there's a pattern."

"Oh. Sorry," said the pig. "Don't worry about me, I've got the strongest house in the whole town!" and he patted the brick walls.

Bob the Neighbor left, and the Big Bad Wolf came along.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Aww, come on, man, you didn't even give me a chance to knock!"

"This story's getting too long."

"Fair. Ahem… I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

The Third Little Pig waited smugly in his armchair, waiting for the wolf to tire himself out. But what he didn't realize was that his attic windows had blown in. The Third Little Pig had built his house with a gable style roof for aesthetic reasons, and he had neglected to install hurricane ties as required by building codes in many areas prone to high wind disasters. With wind blowing inside the attic and over the roof, it acted just like a wing! The whole roof lifted off the house and blew away, and without the structural support, even the sturdy brick walls collapsed, crushing the Third Little Pig armchair and all.

The Fourth Little Pig built his house out of stone, with structurally adequate roof design. The wolf huffed and puffed with all his might, but the house just wouldn't budge!

So the Big Bad Wolf waited for the Fourth Little Pig to leave the house. After a few days, this little piggy went to market, when this little piggy should have stayed home. But this little piggy had to buy roast beef, because this little piggy had none. This little piggy saw a familiar shape in the parking lot, and cried WEEE WEEE WEEE WEEE, half of the way home. Not all the way home, because he only got halfway there before the Big Bad Wolf caught him and ate him.

The Fifth Little Pig purchased a 7500 sq ft McMansion in a gated community. But the house soon began to fall apart due to its subpar construction, and the Little Pig lost all his money in the subprime mortage crisis. The bank foreclosed on him, and threw him out in the streets, where the Big Bad Wolf had an easy meal.

The Sixth Little Pig built a sturdy wooden house: not a flimsy stick one, but solid timber framing. The wolf huffed and he puffed, but he could not blow the house in. Instead, he poured gasoline all over the exterior walls of the house and lit a match. The house caught fire, and turned the Sixth Little Pig into fried bacon.

The Seventh Little Pig built another stone house, and a very nice one it was. In fact, it was a castle. But he'd built it on a swamp, so his castle sank into the swamp. So he built another castle. That one sank into the swamp. So he built a third one. That one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one stayed up! And that's what the Seventh Little Pig's son inherited: the strongest castle in all of Pigland. However, when Wolfram the Conqueror invaded in 1066 AD, the Seventh Little Pig's castle proved incapable of withstanding the ferocious assault of the Warwolf Trebuchet. The Seventh Little Pig tried to surrender before the monstrous siege engine was even completed, but the Big Bad Wolf just laughed, and said there was no way he was going to all that effort to build such a large trebuchet and not use it. Soon the castle lay in ruins, and the Noble House of the Seventh Little Pig was broken.

The Eighth Little Pig built his house out of reinforced concrete. "I'd like to see you huff and puff this house down!" he boasted. "And I've got enough supplies in here to last for two years!"

But the Big Bad Wolf knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy, and the guy who a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy knew a guy who knew was an armadillo who worked in the demolitions industry. The armadillo set up several very large explosive charges all around the fourth pig's house.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!" said the Big Bad Wolf.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

The armadillo laughed, and said: "Then Fire In the Hole! I'll blow your house in!"

With an almighty BANG! that stone house went away, And what happened to the pig isn't pleasant to say. The locals claim porkchops and cutlets rained down On Roofs, streets and sidewalks for three blocks around And windows were broken all over the town.

A-hem! Enough rhyming, back to the story.

The Ninth Little Pig didn't build a house at all. He just wasn't into it, man. Building houses meant being part of the system! He crashed on other people's couches and smoked weed all day. One day there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, man! Wanna buy some weed?" asked the Big Bad Wolf, who was wearing a clever disguise: he had a baseball cap, sunglasses, and a t-shirt that said "420." The Ninth Little Pig stared at him through bloodshot eyes. He scratched the hairs on his chinny chin chin. "Sure, man. Totally radical." He let the wolf in. The wolf was planning to eat him, but the smell of weed was so overpowering that he immediately became high, and they talked about metaphysical philosophy for three hours. Sadly for the Ninth Little Pig, after that the wolf got the munchies and ate him. Due to the sheer quantity of The Devil's Lettuce the pig had partaken in, the Big Bad Wolf was tripping balls for several weeks.

The Tenth Little Pig decided to move to a faraway land where there were no wolves and build his house there. On his journey he came to a bridge, where a troll was waitin for passerby.

"Ha ha!" said the troll. "You must pay the troll toll! I will eat you, delicious pig!"

"Wait!" cried the Tenth Little Pig. "My big brother is coming, and he has a house made of sticks! Wouldn't you rather eat him instead?"

"What." Said the Troll, and there was a long, awkward silence. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I think this is the wrong fairy tale," said the pig.

"I agree," said the troll, and ate him, so the Big Bad Wolf lost this round.

Later, the Big Bad Wolf came to a train track, where he saw a speeding trolley heading towards a switch. On the track ahead were five little pigs tied to the train tracks, on the other track was a single little pig. By pulling a lever, the wolf could make the trolley switch to the other track, saving the five little pigs but dooming the single pig. The Big Bad Wolf didn't pull the lever and allowed the five little pigs to be run over, because he was a Big Bad Wolf and killing more pigs was a desirable result for him. The Mad Philosophy Professor who had tied the pigs to the tracks and sabotaged the trolley's brakes lost his funding due to the lack of conclusive results, which just goes to show the importance of sound experiment design.

The Seventeenth Little Pig holed up in his house and refused to leave. The wolf waited and waited, but as he was waiting, he saw a little girl in a red hood wandering through the woods with a picnic basket. The Big Bad Wolf decided to try to eat her instead, but that is a story for another time. The Seventeenth Little Pig seemed safe, but little did he know that a deadly swine flu pandemic was spreading throughout the community.

The Eighteenth Little Pig built a very grand and sturdy house of brick and stone, but it had large windows that were easy to break into. One night, a pack of four Big Bad Wolves broke into his house. "What the Devil?" cried the Eighteenth Little Pig as he grabbed his powdered wig and Kentucky Rifle. He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew a golfball sized hole through the first wolf, shooting him dead on the spot. He drew his pistol on the second wolf, but it missed him entirely because it was smoothbore and nailed the neighbor's dog. He had to resort to the cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot. The grapeshot shredded two wolves in the blast, and the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. The Eighteenth Little Pig fixed bayonets and charged the last terrified wolf, who bled out waiting for the police to arrive because triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. "Ah," said the Eighteenth Little Pig, "Just as the Founding Sounder intended."

The Nineteenth Little Pig went to college to become a Marine Biologist. This had many benefits, including living on a research vessel far away from any Big Bad Wolves. Sharks, on the other hand, were a different matter.

The Twentieth Little Pig didn't build a house: he hid in a cave, where he survived on a diet of 10,000 spiders per day and never left. He survived the Big Bad Wolf, but he is an outlier and should not have been counted.

The End

#shitpost #overly elaborate shitpost #the three little pigs #parody #memes #monty python and the holy grail #trebuchets #structural engineering #nursery rhymes #mixed metaphors #the three billy goats gruff #trolley problem memes #there are many benefits to being a marine biologist #explosions #musket for home defense copypasta #Spiders Georg #I wrote this fever dream of a post on very little sleep

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avalordream · 28 days

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Derek: After journeying for seven nights and seven days, the party finally comes across the old decrepit bridge that leads to the hillside where some goats are grazing!

Baxter: Child's play. I roll a stealth check to see if there is anything nearby and walk under the bridge.

Baxter: Rolls a fucking one.

Derek: Evidently, you see nothing but trip over someone sleeping.

Cove: A HOBO?!

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haischaper · 6 months

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Second Line-Up for Twice Before!

Character names/Origins in order:

Brick (The Three Little Pigs), Diamond (Billy Goat Gruff/The Wolf and the Seven young Goats), Gretel (Hansel and Gretel), Jack (Jack and the Beanstalk/Jack and Jill), Vaserella (Cinderella/The Ugly Duckling/The Swan Princess/Vasirila the beautiful)

#twice before #my ocs #character lineup #brick hartmann #diamond aarden #gretel bäcker #Jack Fabreau #Vaserella #fairytale #the three little pigs #the wolf and the seven young goats #Billy goat gruff #hansel and gretel #jack and the beanstalk #Jack and jill #cinderella #the ugly duckling #the swan princess #vasirila the beautiful

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adarkrainbow · 1 year

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Masterpost 8: Journey through the Woods

Intro

Plot and protagonist

The companions: Little Red Riding Hood (part 1 and part 2) - The Third Little Pig - Jack - The other companions

The monsters:

The Big Bad Wolf: part 1 - part 2 - part 3

The Bridge Troll: part 1 - part 2

The Gingerbread House Witch (Hansel and Gretel): part 1 - part 2

The Giant : part 1 - part 2

The Fox: part 1 - part 2

Other characters:

The seven dwarfs - Cinderella - Rapunzel - The evil stepsisters - Prince Charming

Some final posts:

Peter and the Wolf + Chronology - The Woodsman/Conclusion

About “season 2″

#masterpost #journey through the woods #fairy tales #fairytales #fairytale #fairy tale #artmakerproductions #little red riding hood #red riding hood #the big bad wolf #big bad wolf #jack and the beanstalk #hansel and gretel #cinderella #the three billy goat gruff #the three little pigs #art

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raintailed · 1 year

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EVEN MORE BLORBOS!

the list:

Prawn, based on the golden gramma

Arctic, based loosely on the uhhhh fire elemental form of flame princess

Amal/Amalgam/The Judge, based on a meme gif of all the downpour scugs combined AND on a scrapped downpour character

Silky :]]]]

Rigel, based kinda on toxtricity

Aaand Cycad, who is the Knight’s 2nd parent

#raintailed's art #rain world #rw #rain world oc #my ocs #reference #prawn / goldentail (oc)#amal / the judge (oc)#rigel / the holotype (oc)#arctic / frost biter (oc)#cycad / the harbinger (oc)#silky / billy goat gruff (oc)

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camping-with-monsters · 2 months

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dropping some BMB character concepts—

“Vasilisa the Unfairly”

“One of the once living being that entered The Spotlight and succumbed to the groove— she went in with an unknown goal and a wooden doll in hand that was “charmed” to protect her. However, Vasilisa ended up losing the doll, and now wanders sickly through the glow, half-dead, and with clusters of mushrooms and veins of mycelium infesting her body, as well as an impressive pair of protrusions in a fully functional arm and a “head” that appears to look like a skull. The head can glow a brilliant orange like a flame when in the night and light herself a path, but most don’t assume kindly of someone in The Spotlight.”

(Based on Vasilisa the Beautiful/Fair and fairy rings)

“The Three Billy Goats Gruff”

“Also inhabitants of The Spotlight, possibly succumbing to the wrath themselves. To help those fall into to the groove, they attempt to charm others with a haunting melody and sing along. Marching to the beat of their own rhythm, they’ll do what’s necessary to win, even if that means sabotaging each other.”

(Based on The Three Billy Goats Gruff, fairy rings, and a lot of other weird prion/disease related stuff.)

“Merdusa”

“Should you be rafting your way through the waters towards “Giant Peach Island”, you best be weary about not disturbing the Merdusa that swims beneath the water. A bit more on the timid side unless provoked, looking into her eyes long enough can make your body attempt to disintegrate into sea foam. It’s undetermined if she does this willingly, or is just an unfortunate feature of her’s.”

(Based on The Little Mermaid and Medusa)

Credit to @pazam for help with this design!

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thefugitivesaint · 2 years

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''East o' the Sun and West o' the Moon and other Norse Fairy Tales'' by Peter Christen Asbjornsen and Jorgen Moe, 1917 (translated into English by Sir George Webbe Dasent) Source

#east o' the sun and west o' the moon #peter christen asbjornsen #jorgen moe #george webbe dasent #norse fairy tales #fairy tales #frontispieces #vintage art #vintage illustration #vintage illustrations #three billy goat gruff

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i-like-polls · 3 months

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I’m so?? Genuinely flabbergasted that these guys lost their polls??? I was so sure they’d both win and then go against each other but they both lost??? To lesser known characters??

I have to know, so this is just for fun and won’t affect the Top Male Character polls:

#ever after high #eah #eah 3 little pigs #eah 3 billy goats gruff

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