I do not like being home alone

I get blends of innocent beans confused with what queer coding is or isn’t, and malignant beans misappropriating points, so we’re gonna do a quick run through.

Queer coding started as a malignant thing. The truest use of the phrase “queer coding” came from stereotypes and villainizations that straight people found sCaRy. This is like, why Scar seemed classically flamboiyant, or a variety of Disney villains were long, lanky, gestured exaggeratedly, wore eyeliner, etc. There’s a million examples but I’m not going to cover them all because I think you get what I mean. At the time, straight culture was painting gays as bad so painting villains as how straights perceived gays was like, super useful, cuz it creeped the straights out oOOoooOOo.

When people talk about queer coding enforcing stereotypes, if you’re talking about the original form of queer coding, this is inherently true. However, coding reached other levels, and has adaptive forms.

For example, watching (as I’ve been mocked for saying 10,000 times, but because it’s needed) The Celluloid Closet will clear up a lot for you. Subversive queer coding is when queer creators use a great deal of things to communicate with a queer audience past censorship. The film documentary (if you can’t read the book -- which I understand, it’s difficult to find) clears a whole fuckton of this up.

There’s some things that, quite frankly, we as gays know as part of our language. It is what it is. While it’s not a stereotype, it’s quite literally a language I highly warn straights against stepping into, because then they flounder around confused on what’s our actual language and what’s a stereotype

A truly innocent bean asked of me yesterday, well why then is menthols fair subversive queer coding? How is that not a stereotype?

Well like, because it’s facts. And that’s really, really hard to wrap ones’ head around from an outsider straighty perspective or even someone who’s queer but trapped heavily in a hetnorm world outside of where this is visible and/or in the wrong demographic otherwise. A black person who hangs out with black people of all orientations is not going to blink at a media dude getting menthols generally, because it’s one of the cultures that statistically engages in it to the point of memes about Kools or whatever. That’s not my culture, I can’t comment on much beyond that, but it’s just something to take note of.

But even if you don’t want to take someone’s word on “no, seriously, white dudes smoking menthols is queer culture and literally like a great sign for a hookup to another queer white dude”, google the various intersections of gender and menthol, race and menthol, and sexuality and menthol.

This isn’t pulled out of thin air. These were populations quite literally heavily targeted by Big Tobacco and, by nature, are the ones that smoke it, whereas Big Tobacco put(s) on airs of masculinity and chick-magnetness to smoke good ol non-menthol shit. It’s literally marketing. Yes, it does literally impact who buys product and yes, it does after generations have a noticeable affect. Track the numbers I told you to google down and you’ll realize less than 3% of menthol smokers identify as straight white men (depending on the way the numbers sort out and the year of polling, often 1.x%, 3% is the liberal number).. Lemme tell you, on the street, that’s an “okay, honey :)” when you do find it. Maybe a little pat on the head. An invisible brochure for Welcome To The Gays.  Like, White Men make up more than 31% of America and they still refuse to tally more than 25% of the US as queer [some censuses as low as 6% and LOL] so like-- that should be like minimum 25% of dudes available and nope, 1-3%)

(that’s not to say all gays or even all white gays smoke menthol, but this is that rule of “not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers” in loose application.)

But understanding these things, these signals, from the outside is utterly flabbergasting to people.

No, someone making an immasculating joke is not subversive queer coding. No, a dude wearing a certain kind of shirt or eating a certain kind of food generally isn’t queer coding (Unless it’s a rainbow flag BITCH IM GAY shirt, or uh, maybe for food quiche or hummus? I mostly joke for the latter two, but that’s the kind of self ball punching queer community sometimes does to itself in awareness that yes, there ARE elements. No, eating hot dogs and burritos isn’t gay. Yes, we make make penis jokes. No, that isn’t itself queer coding.)

When a queer author codes a piece, it’s designed to communicate to the resonant audience. It also may not communicate to /all/ gays. The language of a middle aged cis gay man that lived through the AIDS crisis is a whole other fuckin adventure from the language of 17 year old trans gays squatting behind their Xbox, it’s just fact, it’s just what is. Completely different cultures and lives being lived, completely different experiences resulting. A few things here or there may connect across generations but some shit that’s written by a gen Z gay is gonna whiff by a boomer gay, sorry. Also just facts.

Explaining exactly what is and isn’t queer coding is almost impossible beyond the fact that “if you don’t get it, it’s probably not for you.” -- At the same time, that leaves the problematic room of people taking that grey area and packing in a bunch of shit and we’re back to ground zero on the original problematic queer coding.

I once read a meta of uh-- I’ll just say, [Fantasy Character]. The fantasy character had an addiction problem that gave them villain-like attributes. Someone implied the “villain coding” made it queer coding. Okay like. Fucking absolutely not. Because if the show in question WAS doing that, first off, that’s literally the kind to make mockeries of gay people so you literally shouldn’t be reaching for that and second off they’d be doing that lanky sassy bitch with eyeliner bullshit like Disney villains with it, give or take. You don’t apply this shit in reverse, “he has villain attributes and so he’s gay” is literally the worst possible angle to take a discussion while trying to slap fight in a representation arena. Like I can’t say enough DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. 

If you wanna write fic or headcanon whoever as gay or whatever have fun but like once people keep trying to talk about “coding” you’re talking about conscious elements inset by the authors. Does a character have a bunch of on the record sexual encounters that just happen to include dudes persistently even if we don’t exactly get the exact angle or Proof Of Dicking? That’s gay (also depending on the phrasing, as settled in older stuff, that’s just deadass queer text and settled long before this fandom ever had pissing matches about this shit in older cinema.) Does the character happen to be respectful and use like gender neutral pronouns on people? Sorry folks that unto itself isn’t gay, that’s gays writing allies at best, unless you can give specific and directly applicable situations relevant to the character rather than eternally vague blogging through and swearing up and down it’s just about their partners or some shit. Yelling it in general though, sorry, no. 

Does the character engage in things or events with non-het gendered partners that in the very least are heavily coded into the areas of relationships even if they’re unclear (eg, do they routinely go out with non-family people and hold deep or meaningful conversations in things that LOOK like a date, even if nobody SAYS it’s a date) -- congrats, you have coded text. Alone it could even be queerplat stuff, depending on the suprastructure of the plot, text, subtext and everything else around it (same way, gasp, a man and a woman can sit at a table and not necessarily be in a relationship, but if they’re trading courting gifts and having unique and powerful exchanges or have big like, “the heart is the thing that binds us together uwu” shit, we all figure out what the fuck is going on like grown assed adults.)

It’s easier to list things that are NOT subversive queer coding:

Insults against gay people

Immasculating commentary

Random foods short of it deadass being a gay author making fun of some gay meme shit in some gay equivalent of ‘right in front of my salad’

Favorite colors or clothing

---

We got it? Good. Rule of thumb though. Deadass unless you are involved in some thick-ass queer culture don’t try to queer code shit. I don’t even care if you’re queer yourself because that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been subject to the culture in a meaningful way. There’s 30 year old bis that grew up in white picket fence suburbias on top of trust funds with hovercraft parents guiding them through 17 degrees and keeping them out of party culture that married a het-passing relationship and settled down and started having babies and their grasp of queer culture ends at what they perceive out of memes online, if they even hover in actual queer crowds online at all as much as general ones. That person literally is not going to speak much of the language. They aren’t. At best they’ll speak the language of 30 year old trust fund het-married bisexual mothers which, I mean yeah, technically some queer language but that’s a very, very fucking niche experience path right there compared to street-dwelling club-goers that attend pride, hold D&D parties with all their coworkers they figured out are gay on the weekend, occasionally brick a window in a riot. The latter is gonna have a far more diverse queer experience. And by such, a far more diverse queer language.

That’s not even to gatekeep. 30 year old trust fund het-passing-marriage bi-mom is in fact bi. So yeah, they’re queer. But we’re talking about language and culture, which is related to but not something you inherit. It comes by lives and experiences.

And I think this is where a LOT of the fucked up early Queer Coding fuckery comes from in discourse. Yes we have a language. Hell, to some extent a few things might even kinda BE stereotypes but there’s a certain amount of living and being where you know the difference between “this is a stereotype made by straight people villainizing us that has no idea what we’re fucking like” or “this is a stereotype born out of mass marketing that targeted and victimized then imprinted on an entire population that we’ve come to recognize among ourselves.” Or even “this is a stereotype but FUCK YES it’s one we embrace, go get fucked, straights.” And it’s not NEARLY as ambiguous as fandom circle jerks try to make these things out to be in the interest of wanting every interpretation to be valid or every character to be gay or not wanting to admit some person may know what the fuck they’re talking about more than they do. 

Huge point on that last one though, because like. I’ve seen some angry straights that are pissy about the show try to throw wrenches in the gears by concern trolling as if in defense of the gays about “offensive queer coding” and most of the time they’re basically that “how do you do fellow kids gays” meme. “How do you do gays I am very concerned about *checks notes* the twitters talking about gay men walking fast” and half the time turn around like two tweets later like “besides the character doesn’t even have a lisp anyway” or some bullshit that is outright offensive ass stereotyping while they’re out here trolling over the fact that a gay man admits to diva worship as a cultural trait.

General rule of thumb: ask a queer culture immersed gay about queer coding.

Shipping culture in the blue hellsite is not queer culture, for the record. Even if a bunch of queerfolk are in it.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

A very tired gay

Back to the Beginning {TVD 1x01 Review}

OK! So we’re starting from the beginning, every Friday between 9pm and 10. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I will write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Gotta admit, I’m a little excited to start from the beginning, it’s been a really long time. Ready? Let’s go. 1. OK Stefan’s voiceover over the foggy woods is still HELLA campy though. I remember I saw this and was like, Fadi (my friend), are you really making me watch this? YES. She was so fucking insistent. 2. Yeah the foggy night and dark road, it’s very horror movie, very cinematic. 3. Them hitting Damon is reminiscent of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” They even gave Damon a growling noise when he feeds. 4. Listening to the score for season 1, really emphasizes how much they misused the cues in season 8. The scary cue works here because people are running, getting snatched up on a dark foggy night, it isn’t just walking through the Salvatore house. 5. Jenna is legit a mess, like, right away, Elena is like drinking coffee and really chill, like do you not have a presentation today? Go. 6. Damon sending the crow to hit Bonnie’s car is like … Literally from the minute he’s introduced, he’s terrorizing her. 7. Also Kat is a stronger actress than Nina, even the way Bonnie says, “And I was like put this woman in a HOME already”, she has more presence than Nina. 8. “She looks a hot … can I say tranny mess?” “No that’s over.” And totally inappropriate. I completely missed that before. 9. LOL Elena’s “No comment, I’m not going to say anything” when Caroline walks away is delivered really well, yo you two secretly hate each other and that should’ve been explored more. 10. Stefan’s jeans actually look a little ridiculous in the pilot, though. Like they don’t look like they fit well. When Bonnie and Elena sees him in the office. 11. Jeremy is legit like a drug dealer though. That’s kind of a big deal. 12. “You need to chill yourself” …. … … Did KW and JP like consult any teens when they wrote this script? 13. And her fight with Jeremy is actually pretty muted. I’m an only child but my closest friends are older siblings and they’ve told me of times when their younger siblings were fucking up and they would like literally BE there all the time, they would walk them to class, sit with them at lunch, be like, so where are we going today? Elena threatens to do that but never really follows through and it always bothered me that no one held an intervention for Jeremy or set up a meeting with a counsellor. 14. It is still the cutest thing ever when Stefan catches Elena staring at him in class. 15. I do like that in season 1 they dress like they’re teenagers though. 16. “Shoo, that’s what I thought.” Yeah, Elena, stand up to that bird. 17. No, seriously, from a purely objective point of view I can see why the cemetery scene would be the scene that made KW and Bob Levi and JP go ecstatic because when the scene begins Nina seems a little nervous, which I get, it’s the pilot, but when the scene goes on and the dialogue keeps going, she and Paul just have that energy, the way she smiles, the way they stare at each other, there’s legit chemistry there. 18. Yeah, those jeans need to go. And Paul I love you, but your pilot haircut is nooooooooot working. 19. Like you look like a hedgehog, honey. The diary entries actually make this REALLY angsty. 20. LOL Vicki is actually pretty mean to Jeremy though. “I don’t want to announce to the world that I deflowered Elena’s kid brother” and Jeremy has these puppy dog eyes when he says, “And deflowered and deflowered” and it’s like awwwwwwww, you’re way too young for this. 21. “I’m meeting Bonnie at The Grill”, it’s not even Bonnie and Caroline though. 22. These Stelena stares are KILLING me. It’s different seeing it within the episode than clips. 23. The way Matt says, “I feel weird calling her … She broke up with me” all of them are so YOUNG and have these really innocent faces and it just makes everything seem so MEAN. 24. “Any siblings” “None that I talk to” so when Elena tells Damon in the next episode, “Stefan never mentioned he had a brother” I mean he didn’t say that he didn’t either, he admits to having siblings. I feel like I’m going to keep a tally of all the times the show forgets its own script to propel DE. 25. Yoooooooooooo I didn’t remember we get a shot of Stefan topless in the pilot when he’s putting on his shirt. *sigh* so gratuitous. I love it. 26. Those jeans are terrible though. 27. OK but really, WHO IS ZACH AGAIN? He says “Uncle Stefan” so like how does that work? 28. Stefan being blamed for Damon’s shit from DAY ONE. 29. Paul’s intense gaze is damn. 30. I also like how in history class they never discuss enslavement. Mmkay. 31. “You’re upset about something.” “No it’s just Bonnie, she’s … You know what, never mind. You’re here.” And from Day One Bonnie’s issues are ignored. 32. Paul and Nina look really good walking next to each other. 33. Tyler legitimately treats Vicki like shit. 34. “Jeremy. Is that you?” Yes, Vicki, Jeremy can create fog now. 35. Also Damon is so fucking extra with that fog. It’s unnecessary. 36. “I just want to let you know that I still believe in us and I’m not giving up on you” oh Matty, it was never you. Don’t worry though, you get a bench. 37. So Vicki is on the ground with blood on her neck and Jeremy is like “It’s Vicki” and Elena is like “oh my God” and NO ONE is taking out their phones to call 9-11.They just stand there until she opens her eyes. I mean, I guess. 38. Ian’s hair is RIDICULOUS. 39. I don’t understand how Damon got such a following, I find him thoroughly uncharming. Like he just talks SO MUCH. 40. “Damon, after all this time, after all these years can’t we just give it a rest??” “I promised you an eternity of misery.” How fucking petty ARE you Damon? 41. Ian isn’t menacing. 42. “How come the guys I want never go for me?” “I’m not touching that.” Bonnie is hilarious though. Like oh hell no, do not drag me into your messy shit. 43. Vicki and her black nail polish. So high school. 44. Matt’s eyes are actually really blue in the pilot. 45. I am so fucking glad the diary voiceovers disappear eventually. It’s just, it’s too much. 46. And Stefan and Elena overlap. Omg. No. 47. Damon looks creepy as fuck staring at Caroline. 48. I won’t lie though, Stefan constantly coming to Elena’s house, if it were me I’d be like sooooo are you just going to keep showing up? Like she isn’t a little bit weirded out that this guy keeps just showing up at her house? 49. And she can just invite boys into her house at how late at night? OK so my review is over! I’m definitely excited to be doing these every Friday. It’s funny though because pilots are meant to establish what the show is going to be about and what’s centered in the pilot is Stefan and Elena and their desire to get through their respective dark times. The supernatural element is secondary. It’s first and foremost an SE story. Until next week!

*NOTE* To avoid confusion: I’m not saying what Stefan did is comparable to Damon, Damon was terrorizing Elena for kicks, I’m just saying that Stefan comes across as intense in the pilot and I would be like dude you are at my house a lot but it makes sense because Stefan isn’t acting completely human because he isn’t one, throughout the episode he’s trying to train himself to be more human.