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countrymusiclover · 2 years

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Ch 10 - Bunker Law

Ch 11

47 days after death wave.

The council of grounders and Skaikru disagree like always. We've been forced to go on half rations. Rory sits across from Jaha's boy, Ethan Halter. His actual father I sent to die. Dad sits next to me and mom doesn't sit with us. My braid falls over my right shoulder as I watch rory talk a little with Ethan.

Ethan taps Jaha's shoulder "uncle Theo, may I have seconds please - for Bethany too?" My smile drops from my face. I grip the chancellor's pin still on my jacket. Dad starts to slide his rations forward, but I grab his wrist "Dad - we can't" he ignores me and tries again only for Jaha to join in. "No. Thank you. Now uncle Marcus and aunt Kristin, have to eat too."

Rory glanced at Ethan, who mutters a 'sorry Beth'. She eats the last bit of her food, sighing. "I guess we'll have to get used to this, huh." Resting a hand on her shoulder, I give her a weak smile.

Our people knocked me and dad out, restrained us with mom and rory. Rory spins a string ring on her ring finger of her right hand. Leaning near her "is that a gift from Ethan?" She slowly nods her head yes, twirling a piece of her hair loose from her braid. Ethan and her have become close friends - talking and laughing about simple things. Giving her a gift reminds me so much of Bellamy. This morning I snuck into the main office, just acted like he could actually hear my messages. Mom hasn't spoken to me for a whole month, she keeps taking pain pills and I'm afraid she might become addicted to them.

Hours have passed and rory leaves against me fast asleep. Mom snapped quite "you took away my choice. Marcus, Kristin!"

Dad says "we're not gonna apologize for saying your life, Abby."

I shifted a bit to face her directly "We made the right choice. You're my mom, a doctor and Rory's grandma."

Dad chimed with "I would've made the same choice, even if I didn't love you."

Mom barks "really, then why were you willing to float me on the ark?" I look at my dad with my mouth hung open - he's never mentioned that. He barely made eye contact with me.

Dad puts a hand on her arm, saying "Kristin and I couldn't bare to lose you. We'd just got you back. The world was ending before our very eyes and I thought I could weather any storm as long as you were by our side..."

I let tears slip, grabbing her other arm, making her look me in eyes "Mom, how could you ever think. Dad and I would be able to carry you outside and shut the door...I - I'm not that strong- I killed 364 of our people out to die....mom...I couldn't...lose you." Tears appear in her eyes but they don't fall.

Dad voices sniffing some tears out along with me. "Abby, I'm sorry, but I'm not that strong either. I would do the same thing a thousand times. "

They lean in about to kiss, but a loud thud starts making Rory bolt awake. They're trying to round out the grounders- like that will work.

I hear Octavia slash her sword and yelling 'you are Wonkru, or you are the enemy of Wonkru. Choose!' O what are you doing!

Octavia runs, unlocking our chains. Blood of grounders is what she's covered in. Rory whimpers into me, scared a bit of her aunt o. I can't blame her. All of us run to find jaha, dying. Rory gets on her knees with me and mom. Dad stands with Octavia.

Jaha shutters "Octavia- Kristin. Promise me you'll both take care of Ethan." Taking his hand in mine I vow "of course." Octavia finishes "you have my word."

Jaha slurs in tired breath. "Mar - Marcus - take me home..."

Dad sniffs, taking my shacky hand in his we say the oath of the Ark. "In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you reach the next. Safe passage on your travels...until our final journey to the ground. - may we meet again." All of us say that last line. Rory wraps her arms around herself as I bawl into my dad's shirt. Mom cries on his shoulder.

Octavia and I now stand above our people again. Blood remains on her and I have a few cuts on me. I grip the chancellor's pin with one hand and the railing with my other. I breath out "there are too many people in this bunker..." Octavia takes over as I struggle to stand. Traitors kneel on the ground as our people fight and say that Skaikru should be punished. Ethan holds Rory in his side, comforting her thr best he can. "There is no Skaikru. There is only Wonkru and the enemies of Wonkru." Octavia creates the fighting pits - like the gladiators.

'Conclave rules. Win the fight - save your life.' That's our world now.

Bethany's POV

It's been 3 years since aunt O created the fight pits. Mom stepped down from being a leader at her side. Grandpa kane thinks I've been scarred like Ethan, he's half right. Ethan is 2 years old than me. I'm 10 - making him 12. He has wavy blonde locks, wears a Arkadia guard jacket- it was mine but mom gave it to him. Now I wear one of my dad's old ones. A dark blue shirt, gray pants and ankle length boots. My hair is in a loose mess over my shoulders. I still wears mom's necklace from grandma Abby. My boots bang against the metal of the bunker floor. Laying my chin on my arms crossed on the metal railing I sigh, looking down at the blood stained floor.

Grandpa kane and mom have tried to make this bunker sound like a princess castle - like how the Ark appeared for her a long time ago. I believed their fairy tales for about 3 years. Footsteps approached and I wipe my head around to see Ethan. He's an inch taller than me, his green eyes lock with mine. Striding up to me, he kisses my cheek causing me to blush. I know I'm way early to be feeling things for boys but I can't help. He's charming, protective like my dad and looks nice in that guard jacket. We've been friends for years- but he's been getting the courage to tell my mom about our relationship. He says when he's 15, he'll ask me to be his girlfriend at 13 - plus give me my first kiss. I can't wait till then.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear with a bright smile, showing off his perfect teeth "Now what are you doing out here alone, Beth. Without your escort no less."

I snort, lightly poking him in the chest "Haha Ethan. I can take care of myself - my mom doesn't need to know everything" he takes my hands in his, Spinning me into his chest as he hums a old toon from the Ark.

We dance around the platform above the fighting pits. He acts like he's one of aunt O's followers but really it's just an act. We don't think it's right - mom came home crying from a meeting one night. Clutching grandpa kane, who cried alone with her.

She had sobbed 'Octavia has lost her mind - this isn't how we should be living...I can't be chancellor with her anymore.'

Ethan twirls me and my jacket flies up a little- I imagine I'm wearing a real princess gown of gold or ocean blue maybe. I'd give anything to see Ethan rock a tux.

Ethan wraps his arms around me as I lay my head on his chest. My hands hold onto the guard jacket- inhaling his scent. Mom had to send his father to die, she's never really ever got over that. I tilt my head up to his, to see him looking down at me. Our noses touch and we can feel the others breath.

His right hand cues my cheek while te other stays resting on my tiny back. His voice choked "Bethany, can I kiss you?" Blush rises to our cheeks.

I give him a little smirk "We'd be breaking another one of the rules. My mom or aunt O could throw us in the pit" I can't hold back my laugh as he does laugh at my response.

He straightened his back, puffing out his chest acting like a true knight "I'll always protect you - forever and always." Those words leaving his lips made tears come to my eyes. I wipe my eyes seeing him drop his smile.

Those words were the last words my dad said to me. Mom still has hope that he'll come down from space in 2 more years.

I put a smile back on my face, pulling his lips closer to mine. In a low whisper I tell him. "I truly believe you. Now kiss me Ethan Halter." He hesitated for a moment before I felt his lips onto mine. It was quick but I crashed mine back onto his, savoring their flavor, how soft they are.

Mom said she'd always describe her first kiss with dad as - magical. I described mine as - fireworks.

Y/n POV

I slowly opened my eyes staring up at the ceiling of this bunker. Resting in my bunk with my arms behind my head. Mom and dad rest in their bunks across from mine and rory's. They've finally made up - yet mom still takes the pills. Last week she stole some from medical. My hair is still wet and a little curly from the shower this morning. Rolling on my side I picked up a radio.

'Bellamy if you can hear me. If you're alive it's been exactly three years since the death wave - 2 more to go.' I paused glancing towards the door, clipping the radio to me belt I get up heading out the door wearing.

Everyone is asleep thankfully so they can't hear me basically talking to myself. Octavia and I have had our fights - about how we should be leading in this bunker. Yet a few weeks ago I'd had enough. The fighting pits just got worse and worse. Everytime rory has to watch she hides her face in my jacket. 'Rory has a friend bell. His name's Ethan Halter - one of Skaikru's people -' I hear laughter and stop on the other side of the railing. Squinting I see Ethan and rory kissing. Placing the radio back to my lips, i corrected myself 'scratch that bell - her boyfriend.'

Running over to them I ca out in a low whisper "Bethany Rory Blake!" Ethan and her separated blushing mad. Rory stuttered "Mom hi - ah this isn't what you think." Crossing my arms over my chest I glare at her.

Ethan slowly starts "chancellor Kristin Blake. I - um - I'm dating your daughter"

Crosding my eyebrows I rest the tips of my fingers against it, letting out a low sigh "you're lucky I'm not your father Rory....or you'd be forbidden to see him. Now let's start over. Hi I'm Kristin Blake, Bethany's mother and you are?"

Sticking a hand out to Ethan, he shacked my hand "I'm Ethan Halter, Mrs. Blake. I'd like permission to date your daughter."

Rory glanced up at me with puppy dogs eyes. When she does that she looks so much like her father. Nodding my head I agree "you have it"

Ethan mouths "thank you" before picking her up by the waist and spinning her around with laughs.

3 more years later.

Well time down here has only got darker. We had to become canaballs. Food wasn't growing fast enough. The people who died in the fighting pits were our food. The first time we started dad and I weren't gonna do it, but Octavia held a sword up to my throat- threatening me. Ethan and Rory did as they were told, holding each other's hand under the table as they gagged it down.

Ethan's lived up to his promise to keep her happy and safe. Now she's 13 and he's 15. I see them always with one another unless he's training with Octavia. This morning rory stands next to me, watching the fights. Ethan roars and gia scolds him. Octavia sends in the next round and I gasped, gripping the bars. Down in the fighting pits is my father.

Mom got caught stealing pills- those stupid pills. Dad must be taking the crime for her. They truly love one another but this is madness. Bending down to rory I order her as she tries to wipe away her tears "Go to Ethan - no matter what happens to us. Don't follow me!" She bolts to Ethan l, gripping him hard in a hug. At first he's surprised but grips het back tightly. Racing up to Octavia I beg her on my knees 'Octavia please - you can't do this."

She looks down at me, pointing a hand down to me "Kristin you know the rules...you win the fight and you get to live. Marcus Kane is an enemy of Wonkru unless he wins."

Tears fall down my face as I plead with her, making my voice crack "Octavia put me in instead- let me fight....I can't let my father die." She glances to the guards who throw ke into the pits. Blood gets spattered on my face as dad helps me to my feet "Kristin, are you insane!"

Taking his hands in mine I breath out "Dad years ago I promised you that I wouldn't let you die to save my life." Wonkru starts cheering as we fight.

Octavia gets on the ground about to behead my father but I grab a sword off the floor. Racing in front of him I block her blow.

Rory screams "Mom. No!" Ethan lowers them to the ground as she sobs thinking it's my end. A rumbling comes above us and a giant hole opened, letting light in. Everyone freezes- not used to seeing the sunlight. Strange people come down as O pulls her sword away from me and dad.

I get a lump in my throat as I see a familiar someone coming down. He unhooked himself, before turning around to lock eyes with me. I flicked my gaze to my sister to see her wearing a cameo styled outfit with short to her shoulder hair, red dye in some places. Her focus goes around the bloody fighting pit bunker for a slight shift but she raced to me engulfed me in a tight hug. "Kristin!"

"Clarke!" I bear hugged her back letting tears slip in the very relief that she's alive, this reminds of the time of Mount weather when she entered Arkadia's gates all bloody and bruised but still fully alive.

My ponytail braid is a rock, tarred clothing. Blood on me with a bloodied sword in my hands. She pulls away with a bright smile as I wipe away happy tears. "When the radio died - and I didn't get to say goodbye. . . I feared the worst but-" She tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear, reassuring me. "I became a nightblood and survived. Also you're an aunt now too." I gasped sharply before eyeing my husband from the corner of my eye.

Bellamy stands stunned in front of me, he has a bread now. His hairs longer and his clothes are a little dirty but otherwise better then mine.

Cracking out like a frog, I drop the sword raising forward to him. "Bellamy- you're alive...you're really here!"

He wrapped his strong arms around me, crying "Yes Kristin. It's me. I'm home." His familiar arms gently hold me like they always did, making being in his embrace my home. I pulled slightly back to wrap my arms around his neck drawing him in for a long awaited kiss. His hands run up my sides and hold my face in them seeping the already passionate kiss.

Bethany's POV

Grandpa Kane is in the ring. Mom begged aunt o to stop, yet she ends up in the pit herself. My hands are clutching Ethan in a death grip. Tears consumed me as he holds me in his muscular arms, trying to calm me down. Yet I can't my mom and grandpa are about to die by my aunt o's sword. I scream and drop lower to the ground before a huge hole is blown above us. Strangers drool down with ropes. A blondie with a black curly haired guy come down too. Mom drops the sword in her hands, racing and jumping into the curly haired boys arms. She cries out in happiness.

'Bellamy - you're alive...you're really here!' My eyes go big and I force myself out of Ethan's grip to run hearing his protest as he cashes me "Beth -Bethany - wait!" But I can't he's home.

I climb the railing, jumping down hitting the floor on my feet. Tears come to my eyes as I notice the blonde right away - aunt C. Crying in a run I threw myself into her arms. "Aunt Clarke!" She stumbles a bit before hugging me tight. Her hair is cut really short and she has some red dye in it. Wearing a wicked cool outfit. Mom breaks away from dad, cupping his face in her hands she crashes her lips onto his just as Ethan reaches me, a little out of breath. Finally dad wrapped an arm around mom our of breath. He takes in a sharp breath noticing me.

A huge smile plastered on both our faces as I race to his arms. Mom steps back as he spins me around in the air, when I grip tightly to his jacket. Mom had told me stories of how he wasn't always the good guy but he'd do anything for his family. He took in a sharp exhale gripping me "Oh my god princess Rory - you have no idea how much I've missed you."

I squeal as he sets me on my feet, taking in my appearance. "Almost as much as me and mom have missed you dad!" His chocolate eyes look me over. Seeing me wear a black jacket like he used too when the 100 were on the ground. A dark blue tea shirt, dark gray pants and gray dusty boots. Mom's necklace hanging around my neck. Pigtail braids hang over my shoulders with a Skaikru designed headband around my forehead holding back the rest of my free flowing hair.

Ethan coughs behind me, making me spin to see him shifting from foot to foot. Sticking a hand out for him, I pull him forward and he gets even more nervous blushing and shaking as my dad raises an eyebrow to my mom.

"Who's this, Kristin?," Mom rest a gentle hand on his shoulder "Bellamy this is Ethan Halter - our daughter's boyfriend." Dad locks gazes with Ethan, who hasn't taken a breath in a few minutes. Nudging him in the side he takes a sharp breath. Earning a chuckle from ne at his nervous.

Copying my smirk dad voices "boyfriend ah - princess." I wrap an arm around ethan's shoulders answering "yes daddy. Ethan is the best!"

My whole family is finally home.

Y/n pov

Nights here again as I lay my head in Bell's lap allowing him to play with my hair. Clarke sits across from us, watching us with a smile. Rory lays down on the ground next to Ethan who has his arms crossed behind his head, she giggles at something he says. He points up at the sky and they both laugh with smile on their faces. Looking at how they are I realize that Bellamy kept me safe as I did for him. Rory and Ethan are like us, just a stiff bit innocent - not having to kill to survive.

"What's brought a smirk to your face, Kristin?" Bellamy asks, helping me fully sit up to face him. I know this is crazy but I want to do it with him again- we've been separated for six years.

Leaning up I kiss him deeply, thankful that Clarke isn't around. Bellamy kisses me back wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me further into his lap. At some point of this heated make out we break for air.

"Bell I want you again- I've missed you and I want to make up for it." He nods his head slowly, glancing over my shoulder to see 'Bethan' as I call them in my head. Bellamy's hot breaths meets my ear, sending a shiver down my spine "all we have to do Is act normal, tell Ethan to watch rory then we can slip away to my tent.:

Getting to our feet bell and I walk over to the pair. Ethan broke away from Kissing her at our presence. Getting on one knee I whispered in his ear as rory looks at dad with a bright smile - loving that he's back in our lives. "Ethan watch rory for us. We have to go check on something." He nods, revealing his gun to us as a sign of protection.

Once inside the tent Bellamy and I take the others clothes off and well you can figure out the rest. My joy breath is against his bare chest as I run a hand through his hair while he draws patterns on my arm. Big smiles on both our faces, his bread tickled at first but now I'm used to it. For in this moment I'm happy - I feel like we have a normal life. No grounders, no wars. Just me and Bellamy alone together.

Bethany's POV

Ethan and I sit our packs on the ground. He said that our first official date would be showing me the stars. Laying on my back he lays with his arms behind his head, looking up at the stars. I barely remember ever looking at them before life in the bunker, I remember seeing the glowing butterfly's with my mom and dad. Ethan's wavy locks fall in his eyes and he tries to blow them out his face but falls. Resting on one of my elbows I reach over helping him "you should consider trimming your bangs - you wouldn't have this problem." He chuckled at my statement, pulling me down so my head rests on his chest.

A few seconds passed before he's pointing out the Ark in the sky. "See Beth it's right there." I put my head up to his finger where he points squinting with a giggle "Ethan, that's a star - not the Ark."

He runs a hand through his hair fighting "nah, the Ark only looks like a star from here - but the brightest star up there is the Ark." Facing him i quipped "what about the sun then Ethan miksmartie pants Haltet. Huh?"

He glares at me before a grin appears. He cups my face and kisses me. I throw my arms around his neck and pull us down so he's hovering over me. The stars dance almost above his as I grin up at him. Ethan is attractive to me and he's not even 17 yet. His green eyes pour into mine with such hope for a better life. Like my grandpa Kane's used too.

Ethan forces himself up to his feet, a hand outstretched to me. Raising an eyebrow to him "what is it, Ethan?" He pulls me closer to his side, riffle slung over his shoulder. We head only a few feet from our campsite. He uses a knife to carve a x in the tree. Way back when mom said she'd learned gun training from dad, so I grin at Ethan's face.

"You're mom said to protect you so - I thought you should learn how to shoot" he comes behind me as I hold his rifle in my hands, looking through the scope I stand "my mom only let me hold a handgun and she yelled at me for nearly using it to save my dad...although I was only 7 at the time." Ethan chuckles before wrapping his arms around mine, positing me.

"Here, a little higher. I only put three bullets in it." He let's go of ne as I take a breath slowly pulling the trigger. The gunshot sound surprises me at first but the next two shots give me an exciting feeling.

"Oh my gosh...that felt awesome!" I turned to him with a smirk. He removes the gun from my hands. With a smirk playing on his lips he kisses me deeply, catching me off guard. I slowly kiss him back liking the feeling of his lips hungry on mine. We start backing up till I hit a tree. I gasp causing Ethan to break apart noticing our hairs are messed up. My heartbeats fast as he runs his fingers through his locks, in a panic.

"Bethany I - I'm sorry. I got carried away." He explained.

Stepping up to him, I rest a hand on his cheek letting him lean into my palm "it's okay Ethan. I want to go further in the future....just give me time." He leans forward kissing my forehead "I understand. I promise I'll control myself from here on, Beth."

This is one of the reasons I love Ethan. Because he's respectful of my decisions.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#kane and griffin blood #bellamy blake #bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake x reader fanfiction #the 100 x reader #the 100 bellamy blake #the 100 #marcus kane #abby griffin #clarke griffin #madi griffin #wattpad fanfiction #ask box is open for anything #comments really appreciated

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t100ficrecsblog · 4 years

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an interview with @osleyakomwonkru (she/her) what are you working on right now? Several things! I’m the queen of many WIPs (let’s not even talk about the ones that are languishing in the limbo of old fandoms). But my priorities right now are my own Season 7 and the promptfills that I’m doing for Bellarke Writers for BLM (but not for Bellarke). I started working on my Season 7 fic last summer as soon as 6x13 aired because I couldn’t wait nine months to find out what happened to Octavia, I needed to answer that myself. So I spent months writing and planning and researching and compiling lore so that I could answer that question myself. Started posting it episode by episode at the beginning of 2020. Then pandemic got in the way of me finishing it before the official season 7 started airing, so right now the first 9 episodes are up, and the last 7 will be up after the official season 7 is finished. So if you want a season 7 that has a bit less planet hopping, more Bellamy, more TALKING and characters taking the time to sort through issues rather than the season 7 we’ve been having, then please check it out! what’s something you’d like to write one day? I’d like to actually finish and publish the myriad of original works I have in a state of perpetual incompleteness. I’ve been writing stories ever since I could hold a crayon, and I’ve never stopped. But the past decade I’ve been focused on a lot of fanfic. what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Well, I love all of my word-babies, and I’m super proud of my S7 fic as mentioned above, but outside of that series, the fic that holds a special place in my heart is “fly away to heal my broken spirit (there might be peace on the other side)”, which is an Octavia-centric character study written between seasons 5 and 6, whereupon landing on the new planet, Octavia takes off on her own and takes the time she needs to heal from the pain of her past. why did you first start writing fic? Well, the reasons why I first started writing fic are perhaps different than what they are now. I started writing fic when I was a child, when I didn’t even know it was something other people did, let alone something people shared with one another (this was back in the Days of Yore before the Internet, so while now I know fanfic was going on at that time, it wasn’t easily accessible). The longest fic I’ve ever written was when I was a preteen, and it was 943 pages, handwritten, and it was a self-insert RPF where I became best friends with Alanis Morissette. Back then, I wrote fic because I wanted more stories, more adventures with the characters I loved, and in the case of that self-insert, I wanted to be a part of those adventures. But now I write fic for different reasons. Now I write mostly because I want to address the parts that canon leaves out. The parts that aren’t “exciting” for a TV audience, because they’re not full of flashy explosions and fights and whatnot, but that I want to see because they’re a vital part of the character journeys - the talking, the healing, the things that should be addressed so it makes sense to go from A to B in the storyline but tend to be swept under the rug. I’m in a fandom for the characters, so I want to see them and their thoughts and feelings addressed properly and not just get shuttled from one Plot to the next. So as this applies in this fandom, that mostly revolves around letting characters take the time to talk to each other, to sort out their issues, stuff like that. Because after everything they’ve been through, they need this! what frustrates you most about fic writing? Too many ideas. I have so much I want to write, but I also don’t want to abandon projects so it hurts to have to put ideas on the backburner. Also - middles. I often know how I want a story to start and how I want it to end, but the part in the middle is always a bit fuzzier. Middles are hard. what are your top five songs right now? Lunatica - Heart of a Lion (perfect Octavia song!) Icon for Hire - Supposed to Be (also a good Octavia song) Beth Crowley - Don’t Think Just Run (ditto) Really Slow Motion - Unbroken (same) Miley Cyrus - Mother’s Daughter (Hope’s theme song) what are your inspirations? Music is a lot of my inspiration. I have an entire Octavia playlist, and Spotify is really good at recommending more songs to go on it. Spotify has the only useful Internet algorithm. Also, just those moments in canon where you go WTF and you’re like… I need to fix this. Or, “there has to be more than just this”. A lot of scenes demand more than what we saw on screen, so I’m here to provide.

what first attracted you to Octavia? what attracts you now? I started watching t100 between seasons 4 and 5. The specific reason why I started watching was Chai Hansen (Ilian), because he’d just been cast on Shadowhunters, and he was hot, so I went looking to see where else he’d appeared and happened upon this show. So I watched some of his scenes on YouTube, and was intrigued by this chick (Octavia) he was with. Then the next scene I saw was Octavia winning the Conclave in 4x10 and making her speech of unity, and I was sold. I was all “I need to know who this girl is and how she got here”.

So I went back to the beginning, and yes, she was the one. I have A Type when it comes to fandom favourites, and she fits it to a T - the misunderstood badass with a tragic past and a dark side. Octavia Blake, Regina Mills, Magnus Bane, Eliot Spencer, James “Sawyer” Ford, Juliet Burke, they all fit that same archetype.

I just love Octavia so much, because she’s been through so much and she’s still standing and she’s grown and changed and evolved and it’s all been beautiful. Even the dark parts. Especially the dark parts. Because without them she wouldn’t be who she is now. I hate it when people say she’s “back to her old self” now. No. No she’s not. She’s a stronger, wiser and more mature version of herself, and she wouldn’t be that without her darkness or without her healing. I could go on more, but for that you can just go to my blog and read all of my meta. BESIDES Octavia, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? Uhhh… well, Octavia’s kind of my brand. So everything does kind of revolve around her. But I also adore Echo, Diyoza (sob!) and Hope, and I’m so glad that canon Hope is like the Hope I wrote in my S7 fic - fearless, reckless, committed to her family and questioning what makes otherwise sensible women willing to die for Bellamy Blake. I ship Niytavia, and a fair amount of my Niytavia fic is written from Niylah’s point of view rather than Octavia’s. I’ve also written some bunker-era Mackson as best friends to Niytavia, but Miller being a jerk in season 6 has kind of soured that ship for me. But after 7x10 I’m hopeful that he’ll pull his head out of his ass so that I can like that ship again, because Jackson is still all kinds of lovely.

But if we REALLY need to depart from the Octavia sphere, then Murphy’s my man. I don’t have a horse in the race as to which ship he’s a part of, because I can low-key ship him with just about everybody (even Octavia).

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? Because I wanted to do something to contribute to the BLM movement, but since I live in a tiny northeastern European country and have no money, going to protests or making donations myself isn’t something I can do. But I can write words so other people donate money, so here I am!

what’s your writing process like? I don’t have a set process. Sometimes a story just FLOWS and I’ll get it done in a few hours. Sometimes it involves a lot of throwing stuff at the wall and hoping it sticks and days and weeks of contemplation and starting to write and hoping it’ll come together at the end. Same applies regardless of what I’m writing, be it my own idea or someone else’s. what are some things you’d like to recommend? My partner in crime in plotting my S7 epic, who I’ll message at 3 in the morning looking to brainstorm ideas, @easilydistractedbyfanfic . You want Murven? They’ve got you covered. Also, tacos, cheesy pasta, and sushi. Because food is delicious and I’d like to be in a country where I can get tacos again, so if you’re in a position to be able to eat tacos, eat tacos. They’re not available everywhere in the world. You can find @osleyakomwonkru here on Tumblr, or you can find her on AO3 here. If you’d like to request a fic written by her, you can do so via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

#bellarkefic4blm #octavia blake #illian #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #bellarkefics for blm interview

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thisbrutalbelle · 6 years

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chatzy with @monsterbyamile

miles and bella wake up the morning after the black light party and discuss him asking her to meet his kids before he heads to work.

Bella had come in quite late, it was practically morning by the time she slipped into Miles apartment and changed into one of his shirts. He was a pretty sound sleeper, though admittedly she was also very quiet as she moved about the bedroom. It was already beginning to feel a lot like a second home to her, so many nights she either crawled in beside him or awoke to find he’d crawled in next to her. Honestly she didn’t even sleep, she just crawled in next to him, found a position close to him without disturbing his sleep and closed her eyes, waiting for him to wake up. No doubt it wouldn’t be long and with how heavy Bellamy slept him waking her often took a few tries, especially if the sun was up, her vampiric form naturally wanting to sleep. When he finally stirred she opened her eyes, wriggling closer to him, arms wrapping tightly around him as her lips pressed a kiss to his back.

Normally it wasn’t the sounds she made or the movements in the bed that woke Miles up. It was her scent. While he slept, her familiar scent would enter into his mind, and with such close proximity, it quickly enveloped his dreams until finally he started to wake and could feel her arms wrapping around his middle, and her lips pressing against his back. “Hey,” he mumbled groggily, blinking slowly against his heavy lids. “What time is it?”

“Morning,” was all Bella responded, her phone abandoned somewhere in the apartment, probably the bathroom, and not able to tell her. Her nose pushed against his back, nuzzling in close as she felt his warmth take hold of it, making her cheeks red. “Maybe I’ll look while I bring you some food,” she teased.

Miles grumbled in protest, still half asleep but knowing enough that all he wanted right now was to brush his teeth and down half a pot of coffee, but all he managed to say was a sleepy, “Okay, okay,” before he pushed himself upright. “I gotta brush my teeth,” he said as he lumbered out of the bed.

Bella was quickly in front of him, planting a kiss to his lips before he could make his way to the bathroom. With that she was gone, already in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and putting on some coffee for him. Her speed came out at times like this, unfortunately for the groggy Miles. Whatever the case it probably helped because by the time he’d get done she’d have his coffee made, some toast and be onto bacon and eggs.

Miles felt much more awake after brushing his teeth and washing his face. Also the rich smell of the coffee wafting through his apartment helped. He went out to the kitchen and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Morning. Is that for me?” He nodded his head toward the food she was preparing on the stove.

“For us both,” Bellamy answered, leaning into the kiss, her body falling back against his. It didn’t seem like he was upset with her after the night before but she was still a little worried about things. “You excited for the day?” she asked, figuring that was the best way to introduce things.

“Yeah, it should be fun.” Miles gave her one more kiss before pulling away to pour himself a cup of coffee. He leaned against the counter beside her as he took a drink, looking at her from over the rim of his mug.

Bella frowned slightly, pushing the bacon around, waiting for it to become crispy. “I didn’t really expect you to ask me to come with you, I was sort of surprised,” Bellamy commented, not intending to give things up. Maybe Miles didn’t want to talk about how she hadn’t said ‘yes’ like he may have wanted but Bellamy couldn’t give it up.

Miles wasn’t upset about it, at least, not really. He wasn’t mad at her but he was a little bit annoyed. “I didn’t want to make it a big deal,” he shrugged. He figured asking her like that was essentially the same as asking if she wanted a drink or to get some food. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just figured, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and it’s probably about time you met my kids.”

“I thought you’d be pleased,” Miles added on.

Bella nodded her head, taking the fry pan off and sitting it to the side, turning off the stove. “I am pleased,” she assured, turning to look at him while the bacon continued to crisp while the pan cooled. “But it is a big deal, beyond just the fact obviously I need to make a good impression so it doesn’t screw things up with us, I always sort of expected that part, but…I don’t want to make anything hard on you later. I don’t think it’s smart for me to spend time with them if Beth doesn’t know what I am. Usually I would say it’s not any of your exes business what I am, just like it isn’t any of mine what you are, but this is different, what I am is…not something people might want their kids around and unfortunately Beth sort of gets a say in that,” Bellamy explained, rubbing her hands on her thighs.

“I don’t care what Beth thinks,” Miles answered sharply. “They’re–” he paused and set his coffee down on the side, jaw clenched as his fingers tapped against the counter top. “They’re my kids too. I get to decide who gets to be in their life. If you were just some woman, I wouldn’t care, but you’re you. I don’t give a damn what Beth thinks because…” He turned toward her, “What if she says no. Then what? The rest of my life you never get to see my kids?”

Bella didn’t expect Miles to be pleased by what she’d said. Fact was it sucked he would always have to turn to someone else to decide stuff about them, someone he wasn’t romantically attached to and couldn’t compromise with in the same fashion he would have if they were a couple. For the both of them things would be easier if Miles was just by himself but easier didn’t really mean better. Bella’s hands searched for his own, pulling them away from the counter. “Then we wait and we see and we make it obvious that it’ll be okay,” she insisted, kissing his fingers softly. “If you don’t tell her, and she finds out…don’t you think that will be worse?”

Miles let out a frustrated breath as she reached for his hand, but he welcomed the touch. “It’s not like we’re that much different. I’m just as dangerous around them as you are. I hate that I have to constantly ask what I can and can’t do with my own damn kids.”

“Then…maybe don’t ask, just tell her,” Bellamy said, squeezing his hands softly. Admittedly Bellamy didn’t believe it was true that Miles was just as dangerous, but she also saw so much goodness in Miles and it took a lot for her to see it in herself. “Say that you know what I am, that you know I wouldn’t do anything, and that if it ever seemed like I would you’d do what was best for your kids. I mean, she can’t deny you seeing them and…if she’s a good person then she wouldn’t, but…she should know.”

“I don’t suppose I could just text her this and call it square?” Miles said half jokingly.

“Just send through 'my vampire girlfriend and I are taking the girls to make some tie dye shirts, drop them off later’,” Bellamy laughed, shaking her head a little, holding his hands to her chest.

Miles stepped in closer as she drew his hands to her chest, chuckling as she played along. “If only,” he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You’re right though. I’ll talk to her.”

Bella smiled, glad that he understood why she hadn’t quite jumped for joy when he asked her. “You really want me to meet them though?” she asked, looking up at him with her big golden eyes. “How much do they know about me?”

“Of course I want you to meet them,” Miles pulled his hands out from hers, stepping away just to turn off the stove since the bacon had been left on and was just close to burning. “They know that you’re my girlfriend, they know you’re a vampire,” maybe it was strange that his kids knew more about Bella than their mother did, but Miles just didn’t like having to talk to her about things other than when he could see his kids next. “They know you have a few businesses, and they know you have a dog. By the way, they want to meet your dog too.” He got some plates down from the cupboard and started plating the bacon, eggs, and toast – which he grabbed from the toaster.

Bella watched as he moved, beginning to prepare and plate their food. “They do? And they’re not like…scared?” Bellamy asked. There was every chance if his kids knew than Beth did, even if he hadn’t told her then they might have and not thought much of it. After all they knew what Miles was, they knew what the town had within it, why would it be weird to think he was with someone who wasn’t human? “Boss will probably be a whole lot more interesting to them than me, plus he obviously loves attention so I’m sure he’ll be pretty happy to be played with and have his fur pushed in all kinds of directions.”

“No, they’re not scared.” Miles grabbed some forks from the drawer and set them all down on the counter, “They were actually pretty excited about it at first, but after I told them you couldn’t actually turn into a bat they didn’t seem to care all that much.”

“Oh my god,” Bellamy let out, momentarily distracted by the topic of bats. “It’s such a scam, I should be able to be a bat,” Bellamy decided with a firmness. “But I’m glad and excited and nervous and probably going to mess it up,” she smiled, leaning over the counter and picking up one of the forks for herself. “So maybe if we can’t get to tie dye today we can do something else together.”

“I think you should talk to whoever is in charge of the whole vampire thing,” he said pointedly, picking up a piece of bacon and taking a bite, “Get them to rework the rules a bit. You won’t mess it up.” Miles assured her, “They’ll love you.”

Bella smiled as he said they’d love her. Bella hoped that was true, that they’d see how much she cared for Miles and that would be what mattered most but kids could see things that adults couldn’t. Bella didn’t want them to look at her and see how fucked up she was. Even if they couldn��t exactly pinpoint it Bella just didn’t want to know everything she’d done could be seen so easily and destroy things so quickly. “So what should we do? Fly to Disneyland?” she half joked.

Miles laughed and reclaimed his coffee, taking a drink to help down the mouthful of eggs and bacon. “No Disneyland. We went there once and only went on three rides. The whole rest of the day was spent waiting in line. No ma'am. If you want to take them somewhere, the Wild Waves Theme park over in Federal Way is good enough.”

“But I can get us VIP, they like take you around and put you to the front of all the lines,” Bellamy stated. She had never been to either of the Disney locations in the states and was pretty obsessed with going. Iann had said he would go with her but it was one of those things with no definitive time line so Bellamy mostly had just done her research to make the trip as painless as possible for the man who loathed corporate America. “Yes! Okay, let’s go there,” she beamed, beginning to eat some of her food. “That’ll be a fun day. And that way you can have today with your girls and tell them that they are going to meet me instead of springing it on them too.”

“Okay,” he nodded in agreement, “Sounds like a date to me.” Miles smiled at her, genuinely looking forward to Bellamy meeting his kids. “Have you ever been to a water park like that before?” She hadn’t been to a zoo before so he figured maybe it would be her first time at a water park too.

Bella shook her head. “Closest I’ve been to a water park is a slip'n'slide at my friends place when we were in high school but we were pretty drunk,” she admitted. Bellamy barely remembered what had happened, bits and pieces coming to mind. “So it’ll be a first for me, as I tend to have a lot of with you,” Bellamy noted, finishing off her food. “I want to have lots of firsts with you.”

Miles finished off the last of his food with one last gulp of his coffee. “Good, I like having all of these firsts with you.” He wrapped his arms around her middle and kissed her repeatedly on her cheek. “It’ll be fun, and you’ll be great.”

Bella smiled, feeling his arms around her and grasping him back, willing him to remain in her arms and her in his. “I’m guessing you have to go?” Bellamy asked him, a heavy disappointment in her voice.

Miles would have stayed there with her, holding her all day, kissing her all day and just hanging out but he did have to go. “Yes ma'am. I got to go to work and then I gotta pick up the girls from my parent’s place.” He gave her another kiss before he pulled away, picking up their dirty plates and setting them into the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, babygirl.”

Bella felt a sort of emptiness as he slipped out of her arms. It felt like it had been forever since they’d had a whole day together - even though they’d just had a whole week for his birthday. She was so used to having partners whose schedules basically revolved around her because…well, they didn’t exactly have traditional jobs, but Bellamy decided since he would be at the auction they’d be able to be close then. “It’s okay,” she said of the food. “Are the girls staying over tonight or can I stay again?” she asked, only ever asking permission when their was a possibility they would be there.

“You can come over. Beth is supposed to pick them up later,” Miles poured himself a bit more coffee to drink for while he got dressed into his uniform.

“Okay,” Bella acknowledged, watching as he dressed, slowly becoming even more attractive as his uniform fitting to him. It was tremendously hard for her not to buy a prisoner costume and wait for him whenever he came home, she resisted though assuming it would be in poor taste. “I’ll be here,” she told him, leaning up and kissing him, her mouth pressed to his she deepened it more than any of the one’s previously.

Miles pressed a hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened. “You better be,” he spoke lowly against her lips as he continued the kiss.

Bella blushed as she heard his words, hands grasping the fabric of his shirt, almost willing it to come off though not pulling. “Or else?” she teased back, smirking against his lips.

“Or else,” Miles muttered as a promise, kissing her deeply once before he unwillingly had to step away.

Bella just continued to smile at his faux sort of threat, knowing he had to go. “Miss you,” she assured him. “Love you.”

“And I love you, babygirl,” Miles shouldered on his jacket and stuffed his keys, phone, and wallet into his pockets. “I’ll see you later.”

#monsterbyamile #Chatzy #nothing triggeering woot #unless kisses are gross to you #AND BEING IN LOVE

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theburbplane · 7 years

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When Our Worlds Collided: Part one - How it started

We were all sitting around the table eating dinner. I haven't touched my food while the rest had almost finished. My mother and Father kept looking at each other and then me. My brother just sat there eating his food.

"Are you okay, honey?" My mother asked and then touched my shoulder.

I looked up at her and opened my mouth but no words came out. I then closed it again moments later. "Honey?" She looked into my eyes and I looked away. I nodded but then got up and went to my room.She sighed as I walked away.

I heard whispering from the other side of my door and went towards it, putting my ear against it. "Peter, you know what's happening to her at school, She needs our support." It sounded like she was about to cry.

"Yes, Ellen, but comforting her doesn't change anything, It doesn't change anything and that makes me feel like a bad parent." My mother started sobbing. "it's her fight not ours."

My parents were quiet for a few seconds and then I heard their footsteps get softer and softer until there was nothing. Those last words stung me and left a hole in me, even though his words were true I feel alone and helpless because they can't fight my battles for me, I must fight my own.

I took out my journal, which had a white rose on it, and wrote my daily diary entry because the therapist told me that it will help me control my emotions and thoughts. 'Dear Diary' I started. 'Today was like any day, I'm emotional, depressed and suicidal.' I paused. 'Can't I just end it all? I need to relieve the pain.' I looked at the family photo on the wall across me. 'I feel like I don't even know these people, I feel like an outsider, Wanted but Unwanted.' I heard someone knock on my door and I closed my journal very quickly and put it underneath the bed.

"Beth? Can I come in?" It was my brother, Bellamy. "I know you're in there because your light's on and that you can hear me." He always does this. "If you need help please just ask. I'll help you. I'll help you shut their mouths, forever." I chuckled. He cares a lot about me. "What are their names?” he asked.

I hesisiatated for a moment but then wrote down five names.

Joshua Clark

Ben Kell

Tom Walker

Ken Osir

Keth Hinning

I slid the names underneath the door. “Thank you.” He whispered. I climbed back into bed and turned off my light. I slowly drifted asleep.

~*~

My alarm went off at 6:00 A.M and I got out of bed and got ready for school. When I was doing my hair I stared at my neck and just as I was about to look away from it something moved in my skin, like a bug or worm. I can’t feel it which is strange. I put my hand there and I felt a lump. For some reason I decided to press harder on it and my skin in the area became dark. I removed my hand and jumped. I watched that area and pulled my collar down to see it better. It started forming a shape, A shape like a butterfly.

“Ouch.” I winced because it felt like someone was drawing on my skin. It’s not just any butterfly though, It’s a Monarch, queen of the Butterfly’s.

“Beth! Breakfasts ready!” My mother yelled from the kitchen which followed in sounds of a bunch of pots and pans falling around.

“Coming mother!” I yelled, straightening my uniform. I grabbed a scarf so I coud hide the tattoo underneth it.

I walked into the kitchen and it was an absolute mess but the dining table and food on it looked extremely appetising. Bacon, Scrambled eggs, French Toast, Fried Tomatoes, Pancakes and Orange juice.

“What. Happened. Here.” I asked, looking around at the chaos but then turning in my mothers direction to face her.

“Just making breakfast love.” She stated, putting all the dishes in the sink and cleaning the counter.

“Need any help?” I offered, It’s polite to do so because last time I didn’t offer I had a lecture about it.

“Nope.” She replied, popping the ‘p’, She dropped a knife and it landed centimetres away from her foot.

“Are you sure? Because it looks like you need it." I chuckled, picking up the knife off the floor.

She sighed and nodded. I helped her and then ate breakfast after that. I looked at the clock 8:30.

"Mom! We're going to be late!"

"Oh Sh*t." She realised it was thirty minutes until school started. "Let's go!" She yelled whilst I gulped down the rest of my orange juice and grabbed my school bag.

~*~

I woke up earlier then usual this morning from something scratching on my window. This type of thing doesn't scare me so I got up out of my bed and opened my silver curtians and saw a white dove. "Hey little guy." I said to the bird whilst opening the window. I put my hand out so it could climb onto my hand and noticed that there was a note on it's leg and being me, I would read it.

Dear Sky, I know what you're thinking . . . 'Why the message by dove thing?' Well, if it were any other way the whole world would know about it and 'Who the hell is this?' I'm your Guardian, sworn to protect you till my last breath. I just wanted to say that strange things will start happening to you like it has to me and some of the symptoms are : loss of speech, loss of hunger and all your senses will become heightend. If you have experinced any of these symptoms, just know iT’s starting.

From your Guardian.

A chill went down my spine and I shivered. Well that's ever so slightly creepy because what does he or she mean by "It's starting.". I put the note down on my dressing table and looked at the clock, 7:00 A.M. "Well I should get ready for school" I mumbled. Not that I wan't to, I have to. I'm just going to forget about what happened with the white dove so I can focus on school. I put on my uniform and did my hair for school, I then got up and headed towards my door but as I was about to touch the door knob I heard banging, gunshots and screaming.

I quietly opened my door and tip-toed to the stairs, bending my head around so that I could slightly see them.

"Where is she?" The man in black yelled in my mothers ear and she trembled in fear.

"I would rather die then tell you where she is." She stated clearly and spat in his face. He pressed the gun against her head.

"Now you have ten seconds to tell me where she is." He pressed the gun even harder on her and she winced. "Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, On-" I jumped out from where I was hiding and attacked him by jumping onto his back. He tried to pull me off but I held on him so tight his skin started to bleed, He then started to scream from the pain I was causing.

"Don't! touch! my! mother!" He used his elbow to knock the wind out of my chest, which caused me to fall off of him. I then cluched my stomach to catch my breath again.

"Is that her?" He said to my mother.

"No." She snapped but he just laughed.

"I'm not stupid, you know." He slapped her across the face. He then quickly picked up his gun and shot her in the arm. He took out a photo of me and showed my mother. She was shocked and couldn't move but only cried. He then grabbed me and put a white cloth over my mouth which made me pass out. The last thing I remember was that he slung me over his shoulder.

~*~

#a story i will never finish

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thisbrutalbelle · 7 years

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When You’re Handling Other People’s Problems || SelfPara

@nuadxa:

Bellamy,

Breathe. I know, I know, you don’t have to. I should stop fussing; you’ve got all these amazing vampiric abilities that I keep forgetting. Not needing to breathe is one of them but still. Just bear with me a little, humor me because you love me.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe out.

How does the world feel right now? How much room do you have left on your plate?

My parents - wise as they are (note the sarcasm please) - like to say that people only have a certain amount of shields, or spoons, or whatever analogy you want to use and each time you do something, one goes away. Good or bad. It doesn’t matter. And if you run out, you start borrowing from the next day, and the debt compiles, and you start getting tired. I hope you’re not getting tired and that these problems are things that you can help with and not suffer alongside.

People always need a shoulder to lean on. No one is good at going at it alone, so whomever you’re helping, I know that you’re strong when you need to be - and that you’re probably managing, outwardly, in a way that no one could know if you’re feeling confused, or lost, or uncertain or maybe just a little tired.

Keep breathing for me.

Who are you helping? I’d ask if they’re worth the effort, but if you’re helping them then you must think they are.

For a few minutes, let me distract you.

Today, it’s raining out. A heavy downpour where it tinks, tinks, tinks against the window with the wind blowing so hard I’m afraid the roof might come off. I’m sitting in my living room with Kit dozing on my lap and the radio is on. I don’t know the song. Something about something being real. I haven’t seen you today, strangely - I haven’t seen anyone today, and that’s weird. But for now, it’s quiet. I hate the quiet; it always makes me think things. Things about friends or family or Kit or me. Right now, I’m thinking about this letter and what to write, and wondering how you’re feeling right now.

The right now as of the reading of this letter. Not the right now as I’m writing it.

I’ve made a recording for you, you’ll find it in the envelope. It’s just the sound of the storm. Laugh all you want but it’s relaxing, and it’ll help you relaxing your mind. Put it on, get yourself something to drink, put on your most comfortable pajamas and settle back. Don’t think about whatever problems you’re helping someone deal with. Just listen - listen and breathe. It sounds like some new-age thing but since I’m not there to distract you (and you don’t need my high-level energy all the time) - listen to this.

Keep breathing. Help your person. If you need help, call me. If I’m the one you’re helping, don’t let me get to be too much.

Love always, Nuadia.

After her evening with Miles Bella stared at the pile of letters Nuadia had left for her to use in times when she would need them. She recalled a few, one for when she was angry at the Kardashains, ones for when they were not on perfect terms, and ones for silly little things. Bellamy knew there had to be something in there that would help her know she was doing the right thing by staying by Miles’ side. Nuadia seemed as though they had prepared for everything so surely there was something that would let her know that even though Miles was not the good guy of the situation, or the bad guy really, she was a person helping another person.

Slowly, resting on her new bed she opened it up, hearing Alina’s snores from the sunroom she had put her up in. God, that girl was loud as anything. ‘Breath.’ It said, a laugh following at the rest of their words but still as they laugh faded she did. She inhaled hard and deep, held for a moment before she exhaled out slowly and softly.

At Nuadia’s questions she paused, thinking to herself of what could be the truth. The world did not feel so bad. There was not so much on her plate. What was going on with Valentin’s past was heavy but it was not demanding, it did not come with a timeline. Miles was certainly not adding burden to her life that she could not handle. They were good questions because it had happened before. That was why Bella had left for Monte Carlo. The deeds she had committed were well before that, it was when she realised she wasn’t getting better because there were always so many things going wrong on her plate that she left. Yes, they were good questions and it was a relief to think that she was not exhausting herself.

Bella did not imagine she was suffering either. Yes, when Miles had yelled it had shocked her. It wasn’t exactly fear so much as it had been a shock. Bella could always prepare for negative situations, put a barrier up to stop her illness taking hold. When Miles had yelled her body threw her into an anxiety, threw her into wanting to be sad or angry as it could. Surprisingly she had done well though, recovered her senses. No, she was not tired and yes, she could help.

There was not a part of her that doubted she could help Miles, she knew she could help him quit drinking and see his daughters again. Both because she was someone who understood that crave to drink and because she knew what it was like to not have her father when she often felt she needed him. In the end maybe it wasn’t even that she felt she was helping Miles. She was helping Jane and Ellie and even Beth a little. It would probably be nice to think something good could have come out of what had happened, Miles seeing his kids again.

Bella’s thoughts left Miles as Nuadia allowed a distraction from those thoughts, reading their words and how they were alone that day. Immediately Bella wondered which day it had been, which day had Nuadia not had her or one of their other friends for company? Still eventually she opened the envelop in search of the recording. Still thinking on Nuadia alone on a rainy day Bellamy slipped off her bed and went up to the television in her room. It didn’t take long for the recording to begin to play and for Bella to return to her place on the bed.

It was a rainstorm of that day, the tinking she spoke of clear as day. It was so heavy. What day in this Summer could it have been that the rain was like this? Surely Bella could find it if she were to look through old pictures but she refocused on the letter once more. Agains she began to breath, as the letter said to do so. To relax even if it was some new age method.

‘If I’m the one you’re helping, don’t let me get to be too much.’

They could never be too much. Never. For a moment that didn’t really hit Bella. That thought that if Nuadia needed her then she would do anything to make that happen because it was a rare kind of feeling in the vampire. She spoke of having it, went on and on about how she would love someone with everything she had but Ephram had always been evidence that her own self-serving nature and doubt in others loyalty to her would prove strong than that love. Yet, as Bella sat there, the idea that she would ever do harm to Nuadia ate at her. Maybe it was her illness, pushing her to feel all of this sadness about something that was unlikely to happen but Bella began to cry at the thought. She cried knowing she’d help Nuadia no matter the cost and cried knowing she had not been better before.

Through those tears she forced herself to breath though. Snotty and wet as they were she breathed. Hard in, Hold, Soft out. In, Hold, Out. In, Hold, Out. If she could do anything for Nuadia she could do the same for Miles.

#self #para #self para #para: self #letter #letter: nuadia #nuadxa #alcoholism tw #domestic violence tw #domestic abuse tw

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