The worst part of all the “Romeo and Juliet knew each other for less than a week, ugh, instalove!!11!1!” clownery is not just the fact that Shakespeare could/would not give a damn about realistic courtship patterns in his 2 1/2 hour cosmo-mythical Italian true crime drama. No, it’s the fact that literally no amount of courtship would be enough for these clowns.

R&J meet for many nights after that? Ugh, horny teens in instalove. R&J meet for a few months per the source material? Instalove and instalust!1!!1! R&J court for a year or more? They’ll be divorced by the second and you’ll know it!!1!1!

Never mind that R&J as the literal teens of feuding families do not have the time, agency, nor resources for a longer courtship. Never mind that them managing to evade even their dumbass parents for longer than a couple of weeks is a stretch that far outstrips a 1-night courtship. Shakespeare could have had the Chorus tell the audience that [insert respectable amount of time] has passed and R&J are in love now, but he knew it wouldn’t make the relationship more believable. And these clowns will still call it instalove anyway.