#because what do i do fhsdfjkl there is not a way to live !!!! idk man its fine its just fucked up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piplupod · 2 months

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one more post while i am insane but i do think maybe Wanting to live should be ... enough to live. like can it just be all that is needed maybe. instead of [gestures vaguely at capitalistic society] all of that. a person should just Want to be alive and be allowed to live and given what they need to live. i dont want to have to beg and grovel for the ability to keep myself alive, i already did that (and continue to do that!) with my parents and now apparently i have to do that with the govmt and just... Everything.

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #this is mainly just. why do i need to work when i Cannot work.#i wanted to work ! i really did ! but then things did not line up properly and now i am fucked !!!#and i cannot get onto disability bc that would involve so much sneaking around getting shit done and i Cannot risk it #i have simultaneously nothign to lose and everything #like. if i get caught by parents applying for disability then i will be in so much fucking trouble #my already nearly intolerable living situation will get Truly Intolerable. and then i'll be dead basically #and i dont even really qualify for disability bc i can Do stuff still. i just... can't do it often enough to make a living.#regular ass ppl can barely make a living. i'd never even come close #me when my disability is disabling enough to Need disability payments but not disabling enough to Qualify for disability payments 🙃🙃🙃#straight up i am tired. i am so tired. i cannot see a way of living past whenever my bank account runs out.#like no i dont want to kms but yeah im gonna kind of have to ... ?????#because what do i do fhsdfjkl there is not a way to live !!!! idk man its fine its just fucked up #i'll go eat some food and not think about this. i feel like a rat stuck in a death maze #no matter which exit you take u know ur going to be euthanized at the end. ARGH !!#suicide tw

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