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trashlie · 1 year

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Shinae the Light vs Yui the Shadow

This post heavily discusses episode 138 but also pulls from 170, 179, and 180 and discusses things up to 214, but nothing from the FP epsiodes!

Earlier today I read this post and it got me thinking a LOT - and trust me that I’m going to ramble about something else shortly outside of this lol - regarding shadows and lighting!

One of the episodes that most deliberately plays with lighting and shadows in a very in your face way is episode 138, where Shinae speaks to Rand about wanting to renegotiate her contract. It’s an interesting episode, because Shinae is met with another side of Rand than the man (the father) who was trying to help Nol. This version of him shuts her down immediately and informs her that he has no jurisdiction over her contract.

As readers, we can deduce that he is speaking this way because Yui is around and he cannot divulge any bit of knowledge that he has been working with Shinae, that there is any sense of relationship there. But also, he isn’t lying in that he can do nothing about her contract. Interestingly, he is in the light where she is in the shadow. He’s not the focus of this moment, but I find that very interesting regardless - Rand is unable to help because he doesn’t have that power. They aren’t on equal footing here. One is in the dark, one has the power of illumination - he knows more intimately than Shinae who and what Yui is.

But my thought is not about Rand but rather Shinae and Yui.

Throughout their conversation, Shinae is in the shadow. She is part of Yui’s trap, in a pit she cannot crawl out of. Yui wields power over her both in the sense of her employer and also as a person who has played with her as prey. Yui, too, is in the shadow. While some light casts on her, she faces away from it and it doesn’t reach her face.

I’ve wondered a lot about Yui and what her situation is, why she is the kind of person she is. I don’t think she’s without reasons - I just think we don’t know enough about her to really know yet. One of the popular theories is that of the Mukoyoshi Theory - that is, that a Japanese family with no male heirs will “adopt” the husband of (one of) their daughter, who will take their last name, rather than she take his. In this case, Yui comes from a Japanese family with a family business and it is deducible that there is no male heir. Hansuke’s family name is Shishido - not Hirahara, which means he’s related by his aunt (and Yui has mentioned her before to him). Rand, who we know is not Japanese, married into the Hirahara family and adopted their name and became a part of their family. Thus, his affair with Nessa is even more of a blight - he has a duty to the Hirahara family. It is his responsibility to not mar their name and upkeep their prestige.

We could do a whole think piece about this, and it really gets into my thoughts on Rand and Yui’s relationship, but to sum it up: it is clear that Yui wants to be the one in control, but must defer to Rand, and that she resents it. This is HER family business. I think she wishes that she was the one in control, and that she could wield that control without having to go through Rand. Yui harbors resentment for a patriarchal society in which she wields no power. There’s a lot to read into re: the way she wields her femininity as a tool, but that’s a whole other post. The point is: Yui resents that she does not have the power she thinks she deserves, the power that she’s capable of, and that fully plays into Shinae.

But, for the sake of this post at this time, it’s essentially that Yui, too, exists in the dark, in the shadows. She can only run this company through others - through her marriage to Rand, through Kousuke, the sole heir. But as powerful and intimidating as she is, she, too, is trapped. She, too, is relegated to the darkness, because it is only from the shadows that she can operate. Yui wears a constant mask, always putting on the front of a concerned mother, a feeble frail lady, a sweet simpering maternal woman. The real Yui lives in the shadows. She’s not allowed to freely be the person she wants to be, she puts on a front for society, for the patriarchy, for the sake of being able to move in the shadows.

Shinae’s objective is to escape the shadow, the prison, the dark. She longs to escape poverty, she longs to escape the prison she turned herself into, she longs to escape the job in which she feels unsafe, the contract that she signed, the agreement she made under false premises. She longs to escape Yui’s reach. And while she can’t escape most of those yet, she still works towards the light. unlike Yui, who has accepted that she belongs to and operates in the shadows and pulls people into them with her, Shinae strives for the light at all times. She wants to be a better daughter, a better friend. She strives to be able to help out her father and create a better life for them. And especially since the black and white formal, Shinae’s inclination towards the right side, the side of light, has grown stronger.

It’s not a bad vs good kind of thing so much as Shinae chooses to work honestly. She’s trying to address the things that scare her - the insecurity she felt about Maya and Rika’s friendship, the quiet plaguing fear that maybe Minhyuk also just tolerated her. She’s had difficult conversations with her father, she has had difficult conversations with her friends. Instead of shirking into the shadows, Shinae moves towards enlightenment. Even if things end, isn’t it better for them to end on good terms, with understanding? Even if she gets hurt, isn’t it better than she gets hurt being honest, than never progress at all? Even if she fails, isn’t it better to make effort than live with regret?

Shinae leaving Yui by way of the light is pointed. Yui’s goal is to pull everyone down with her. If she lives in the shadows, so, too, must everyone else. And the thing about this scene is - I think Yui means it, genuinely. She has a very different way of seeing the world than Shinae and even much of us as readers. Shinae believes in working hard; Yui understands that privilege and connections are more powerful. Yui can see in Shinae the makings of a strong, powerful woman - but power doesn’t have to look one way. For Yui, power is controlling those around her, especially the ones who are meant to have power over her. In a world where men are the all-power, Yui feels powerful when she can manipulate and push them around.

But when she tells Shinae she doesn’t want her to make the “wrong choices” I believe her. It’s just... what does Yui consider to be the wrong choices? Much in the same way that so much of ILY changes based on whose perspective you view it through re: Nol and Kousuke, we the same of Shinae and Yui. Yui is a woman who knows how to make the world yield to you, how to get what you want out of it.

This is a whole other tangent, but because I’m trying to validate my Yui views lol, I believe this is part of what Yui has done with Meg and Alyssa. In fact, I feel like Yui has absolutely treated Meg and her obsession with Kousuke as a joke - what woman demeans herself in such a way for a man? It’s the complete opposite of Yui’s power. Men yield to HER, not the other way around. Is Alyssa a test of her will, to see how much she will bend before she can break? Does Yui hope to find a hidden spine in her, someone who will eventually push back? I think that’s why she has shifted to Shinae - she has the fight and the spirit that Yui wants to mold. Shinae is strong and faces her fears. But she also stands for the complete opposite of Yui, which makes her a fun challenge.

As Shinae moves into the light and leaves Yui to the shadows, Yui makes an attempt to pull her back into them. Or maybe, rather, she’s planted the seed? It’s an ominous moment, Yui’s certainty that there will be a time when Shinae will go running to her, will want her help, her step up in the world. But at this moment, Yui is unsuccessful. Though Shinae cannot renegotiate her contract like she wanted, she still makes the choice to deny Yui’s offering. She will continue her path in the light. She refuses to let Yui pull her down into her shadows.

As much as we view this story as a game of chess between the white and dark side, so much of it gets told through the shadows and the light. Who else spends his time illustrated in the shadows, existing outside of peoples’ view, wearing a mask out in the light? Nol is one of Yui’s prey - he’s learning how to stand on his own feet as himself, but so much of his imagery has been enshrouded in shadows, a victim of Yui for so long that he’s forgotten how to make his way out of the dark, until now.

Shinae has the ability to bring him out of the shadow, to give him the eventual courage to exist outside of the shadows, to allow himself to enjoy the light. Every time he turns away, he finds himself drawn back in. Every moment he’s angled himself away from her in effort to stay where he thinks he belongs, to skulk in the dark, he still ends up moving towards her.

And every time that Nol choose to go towards Shinae, he moves towards the light.

Like literally lol. In the pool, he basked there in the dark, willing to finally throw in the towel accept that peace, but because of Shinae, because of his penance, he chose to move towards the light once again. Maybe he thought it would be for the last time, but we’ve seen better.

Shinae guides him back out of the shadows.

And that brings us to my next post: how Shinae is the true adversary of Yui.

Really, go read @denjidomination’s post! It’s got me going off on a whole different tangent than I planned to this week, but I think I’ll be able to get to it before the next update. I’ve said for so long now that Shinae is very likely meant to help bridge Nol and Kousuke, but I think more than that, Shinae is the guiding light for them - that in very different ways, both Nol and Kousuke exist in the shadows and are imprisoned by their circumstances and experiences, and Shinae, I think, is the one who will be able to help them fight back against that darkness. I don’t mean this in a “She will save/fix them” kind of way as much as her presence in their lives, what she means to them, will help them to move from that which holds them down.

But I have a headache so I have to work on that another time lol

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Yui Hirahara #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #I'm pointedly saying light vs shadow because i think in some ways shadow represents feeling trapped and enprisoned #it's not that any of these characters are ever entirely enshrouded in shadow bar Nol whose whole Yeonggi to Nol process has involved pointed #shadows lol but more in the sense of what these characters are representing if that makes sense?#In the chess theory Yui plays for the white side - but from Shinae's perspective she plays for the dark side #I think it's easier to view it as Yui pulling people down and imprisoning them? and please know i mean this very metaphorically!#i'm very well aware that their choices are theirs #it's more like i feel like esp regarding Kousuke and Nol Yui influences that shadow that prison so much #we see that Kousuke's cognitive dissonance pushes him to the breaking point and that this has been propped up by Yui before #I think Yui is happy to keep Kousuke in the dark with her at her side because people like them don't require honor and moreso because #I think Yui resents what Kousuke can do and possess the opportunities afforded to him that she was not allowed #and she is vicariously living through him that he has become a shadow puppet without realizing it #I think Yui is also the main obstacle to Kousuke ever changing himself because she alone is able to pull him back which is especially #important at this stage as she is the only immediate relative who has made Kousuke feel supported and loved - she is the only pillar of #of stability that he has and this absolutely affects how he acts and behaves. how far can he stray before he's forced to return to her side?#look at how things went when he went off to college #and likewise we know that Nol has been imprisoned in the shadows and Yui has actively made his life harder and worse. though he makes the #choice to remain in the dark #he is the one deciding he is undeserving of the life #who created that thought? who put it in his mind? where does it all stem from?#anyway lmao this is so long oh god i always get into the tags and start rambling #but i'm also really excited to explore this thought about Shinae #we always talk about the chess theory as being Yui vs Rand or that Yujing is the formidable opponent #and don't get me wrong Yujing certainly is #but I think the true adversary is Shinae; I think she is the one who can guide everyone out of the shadows

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sadaveniren · 18 days

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#pssst I uh may have girl bossed too close to the sun #and also Asha finally fucking got me #so if you are someone who also loves the wee woo show you can follow me on my main #which is kayevelyn #I am currently living vicariously through Eddie as his life implodes instead of you know #taking a baseball bat to my own life #(spoiler yes this has always been a sideblog)#(in shocking news despite not using it that much my main blog still has more posts by a large margin than this blog)#(there will also eventually be fic I’m 3.5k into my first fic)#(spoiler its uh… buddie/shannon because I like poly dynamics sorry)

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derpinette · 23 days

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my level of (symbolic) cuckoldry is often too advanced for people to grasp

#i enjoy myself way more when i have some sort of “surrogate” almost that i can live vicariously through From a distance #i have been coming off of this a bit as of late but all my life i just preferred to have the ideas & commands instead of being The Executer #eat for me drink for me play for me All my life i have wanted to be a Sitter but like for Everything in general #so lucky to be born in this age because this is what everyone has been demoted to Except i actually like it for myself #i just want to Obseeeeerveee O_O #might be hypocritical but it is actually really dope to share this line of thought with one other person #also this is not always my mindset like i experience envy & vanity & stuff obviously i am not that detached ♯ImOnlyHumanAfterAll

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sammygender · 25 days

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guys this is insane. i literally think half the reason its so easy for me to write spn shit is because of the way motivations r so embedded into the characters. nothing has ever illustrated this extremely basic fiction writing principle as well as this before. now i can see it in everything. that stupid ass and extremely funny to me post i dashed off about john thinking sam's gay and dean thinking john's homophobic? dean wants, in a worried, emotional way, to convince john sam is straight. john wants to find out, in a vague and casual way, if dean thinks sam is gay. this is such a game changer. everyone wants things

#I know i sound deeply stupid. but like #Its so hard for me to make characters who want things because i lowkey think i dont want anything existential ever (dean coded thing to say #but im probably just like really really cut off from my own wants(still dean coded but he wouldnt be this self aware about it)#but like. Characters arent real life people i guess.#you gotta make them both as realistic and welldrawn as you can while also being entertaining to read about as plot vehicles #i should NOT be writing about writing right now im meant to be attempting to memorise scenes from coriolanus #Maybe ill go through and analyse exactly what every character Wants in every coriolanus scene :)#well ninety percent of the time its like. coriolanus wants to please his mother. volumnia wants coriolanus to gain more acclaim bc shes #living vicariously through him. virgilia just wants everyone to be okay. idc about other characters.

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treewithabark · 1 year

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She’ll make a cracking agility dog if we can build more focus!!

#juno #huskymix #I’ve given up on the hope that I can partake in agility because I have joint issues #i think I’ll struggle to keep up long term #however!!!#my partner really wants to try it with her so I can live vicariously through him #and be the picture/video taker!

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backonefish · 2 years

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Happy 40th Sebastian!

This is a highly self-indulgent thing, that popped into my head when I found out Sebastian’s 40th birthday plans.

___

When the clock struck midnight on the new year, all Sebastian could think was, "Fuck, I’m turning 40 this year."

Not a second has gone by since without him reminding his closest friends. Lamenting the fact that his back aches more, hangovers are note the same, and he's getting old.

He's only partially serious about the complaining. He's actually quite proud of everything he's achieved over the past 40 years, the wisdom that comes with age, the new heights of his career. He’s proud of his of himself and who he's chosen to surround himself with.

Speaking off - Sebastian lifts his head from where it’s cradled on his arms as he lounges in the pool, looking out onto the sea - the lights of the house are on, casting shadowy silhouettes behind closed doors. His friends had left him with strict instructions to stay away and he's only too happy to oblige, welcoming the reprieve after a ridiculously busy year.

He still wonders how he got so lucky in the friend jackpot; friends who took on planning a Greek getaway when he'd floated an idea to the boys a few months ago.

He picks his phone up from the edge of the pool.

11:55.

Five more minutes till he's 40. Fuck, he's old. The grey in his beard emphasizes that. The wrinkles around his eyes. The twinge in his right thumb when he’s on the phone for too long.

11:58.

Its fitting he's turning 40 in Greece. He's in the same time zone in which he was born. Its symbolic somehow: he’s come full circle and not cheating time.

He doesn’t get a chance to look at his phone again, his friends beating the clock when they emerge from the house, loud and obnoxious, singing, "Happy birthday to youuuuu." They’re carrying a ridiculously large cake that sends him laughing and he knows its midnight.

He lifts himself out of the pool and laughs harder at the fire on top of the cake.

"How many candles?" He manages to choke out.

"Forty," Chace answers, proudly. “I counted.”

That means there’s probably forty-three or thirty-nine candles, but Sebastian’s too happy to care, taking in a deep breath before he leans over the cake.

"Don't forget to make a wish!" Toby yells and then Sebastian blows with all his might. He gets them all, except for one.

He thinks back to his still dark phone, closes his eyes, and blows out the last candle.

---

As birthdays go, its one of the bests. He wakes up to brilliant blue skies, even bluer waters, a yacht waiting to take the group out to sea, and a phone full of messages, notifications, and voice notes.

He takes his time basking in the love and takes even longer talking to his mom. He knows she knows how much he loves her, for not only bringing him into the world but also for raising him and all the sacrifices she's made. If he's 40, that means his mother is getting older and he has every right to be sentimental, to get teary eyed as he listens to her accented declarations of love. When he tries to return the sentiments, she tuts and tells him to go off with his friends.

He checks his phone once more after he hangs up, frowning slightly at a distinctly absent name in his notifications. He shrugs it off: its still early in Boston, there's plenty of time.

He tells himself the same thing when they’re done breakfast, and again when they get on the yacht, and his phone is still missing that one birthday greeting he was looking forward to.

He's 40; his birthday is not dependent on one birthday wish.

---

The trip out on the yacht is incredible. He feels eternal, endless; caught between the sky above and the water around. His friends ply him with wine and pull him into the sea. When he’s sufficiently tanned and tired, he climbs back on board, shaking the water from his hair and licking the salt from his lips.

His phone screen is blank. No notifications at all.

Maybe the reception is bad.

"Expecting something?" Will smirks.

"Huh?" Sebastian is dragged from his thoughts to his friends looking at him with varying untrustworthy smiles that leave him narrowing his eyes. "No - I -" he fumbles with his words which is so rare with this group that he promptly shuts up.

---

When they make it back to the property, the sun is low in the sky and a heavy wooden table is set out by the pool, covered in delicate plates, rich candles, and too many forks for Sebastian to know what to do with.

He looks at his friends and Chace shrugs. "You're forty. Embrace the maturity and the class."

"He will never have class," Toby cackles as he slaps Sebastian's back and beelines it to the shower.

Sebastian seconds that idea, heading to the ensuite in his room. He washes away the salt and sun that have embedded into his skin. He can’t believe his birthday is nearly done, the anticipation and build up of the last few weeks, leading to hours that have just slipped away.

Good hours. Great, even.

Except.

When he steps out to style his hair and dress in a flowy, white, button down and pants, the sun is even lower, the sky beginning to smudge with pink and purple.

His phone has a few more notifications. But still not the one he was looking for.

As a punishment for the thought, he leaves it on his bed, heading out to dinner to catch the last few rays of his birthday.

Only.

When he steps out, there’s a distinctive set of shoulders, biceps, and ass standing against the setting sun. The sight makes Sebastian freeze in his tracks.

The mild chatter comes to a halt when the door shuts behind Sebastian and everyone turns to face him. He spares his friends a glance, making a note to discuss their shit-eating grins on their faces, but his attention is quickly brought back to that one smile that always makes time stand still.

"What - " Sebastian attempts, taking a tentative step closer. He can't say anything else, replaying late night conversations that had gotten longer and sweeter the past year, whispered hints of something more, promises of things to come, and making it impossible to ignore the growing feelings.

"My flight was delayed. I thought I wouldn’t make it, but - I’m here. Sorry I missed last night and well - most of today." He steps toward Sebastian, away from the group.

"But you had plans - with your family - you -" Sebastian knows he’s gaping, must look like an idiot. But he was expecting a text, a phone call if he’s being honest - not for him to show up in person.

"Chris," he says weakly, incredulously.

"Happy 40th, Seb," Chris says and then he’s engulfed in those arms, and Sebastian doesn’t need to pinch himself, because he’s not dreaming.

This is real.

Chris is really here, holding him, his nose tucked into Sebastian’s neck.

When Chris pulls back, its barely an inch, but its too much distance, much too soon, and Sebastian’s hands tighten their hold on Chris’ shirt as he looks into blue that’s more stunning than the sea or the sky.

Chris is staring back with a mirroring intensity before he says, "Fuck, you’re beautiful," and then the hand in Sebastian’s hair flexes and there’s no longer any distance between them because he's being kissed.

Warm and soft, expert lips prying open his own; hot, wet tongue sliding against his and Sebastian moans, pressing in closer, yearning to feel the solid length of Chris against him.

When they draw apart, gasping for breath, only then does Sebastian hear the hollers and cheers from his friends, Chace's distinctive voice yelling ‘fucking finally,’ and he breaks into a giddy laugh.

Judging by the brilliant red on Chris' face, deeper in the golden hour - he suspects Chris had forgotten their audience too.

"Sorry, I had envisioned us being in private when that happened, but you look so good and its your birthday -" he breaks off when Sebastian runs his nose along Chris.’

He says with a smile, "I think you should wish me again."

And Chris does, mouth eagerly finding Sebastian's, claiming it in a hungry kiss, that’s harder, deeper, hotter.

This – this - is the best birthday gift. Kissing Chris against a vibrant Greek sky, surrounded by his closest friends, and the smell of salt in the air.

Its surreal, its beautiful, its 40 and he thinks - the best is yet to come.

#I was debating going the more realistic route #of chris calling him and wishing him over the phone #but then i was like screw that #if i dont use fic to create the most self-indulgent fantasies then what even is the point?#happy birthday sebastian #I cant believe youre 40 mainly because i cant believe im 30 #and if i couldnt have my greek island 30th bc i had to attend a friends wedding #then im glad you do and i can pretend to live vicariously through you #hope its everything you've dreamed of and more #also this is the first thing ive written that around 1k #so it goes on here and not on ao3 #is this what a drabble is?#evanstan #evanstan rpf #rpf #also dont mind my highly inappropriate use of run on sentences and commas and semi colons #i make up grammar as i go along

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utsuboh · 1 year

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i think not only the game, but i myself have made it pretty obvious jade cares about his brother a lot. and vice versa. their dynamic is really fun, and honestly a lot more wholesome than many others i've seen. azul comes in pretty close, but no one else understands jade and floyd better than each other. they're siblings, so that's a given. they have their spats, sure, but what kind of siblings don't?

something very important about these two, and their dynamic: is that they accept all the bad, as well as the good. it's a lot easier to see this i think in how jade talks about floyd. he knows his brother is capricious, he has mood swings. and the only time he ever gets on him about it-- is when it's genuinely a problem. not because it happens to inconvenience him, or annoys him. the way he approaches it, is not to ridicule his brother, but to calm him. and at times jade even encourages floyd's behavior, and goes along with some of his antics. it's also good to note, jade enjoys the unexpected and unpredictable-- and no one is more unpredictable than his brother.

there is some dependency i think on one another too. and it helps with maintaining their fairly healthy relationship. they are after all two merfolk in the middle of a school of land dwelling species. yes azul is there too, but floyd admits he didn't even know azul existed until middle school. neither of them approached him until then. so they've only ever had each other to that point. jade knows how to calm his brother down, and floyd knows how to read jade when no one else can.

there is no one jade trusts more than floyd. i know i know, i've said this once or twice hahha-- but seriously. despite his brother's unpredictable nature, jade trusts him completely. he is as honest with him as he will ever be with anyone. and hides very little, if anything from him. i wont get into it too much more here, but floyd also is the only person who knows the real jade. like, we all know jade is fake as hell. he can be nice and mean it, but he is always appealing to people. serving their needs, to make sure his own are fulfilled and protected.

anyway. i love them, they make me happy. just two funky lil eels getting up to mischief when no one is looking. they're there for one another, and support each other when they need to. sobs.

#two faced sycophant; slippery as an eel. ( headcanon )#i really love the twins so so much #siblings always hit me hard #maybe it's because i have 4 of them #and my relationship with them hasnt always been great #i am what we call a black sheep #anyway #i can live vicariously thru these eels #they can have a good happy sibling dynamic #AND both be little weirdo fish people

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