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leporellian · 1 year

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don giovanni modern au headcanons

'didnt you already make a modern au headcanons list like 2-3 years ago' yeah and i'll do it again baby. this time though its better

(if you're wondering i sourced all the last names from various don juan plays over The Years, except for elvira's, which is a tribute to her original actress in the moliere play.)

on don giovanni himself - giovanni tenorio is, essentially, a rich idiot with no day job. his dad is a republican congressman, and giovanni says he "disagrees" with him, but really this means "giovanni calls himself a libertarian and thinks weed should be legal while Not Caring about any of his dad's other policies". - (he will change political affiliations on a dime if he's trying to persuade/seduce someone.) - (it's also funny he's a libertarian bc he's also very much a catholic still.) - giovanni's parents are pretty excessively doting on him and refuse to believe that their sweet little angel, their only child, could be a... well, you know. in childhood his mother was excessively permissive while his father was straight up physically abusive (in the "kids these days don't get paddled like they used to" way), and while it's unclear how much of that influenced the kind of person giovanni became it seems like both parents regret their parenting in their own way. - because of his family being old money, as well as his dad's stock investments (don't tell anyone LOL), giovanni has a stupid amount of money he usually treats as entirely disposable. he has no idea how to manage it and usually spends a good amount of it buying stupid shit to entertain himself for like 5 minutes or to aid in a Scheme. - (this has led to situations where leporello will come home to find giovanni holding an umbrella cockatoo and swearing it as their new pet, for example, because giovanni thought it would be fun. and it was, for maybe about twenty-six minutes.) - also because of his dad being a rich congressman with Connections giovanni is pretty easily able to get away with everything. any time leporello questions this giovanni goes "oh it'll be just like ted kennedy" which annoys lep to NO end because he doesn't even know what to say to that - he lives together with leporello, his childhood-friend-turned-roommate-turned-possible-indentured-servant, in some stupid ass mcmansion somewhere in the chicago suburbs. i'm saying naperville for now bc naperville is like the mcmansion-slash-unhinged-rich-people-behavior capital of illinois godbless

(why does everyone in this modern au live in or around chicago? because i know that place best. personal bias sorree)

on leporello - leporello catalinon was childhood friends with giovanni, which is funny bc they're so different in terms of background and upbringing - he was born the eldest of five (his siblings are all sisters) into a working-class jewish household, not too far from where giovanni grew up. he and giovanni met in elementary school and bonded, because back when he was a kid giovanni was actually somewhat nice. - eventually giovanni got in trouble in high school doing some dumb (and in hindsight relatively harmless) shit and giovanni's parents decided being his being in a public school was the problem, so he and leporello fell out of touch when giovanni relocated to some catholic school - leporello has a passion for the archival process, so he went through college with the goal of someday becoming a historical archivist. this was a good idea in that he's good at that and a bad idea in that it left him with a bunch of debt he couldn't pay back. - while coming home the summer after college he got back in touch with giovanni, who was like 'oh hey you know you could come live with me and i won't charge rent AND i can pay off your college debt for you'. leporello was like 'oh that sounds great :)' only to realize once he moved in that Something Was Not Right About Giovanni Now, and that somehow in the six years they had fallen out of touch giovanni had become... not different but definitely lacking something. - (but at this point he'd already been roped into the abusive-friendship-slash-indentured-servitude deal and he couldn't imagine any other options. so.) - also he's autistic but you knew that already.

on elvira - elvira duparc actually grew up more near central illinois, which... for those unaware of the illinois Landscape once you get out of chicagoland it turns into 'corn and weird republican backwater towns' Fast. so she grew up in a small republican town - her family was one of the better-off there, and it was a town where everyone Knew each other. so like she was considered upper-class within the community but compared to the kind of money giovanni or even ottavio's families have it's not That much - giovanni ended up in the area while on a trip somewhere and you know how it ended up going. he neglected to tell elvira about his parents or anything so until she finds him again she has No idea his dad's a congressman - he essentially pulled a 'look at me i'm so helpless and lost all on my lonesome' sort of thing and elvira, who really is ultimately an 'i can fix him' person even if she would deny the charge, took him in. in some ways he was seemingly perfect bc he was just as catholic as her family but there was also a definite subconscious idea of Escape in that giovanni had traveled much more than she had and if she were to be his partner she'd likely go move in with him away from home - anyway he abandons her and the whole town immediately turns on her and she's gossiped about like she's the town's prime slut. so she buys a beat up volvo and gets out of dodge to go find giovanni and hold him accountable (or... fix him.) - also she's bisexual and has adhd but she doesn't know either of those things until After the plot of the opera. godbless.

on donna anna and don ottavio - anna ulloa and ottavio robinson are engaged but really they don't seem to be a good couple... anna is always rather closed off (Read: Closeted Lesbian Alert) while ottavio is. definitely says he loves anna and appears to be devoted to her but it's unclear how much he'd actually do for in a time of crisis. and Well - ottavio and giovanni were actually college buddies and their families know each other bc ottavio's dad is Also a congressman. ottavio claims he doesn't endorse any of giovanni's "tomfoolery" but at the same time his attitude about it is to essentially just ignore it. some suspect he secretly envies giovanni in some way and just never says anything about it. ottavio also seems to be trying to go into local office and work his way up to being a gov official on the same level of his old man. - actually ottavio's first Government Job was being an assistant for pedro ulloa, anna's dad, who's a county commissioner. which was how he and anna ended up meeting. - anna very much wants to hold office just like her dad. in fact she probably wants it even more than ottavio does. but she hasn't ever actually Ran for office yet and just busies herself with various government jobs. meanwhile ottavio is like, on a school board or something and is almost sort of indignant about it - anna is deep in denial about being a lesbian and tries to reason why her and ottavio are a Fine Couple Actually constantly. she's been asked on multiple occasions if she's aromantic and she's like NO... i'm just PRAGMATIC and TAKING IT SLOW that's all... but like. looks into camera We know what's going on. - (to be fair anna's parents were very distant with one another to the point you could claim Both of them were deep in some closet or another and just never fully figured it out. so anna doesn't have any baseline of what a relationship Should look like.) - (anna's dad was basically like... you know the dad from bambi? best possible comparison i can make.)

on zerlina and masetto - they're just some guys. literally - zerlina aminta and masetto batricio are two freshly-graduated-from-high-school sweethearts who are like, going into the local community college together or some shit. zerlina wants to be a schoolteacher but honestly she absolutely would teach children swears if she was able to so she's a long way from her goal. masetto... idk what masetto wants to become. a physical therapist maybe? - they haven't even voted for the first time yet so they don't actually know that much about anyone's Government Parents. like when giovanni's trying to butter up zerlina he's all like ...you know my dad could let you get anything... he's congressman tenorio... and she's like Who the fuck is that. which rubs giovanni more of a wrong way than he admits. - zerlina absolutely still reads warrior cats and could name nearly every major and minor character in my little pony: friendship is magic. note that neither of these passions are in a childish way but in a 'oh she is kind of unhinged godbless' way. - masetto is also autistic but in like the complete opposite direction of leporello. leporello is a chatty extrovert autistic who is so so desperate to please people and understand social skills. masetto is polite but beyond that he really cannot be bothered to give too much of a shit. - which means between masetto "will say the obvious thing everyone is thinking but doesn't want to say" and zerlina "has no filter and will give her honest opinion completely unprompted" they WILL collectively tear you a new one without even realizing what they're doing. leporello was around them for like 30 minutes tops and they somehow fully psychologically analyzed him and nearly drove him to tears without realizing it. (which is funny given he's like 10-11 years older than them.) - zerlina can and likes to drive like a maniac but she chooses not to most of the time <3 she wanted to be a monster truck driver when she grew up and honestly it's unknown if she ever actually gave up on that dream or not

on Other Stuff - i think giovanni dies by grease fire. he's overworked leporello to the point lep can't cook like usual, and once elvira gives her as-per-canon spiel abt him Stopping right the Fuck Now he's already got his mind off it. so when things erupt into flames he doesn't think and just shoves a whole pot of water onto it thinking That will Stop It (it didn't) - i'm not entirely sure the specifics of the statue here but i think leporello very clearly remembers that after they'd both been burned by the grease fire- leporello being in better condition than giovanni- giovanni started shrieking about pedro ulloa and "the man of stone" and started panicking about his last rites. the smoke had made leporello too woozy to see much but he does feel like Something Else Was There. who knows how much of it was real or how much of it was leporello's smoke-induced delusions - afterward when leporello was in the hospital over the whole thing giovanni's parents decided to give him the choice of either suing them or them just paying him enough money to clear both his medical bills and the leftover debt he already had so he can start anew. leporello is too tired to fight at this point so he just takes the money. he finds he has a bit left over and donates that away to women's shelters - the whole story is reported in the media as being that giovanni committed attempted assault and manslaughter, and then purposely killed himself over it with a grease fire when he realized the cops were closing in on him. the death report isn't exactly accurate but leporello doesn't know how to explain what he's seen so it just remains that way. giovanni's father resigns in disgrace a few months later because it led to the reveal of just How Many of his son's actions he was covering up. - leporello and elvira are friends of Course they are friends. she shaves off her hair and becomes a total biker butch and he ditches all the clothes giovanni got for him that he found So scratchy and uncomfortable. they both live in their own apartments now and both are visibly much happier for it - (although i do imagine the don's abuse and the nature of his death- he had a closed casket funeral, i'll say that- have left leporello with a case of ptsd) - about a year after everything goes down anna dumps ottavio and starts dating elvira like 2 weeks later LOLLLLLL... and another year on leporello finds his own partner that he loves and trusts. so. they're happy in the end even if the path there isn't smooth - you might also ask, 'wait if anna and ottavio both wanted to hold political office who got there first?' the answer is zerlina. she ran for school board and got in by sheer willpower alone like something out of looney tunes. it turns out she's way better at arguing about things than she is at actually teaching kids. GODBLESS!

#don giovanni #opera tag #rambles

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pastelsceneselfships23 · 5 months

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floodland, spirit phone, and symbols for the f/o ask game? (for anyone you like, or even multiple)

*dances bc i chose eds*

floodland - what is your favorite thing about your f/o, whether it be something appearance-related, or personality-related? Good question bc ... for eddie its just... everything about him 🥺🥺 Like...ok to begin with it's his personality because.. jesus fuck- he is such a badass and a rebel.. skeptic kid omfg.. yet god i love his god-wholesome awful puppy eyes bc they break me internally so for god's sake i'd do anything to spoil him when he gives me those,,, stupid puppy eyes... I also love how badass he gets for being a rebel in nature-- even at the,,, end of the book (fl1ght of 1carus coughs coughs ok debate what you want but ill never not think of him also in the BOOK) but i wont say spoilers in case bc,,, yes. but i will say about what he does in the book that i fucking love :" ) I love that omg.. he is such a simp in nature and and and omfg i loVE that he talks so much about LOTR!!!! I don't know anything abt LOTR and oMFG... he even gives his bestie Ronnie (My GIRL ILY forever(tm) ) a 1 hour lECTURE of Elven politics of Tolkien??? Like hoNEY!? Ronnie in the book was like 'uh yeah excuse me im done" roNNIE GIVE HIM to mE BC I wouldn't MIND It when he will talk LOTR on me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 just let him to the talking to me ill listen-

anYWAYS appearance? I... ever since i was 10 years old, im always into men with long hair- Eddie's such a bonUS-- him w/ a badass battle jacket? SO freaking RAD!!!! I love that most of his room is bunch of metal band posters,, I wouldn't know if he knew most of the hits but im sure he is a big judas priest fan- and a accept, King diamond fan bc... after THOSE posters it really mADE ME LISTEN ALL OF those!! and im ... thankful for learning more of them on the way. It's been a year and.. one of my favorite band albums,,, from one of Eddie's band's is probably Accept's album; Russian Roulette. I would suggest it if anyone wants to hear it too omfg.

spirit phone - does your f/o believe in the supernatural? (if they are a supernatural creature, how do they react to people who don’t believe in them?) Oh eddie? Idk... I.. oh m y god Eddie sure has debated about whether he believes in aliens or not,, but i think he pretty much does... he really is the type to believe on them.. Sometimes.. he doesn't believe much like fairies, big foot, moth man etc. so.. hes a skeptic sometimes... but when it comes to space, he always go with deep questions like... 'what if life is actually out there other than earth??" "are we like... not alone in this universe?"

symbols - what’s a popular misconception about your f/o?

Honestly... I would say somethin controversial and unpopular thing but... i think i'd skip that one bc that... wOULD hit a yikes into my card in this hellsite so... I'll put other thoughts instead if you excuse me,,, omg.. a really big misconception is people think Eddie's necklace is either Red, or black-

uh look, I realized by research... it's actually tortoise shell made! because it's not even red or black! It's a color of darker brown with half transparency with it...

honestly seeing that,, it really made sense!! another one? The ring Eddie was wearing?

its not dark, its actually a vintage looking mood ring-

this really made me felt like I resemble him a lot bc... i actually own a mood ring that has a hermes theme to it.. it looks old as well : ) I got it from the planetarium in Salt lake city..

#🎸eddcos⛓#🎸eddie munson💀#cosvin speaks #;w;

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chosonore · 3 years

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part one | oblivion

oblivion [noun. the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening around one]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 3.9k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re not strictly following the manga timeline bc while i am reading it, i do have a goldfish brain, lowercase intended

a/n: hello, here’s the first installment of my sanguine series! it’s the prequel of this drabble (nsfw) i wrote the other week while i was working on the outline of the fic. it’s a little slow burn because i wanted to spend some more time exploring their relationship and the groundwork for it, so yeah. i’ll try to update it regularly, but since i’ve only planned five parts for sanguine, it might take a while bc i want to take my time with it. if you want to stay updated with the series, i’ll post the masterlist to it shortly! i do hope you enjoy it though :) and stay safe, everybody! [tagging @sukirichi the sukuna to my yuuji, who just gets spammed when i start rambling about my aus but always screams with me (´• ω •`)]

masterlist - next

"y/n!" you look up to see miwa storming towards you, thrusting a book in your direction. "could you- could you please give this to noritoshi? i borrowed this book from him like a week ago and if i don't return this anytime soon, i think he's gonna kill me."

scowling at her, you look at the book in disdain. you wanted to avoid crossing paths with noritoshi as much as possible and miwa was well aware that you didn't like hi-

"please," miwa pleaded again, taking your hands and placing the book in it. "i'm really scared of him. he always looks like he's going to shoot me soon. even todo is pretty nice if you don't interrupt his takada-chan time!"

you sighed in annoyance, you just couldn't say no. ever since coming to the kyoto metropolitan curse tech, miwa and you had been pretty close because you strongly disliked the other students. most of them were arrogant and stuck-up, thinking they were better than the other; the two that belonged to the three clans were even worse. on your first day here you'd promptly gotten into a fight with mai, disliking how haughty she was and trying to prove everyone that she was better than them. much to your chagrin, the fight ended in a tie.

"fine, but you owe me some mango," miwa's face lit up in relief and she gave you a thumbs up before dashing to her room, most likely to escape noritoshi's wrath. you inspected the book. was it even worth returning it? maybe you could just throw it in the trash. if noritoshi ever found out, he'd kill miwa first and then you. you let out another sigh before making your way towards the training grounds. he most likely was outside to practice, either with one of the guys or alone. as you were nearing the training grounds, you could already hear the sound of arrows whistling and the dull thuds of them hitting the target. it was hard to spot him through all the trees; you weren't entirely sure where he was. your ears perked up when you heard him release another arrow until you realized that it was heading your way. this bastard. fortunately, you were able to slash the arrow clean in the middle, angrily pointing your sword in his direction. you still couldn't see him anywhere.

"you fucking idiot! you could've killed me," you snarled, stomping deeper into the forest. an amused laugh echoed through the trees.

"you're acting like i can't control my arrows. it's not my fault you let your guard down," noritoshi retorted smugly, lowering his bow as he saw you approaching. you were fuming, hurling the book at him. how dare he? you watched with satisfaction as it hit him square in the chest - who was caught off guard now, huh? he deserved it anyways.

"miwa asked me to return your book," you curtly explained and turned back around to leave but apparently, noritoshi had other plans. instead of saying anything else, he just followed you which unsettled you even more.

"stop following me."

"who said i was following you? i'm just going back to the dorms. i'm sorry you can't handle me being near you."

you whirled around, sword pointing dangerously close to his neck. he smirked at you triumphantly, it was just too easy to get a rouse out of you. "another word and i'll cut you, seriously. you're pissing me off," you gritted your teeth, hating that you always fell for his stupid games. he knew you all to well, what made you angry, what made you happy, what motivated you. once upon a time, you'd thought the same about him; until he changed so rapidly, so unlike your expectations. you were worlds apart and yet you'd reserved an ounce of hope that he wouldn't turn out to be as arrogant as the clan heads. swift as the wind, noritoshi grabbed your wrist, dragging it upwards and towards him until he could lean down to you. your heartbeat sped up - holy shit why was he so close to you - and you froze in shock.

"i'd like to see you try, princess," he whispered in your ear, the grip on your wrist tightening. "you wouldn't dare to."

the first time you met noritoshi, he was sitting outside in the garden with his mum. both seemed to have a good time. noritoshi's hair was tousled from the soft summer breeze and he had a soft smile on his face, happily munching away on the snacks that were displayed on the table. while he looked friendly enough, you were wary of meeting and talking to him because you felt kind of queasy around the kamo family. you couldn’t quite place a finger on the feeling, the older members of the family intimidating you to no end. much to your dismay, you felt like you had to be watchful - your parents worked for the kamo family, so naturally the apartment you lived in was close to the estate. you avoided any run ins with the adults, they weren’t exactly friendly to you. noritoshi’s mum had befriended your mum and they spent a lot of time together when possible. and yet you’d never met noritoshi before, seeing how busy he was with his various classes.

the fit that you threw, not wanting to tag along with your mum, was long forgotten when you’d spotted the jar of cookies on the table. before your mum could react, you pulled your hand away from hers and quickly ran towards it. “hello miss!” you greeted enthusiastically, your eyes shining at the sight of the sweets. “my name is y/n! i’m here with my mum and i uhm… could i have some of the cookies? please?” when your mum finally caught up to you, she scolded you quietly and greeted the other two, taking a seat beside noritoshi’s mum. you pouted, immediately climbing on her lap as you refused to sit next to the boy. his mum handed you a cookie which you happily took and thanked her politely. noritoshi was curiously eyeing you; it wasn’t often that he saw other children around his age and he didn’t have any friends to play with. his everyday life revolved around reading books, studying, taking archery classes and sometimes spending time with his mum. noritoshi barely even knew what fun was - he’d only ever felt at peace when he was around his mum.

“y/n, sweetie, why don’t you go and play with noritoshi?” your mum prompted but you immediately shook your head, hiding your face in her chest. she simply laughed and shook her head, brushing your hair back softly. “come on, noritoshi is really nice. you can be his friend one day, right? didn’t i tell you that friends are important?”

you frowned. then huffed. when she worded it like this, there was no way you could refuse. the cartoon that you religiously watched featured a group of friends that went on adventures and helped each other out. you’d told your mum that you wanted to be like that too! begrudgingly, you slid off her lap and trudged towards noritoshi who looked at you with big eyes. you held your hand out, waiting for him to shake it. “my name is y/n. uhm… nice to meet you,” you shyly whispered, eyes darting away from him.

it took a while until noritoshi reacted, shaking your hand gently and answering: “hello y/n, i’m noritoshi.”

much to your surprise, noritoshi was actually fun to be around with. he showed you his collection of books, the bow that he was practicing with and you often played the card game you’d received for your birthday together. he was smart and witty, often explaining you things that he’d read in a book but he was also attentive when he listened to you ramble about the other kids in school or when you told him about the cartoon that you were watching. for you, noritoshi was becoming your best friend - for noritoshi, you were his first friend. he cherished you and how unabashedly true to yourself you were. spending time with you was something he looked forward to; you always made him laugh and you didn’t care whether he lived up to the kamo family name or not. to you, he was simply noritoshi. you were like a fresh breeze of air in his life.

noritoshi didn't quite understand why the elders were always so hard on him, so strict and unrelenting. they expected only the best results from him and didn't show any understanding when he exhausted. he didn't enjoy practice anymore, the lessons becoming a chore and burden on his mind. but whenever he saw your face light up at his newly acquired skills, he thought it was worth the trouble. you came to visit him everyday after school, never skipping a day. sometimes he questioned why you weren't visiting your friends from school but you shook your head, poking his chest indignantly. "you're my best friend, 'toshi. of course i'd want to spend more time with you." noritoshi was glad you always chose him, without fail.

even though your parents had always warned you to be careful around noritoshi because his family was strict and didn't like outside influences distracting the heir, you never really strayed from his side. noritoshi didn't have any other friends, who would keep him company or listen to his troubles then? you didn't understand why your parents were suddenly going back on their word. they'd always told you that family and friends were important. you couldn't pinpoint your feelings for him - but your parents saw it. it was obvious; the stars in your eyes when you looked at him, the slight blush on your cheeks when he complimented you and how happy you were when you got to spend time with him. the more time you spent with him, the more they were worried for you.

"'toshi!" you yelled in excitement as you ran towards him, waving wildly. he dropped his bow and turned to you, a soft smile gracing his lips as he opened his arms to hug you. you squeezed him tightly. two weeks you hadn't seen him due to a school trip after which you got sick and weren't able to leave the house. you'd missed him a lot and you were excited to show him the souvenirs you brought him.

"look, i bought you an omamori!" you handed him the small object, then pointing on your bag to show him the one you'd bought for yourself. "i got myself a matching one too! my teacher said it wards off evil spirits and brings you luck." noritoshi's smile was bright, so bright. he was happy you thought of him and were always kind to him. your eyes widened as he leaned in to kiss your cheek before thanking you. the two of you were blushing, neither saying a word but not minding what had just happened.

the day noritoshi's mother left the estate was the day you were slowly starting to lose him. noritoshi grew more forlorn and didn't seem to easily find joy in anything anymore. the departure left a deep, deep gap in his heart. it had shocked him deep to the core when she left him. him. why couldn't she stay? why did she leave him when she was the only person who protected him, loved him? she did say that she was hindering his growth but who was she to decide that? he didn't want to become stronger, didn't want to protect other people like she'd told him to. he wanted to stay with her. "'toshi? 'toshi!" a concerned voice broke through his trance, pulling him back into reality. "i asked you a question! you weren't even listening to me."

you were pouting at him, tugging at his sleeve impatiently. noritoshi apologized, patting your head to soothe your temper. "what do you want to do in the future? mum said it's important to work towards your dreams!" you asked him curiously, grasping his hand to hold it. the gesture filled him with indescribable warmth, drawing him in like a moth to the flames. "my mum said i have a special power, i can heal people! i want to become a doctor in the future, so i can help everyone that got hurt," you explained to him so earnestly that he felt bad for the lie he was about to tell. noritoshi didn't have big dreams or ambitions just yet. he didn't even know what would be suitable to him - he was strictly following orders, never allowed to think for himself.

but when he looked at you, he only had one wish. "i think… i think i want to help people, protect them. especially those that i love."

with each year passing, you noticed that noritoshi was putting more and more distance between the two of you. at first you'd brushed it off as the stress of his training and number of classes he was attending. but as you spent less and less time together, the weight of the situation didn’t escape you. he was easily irritable, cold and arrogant, often rude towards employees of the kamo estate. every now and then when you’d scold him for being an asshole, he’d simply scoff at you and haughtily ask you how it was any of your business. you sighed, tossing and turning in your bed as you thought about how much noritoshi had changed. it kept you up at night, just thinking about how he wasn’t your ‘toshi anymore. you didn’t know this person. ‘toshi was always gentle and kind, he tended to overthink many things and sometimes he was a little bit of a crybaby but you still loved him regardless. you sneaked out of your room, finally mustering up enough courage to ask your mother for advice. the thought of her discovering your blooming crush on noritoshi was scaring you. your parents were wary around the kamos despite working from them - even more so ever since noritoshi’s mother left and the elders had free reign over her son.

“noritoshi! noritoshi, stop walking away from me! hey, i’m talking to you!” you yelled frustrated as you were trying to keep up with him. noritoshi was crossing the garden in long strides, it was nearly impossible to stop him as you couldn’t catch up to him. you lunged forward, getting hold of his sleeve and tugged him back harshly. noritoshi yanked his arm out of your grip, glaring at you annoyed.

“what do you want from me? i have better things to do than to quibble with you,” he hissed irritated. you couldn’t believe him, he had the nerve to dismiss you like this when he was in the wrong?

“you know exactly what i want from you! you can’t just go around and talk to people like you did before just because they’re not from a reputable family! noritoshi, you’re not any better than them just because your last name is kamo.”

as much as noritoshi scared you, you stood your ground. you knew he didn’t take you serious, not with the amused look he gave you. in the past month or two, noritoshi was suddenly hit by a growth spurt - you barely reached his shoulder now and he took advantage of that to mock you, often treating you like an armrest. he pat your head condescendingly, pouting at you in fake regret. “aw, did i hurt your feelings? did i make itty bitty little y/n sad?” he mocked you, before abruptly grabbing your cheeks to make you look at him. “i don’t care what you think of me, cry all you want. i strongly suggest you hold that sharp tongue of yours if you know what’s good. know your place.”

tears filled your eyes; noritoshi had never talked to you this way. what has gotten into him? your heart broke in pieces, unable to take the pain any longer. you were no longer his equal but below him, much like everyone else.

“mum?” you cautiously knocked at the door of her study, waiting for her response. your mother was most likely still awake and dealing with paperwork like she usually did. upon hearing the affirmative noise she made, you flitted inside, closing the door behind you so your father didn’t catch any wind of this. it was already embarrassing enough and you were sure your mother could offer you better advice. you gingerly took a seat on the armchair, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to your body. how were you going to approach this? hey mum, i have a crush on noritoshi and he’s weird to me now and i don’t know why? uh yeah mum, i caught feelings for the guy you warned me about and now i look like a fool crawling up to you like this?

“it’s about noritoshi, isn’t it?” your mother interrupted your stream of thought, spinning her swivel chair towards you.

“huh? oh no it isn’t, why would it be? i have-”

“y/n.”

“ugh okay fine, maybe it is about him,” you sighed defeated, of course she would look right through you. she always seemed to know what you were thinking, even when you hadn’t confided in her before. “but promise me you won’t judge me!” the look in your mother’s eyes told you that she was going to judge you regardless but you knew she meant well - she simply wanted the best for you.

“i- i just don’t understand why he’s been such a pain in the ass lately. and he’s been treating everyone like dirt too, including me! mum, he’s becoming someone else and i… i don’t know what to do,” you sniffled inconsolably, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. she wasn’t supposed to see you getting emotional. “he’s always busy and when we do get to see each other, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. what if he doesn’t like me anymore? and i don’t like how he’s treating you! it’s the same issue with the elders, they don’t know any human decency at all!”

your mother motioned you to scoot over a little and sat next to you, wrapping her arms around you and patting your back to console you. while she meant well, it accomplished the opposite - you broke down in tears, unable to stop your sobs. “i just want my ‘toshi back,” you whimpered upset, burying your face in the pillow to muffle the sound of you crying. “i know you didn’t like that i became good friends with him but i couldn’t help it and i just really like him and- you weren’t supposed to find that out.”

“sweetheart, i know you love noritoshi,” she handed you a tissue. “you let a lot more on than you were aware of; dad and me always knew you were in love with him.” as if on cue, your sobbing stopped and you just looked at her in disbelief. she knew. she knew. you wanted the earth to swallow you whole. “i think it was always pretty obvious, to be honest. you always looked at him as if he was your entire world and no matter what happened, you were always by his side. i know it’s hard to accept when a dear friend is changing but sometimes you just have to, right? both of you are still growing, there’s no way of telling how your personalities change.”

“but i don’t want him to change like this,” you protested stubbornly, glaring at her. she was talking about it as if it was a matter of simply discarding a bad apple in the trash. it wasn’t easy and it made you anxious. you grew up together, shared secrets and memories. he was the person you’d always looked up to.

“y/n.” your mother sounded stern but you didn’t back down, not yet. “is it really worth it? if a person is changing so rapidly and you’re not getting through to them, you’ll have to let it go. there’s only so much you can do. people grow apart sometimes, it’s only natural. you have to let go of them, temporarily, so you both can heal and grow. y/n, i know you’re being stubborn about this but you’ll have to let him figure things out on his own. fate has curious ways to bring people back together.”

when the time came, noritoshi left to attend the kyoto metropolitan curse tech school without telling you a word. you were disappointed, apparently you weren’t worth saying goodbye to. whatever his reason was, it must’ve been pretty important. important enough to forget the promise that you’d always stay in contact. you wondered whether he'd change again, for the better maybe? maybe you would reconcile when you could finally attend the school as well and train together. you were excited to show him your sword skills, having received your family's heirloom, an elegant steel blue sword. though your skills probably weren’t up to par with the other students, you still wanted to show them off, show him what you’d learned in the year that you spent apart.

noritoshi had changed but not for the better. holy shit, did he get on your nerves. the first time he'd practiced with you, you realized that he had mutated into an insufferable know-it-all. he would give you backhanded compliments or make snide remarks about your posture, how you were supposed to hold your sword, how inefficient your fighting style was. sometimes you wished you could just beat him for once and have him shut up. there was no denying though, noritoshi was way too strong and you had a long way to go. judging from the reactions of the others, barely anyone had beat him either.

and just like that, your feelings for him were buried. you’d taken your mother’s advice to heart, keeping conversations and interactions with him to a minimum but somehow noritoshi always found his way to you. he was everywhere and a quarrel was inevitable. noritoshi got under your skin and he knew how to push your buttons. why he chose to pick on you was beyond your comprehension; he didn’t pay much attention to the other students nor was he particularly liked by them. just how much was he going to get on everyone else’s nerves? out of all the second years, todo aoi was the most amicable; you had the (dis)pleasure to run into him on your first day and for some reason, he took a liking to you. while he was loud and boisterous, mostly doing whatever he wanted, you couldn’t deny that he was a good friend. even though he didn’t care about anyone as much as he cared about takada-chan. at one point, he’d looked at you in sympathy when he caught you staring at noritoshi, patting your shoulder (too forceful): “i’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry.”

you still didn’t know what he meant by that.

ps.: todo knows and he’s kinda judging you for your taste in men

#jujutsu kaisen #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi kamo x reader #noritoshi x you #kamo noritoshi x you #noritoshi kamo x you #noritoshi kamo imagines #kamo noritoshi imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #noritoshi imagines #fic: sanguine #writing #my writing has gotten SO incredibly rusty i literally only know how to write academic papers anymore bc that's all i do in my everyday life #it makes me speechless to see all the love on my previous sukuna fic and i'm so glad people are enjoying it #hey if you're lurking in the tags thank you for reading i really appreciate it! pls stay hydrated

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watermelinoe · 2 years

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i don't want to drag out the dumb febfem discourse so you don't have to publish this if you don't want to but the thing that really bothered me was how she kept saying we use febfem because we need to politicize our attraction... it isn't political for all of us! i'm so sick of people who will recognize that bisexual women can be almost exclusively ssa, can be male-repulsed, can only have crushes on fictional men, etc. whenever it comes to criticizing the idea of comphet (which is important) but then turn around and pretend that all of us are significantly attracted to men whenever it is politically inconvenient to recognize the diversity in bisexuality. being a febfem for me isn't a "political practice" and it isn't a "dating preference." i literally could not date a man without wanting to kill myself because i am so repulsed by them. and it bothers me so much that people will completely ignore that bi women like me exist! especially when other bi women are the ones doing it! but i think some people just have a hard time remembering that their experiences of bisexuality are not universal. at the end of the day i don't care if she dislikes the term febfem, it doesn't matter lol it is just a word, but some of the things she said to justify that position are so gross and just blatantly incorrect.

nah that's fine it gives me a chance to talk more about it lol so i'll start w my disclaimer that i think comphet is a really flawed term. i think there is societal pressure on women to passively submit to men - it doesn't create attraction, it doesn't cause lesbians to get crushes on men or pursue sex with them. for women overall, we're socialized to do things like say "yes" when boys ask us out hoping we'll eventually be attracted to him, to go along with whatever sex acts they want us to do even if we're not really into it. but i agree with you, i'm really critical of comphet and i think a lot of bi women end up misled into thinking they're lesbians bc they're penis-repulsed, only have crushes on fictional men, etc. and then they experience actual attraction to a real-life man for the first time and have an identity crisis :( and it sucks for both communities imo

it is frustrating that these women haven't made the effort to understand us at all. it took a long time for me to realize that i could never be happy with a man, and that's not because of my political beliefs. i can't relate at all to bi women who enthusiastically sleep with men, and i always thought there was something wrong with me because i knew i wasn't a lesbian and i knew i wasn't sex-repulsed. i get why women on here will say that bi women are privileged because we can "happily" partner with men, most can, but that just isn't true of all of us. the word febfem best describes my experience as a bi woman. you can think having a name for that experience is stupid, that's your opinion, but that doesn't mean that experience doesn't exist bc us man-hating dick-hating bisexuelles are out here lmao

#answered

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tropiyas · 2 years

Text

now that it's valentine's day, it's time for me to spend 30 minutes writing down my thoughts on love because it's not like i have anyone to spend this time with LOLMAO

how i feel right now? physically: a little unsatisfied with my body/health right now -- which i normally NEVER am. but then again I never let myself go as much as during the initial quarantine/lockdown. + also I just ate so much fried and cheesy food with my roommates yesterday during the superbowl so I feel like shit

BESIDES THAT i am actually feeling pretty okay in terms of my feelings or state of mind compared to how I felt on Valentine's Day 2 years ago:

I watched the Sonic Movie by myself (fun watch ofc) so I came back to my dorm feeling REALLY lonely because I didn't even have friends to invite to see it lol. And so I think I misattribued that to wanting a gf/bf and got tinder/bumble (was on it for a few months, with a tiny amount of likes and even fewer matches) but eventually decided it just wasn't for me. Went on net 2 dates from 2020-2022 and both of them were alright (friendly and polite but nothing really came of them)

BUT ALL THAT TO SAY I didn't/don't really want a partner right now I think I was just lonely as fuck in early college, and now I'm not because I have friends to hang out and spend time with! also I'm working on mingling and socializing more just to meet new people -- this is corny and romantic but I recently realized that i just do like meeting new ppl in general!

what I'm still trying to figure out is whether that's ^ just an inherent life approach I have where being friendly to people makes me feel better abt the world, or if it's subconsciously some sociopathic optimization i'm trying to do like "if i know more people, i'll increase the odds of me finding someone who i love & loves me" which seems selfish and ingenuine so I try not to think about it too much :/

last bit, focusing more on my thoughts on "love" (beyond friend/familial love, I'm fortunate enough to have that in my life)

3 bullets to discuss, on 1) not really feeling Loved/Wanted 2) my reaction to that and 3) how I feel abt loving other people

- growing up I had a decent sense that everyone liked me but nobody LIKE liked me or was interested in me beyond being a friend/acquaintance. i never made any enemies and most people were super nice to me bc I'm polite to them, BUT no one's ever had a crush on me or asked me out and that felt (still feels) kind of abnormal of me looking around at my peers/friends. I guess i'm not conventionally attractive, or something about my personality is just that uninteresting 😔. so somewhere down the line of late high school (after having told 3 ppl i liked them and getting a no each time) I basically came to the conclusion "i'm just nobody's type, I'm fine with being single forever as long as I got friends/family" and I definitely still hold that mentality which is lame and stupid, now that I'm re-reading what i just typed

- despite no one loving me, i've never felt entitled to it and I still don't get how guys get redpilled about it (shoutouts to having a decent family/high school friend group that kept me grounded)

- it's kind of unpredictable when I fall for someone it's happened like 2-3 times BUT despite that i LOVE loving people. Literally when i have a crush on someone, food tastes better, days seem brighter, and everything seems better when I'm around them or thinking abt them and it's honestly a really cool and fun way to enjoy life. it's been a minute since i've last felt that way, maybe the next time it happens in my life it actually lines up and the feelings are mutual (fantasy land)

In conclusion: happy valentine's day to me (i will always love myself) and also everyone who decides to read this (parasocial thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this). maybe next year i'll have someone to give flowers to :P

#web log entry? on tumblr? wtf #personaI

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neckromantics · 6 years

Text

Game Night With the Chocobros! Pt. 1: The snack situation.

This is not serious at all.

OK well as soon as someone suggested game night, you knew that the whole food situation was going to be a hellish task for Ignis. So when he asks you if you could assist him (he's a real busy guy), your eyes rolled right out of your skull and down the sidewalk like that ravioli can in the old Chef Boyardee commercial.

Although you did your best (your best meaning you texted them all about what they wanted to have for dinner that night, and then let them battle it out while you were at work.) they all seemed to have different ideas about what was appropriate. Prom and Noct were very excited about the idea of just having a snack marathon until they passed out on your floor in front of the TV. Iggy thought it'd be better if you all had an actual meal. Yanno how that man's always looking out for nutrition. That's just part of his job.

You came home from work on the second day to an Ignis who was ready to eat his own gloves in frustration, practically begging the group chat to AT LEAST agree on some form of dinner with substance. Something. Anything more than what was at your nearest convenient store.

Gladio was rather quiet. Occasionally those three little dots appeared next to his name and then disappeared as if he had something to say and was too afraid to say it.

Prompto conveniently dropped out of the chat when he realized that he could not diffuse the situation with silly gifs of cats.

"We cannot survive off of cheese puffs and monster energy alone. You do this every night." Ignis insisted. "Choose an actual meal. I doubt our friend wants to spend all of their earnings on snacks for you."

"No!" Noct replied, and continued just to piss Iggy off even further. "I want my insides to rot! AND I'll pay Y/N."

insert obnoxious emoji here.

Gladiolus then sent in one simple text that saved your entire life, and kind of made you want to kiss him a little.

"Y/N, just order a damn pizza. Now, would you all shut up? It's 11pm."

So that's it right? A couple of pizzas would totally be fine. What a great idea! Right?

Right?

The day comes where you're all piled into your tiny living room. The bros are all off to the side trying to agree on the first game of the night while you're slouched into the crease in the sofa, listing off topping after topping as slowly as you can for the poor, clueless teenager taking your order.

It's a surprising amount of pizza for only five people, but then again your four besties are still growing boys. Young men? Whatever. Gladio can easily down two pizzas without even thinking about it, and Noctis can just inhale around a cardboard box and vacuum up any food that might be inside so yanno. Gotta be prepared.

Anyways. Noctis shuffles up beside of you at one point, a little closer than usual, but you don't think much of it because the dude on the other end of the phone has gotten Prompto's order wrong three times in a row now and you're cursing the whole restaurant for not having an online order option like civilized folk.

It's not until his chin lands on your shoulder that you really notice his presence, and one glance over shows you that he's sporting the biggest, shiniest Caelum puppy dog eyes™ that he can manage. His stupid, wobbling bottom lip is almost cute. It would have definitely been cute, if you couldn't smell the deception from a mile away.

"Noctis?" You sigh, already exhausted as you politely cover the phone's mic.

"Yes, Y/n?"

"You're not about to ask if I can go get snacks for you when I'm already buying pizza, right?"

"Weeeelllll." This prince is so spoiled and you can't blame anyone bc you're definitely part of the problem. You're genuinely going to put your shoes on and go to the convenient store in your PJ's for him.

Again.

Ignis whips his head around a full 180 degrees and makes eye contact with you just as you snatch your keys up, and before you can make up some ridiculous excuse he's holding out a list for you to take with you.

This man tried his best, and still prepared for y'all to be covered in Cheeto dust by the end of the night. In his eyes you see pain. A deep sadness.

The list is fairly simple. Chips. A few candy bars. A six pack of soda. (A can of Ebony.) Easy.

Then you had to go and be a good friend and ask the room for any other suggestions. What a mistake.

Noct snatches the list from your hands like a rabid racoon, chicken scratching a long line of items down the page as if you have enough arms to carry the bags it will take to hold it all.

When you look at the new additions to the list all you have to ask is: "Aren't redvines and twizzlers like the same thing?"

To which he replies, "I could have you killed for that, you know."

Gladiolus at first says he doesn't really need anything special, but grasps you by the arm on your way out to declare almost desperately that he "needs shrimp chips" or he "might die by the end of the night."

Gladio really has a thing for specifically sea food flavored crisps, and the store by your home has his favorite brand. They're not bad tasting honestly, but they leave your house smelling like a fishy puddle for days.

Prompto, bless him, offers to go with you to help out but you decline, pocketing your list and speed walking to the door before anyone can make another request.

Because if you stay in this room for much longer someone's probably gonna ask for you to bring them a human kidney and you won't even question it.

You're halfway down the hall before Prom's head pops out of your apartment door, hands cupped around his mouth in a makeshift megaphone. There's not even a little bit of an apology in his voice as he SCREAMS.

"Ice cream, please!!!"

Now you might be asking "Why can't the bros just go with you?" And the answer to that is simple.

Going. To. Any. Kind. Of. Shop. With. Them. Is. Hell. On. Earth.

The last time you tried it they argued the whole damn time. The younger two disappeared for half an hour and came back with a cart stuff full of half price donuts. Gladio hit on the person at the register in hopes for a discount, and somehow ended up costing you guys more. Prompto broke the slushy machine and ended up slipping in it.

Poor Iggy looked like a parent who was so torn down and ready to send his children off to military school, and you hate putting him under stress when he's already got one of the hardest jobs as it is.

At least when they're at your house you know they're not going to be able to get into much trouble. Sure, they could probably set the place on fire but at this point you'll take your chances.

You manage to find pretty much everything on the list in record time (and even get a few things for yourself with Noct's rich-boy-royalty credit card if u catch my drift).

(You're almost through shopping when your phone pings, and at first you think it's the pizza guy needing directions to your place.)

(Nope.)

(You're a sucker for the Pocky game excuse.)

Good news!

When you get back to the apartment Noct is so happy that he's kinda vibrating in place as he looks over his bags of non-nutritious treasures.

Prompto rips open an ice cream bar and does this little dance that Gladio copies just bc it's funny.

It makes Ignis laugh, and your stomach does this wobbly "oh my god my friends are the best" thing.

So honestly? You feel like you've done well. You donea good thing, you think.

At least until tomorrow, when you'll be picking candy wrappers out of your window blinds and swiffering crumbs off of every surface in the damn place.

Ding, ding!

You better get the door before Gladdy tries to flirt with the pizza guy and ask for a discount.

#ffxv #ffxv headcanons #chocobro headcanons #chocobros #ffxv imagines #noctis lucis caelum #gladiolus amicitia #ignis scientia #prompto argentum #ignis headcanons #gladio headcanon #noctis headcanons #prompto headcanon #noctis imagine #gladio imagines #ignis imagine #prompto imagine

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domjaehyun · 2 years

Note

wait that's so weird to me why did they vague about you it was never that deep

:) your guess is as good as mine :) like pardon me if i'm wrong but like

(more under the cut it got long)

1) i wasn't vaguing about anyone in particular when i answered that ask. nor was i thinking of anyone in particular when i wrote those tags on the OG post that sparked the ask lmao

2) my tone in that initial response????? was emphatic, yes, but it was in no way intentionally malicious or rude. it was assertively informative, but again–it wasn't about anyone. it's a thing that i've seen for ages and it's always bothered me. i just said something today of all days.

3) if i WAS wrong about the situation, there is a way to let me know i could be wrong or if you don't understand you can ask for clarification !!! i am not THAT much of an asshole, i wouldn't think? if you weren't sure you could say "i don't really get your point about 'drenched' could you elaborate more?" OR if you were pretty sure you were right you could say "hey! i saw this source about it and thought you might find it interesting bc that's not how i understood the situation" obvi use your own words, but like–i am not hostile when being corrected about something. if i'm wrong and you tell me i'm wrong and i realize i am wrong, i am going to correct myself, thank you, and apologize.

4) if you had an issue with my tone in the post.........you could have said that. politely. "hey i hear what you're saying, but your tone struck me as condescending/hostile/whatever and it rubbed me the wrong way." i would apologize. if i am not intentionally being malicious, i am going to apologize for hurting your feelings/upsetting you and i will find a new way to word it. i don't like hurting people's feelings unwarranted ?????? sorry if i gave any of y'all that impression ????

5) i'm literally not even wrong DSFGKKLJD THAT'S WHAT'S SO INSANE TO ME !!!! did i say anyone who does it should be punished via the death penalty? no. did i say you're dumb, stupid, etc. for not knowing? no. am i the fucking authority on writing? hell no. i do know my grammar and word meanings and syntax and all that shit. :) and i am always eager to help. if you have a question about something and google isn't really answering?? i'll happily do my best to assist!! and i try to be as patient abt it as possible because english is HARD. i am aware. i'm lucky it's my first language and i'm lucky that i'm good at it and that it makes sense to me.

6) i said in the initial response that . i try to be understanding about it when it happens. i'm not gonna condemn you to hell for the misuse of a word !!! especially if the rules / literal meanings aren't that super well known !!! if the fic is good i'm gonna rb/like/recommend it or whatever anyway??????? so it seems like an odd little hill to decide to die on, personally.

basically . i get this is fan fiction and it's Not That Serious but it's really fucking stupid to use the guise of it being a less serious form of media as a scapegoat to just . flout the rules of the english language ??????????? some things like sentence structure can be ignored for the sake of the narrative !! i ignore certain english rules bc they don't fit what i'm doing in the moment. i have an intent behind the ignoring of the rule. what possible intent can there be for just . using a word with the wrong meaning.

if, hypothetically, you were to present a manuscript to an editor and they pointed out your mistakes (as is their job) and you can defend your words and stand by your choices? if the intention is clear and makes sense, they will leave said "mistakes" in. if you write in really long sentences but there's a VALID REASON, they'll let it slide. using the wrong damn word for literally NO VALID REASON (if there is one for some reason, someone let me know. i will do my best to be understanding.) is not going to fly with an editor, unless they're a bad one 💖

i'm gonna hold my tongue AGAIN :) but like . anon i agree with you entirely. it was unnecessary and immature, frankly.

#answered #anon #y'all i am not the one nor am i the two

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imjustaboredfan · 5 years

Text

I guess this is kinda like a secret letter

Hi love,

don't know when you're reading this or if you're gonna read it at all but I'm writing it anyway because I need to get this off my chest. Also you're the only one who knows about my Tumblr so you know this is for you.

(besides, this app is dying so who cares what I post).

Where to start? I guess that trip to Rome was the beginning of everything, even though you'd been in my mind for months before that. Seeing you in every other class (because your attendance was pretty much non-existent tbh) made my day. There were days in which my anxiety was so bad the only reason I wanted to go class was because I would (or at least hope to) see you. I'd spent whole lessons just fantasising about us talking or discussing some thoughts on philosophy class. Even the tiniest interactions made me so happy, you don't even know.

That's why I still wonder what would have happened if I had never got on that plane, or went up to your room on the last night or agreed to that coffee on a Saturday afternoon.

Those days in the Italian capital now genuinely feel like a dream. I spent the seven days with butterflies in my stomach for just having you closer and noticing something was going on between us.

I'll never forget that feeling.

You already know I had that fanfic kinda dream where there was some problem with our hotel rooms and we had to "sadly" share one and we ended hooking up on the shower. I'm not proud, ok? But don't dare deny it's not funny to think about now.

I was so so nervous when you walked me home after that coffee and you stayed on my building entrance. The thought of you just being polite and the fear of making it all up in my head crossed my mind like a thousand times. I kept repeating myself "nothing's gonna happen, he's just making sure you get home safe, it's all in your head".

Until it happened. You just stayed there, staring at me, slowly approaching me, reducing the distance between our lips, your hand grabbing my hip. I don't know if you noticed but my hands where shaking. When I went up the stairs I stayed there for a while before entering my house because I just couldn't believe it. You, you of all people, just kissed me on my front door. You, the boy I had had a massive crush for months. This wasn't the kinda thing that happens to me. I pinched my skin a couple times searching for proof that I was dreaming it all, that it all was another stupid dream. But it wasn't, it was pretty damn real.

Since that 30th of March I've realized some things. I've realized how cloudy the sky is usually and how difficult it is to see the stars. I've realized that I actually like bad bunny's music and how much peace it brings me to just lay down with you and run my fingers through your hair. I've realized I'm actually into Tarantino's films and how pointless it is to tell you to not tickle me because you do it anyway (although I do the same thing to u so I actually kinda get it bc I love your laugh when I tickle u).

I've realized how songs can remind you of someone and teleport you to some places (your dinning room for example). I've realized I need to express my thoughts, that it is ok to say no, that I shouldn't always agree to whatever the other person says, that I don't have to use sex as a reward (which are things I didn't do before and put me in some bad situations I'll explain to you someday). Basically I've realized what a healthy relationship is. And how much better and happy I am now.

I've realized how funny and embarrassing it is to drink peach licor at seventeen. I've realized it's not that hard to make friends and to be more open and friendly. I've realized I love going to museums.

I've realized what intimacy truly is. I had never been so comfortable with anyone ever (I'm not just talking about sex but on all levels). I've realized it is ok to cry, even in front of people, that I should talk about my feelings as a way to let the crap go away. I've realized how insane it is that you talk about me with the people in your life (kinda normal since I'm your girlfriend but it is still crazy to me).

Also, as dumb as it may sound, I've realized that I am lovable. Yes, it still crosses my mind the thought of you getting tired of me or meeting someone much more interesting or prettier or smarter at any time. It's not a secret how insecure I can be sometimes. But you've proven to me more than once how much you love and value me and I think it's time I start truly believing it.

And most important, every day I'm realizing how much I love and care about you —It's really gonna sound cliche but the more days that pass the more I love you...— staying away from you for a few weeks has really proven to me how important you are in my life and how much I care about you. I'm having fun here but there's been too many days without your kisses and hugs already and I can't wait to get home.

Yes, it hurt me a little to know you thought me cheating on you was some kind of possibility and that's what made me wrote this. I wanted to emphasize what I told you the last night we spent together. When I'm with you I forget about anything else. My feet rise up from the floor as if I am flying in some kind of dream.

Because that's what you look like to me still. A dream. Something unbelievable. I still find hard to believe you choose to spend time with me and you having me as your girlfriend honestly feels insane (maybe that's why I asked you to repeat it for me on the phone the other day, hearing it in your voice is priceless). I would never betray your trust like that. "Impossible" I told you, and that answer hasn't changed.

I've also realized how seeing you smile and laugh and feeling joy, makes me feel it too. I want to experience all kind of things together. I wanna really get to know you. When I'm with you life doesn't seem so scary anymore. You make me wanna be reckless.

I'm writing this in Asturias, 762 km away from you, holding one of your T-shirts and counting the days left to see you again.

Love, Sara

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