#bc every fucking time i try to open up im fucking backstabbed and then im the one to blame
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vent in the tags
tw for mentions of eating disorders / suicide
#not my aunt demanding an apology after she found out i said that i felt like shit bc she constantly hurt me verbally when i was 14#she almost pushed me to have a ed. i actually used to wish and pray i would get one just so i'd be skinny just like she wanted me to be#i developed a lack of self esteem. depression. insomnia for an entire year. all i thought of was suicide.#yeah i made some shitty things that hurt my family once but it doesn't mean i dont care about them#but apparently i dont have the right to feel sad about things that haunt me to this day bc i dont have it as rough#worst thing of all is i will HAVE to apologize or she will cut me off but she will never acknowlodge that she hurt me#bc she did so much for me (which ok she did) but in her mind that absolves of all the shitty things she said to me#i dont even know if i want to be around her even if i apologize. what i did remember is why i dont share anything with my family#the reason i put walls in between them and the things i want to keep private. the way i can't trust them.#bc every fucking time i try to open up im fucking backstabbed and then im the one to blame#im the one to blame when im taken out of the closet without my consent. im the one to blame for being depressed.#im the one to blame when something bad happens to them and i dont show emotion the way they want.#and now im thinking about suicide again. every time it seems things will get better im dragged down.#im not going to do it. but i cant help but wish she could eat her words and carry them with her her whole life.#knowing she could've let all of this pass.
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god i love u fr
anw so— birds of a feather quite literally fucked up my day (in a good way) like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way?? i mean that in a very appreciative way and i think ur genuinely one of a kind absolutely gem writer on this app like i could go on and on abt the way you write your characters and their chemistry w each other like ugh im eating it up im so full
so onto the actual fic, WHAT THE FUCK RIKI?? when i catch u riki istg, my heart SANK at that last part like i knew something was up bc he hasn't caused anything in a while and that was like a bullet sized dagger straight through my heart jfc. he had me all bamboozled and im actually feeling rage at the way mc showed vulnerability to him only to be backstabbed by him and now he's like dragging her w a noose around her neck— it's insane how he immediately dismissed mc and jumped the gun at how she could only be lying like that part just made him go from my fav character to my most loathed character. also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.
oh and i cant forget abt the jay scene in the hotel GOD i had such a viceral emotional reaction to every dialogue they said— my brain is thoroughly jumbled, a smut scene on ecstasy could never compare to the gut wrenching situationship break up that was. if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it. there's just a lot to say abt that scene it might be my all time favorite piece of fanfic i've read in my life, im losing my mind at the contrast between mc wanting to savor the moment and make it last longer while jay's trying to get it over with bc i know that he knows if he takes as much time as he'd like, he'd actually realize he loves her and that's just too much of big boy feelings for him (im bullying him too much bc im so sour rn)
also the reveal w jake dealing w addiction was eye opening, like now im rethinking back to all the times he's been fidgety and including that recent scene w mc when he comes out of the restrooms, god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.
and i think we might be only skimming the surface w the other members, i weirdly adore sunoo lmao he's such a cryptid being, and tbh the only good thing that came out of this was sunghoon and lily being a maybe healthy couple, i love love that scene w him and lily it's such a sweet and cute moment in between all the shit mc's digging herself in lmao. i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls, he's gonna be important later on and im feeling the nerves crawl up my spine even though he's never shown up once in this part, im that scared of him 😭
im terrified at what's to come, like actual dread on if riki's abt to spill everything to jay and if jay will find out and— this is too overwhelming and my mind's so cluttered lol. anw im not gonna speculate anything rn for my health but im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol. not to say this was horrible no no quite the exact opposite this is the most fun and absorbed i've got from a fic in a long time, this left such an impression on me that it sneaks into the back of my mind all the time, which amplifies everytime i open this app just to scroll and i always unconsciously search ur user to see if you've updated or not.
last one i promise, thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed 🥲 (sorry for this wall of text also lol)
Putting my answer under a read-more
First of all, please don't apologize for sending large asks like this. I honestly love it when people have a lot of things to say about my works. It makes me feel as though I've created something rich enough that it can be discussed.
like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way??
Thank you so much for this...I think I can attribute this to me reading. I read almost every day, and I only read things that I enjoy.
also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.
I sort of wanted to emphasize that anyone who would join the Karma Club would inherently be predisposed to doing horrible things for their own enjoyment. Also, as in real life, sometimes the nicest people can do horrible things. People are far more contradictory than we give them credit for. That being said, no spoilers on what he'll do with the screenshots. It's been fascinating to see the revulsion towards Riki's actions compared to what Jay has done to the MC.
if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it.
If it makes you feel any better, they aren't really at square one. Square one was Jay harassing her nonstop because he truly was disgusted by her, in as equal measure as he was fascinated by her. Like he said, he now doesn't even know if he hates her anymore. So even though it seems like they've gone to the beginning, this is new territory for both of them. Jay is a huge pussy, though. He calls Jake a pussy, but Jake has made more genuine attempts to get close to Y/N than him LOL
god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.
It's good that you don't trust him. At that point, Heeseung had already told Y/N to just be nice to Jake, so she didn't want to bother him. Heeseung essentially told her that she was part of the reason why Jake relapsed, so she doesn't want to toe the line.
i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls
No spoilers, but Jungwon will come into play. Something happened in the earlier part of birds of a feather that will have an effect on what happens in Part 3.
im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol.
Thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely drew from my high school experience for some of this. The only other time I've ever done that is for Tired of What We Are, and I think you can see some of the parallels. Not to say that fluff is unnecessary (I do plan on writing something cute) but it's just fun to play round with people who are morally questionable, and who revel in their bad traits at times. Not so fun to experience it yourself, though.
thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed
Thank you so so much. I took a long time to answer this because I wanted to keep this ask to myself. Whenever someone sends me a longer ask, I read it over and over again. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. I really do love writing fics, and I'm grateful that people are willing to read them. Thank you for all of the kind words you've written, and for taking the time to read my fic!
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The saying went something like, monsters are created not born. And that was exactly how Ria Flicke felt about the demon - or demons, plural, depending on the day - inside of her. It wasn’t always dark, but it was fed enough that it grew and grew until she didn’t know what it felt like to not have the darkness inside of her.
Some of the creation was self-inflicted. It wasn’t like she knew how to walk away from a bad situation or how to let the light win out, no, she let the darkness win and that was her own fault. Over the past few months of alone time and wrestling with questions and curiosities, she managed to figure out how and where the darkness was cultivated, fed and nurtured by the people that were meant to protect her.
AUGUST 17th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (14 years old)
Move in day for Faircrest Preparatory School. Day one of one million of learning to be a spy. Mariana thought that it would be a good idea for Leon to drive Ria to move in. After all, he worked at Faircrest, and she thought it’d be good for the younger Flicke to finally get to know her father.
Needless to say, it did not get off to a good start. Ria knew two things: her mother was cryptic about her father and the only way to get adults to pay attention to her was to be annoying. And she had lots of questions for Leon which meant she would be extra annoying.
“Don’t put your feet up there,” Leon turned over to his daughter, who had perched her feet on the all white car dash. “You’re going to get it dirty.”
“What?” Ria didn’t dignify him with even a glance, she instead focused on picking a scab on her calf.
“Maria-”
“Ria.”
“Maria,” Leon huffed, “Take your feet off the dash or we’re not leaving this driveway… What did you do to yourself anyway?”
“Fell off my bike.”
“Don’t you know how to ride a bike?”
Picking at the scab until she got it to bleed again (because it definitely made her dad cringe), “Yes. I let go.”
“Why?”
“It made mom freak out.” She finally moved her feet from the dash, pleased with the furrowed brow her father now had.
“And why in the world would you want to do that?” Leon asked in a deadpan tone, clearly frustrated with his daughter’s antics.
“It proved mom cares. Somewhere. She got worried.”
The frustration on Leon’s face morphed into one of pride, but in the blink of an eye it was back to neutral. “You’re already thinking like a spy. What has your mother taught you so far?”
“Nothing, I’ve known for all of like, three months.”
“Alright. Well, we have about six hours ahead of us-”
“Joy.”
“Don’t interrupt me, Maria. I can’t have my daughter not knowing anything about spyhood. You’re already starting Faircrest at a disadvantage.”
That spoke to the competitive side of Ria and all, but she thought that this ride would be a way to get to know the man she’d wondered about for years. “You’re going to spend six hours talking to me about spy stuff and not like… anything about me?”
“I didn’t say that. Anyways, I’ll see you all year on campus, we have plenty of time to get to know each other.”
“Ooookay. Weird, but, fine, talk to me about your spy life or whatever…” Her voice trailed off into silence.
Leon glanced over at her, “What were you about to say?”
Chewing on her bottom lip, Ria was silent for a little longer before speaking up. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
“Fine, ask it then.”
“Do you love me?” The words sounded sharp to hide the fear inside.
“I don’t know.”
Sitting up straighter, the blonde’s face dropped, “How do you not know? I’m your daughter.”
“We just met.”
“So?”
“So, I need time to decide.”
“Do you think you ever will?”
“We’ll see.” And he wouldn’t. ‘I love you’ were three words he’d never say.
“Fine… Tell me about this spy shit.”
“Language.”
JUNE 8th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (17 years old)
Whether she wanted to listen to her father or not (spoiler: she didn’t!), Ria wanted to be top of her class. Success was something she could control. Success gave her purpose. Success made it all worth it. So as much as she hated Leon Calder with everything in her being, she kept note of all of his rules and the subsequent tests and trials in a tiny leather bound notebook. It was a pale pink, embossed with “Maria” on the cover - which she had since scratched up with pens and keys until it only read Ria.
With graduation on the corner - and a four year break from spyhood (her parents hated that one) on the horizon - she flicked through the pages, a walk down a very bumpy memory lane.
Rule 1: Control the conversation
What’s it mean:
- Have conviction in what you say
- Stand by your words, even if they’re questionable
- Don’t get stuck in webs of lies
- Take pride in attention - good or bad - throws people off their game when you embrace an insult
Rule 2: Head not heart
What’s it mean:
- Don’t lead with emotions ever
- Look at things logically bc that’s trustworthy, emotions are fickle
- Tears are weakness - avoid at all costs!!!
8/30/10 - first week @ faircrest, dad got me a xanax prescription. told me it’s better to feel nothing than something. haven’t tried it yet
2/1/12 - (middle of soph. year.) - i think i’m addicted
4/29/14 - i’m graduating in 2 months. Idk how to feel bc i don’t think i’ve felt anything in four years.
8/2/14 - i don’t trust my own head
Rule 3: Don’t have a blindspot
What’s it mean:
- Falling in love means youre caught up in another person
- Getting caught up in another person is a weak point
- A lover will betray you or will be used against you
- Lust =/= love, lust is ok.
11/1/13 - i don’t think ive cared about a single person ive slept with. like at all.
Rule 4: Know what you’re walking into
What’s it mean:
- Awareness is key
- Evaluate every situation in full
- ALWAYS keep your guard up or you’ll get backstabbed
12/21/10 - was @ home for christmas, dad snuck up behind me and threw a knife. i ducked in time. said i need to get better at awareness. Wtf.
After twenty or so blank pages, one page of the notebook had a few words written on it in all capitals. They were written more cleanly than the notes and scribbles of yesteryear, clearly written by an older Ria with stronger penmanship.
I THINK IM A MONSTER.
SEPTEMBER THROUGH NOVEMBER, 2020, ROSEVILLE, VA (24 years old)
The fires the year prior had been the first time that Ria remembered crying in over ten years. Something cracked inside of her as the buildings and all she’d used to ground herself started to fall and crackle apart. It was what pushed her to look inside of her. To know why she held so tightly onto the lessons and learnings from two people that couldn’t care less about her. It was what sent her to therapy.
There were no diagnoses to be found, apart from a self-inflicted dependence on unhealthy relationships and her vices. She lacked the remorse and violence to be a psychopath, and she didn’t have the swings of anger that hallmarked aggression disorders. What was there instead was a shell, a guard that presented itself as sociopathy - but she knew what she was doing, she had remorse, that was where the questions began. How could you display every trait in the book but be ‘normal’ inside?
The revelation of Blackthorne as a school for assassins had opened up even more of a can of worms, but she ignored it until the start of her third year, as she continued to try and understand what was going on inside of her head. Leon had gone to Blackthorne, yet the alumni didn’t seem to recognize his name. Something was up.
With the help of one of her Faircrest friends, Tobi, she was able to find more on her father. More on his employment records and his history. He’d begun going by his middle name after graduating Blackthorne, Leon Calder instead of Malcolm Calder. Hardly a criminal offense. He had a cross listing with the MI5 (expected, she knew her parents met in London) and a private agency ‘Atkinson Associates’. Further digging revealed it as a hitman agency, one that her father was still actively employed with.
Once she had that, and access to the files of the company, she went to dig on her own - not wanting to pull anyone else deeper into the mess. The employee roster and files were what she really wanted. Clicking on her father’s, she read through the notes, feeling a gross pit building in her stomach as she learned more. Kill count: 117. Use for: High profile, quickturn jobs. Works both individually and with partners.
Noting that the word partners was linked, Ria clicked on it, skimming quickly over unknown names until she settled on the name of a former partner. One she knew too well. Mariana Alice Flicke.
“No…. no no no…” But she couldn’t stop, she had to know more about her mother. Kill count: 2. Use for: Track erasure and evidence destruction.
She didn’t know if it made her feel better or worse that her mother was typically non-violent… Even if she condoned the violence. Blue eyes kept scanning the profile of her mom. Employment Terminated: September 30, 1995 Reason: Pregnancy.
“No wonder he hates me so fucking much.” She took Mariana out of the field, she took his partner away… But that wasn’t her fault! Hovering over the word pregnancy, Ria’s brow furrowed. Another link. There was no reason that needed to be linked. Everyone knew how pregnancy worked!
After a long stare off with the link, she finally clicked on it. The curiosity eating away at her. It pulled up what looked like an incomplete profile, one with nothing but the key statistics. And she didn’t even need to read them, they were ones she knew by heart. Name: Maria Grace Flicke Date of Birth: June 6, 1996 Start Date: To Be Determined.
She wanted to stop scrolling, but her hand kept moving, the answers were finally there. Whether she liked them or not.
Current Status:
Atkinson Associates Case study 001.: Nature versus Nurture
- Developing the mindset of an assassin from day one
- Utilizing upbringing to control later characteristics, thought processes, and disposition
None of her mania was an accident. It was all part of a bigger plan that she never wanted to be a part of. Each demon was planted inside of her by the people that were supposed to love her most.
And the only way she could deal with this was to let out an ear-piercing wail.
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Episode 4 - "Now the fun part begins" ~Colin
All I gotta say....finesse
Look at us go✨ I say us because if I say me that sounds conceited even tho it was literally a hero challenge 😂.
[HI THIS WAS BURIED IN MY TABS IT'S FROM ROUND 3 I WAS PROBS GONNA WRITE MORE BUT OH WELL]
We tribe swapped and I was really stressed at first because now im on the tribe that loses all of the challenges. But its fine bcs im friends with everyone now and im in an alliance with Ginny and Amy. I also love Danny he is literally under the influence rn im exposing him. But hopefully when hws sober he remembers how cool i am and we will work together. And Jennifer is on my tribe and we're friendly with each other. But honestly it would be in my best game interests to have her the one voted out. If it comes to that. Bcs Im literally working with everyone and shes pretty inactive.
Welp. Here we are. Swapped. It's a lil fucked up but I saw it coming. So I got stuck with Brayden which is like whatever to me, I'm glad him and I talked enough on original phantoms. But the issue is that it's just him and myself. Along with that its the two S.E.E.S. and one Fool. So I immediately swooped in on Jared, I tried to be relatable with him by talking about Danny and Shaad, who I know, and I think gthat brought him comfort. I spilled to Jared that Danny and Shaad know each other to show him that I have info and I'm willing to be open about stuff and talk with him straight up. We got to talking, and we declared that we want to work together WHICH IS GREAT!! Idk how much I can trust him, but if I show him loyalty and openness I think I'd get it back from him which is clutch. I need him to be the third with Brayden and myself, but I'm sure Jay and Elle are thinking the exact same thing. That's why I swooped in so fast, and I'm sure he'll tell them what they want to hear and theres a chance hes doing that to me as well (and I don't blame him, make your own decisions Jared king), but I need to show him that sticking with me is the better option. Idk idk I'm just trying to avoid playing my idol rn. I'll keep working on Jared, and I'll see what Brayden's been up to. ALSOOO APPARENTLY so Brayden tells me that him and Elle played together (which I knew), but he voted them out so idk how their dynamic is. Lots to think about, I guess now I actually do want to win immunity because I don't feel as secure as I did on original phantoms. But I def have Brayden on my side, and I'm really hoping Jared is truly gonna ride with me. Idols/advantages are also a potential problem here because what if Elle or Jay have one. I hope Brayden is just lying to me and he secretly has something too. I almost told him about mine but I decided against it. Much to think about, much to do, much to win.
I got an idolllll✨ lol so glad i signed up because no one else from my tribe did so it was super easy 😄
Tribe swap!! Sad bc i'll miss Colin 😔 real homie right there um i mean sure others too maybe lol I switched with Jay so no worries there and Anastasia I'm sorry to say we've never really clicked like we've worked together before (and she's backstabbed me before) but we've never really been like *this* y'know??? And Babs and Jennifer I barely talked to Babs likes musical theater and vine references tho so she's cool B)
Anywayssss Dennis knows the pain of being a Starbucks barista and I was with Jared in the shape memory and felt bad for them oof so yeah OH! and Brayden helped vote me out in Kyoshi after saying he wouldn't vote for me... Dont Love That but also it was kinda a hopeless situation in Kyoshi kinda tragicccc for me funnily enough I was tribe swap screwed over but that's not like this time (if it is I will SCREAM but also I'm chill with whatever place I get in this game so eh)
yeah i kinda made myself stop drinking caffeine/copious amounts of sugar for a year and then started back at Starbucks and immediately broke soooo I have no idea how coherent this is I think we'll do well in the challenge!! It's scavenger hunt but also I am working this weekend :( hate that for me ik me too boo so we'll see how much I can do I remember being upset at myself in prev. seasons because I went too hard in challenges and I feel like in this one I just don't have the time to 😂 the way to get priorities is to get a life apparently lol kidding but also am I??? Idk kinda forgot what I was talking about. Yay in the Phantom tribe now and we will crush this challenge✨
This tribe is getting on my nerves. 2 of them are super nice and I'd love to work with them but I don't know how the pre-alliances worked before this tribe. I really enjoy Amy and Anastasia but trying to talk to Ginnifer is like pulling teeth and Jennifer still hasn't said....anything.
https://youtu.be/maj4CRLrsjQ
sorry this is really long i didnt mean to
My tribe is going to council.
At first, I thought I was SCREWED because I got neither Amy, Dennis, or Brayden from my OG tribe for the swap. I barely spoke to Josh, but at least he tries in challenges and we have that going for us. I absolutely adore Colin, he's experienced and he doesn't hide it, but here's a good support system and I see why he goes far in these games. By virtue of me being active, I can hopefully stay alive from this swap.
As for the challenge, it's incredibly difficult to do since only the 3 of us are actively doing it, and with 3 slots, it means everyone has to do everything, which is virtually impossible. Shaad complained about his old tribe but a lot of his tribemates' confessionals about him were about him being inactive, and I'm definitely seeing it. Babs hasn't even accepted my message request yet. I absolutely trust Colin and I'm debatable with Josh, but I sure hope that he's not working with Shaad and Babs. But I'm 99% sure that's not the case because even Colin hasn't talked to Babs much and they haven't even been accepting message requests.
I absolutely think we're headed to tribal, but honestly, that might be fine because it'll save my other allies in the other tribes. I just hate going to tribal council because it's never fun and it makes me nervous. Every time. But hopefully my social relationships I've made will get me through this swap even if I have to (at last, I guess) go to tribal council.
~
https://youtu.be/FJOPBi8cnBk
The swap is fun so far doing a fun and hilarious scavenger hunt but yuck my face is sticky blech
Okay I think I figured out a lot. I think all the idols are on my tribe. The way Jared and Jay talk to me shows me that theyre smart players and I realllllly think they both have idols. And the three of us are just dancing around that subject. So if we go to tribal, I have to move very cautiously and thats why im trying to get another advantage. I think Jay is going for it too, homeboy messages me in 10 minute intervals. I think I can only afford going to tribal once with this tribe, I'm just hoping we win out especially if all the idols are chilling here I don't want to play it yet. Ima just keep hunting i dont have a lot of thoughts rn.
I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel decent about elle, she has familiarity with me, it should be convenient for her and I to stay together. I do like Jared too...the hope is that he links up with us and we can take out Brayden. Nothing personal against Brayden, but I like Dennis more, and I feel like I can work with Dennis in a merge scenario. If we can get Brayden out whenever we go to tribal, I'll also be put in a scenario at that point where I can either go with Jared and Elle, or maybe Jared and Dennis. Dennis seems very low key and more social than strategic, so he's a good person to play with for a decent amount of time.
Uh idr my last confessional or when it was :( we just did the scavenger hunt challenge and are waiting for results and i really hope we don't have to go to tribal bc what a crappy birthday present that'd be!! Bc my birthday is tomorrow :)))))) I hope people remember bc I'm not going to say anything 😶 just to see who remembereddddd probs no one and ill break midday or maybe I'll leave it alone who knows! I'm going on a picnic tomorrow tho and then probs celebrating with fam so it'd be a bad day for a tribal :( OMG what if I got voted out on My Birthday that'd be so r00d but like kinda iconic too very memorable 21st brithday the one where I was voted out Metaverse... anyways uh hope we win this challenge lol 😅
Okay so it's cute and all that we won but Miss Jennifer needs to go ASAP. I low-key wanted to go to tribal just so I could let her GO, but it's whatever. I get a day to chill finally. I don't have to think as hard anymore. I feel good.
~
I think the thing I am very interested in seeing is what's about to happen with Shaad in that tribe.
~
But also, I really love Amy. I think she's really gonna be good for me.
okay i've been slacking on confessionals so im gonna pretend this is like 2 days ago and make one solely about the swap
AHHH TRIBE SWAP
i'm kinda excited that none of my alliance members are on my new tribe. that seems opposite but its gonna give me a better chance to branch out and make new connections, then when merge hits rekindle the old alliance that existed pre swap. hopefully that all pans out!!
immediately I started vibing with Jodi. she's an absolute QUEEN and we match each other's energies perfectly. we've been shading others in the tribe, joking around, connecting personally, it's been great!! honestly i knew within like the first 20 mins I wanted to duo with her and be a f2. the rest of the tribe however? sheeeeesh
babs and shaad are very inactive. apparently shaad blew up on his last tribe bc they almost voted him out... for being inactive? like sir if the shoe fits. pls fix it.
babs is going THRU it and I feel for them. but... just say somethin
josh is kind of a king. jodi likes him. he's putting in a lot of effort and I appreciate that. not sure if it makes him a threat but it definitely makes him an asset
SO I approached both of them with an alliance!! and it worked!! i now have ANOTHER alliance woo!! with josh and jodi!! woo!!
here's part of my host chat rambling bc I confess way more there than I do here
i think Jodi and Josh might be like
a duo tho
the way Jodi talks about is kinda sus
imma need to weasel my way in
maybe I'll suggest a trio alliance as the most 'active' people on the tribe as a means to get close to them, then I'll use that to secure a f2 with jodi
jodi radiates the same type of chaotic energy I do in games
but she gets more bored than I do
which is not good
but more fun
~
we LOST but im not SURPRISED
i feel like we shouldve won SOLELY bc I got SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE to send me a selfie. that's fucking iconic. one of my proudest org career moments.
anyway now the fun part begins. gotta decide who goes. it's either shaad or babs. I think the easiest and most common sense thing to do is vote babs because they've been more inactive. but also its the first live tribal and I think shaad will give drama if we vote him off. and that makes GOOD FUCKING TV. so idk. options options.
we'll see!
holy shit phantoms won immunity. phantoms stays the winning tribe 4 times in a row holy shit. i actually wanted to win this time and put a lot of effort into this because no ma'am i need safety rn and work on these relationships. just need time. speaking of time, im about to hit hour 12 of the endurance hunt and im starting to feel like a madman. but babyyyyy i want another advantage and hopefully another fucking idol holy shit can you imagine???? i still haven't told anyone and my lips are gonna remain sealed. however i still think that yall are messy and set up my tribe where u knew brayden and i werent super close and from what ive gathered jay and elle weren't close either. so u put the two pairs that arent close with the one fool. okay so what else could we possibly have in common on this tribe to add more mess? IDOLS!!!!! like the three people that got the idols got swapped onto the same tribe like that has to be it. so jared would have to have one, even though he told me he didnt but the way he talked to me about idols in general literally makes me feel like he has one. i was like it would be so nice to have a little bit of security and hes like yeah i know what you mean. like bro just tell me u got a fuckin idol already. so then jay or elle have to have one. and i am convinced jay has one. maybe elle is gonna gag me with her idol but im gonna assume its jay. jared has spoken with him, and i have spoken with him. the three of us feel really good with each other (but im pretty sure jared has me above him bc i got to him first). we'll probs make an alliance chat shortly. i recognize that jared and jay are good at the strategic part of the game and are really smart and just good overall competitors and ESPECIALLY if they have idols that makes them even more dangerous. so i have to work with them than against them i have to make sure that they know i have them above everyone else. i think three strong players naturally gravitated towards eachother and if we really all do have idols its so funny that we're not telling each other. but im slowly but surely working on getting it out of them but if theyre as smart as i think they are they wont tell me. im just gonna continue being "transparent" with them and we'll see where it goes i hope they dont catch on. also jays a fucking liar because we were on a call today and i asked him if he did any hunts. he gave me a pause and then slurred his speech when he said "i haven't done any" like broooooooo ur fuckin lying to me right through your teeth. im convinced hes doing this one because he was up early for some breakfast and his lil skype thing showed online status allllll day like i gotta assume hes doing it. even if he didnt do the first three like hes def doing the last three dont play dumb with me!!!! i am not the one baby. but actually as im writing this hes not online anymore so if he really was doing it maybe he stopped? so if he was up early i would assume he started at 7 or 8 and ending by 9:30 he did 13 or 14 hours? idk im literally going till i cant stay up anymore ive already hit the 12 hours mark now if i went this long i have to go for the w likeee i have to. thats all i got for ya right now dont ever ask me for anything again.
no joke my brain is melting pls help
~
i want a survivor wiki page :(
During challenge: https://youtu.be/IsGPtYtgnQ4
After challenge results: https://youtu.be/CgmLGWBvEhw
https://youtu.be/Yfsh_odV-Zg
The tribe swap really confused me. I was finally getting the hang of this game but now I'm doubting myself again. I also haven't been active much for the past 2 days and I think my tribe mates have noticed. I need to stay on top of things better if I don't want to (eventually) get voted out.
That this tribe swap screwed me over. It left me with Babs whos been completely inactive and Shaad whos been completely useless. At least I gained an alliance with Jodi and Colin but this is fucking pitiful.
https://youtu.be/pE207b8VRFE
can't wait to vote out jared and jay once jury starts
So I had planned on doing hourly milestone activities like calling a friend at 15 hours, eating ice cream at 16 hours etc and I was filming it to vlog the evening for my confessionals.. but my mom called me around 10:55 for a family emergency and when it was done it was 11:01 and my alarm got overridden by the call. That’s how I dropped and I’m really sad 😔 i low key don’t wanna play the game today but I literally have tribal so I have to stay online, even tho I’d still be more active than babs and shaad ☠️ I wanted this one so bad because the only thing I’m good at is not sleeping. Whoever went longer than 15.5 hours is now at the top of my hitlist, if I find out you also tried this hard for an advantage, I will take u out w my army. Even if it’s a superidol. The only good thing from this L is it ignited a huge motivator for me to play this game hard again (but not too hard) but have a goal and mission to complete.
~
https://youtu.be/PR8XWvdH-Hc
~
update: i think Amy has it. I'll ask her about it at the merge, she won the 24 hour comp in her last org so it's very possible she gunned this advantage out. if she tells me she has it, then i know I'm absolutely her #1, if not, then we'll see what happens .....
~~~
Edgic:
Power Rankings:
Phantom
Jared: He has done well to place himself firmly in the middle of his tribe. The two sides are definitely going by tribal lines at the moment which makes him the most powerful person on the tribe. Everyone wants to work with him. He will definitely be safe if his tribe has to go to tribal council soon.
Jay: This comes as a surprise, but Jay has bonded well with Jared. So much so that Jared listed Jay as the person he trusts the most currently on his tribe. This gives the S.E.E.S. side a bit more longevity on this tribe which is definitely in Jay’s interest. I can see Jared and Jay forming a tight duo.
Dennis: He is definitely in a better spot than he was on his last tribe. No one on this tribe has explicitly said they distrust or want to target Dennis. He’s playing it safe which is good. He lands himself higher than Elle because Jared seems to trust him more. If the decision was between Dennis and Elle, he would be the one safe. Additionally, he’s also sniffed out that the idols are all on this tribe (which is just a coincidence). However, he believes that Jay has it rather than Elle which is an unfortunate guess from him. However, what is excellent game sense is that he wants to form an alliance with Jay and Jared which could definitely benefit him in the long run when he needs to separate himself from his Phantoms.
Elle: It is sad to see Elle near the bottom, but it doesn’t seem like they have won anyone over with their charm on this tribe. Everyone besides Jay sees Elle as someone expendable if this tribe were to go to two consecutive tribal councils. On the plus side, Elle has an idol. If it comes to that, she may be able to keep herself safe.
Brayden: For some reason, no one except Dennis trusts Brayden. In fact, I would not be surprised if Jared, Jay, and Elle came to the consensus that he should be the one to go out of the two Phantoms. Brayden’s unwillingness to work with Dennis rears its ugly head as, even now, Brayden wants to distance himself from Dennis. He seems to believe that he is good with Jay and Jared when both parties have listed him on the bottom of their trust rankings. If Brayden is not careful, he is going to find himself blindsided and voted out premerge in this game.
Fools
Danny: Amy and Anastasia want to keep Danny in spite of their alliance with Ginny. It feels as if both of them want to work closely with him AND want to ditch that alliance. Danny easily has the most control as he has key allies that are willing to go to bat for him if things get messy. I even believe that he would be saved rather than Ginny if this tribe were to go to tribal council consecutively.
Anastasia: Her prior connection with Ginny has instantly landed her in an alliance with Amy despite the fact she doesn’t even know Amy like that. In fact, Anastasia doesn’t even trust Amy that much, but is still willing to work with her and pretend to be allies. Additionally, she has gotten into the good graces of Danny for whom she is trying to work closely with. Anastasia is the most connected with Danny which means she is the safest out of the group. However, Amy sees right through the veneer which means that Anastasia could be labelled as a big threat and be subsequently taken out at the early stages of merge. It was definitely a mistake to inform Amy about their prior connection with Elle.
Amy: What lands Amy here is that Anastasia doesn’t trust her. I was surprised too, but, looking at it, Anastasia would cut Amy over Ginnifer. What puts her above Ginnifer is her activity, however. Hopefully Amy can gain more trust with Danny and Anastasia and be safer in the future. Amy has a good read on Anastasia which keeps her in this position as well. She knows exactly what she needs to do to survive this tribe with the necessary numbers, but can she do it?
Ginnifer: I believe Ginnifer made a misstep by creating an alliance with Anastasia and Amy. At least for Amy, she doesn’t know how to feel considering Ginny never mentioned the alliance and just put them in it. It may have been a bit too presumptuous which leads to hesitation and distrust with the people she wants to ally with. Finally, Danny was also annoyed by Ginny being inactive near the start of the challenge which lowers her overall safety at tribal council
Jennifer: Where is Jennifer San Diego? Her inactivity and unhelpfulness in the challenge makes her the easiest target. There’s not much to say except if she doesn’t pick it up soon and socialize, she will be sitting in the VL.
S.E.E.S.
Jodi: Once again, Jodi has emerged as the tribe leader. Despite being on a plane for the whole day, she has been the most vocal about organizing the challenge. People are very attracted to Jodi’s energy making it easy for her to make allies in any situation she finds herself in. Right now, she has allied with Colin and Josh which easily puts her on the top of this trio alliance. Therefore, she is the safest person on the tribe. She has also been dictating this vote pretty heavily. I fear that Jodi just does not know how to chill though. Her biggest weakness is that she will jump out at anything and try to keep talking when she should just hold back. If she keeps playing the way she is, she will end up as an early jury boot.
Colin: Colin has attached himself to Jodi pretty heavily. I can definitely see this being Colin’s Final 2 rather than any of his allies back on S.E.E.S. The good part about it is that Jodi seems to feel the same way which is great. Additionally, Colin can hide behind Jodi’s massive target at merge.
Josh: Josh does very well in the challenges which keeps him in people’s good graces. His activity definitely helps him survive this tribe as well. He has found himself allied with Jodi out of necessity though. I do not doubt that Colin and Jodi will leave Josh in the dust once merge rolls around and they have their allies back. However, Josh is doing the thing he should be doing at pre-merge: being good at challenges and being active. Anything more would put an unnecessary target on his back at merge.
Babs: Babs is never online and did not even try to help in the challenge. This leaves them low. However, they do still have a Vote Blocker so they can pull some shenanigans if they so choose. Additionally, their inactivity may be used as a shield for now as, at the very least, Jodi is still willing to gtry and get to know Babs.
Shaad: I do not particularly understand why the trio alliance wants to target Shaad. He has a pre-established enemy in Jared and is willing to blow up if he wants to. He could make a great shield in the future, and he would not target these people. However, they believe that Shaad is more useless in the challenges than Babs (despite Babs never being online). And, without any allies on this tribe, there is no one there to vouch for Shaad making his demise seem clear. I hope somehow Shaad can pull himself out, but it does not seem likely.
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Ep. 13: “I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep.” - Sarah
Najwah
Well, that was shit. I feel as though I really tried to get Amy to vote with us but Pedro wanted to get her out so everyone just decided to write her name down too. Also, she basically used my name as a decoy too. And I used Maddison as a decoy too so she could flush Olivia's idol. It worked. I had my superidol at the ready too. I feel like this game is just going to get more insane from here on out. We are so little people in the game. So close and yet I'm content with just being here. In the final seven. This feels good. I'm glad Pedro is with us and I wish we had gotten him on board a while back. We haven't told anyone else about our idol and superidol yet. I wonder if Amy really gave Pedro the fake idol lmao that would be hilarious. Anyway. I'm just going to carry on playing I guess. Amy had crazy big plans and I loved them but I felt like her allegiance to Maddison ruined our common goal. I wish she'd just been on board with us voting Maddison like she wanted to when we voted Grae out. That's when it all started. That's when we were causing waves in the game without anyone even knowing. Sigh. I wish things could have been different.
Olivia A
So it looks like Maddison and I got Pedro to agree to work with us!! This is very very exciting. We can get Aimee to flip easily (even though she does keep going back on that promise) and have a majority. Assuming it goes as planned, Maddison and I will then have our pick of who to go to the final 3 with (Aimee or Pedro). I have felt 100% solid with Maddison from day 1 and we have made every single decision together. I don’t wanna be at the final 3 with anyone but her.
Aimee
All Maddison had to do was play her idol on Amy and Cody would of went home. Maddison was scared that Old Hanuha was lying to me again and that those 3 were voting Maddison and Pedro and I would be left out and vote Amy.
I wanted to put Cody’s down but I knew it would of been rocks, four versus four vote.
Dang I wish I would of known about the idol sooner so I could of had Old Hanuha put the votes on Maddison and get Cody out that way. It would’ve been such a huge game move for me and Maddison that would have looked super great for the jury, and if Cody left this game would be wide open again. Also it would’ve been believable that Pedro ratted the vote out to Maddison instead of me so I could’ve hid behind that too and old Hanuha never would’ve known I told Maddison the vote. But I get it and Maddison was nervous it was her. We still have an opportunity to flip this on the next vote too. It just requires Pedro and the personal connection I have with him to flip with me.
He will have to put personal things aside with Maddison and Olivia if he wants to be more than fourth or fifth in this game. He knows the best he can get here is fifth with them....he even told me this straight up. I wish I didn’t have to flip because I love these people but I know that Cody Najwah and Sarah are a final 3. And I’ve been wronged so many times before that it would be a nice little treat for Ben and everyone else hahahaha.
Actually Sarah flipping would be great for her own game too but I’m not sure if she is really going to do that or just is waiting for the right moment to maybe flip with me and Pedro as well. It’s interesting with Sarah because it’s almost like we are both staring at each other waiting for the other to say we wanna flip. Wonder if we are thinking the same thing and maybe planning the same moves. Wouldn’t surprise me, Casanova 👑 has a really similar game to mine, even if it’s portrayed differently.
Aimee
Also, after listening to that podcast.
WHOS THE TOP PISCES NOW, ZACK!
https://64.media.tumblr.com/ce6ed38bc4ad9c69ee92e5e764c19e5e/tumblr_njj8unqiGl1sqbiv1o5_400.gifv
Sarah
From three days ago but I just got it to upload....
https://youtu.be/w5g35793Bkc
Sarah
From last night...
https://youtu.be/IBPzYsGfIRU
Najwah I had a brain fart at the end of that game and I said something so ridiculous. I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep. 💀💀 What a fun game though I enjoyed it! But... Embarrassed for life.
Aimee
https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/616209748381122560/
I wore my jacket looking fancy for this immunity challenge. Too bad my mood was shit. Oh well.
Congrats Cody!! 🥳🥳🥳
https://64.media.tumblr.com/b1324cd7cf8c621547f61c8cb20d5fda/eaeee04a03e6c254-72/s540x810/eaf80576f97d63015f9a99cffb28fe7b46e888cb.gifv
Najwah
No ones ever going to see that video again so let's write a better confession. Here's the thing, I am playing for fun at this point. After hearing and having time to listen to Zack's podcast, I realised how intense I was initially too. How I'd do anything to win. Whether it was stay up until 6am, avoid my job, accidentally stay without food, stay in bed, not call my parents for weeks, blindsiding James just to get to merge. I no longer feel stressed and angry. One thing I liked about Zack's podcast segment was that I have a whole new perspective on a lot of things right now. I'm here, in the fucking top 7. Never thought that would ever happen. I have made friends and gained so much from this. At some point in this game you get to a crossroads and you have to decide who you are. Are you a vicious blindsiding, backstabbing bitch or do you want to see your people WIN more than anything. Tonight Cody won immunity. He fucking deserved it. I'm so happy he can go spend time with his nieces and nephews and not worry about being a target. Me? Oh I'm burning to use my damn superidol so that I can at least try to win ONE immunity.
Everyone in the game right now has won individual immunity except Pedro and I. Which is funny bc I always thought of Pedro as a challenge beast. I miss Amy. I don't like not seeing her in this game. I've been thinking about how we left things all day. Why did she want me to vote her? Why did she trick me about the vote or was that just her protecting me? Either way, we played the same game at each other as our last play. The double decoy. I don't know if I mentioned this yesterday, but Amy wanted to vote Olivia out so that we could form a 4 person alliance with Pedro and Maddison. I've never spoken to Maddison ever. And Pedro is a loose cannon. I don't see how that would have ever worked. And she said our first play would be to get the strong players out: Cody, Sarah.. Like? In my opinion Maddison is the strongest player in the game. If Maddison were at the end, I wouldn't hesitate voting her in a heart beat. I didn't get how she wanted. To hide behind Maddison forever and not take control of her own game. I didn't get that she wanted Maddison out but whenever it came down to it, she would hesitate to get her out? She's told me every one of Maddison and Olivias advantages and idols etc. She's spilled so much tea while I've never told her anything negative about the people I'm working with because I didn't want them out? Ugh. I guess some day I'll ask her. If this were a real game of survivor perhaps I'd take Sarah or Aimee out, like I'd flip on them for a million bucks maybe coz they're strong players but as long as this is an online game ima be cheering everyone on bc this game is long and tough and we have been through things together, ya know?
Olivia A
Just talked to Aimee about flipping to work with Maddison, Pedro, and me. She said she’s in for now but still wants to talk to og hanuha people and see their plan for this tribal. She still said that she realizes if she doesn’t flip all of our games (including hers) are done. So even thought she hasn’t given full agreement, I think we’re all solid on this. We are planning to vote Sarah out. I think this will completely turn the game around. I don’t wanna think too far ahead but I’m starting to see my trajectory to FTC pretty clearly. Don’t wanna speak too soon though so if I get voted out don’t hold this against me lol.
Pedro A
trying to break the trio...have a bad feeling about this tribal ....working with maddison and olivia isnt the best....i hope they dont lie AGAIN....at this point..if i get out....they are next...so its kinda dumb to vote....BUT IF I LOSE....i will scream ALELUIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...cause damn im exhausted
Aimee
This song is dedicated to Cody and his immunity win!!!!!🙌💚🖤
https://youtu.be/weRHyjj34ZE
Sharika - Whenever, Wherever
Our humor knows no distance 😻🌵🌈💞
😅I’m trying my damnedest to get Maddison and I as far to the end of this game as possible. So sorry about the confessional about me wanting the idol to work to get you out.
https://64.media.tumblr.com/562258ad5eb14f6498ceff24aa8392e7/984582d2a107588c-d2/s540x810/1b6cf1576e95c3672122cfb7887ffd5a644d87da.gifv
So I hope no hard feelings! I love that we can laugh over pop divas, gay culture and just life in general. 😂 We are gonna tear up the city as soon as we can hang out in person. I hope Texas and Ohio is ready for this!
Olivia A
Pedro being so paranoid about Aimee’s commitment is getting frustrating. Since we brought this plan to him we’ve told him she’s 100% in she’s been talking about flipping forever and he still gets so nervous. I understand the paranoia bc it’s a big move but I wish he would listen to what we’re telling him and trust our intuition. That doesn’t really matter though bc tonight we are voting Sarah and it’s going to work! :) Oh also Maddison and I keep saving up coins to buy things that end up being nothing it’s getting really frustrating but oh well!
Pedro A
Sarrah says she wants to vote maddison...and now aimee..is trying to get me to vote...with maddison and olivia who want to take out sarah.....(i already know about the plan, i made the plan lmao)......somehow i feel like im the one GOING HOME TONIGHT
Maddison
I’m putting trust in someone that I never wanted to have to trust. Pedro, here’s to you bud.
Aimee
https://kasugano.tumblr.com/post/154832341580
Well I figured I would try! I will do everything in my power to keep Maddison here on Skype survivor island.
https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/612534208936755200/
I just keep losing one close friend after another in this game. I’ve honestly become numb to it at this point.
I just see that light at the end of the tunnel. 2 weeks just 2 more weeks. I don’t plan on going to jury. I’m just so excited to finally reconnect with my people at the end.
I’ll keep fighting like I’ve been doing since day 1. I feel like Maddison being voted out just kicked me into overdrive. The adrenaline is here and I’m ready for what’s to come next. This lady is strong and a fighter.
https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/613061232697753600/
Cody A
https://youtu.be/S8iY2_ho8-Y
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Episode 10: “It’s Like Giving A Baby A Glock” - Mo
I’ve been tricked, I’ve been backstabbed and, quite possibly, bamboozled.
So like here’s the thing, the person I thought going into merge I could trust the least is apparently now my closest ally. That’s Julia. I thought everyone was on the same page of voting out Tom like oh we’re gucci. But fucking quick fake out, no such thing as Tom getting voted out. I literally started hysterically laughing because no one was answering me when I asked what happened on the call. Now I don’t know what to do but I’m still just gonna have fun.
youtube
operation vote alex was a success. i feel really really awful because he looked so upset, but he was just too powerful and couldn't stick around any longer ahh. in other news sleeping beauty tom is so funny, he almost self-voted himself out of the game I am truly screaming. i was determined this season to make up for the last time we played together and i think i got to do that ahh.
in other news... i need to go into hiding. i have done way too much in both of the last votes, and its really gonna start getting me some attention unless i really really go under the radar. me and jules are the only people who voted both ian and alex, and on call with jason i think its obvious to him now that us two are close eek!
i feel like mo is a good next vote, he is much more of an outsider than jones and is an easy vote which is what i need since im in such a highlighted position at the moment eek, i really think i'm gonna go like 8th or something, so we will see how that little pickle goes eek!
New Goal Bootlist: Mo > Jones > Jason > Julia > Mitch > Me/Caeleb/Jules/Benj/Tom F5, ahh I love everyone left way too much this is gonna become such a pickle when I don't wanna vote out like.... half the tribe EEK. lets just hope its all smooth sailing till i idol someone out eek.
i do not expect to make FTC, but I just wanna use my idol correctly before I go askljdfa. Also new jury rankings if I get booted 10th:
Jules > Jason > Benj > Caeleb > Mitch > Jones > Julia > Tom > Mo
Caeleb shot up my rankings for being open to a move, Jason would be a major underdog if he makes it to FTC, Jules is too woke and deserves votes, and Benj is playing a super smart game ha! We will see, but I sure do not expect to last much longer in this game KLASDFA
HELLO!!! This game has been chaos lately. Firstly Ian gets blindsided and I knew it would be a split vote but had no clue he was leaving wow... but then this round all the people who organised that got blindsided with the Alex vote hehe. I didn't vote him bc my vote was publicized by Ian even tho I didn't vote him smh but I fully knew about it and kinda helped with it even tho its mainly caelebs move
Alex was super nice I liked him but it was purely for game he was the biggest threat and we were almost certain he had durmitor idol so! Even with tom self voting it worked wowow so I guess jules also voted with ali/caeleb/mitch/Jason
I don't talk to Julia or mo but IM SO SAD ABT JONES I DONT KNOW IF SHE KNOWS I KNEW OR NOT BUT I LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE DONT HATE ME
But whew this merge has been so crazy and I love it. Im kinda becoming floaterish again but that's fine bc we see threats leave early like ian and alex so! this should work for a while... altho im terrified to even make the end cuz its a live finale tribal AHHHH but idk if I will make it there anyway we will see. prob not .
Current rankings (strategically)
1. Ali - MY KINGGGG FOREVER!!!! Best duo ever and I don't think anyone knows it... we have voted differently again so its like perfect cuz despite doing diff stuff we still tell each other everything. and I hope we find merge idol so we have 2 hehe
2. Caeleb - Omg we have been working together a lot more closely lately and I really like it hes fun to work with im so sad I voted him 2 rounds ago LOL but its ok since its going to well now! king
3. Mitch - Only person ive been on every tribe with, usually always on the same page w stuff
4. Jones - LOVE HER QUEEN! she would be like tied 1st for personal but so far we have voted diff both times at merge oops! but still wanna go far with her
5/6. Jules/Tom - Without really talking about strategy we were still on the same page. Tom aussie king. JULES FRIENDLY QUEEN!
7/8/9. Jason/Julia/Mo - I just don't know how to talk to them really lol but all nice . my fault cuz maybe im so inactive... love u guys still
IDK WHATS NEXT BUT I WANNA MAKE TOP 9 ATLEAST!! Single digits again yus
Ok ok after tending to my needy cat, taking a shower, and taking a short 6 hour nap that others may call sleep,,, I’m 60% in the right headspace to gather my thoughts I think.
Last nights move was so good, I hated it Bc I wasn’t included in it but it was so good. But also seeing Alex literally on the verge of tears was NOT so good. That was actually depressing. Granted he WAS the biggest threat to win and he was on the verge of becoming an extremely controlling paranoid person - but dammit the combination of Mitch/Ali/Jason/Jules/Caeleb/Tom (to an extent) got us SO good.
BTW I can say with like 95% certainty that those were the 6 people involved w Alex going. It only makes sense to me that it would be? Ali/Mitch/Tom straight up TOLD me why they did what they did, Jason Bc why the fuck would he vote out Tom, Caeleb has expressed so much paranoia ab Alex that I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on board w it, and honestly Jules just hasn’t said anything ab anything and Alex went home w 5 votes, Benj and Julia voted Jason, Mo was VISIBLY shaken by Alex going, and I know I didn’t do it. So unless I’m missing someone in my process of elimination, those are the 6 people involved in the murder of Alexander Crooks.
Also on a couple unrelated notes - I’m thinking ab willing my vote cover to someone. I just don’t understand why I should be afraid of being exposed - I feel like I shouldn’t have anything to hide yk? Assuming I have to expose my vote I mean, hopefully I don’t! But ya
Also literally the round Before last round I think Caeleb actually exposed the plan to blindside Alex to me ? Like he was talking to me ab Tom and Ali wanting to get him out and then I approached Ali ab it and he was like no that’s not a thing BUT IT WAS A THING!! I think Alex was supposed to go last round, but Bc I confronted Ali ab it then it got pushed back??? Or it was legit just meant for this round smdmmdmd but um ya that’s might be the same plan?? So maybe I’ll expose Caeleb a bit hehehehe.
But honestly tho I think this could be really good for me in the sense that every single person thought of me as a duo w Alex - now I’m kind of a free agent who can do whatever the fuck I want!! Which is fun, the only true alliances I have w people now are just w benj and mo, which is cute and also I doubt anyone would target them anytime soon ? Tom seems like he’s still open to working w me, so are Ali and Mitch. Julia was also blindsided hardcore so maybe she’d be down to work out something too ? Right now I’m just holding out hope knowing for a fact that I CAN make this situation better. I’ve literally BEEN in this situation 2 times already?? I can do this! Just like Co-Star always tells me.
Wait just kidding on the Julia thing I can’t trust her either, I can only trust Jones at the moment.
So I found out from Benj that there was another split vote led by Alex. Last tribal he failed to tell me that they were going to vote out Ian instead of Jason. So this time around, when I found out that they were going to do the same thing to me again, I knew there was no going back with my new connection with Ali. The more I talked around with everyone the more the pieces started to align. Tom and Jason were targets so they would be easy to get involved. With me and Ali that's already 4. Mitch was going to be the fifth, and Jules as well if we felt like he wasn't going to go for it. I honestly wanted to vote Jules first tho, and I talked to Ali and Benj about that originally, but Ali had reservations as Jules is SUCH a flipper. AND THEN Julia voted so early, so I kinda went up to everyone in this new group and was like, "okay that was arrogant I think she's trying to be funny but thats enough for me to vote her," and Ali was way more into that so for a couple hours we had that going. BUT MITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Like we had our four and we were ready but Mitch didn't come on line until like 40 min before tribal. And when he did he was like I'm voting Alex. I really didn't want to go for Alex right away because of a couple of reasons. One being that if he heard of this vote in anyyy way he might be able to get Jones to play her idol for him and that could destroy everything. SECONDLY, I knew that if we voted him then I was gonna have to do some SERIOUS damage control with Mo and Jones but if I had the opportunity to vote out Julia instead, I can go back to them and say that I knew I had to take the opportunity to be involved in the decisions but I didn't want it to be any of them. SOOO last 40 min I had to make a really big decision if I was gonna vote Alex or Tom and ultimately, I chose to vote out Alex. It just would put me in a better position.
I am so glad I did it to be honest. The moment I saw Alex's name five times I knew I made the right decision. I felt Happy and I felt Free. Alex was clearly using me as a failsafe, an easy first vote out once Me, Mo, Alex, Jones, Julia, Jules, and Ali were left. Now, this game is open up not just for me, but for everybody. I seriously think anyone can take control at this point. I don't need it to be me, I just need it to be someone who likes me. I think Jones is the most dangerous player right now, because of her idol. But I have kept that to myself, as well as her advantage, because while I might have to play the middle ground, I'm not a snitch.
Everyone is always so obsessed with being a hero or a villain. Going into Tumblr Survivor as a new player I really wanted to find out what type of player I was going to become. If I was gonna fit into one of those roles. I don't know what I am. I kinda feel like a villain because clearly that was a devious move, and I broke a strong alliance, but also I feel like I was a villain by default. I didn't necessarily want to be that player, I actually would've loved to have felt safe in that group. But trust has gotta go both ways, and if you show me two tribals in a row that you don't trust me to tell me the whole plan, I'm not gonna stick true with a group that sees me as expendable. So sure I was a villain, but it wasn't about vengeance or deceit or ill-will. It was to put this game back on a balance, and move me into a new spot that can work for me.
Okay, something I have learned about Survivor is that you have to put your Pride in Check. Tom is so nice to me, says a lot of things along the lines of "thanks for saving me," "you and I can go far in this," and such. And he told me he wasn't going to vote me in the first merge vote, and I think he believes that he fooled me. I know he voted me. He's literally the only person that would think voting me was the majority vote, except Ian and Jason. I wanna tell him that I know so badly so he doesn't think he's pulling one over me but I can't because I want him to think he can work with me, that I am in his pocket because he "stuck his neck out for me" or whatever.
Also ummm Mitch told me that Alex had a planned assassination on me for the last vote before merge. But he didn't tell me until after the Alex vote and said Jones was in on it. I know better than to trust what Mitch tells me for sure, so I don't think I will even go and fact check him on it. I honestly don't know how that would've helped Alex in the slightest so I don't know if its true, but also Alex likes to throw out my name as a "just in case" so god who knows. Regardless, I doubt I'll use this information for anything because it honestly doesn't matter going forward, other than that Mitch is a little bit of a snake.
hehe
So I won the reward challenge because I’m cool.
I
Have
No
Fucking clue
What to do with this
Like all three of the people voted Alex off without telling me about anything and I was in an alliance chat with all three of them (Ali & Jules in Space Jam, Caeleb in Durmitor Dominators) so like of course I was sad because that meant I was on the outs. Truth be told I kinda wish I didn’t win this because it’s like giving a baby a glock. Because I don’t know how to come out of this without people thinking I’m holding a grudge.
okay so mo won reward which is okay! I dont really wanna ask him to save me, because that will require making promises that I dont know if I'll be able to keep. I expect to be cursed this round.
touchy subjects is going to tank my game like CRAZY. I'm worried that Caeleb, Benj & Jules could all say they trust me most which is highkey terrifying, because if I win that it'll send red flags to all of them. I expect to win the shady game ones, about lying and flipping on alliances and stuff which is not as bad because I can just blame that on Space Jam which I told Caeleb about.
My big fear and this could just be ego-talking, like when I thought I was gonna win the lists challenge and then came second last but I'm so worried about getting the will win if they make it to the end category, thats... a death sentence in my opinion.
Wanna do like a quick update for each person too, just so I can look back when they all hate me at the end of the season:
Benj: my KING. He is such a legend, I love talking to me and do not think I would ever be able to vote for him, except at FTC! Wanna go super far with him, super super far!
Caeleb: Oh god I'm already realising the problem, which is that I love everyone. Caeleb I did not expect to get as close to, but he is so so fun to talk to! I'm really giving with him, and I think he is close to Benj too, so could be a good endgame person too. Will see on that one.
Jason: I love him! I for some reason convinced myself that he hated me during the swap, but I dont think... he does? he is SO smart and fun, I'd love to vote for him at an FTC. Ideally he needs to go before then, but I've lost Ian and Alex who were great shields so he acc probably needs to stick around.
Jones: Okay Jones is tough. Like... we stan becausee she is so much fun and I love talking to her. But talking game with her right now is tough because we have this weird poor communication and I'm conscious of not making empty promises when I want to see her go soon. I really like her on a personal, but I see either me voting her out or her voting me out.
Jules: what can I say except we stan. I talk to her and Benj the most by far, they are just consistently showing why we love them! I think they are such a threat, but I cant face the idea of voting them out eek! Wanna go super far with Jules because I LOVE THEM and they are a great friend and ally!
Julia: I messed up with Julia BAD. I should've told her about the Alex vote, I really think she would've been down, and it would've been so much better. Now she is upset and paranoid, and I feel so bad. I did her wrong and need to make it up to her, but I dont know if I will be able to eeek!
Mitch: he is so funny HDJDKDKD, like the way he talks is so funny. I've had a real rollercoaster relationship with him this season, but I could see some sort of alliance of me/Caeleb/Mitch/Benj coming together in the future! We will see ahh!
Mo: I've been quite harsh about Mo in confessionals this season but I feel like this vote gave him the kick he needs? Like he was playing it super safe and while it frustrates me seeing him say stuff like just keep me to F7 and such, he is, as always great to be around and a lotta fun!
Tom: Sleeping Beauty Tom. It's so funny to me that he stayed despite self-voting and sleeping. He is so much fun, I was determined to make up for our last game and I think I have ahh.
Summary is I wanna see Jones and Mo out next, then Mitch & Jason, then Julia leaving a F5 of Caeleb/ Me/ Benj/ Tom/ Jules? Thats the dream anyway ha!
Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like I've backstabbed/betrayed a good amount of people in this game and it's hard because sure they were moves that had to be made, but I hate being THAT PERSON. I don't know. Here's a confession Johnny, I'm trying but I'm bad at these.
So Mo said he was going to give me the reward tonight. He definitely doesn't talk to me as much and is much less excited and fun to talk to but I think I need to just accept that. The fact that he came up to me to tell me he's giving it to me, rather than me asking, makes me think he's telling the truth.
Plus I am being honest with him when I tell him that I don't want it to be him next. I hope he knows that.
Jones meanwhile has yet to say anything to me after last tribal. I finally messaged her last night, saying that I didn't mean anything towards her when I voted Alex. I hope she'll come around, but if not, then umm I kinda have no choice but to be wary of her and her idol and might have to do something about it. I don't want to though, I do wanna work with both her and Mo.
I actually think Julia is on my side. I can’t tell if she’s lying but she seemed upset because apparently no one talked to her about the plan to vote out Alex.
I'm bored at work. This tribal council is Odd as Hell. No one wants to throw out names, no one wants to seem too schemey, so everyone is just talking about being nervous and concerned. I honestly don't know who I want to go home because I think this vote is going to determine the course of this game post-Alex. I know I sure as hell don't want to come off as someone who is dictating the votes, so I'm trying to make it clear that I am willing to go with the flow with anyone who needs a vote rn.
I think there are people who have my back hopefully that will tell me if I need to be worried at least. Ali hopefully would, Tom *hopefully* would (but who knows hes sneaky), Mo was nice enough to give me the reward but um the Alex vote has changed him, I miss the old Mo. come back. Jones finally is talking to me again, but she's still trying to keep some secrets about the last couple of votes so I don't fully trust her. Benj hopefully would, but I was surprised he talks to Julia so much. Jason hopefully would, but now with Alex gone his game opens up tremendously. Julia would never tell me. Mitch wouldn't tell me unless it helped himself which I can't imagine happening. Jules probably wouldn't tell me because she's the easiest to convince into doing something no matter what Touchy Subjects said. She's literally flipped allegiances like every single vote ever. I hope I can survive tonight because I think this is going to be a pivotal vote and literally anyone can go home tonight (except Benj who has the sweet immunity).
HI um I think this game is broken? No one will say anything to anyone. Did I do this? Did I break this game? Or maybe we all did? Maybe Ali did maybe Jules did maybe Mitch did because us four are the middle people and we created an atmosphere where no one trusts anyone? or everyone trusts some people and none of that fits into a substantial person to vote?
I'm literally laughing rn. I am logging off. I am not going to focus on this game because literally every person just says "I don't want to throw a name out" "I haven't heard anything" "what have you heard" Like the gravity of this is crazy. This has gone on for HOURS. I don't know what to do so I am going to ignore my messages for like an hour and then reanalyze because Damn.
APPARENTLY NO ONES SAYING SHIT. But like part of me is like “Hm.... Yeah ok sure...” thinking it’s gonna be me. Because either everyone is lying to me or everyone’s genuinely confused.
okay i did a video confessionals that's uploading which has my thoughts from a couple of hours ago.
since then jules is pushing for mitch to go... but its so tough. mitch i think has my back, i just wanna vote mo and delay this war by a round. I just want someone like Mo or Jones gone, its getting tough. I'm playing the middle and am in a web of problems.
I have to have Jules back above all. Benj is safe, so I need to keep them safe. I need to get the vote on like Mo or someone, but Caeleb wants to vote Mitch or Jules too... ugh this is getting really messy and I'm worried and tired.
Idk if I sent this yet but
youtube
At the moment rightnow it seems like it’s Jules or Mitch, right now I think,,,, the best way to vote is Mitch. I’m Trying to get everyone on the path for mitch because I think Jules is falling in the “I’m a big threat wah” category and I want that to keep growing,,, I just feel,, so awful.
Mitch if you’re reading this ily w my whole heart and I still wanna crash Drew’s library w you some day
i am... what we call in the business, trash. i upset mitch and deserve to be voted out for it. i'm snappin' hearts on my way to FTC LORD.
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@rockformed replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...
what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀
WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)
it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.
ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)
so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy
however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.
eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.
the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.
the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit
he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh
the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry
but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao
he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it.
and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said
THIS BITCH
said
“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”
so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT
anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????
so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.
bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me
"Forget it... good night."
"i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest."
"you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over."
"i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth."
"im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out"
"1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you."
“For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.”
“reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night."
"youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?"
"hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt."
"i still want to die haha. life sucks"
"im sorry."
me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad
"im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again."
"why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend."
"if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you."
"i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you."
"im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions."
"im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now)
"im not gonna do it i just want attention"
"to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone."
"dont test me"
"eat shit"
"if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working"
"actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along."
me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel
"theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one."
"in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years."
"i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance."
"have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."
me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now
"and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"
me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.'
"and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me"
"im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide."
"in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole."
"what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction."
"no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy."
"forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol."
"bye oats."
"the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye."
"are you there i just got back and i really need someone."
"beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind."
"idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others."
"hows ness doing"
"because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake.
"its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)"
"sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time."
"maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.)
"youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument."
"considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author."
"you dont know me"
#babbbles#just like#fuck that guy?#legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.
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Episode Seven - “It's getting to my head. I need dick. I need DICK” - Dani
Dani
Well Raffy is one clever goose. Wasn't expecting him to get the votes, I think Elliot may have self voted cuz he knew he was going, or everyone else just voted Elliot because they knew he was gonna go since he was inactive? No clue, but good job on Raffy for getting out a number on Blake's side.
Tim
Thanks for Free Rice Jay, I hate it!
tara shoutout 2 julia the witch!!! u rock!!! i hope i can get in ur coven and braid everyone’s hair. thabk u again for drafting me
Andreas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhwnrnbfvxs
Tim
So Im a proven comp flop lol but as of now I'm keeping Raffy in the game because he's good at challenges and I'm trying to target other challenge threats because if I can keep all of my allies who are good at challenges then essentially I, a comp flop, gains information or a say in whatever advantage the highest scorer wins. Hopefully we don't attend another tribal any time soon after Raffy's incident.
Rafael
I really wanted to win this challenge to prove to my tribe that I am a necessity to them and that I was true on my word: after Elliot I would try my hardest to win the comp. That's exactly what I did with my score of 100k. I needed to win that advantage. I wanted to keep it out of Blake's grubby little hands. Hopefully it is enough and we do not have to go to tribal. Another reason I pushed myself this hard is because I fear that AnnMarie did not submit. She seemed pretty busy all day, and I am not too sure what's going on. I know that I have about the same score as Lynn and Blake combined. Hopefully that is enough to push us a winners of this challenge.
Tim
We won! Even though GhostMarie didnt submit! (If you're reading this post game im sorry lmao) but woo!!!!
Phoenix
Maybe we could get out Blake, since he lost his vote?
Lynn
I really wish i had more time to do this challenge b/c i know if i’d had one more hour of free time b/c I know i could’ve gotten that 20k more to win but a girls gotta work
Rafael
I did that! I'm so proud of myself for finally coming in first in one of these types of challenges. Having to push myself was extremely taxing, but I'm glad that I did. Now I can finally improve these relationships with other people. My relationship with Richie is extremely improved, I believe, at this point. Hopefully I can speak more to Eric tonight so I can have him in my corner for merge.
The reason I cancelled Blake's vote is not only because I am targeting him. It is because I want to prove to everyone that I am targeting him. The fact of the matter is that I need people to trust me. Transparency is the key to that. Therefore, I am being extremely upfront with my tribe mates, and hopefully this loyalty can last during the first merge vote. I've already planted seeds, now I need to tend to them.
Tara
these ppl being messy is the best thing thats ever happened to me
Andreas
I am such a mess. What would Raffy do? WHO COULD POSSIBLY KNOW BUT RAFFY HIMSELF! Turns out, he's a hero who just gives rice to kids. Nice. So now we're at Tribal Council (F12 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah) and it's a big fucking mess.
Tara is scared.
I want to save Tara.
Raffy blocks Blake's vote.
Tara is really freaked out.
I reach out to Blake, bc I spoke to him a lot, despite "knowing" that he's just lying the entire time.
I offer my help - anything I can do to save both Tara and him.
He suggests to vote out Phoenix. Me, Tara, Lynn - that's the majority.
At the same time, Tara pm's me that Phoenix pm'd her.
Blake wants Phoenix and Dani to vote for Tara.
Phoenix wants Tara and me to vote Lynn. Because Blake is an easy target once merge hits.
EXCUUUUSE ME!? WHAT. THE. HELL. Just vote out Blake now and be done with it. Anyway, if merge hits at F11, Tara, Phoenix, Dani, Eric, Richie and myself NEED to form a majority, because Raffy is just beyond going in at this point.
Also: Why is this season called Mohéli when the Tribes are named after towns on Anjouan? What if the "all-new, intriguing and breathtaking" twist is not having a merge at all??? WHAT IF I FINISH IN 12th PLACE aaaaaa
Tara
soo hopefully i managed to flip the vote off of myself. hopefully. things might change tomorrow! but um basically blake n lynn were being super fake n like were telling me to vote phoenix w andreas, n then they were telling dani n phoenix to vote me! but anyway phoenix confronted me and told me what blake n lynn were saying, so i sent him logs back of lynn telling me to vote him, n then i told lynn that phoenix told me that blake was out to get me! bcos i knew lynn would leak that back to blake. n i thought that blake would get super pissed at phoenix n go after him instead of leaking his plan to me. AND BLAKE DID GET PISSED! and now blakes spent the whole night sucking up to me lol p iconic, n i invited him to a movie so we could just like not talk game bcos i'm over it, and that was fun! but ya i hopeee i last longer than 12th place bcos that'd b a p embarrassing placement.... but um ya who knows!! goodluck 2 me. merge is gonna b super interesting but i think i would at least b able to make jury if i get there so yay lets see!! shoutout to karen!!! i hope we meet eachother out of the game and talk! u have a very cool name, every karen i've ever known has been super cool and friendly, andddd thank u for drafting me!!!!
Rafael
We are most likely merging after tribal tonight. I feel like I have accomplished what I've set out to do after Bryan was voted out: to build relationships that would help me take down Blake at merge. This NuNuMoya has been really beneficial to my game as I was able to make relationships with people that were not completely under the Blake control. Now I have both Tim, Richie, and probably Eric K on my side. Along with JG and AnnMarie, I am ready to take this merge by storm!
Blake
Damn Raffy must have a whole lot of nothing going on in his life to have pulled that off XD .This is the least nervous i have felt about a tribal which makes me nervous bc that is when you usually go home. During a blindside. If i get voted out tonight it will be more a semi blindside bc i know my name is being thrown around but in all realization i will still be surprised . As everyone knows Raffy took my vote away for this tribal so i'm a little screwed but i trust my friends and that they will save me tonight. I am coming for you Raffy <3
But on a serious note i respect you Raffy as a player you are here to win and i respect that.
Andreas
Jay is standing next to me with a gun in her hand. Help. So, yeah. recap. I am involved in Phoenix' plan via Tara to vote out Lynn. (Me,Phoenix,Tara,Dani vs Lynn 4-1) I am scared AF because I barely talk to Lynn/Dani.
as opposed to Voting out Phoenix to save Tara and Blake. (Me,Tara,Lynn vs Phoenix,Dani 3-2) So, why am I putting my faith into people who I barely know? IDK I AM FEELING LUCKY OKAY!? For all I know, they could've just agreed on putting me to rest as soon as I go to bed. It would be __extremely__ dirty from Tara to blindside me. EXTREMELY! But oh well. I will wake up tomorrow and it won't play "I Got You, Babe." If it does, 12th place is my Groundhog Day and I will cry.
Dani
Okay I’m not gonna sit around and let Jg and his team of apes get their way. IM MAKING A MOVE TONIGHT, expect drama tonight. If this plan works then holy shit this game is about to be flipped upside down.
Dani
HOLY SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST FLIPPED THE VOTE ON ANDREAS LOL. I had to! If he was in the game he could have flipped to JG's side whereas Lynn and Blake have no one except for each other. It's a very easy decision.
Dani
K wtf, The vote flipped to Phoenix?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? UGH Now I'm PISSED. He's one of my closest allies and these motherfuckers really gonna play with me like that? Legit I'm done. Everyone on this tribe is fucking dead to me and there is no way I am going to stick to their side. JG I'm coming for you sister but this time not with claws, but with open arms... I want these hoes on my tribe down. I WANT TO TAKE THEM THE FUCK DOWN.
Dani
K FUCK THIS! FUCK YOU ALL! These fucking clowns! THESE FUCKING CLOWNS BACKSTABBED ME AND IM FUCKING PISSED... GRAWWWWEERRRRRRR. UGH. If they think they can just use me like a cheap whore and throw me away after giving me a good fucking... Oh... They've got another thing coming. Expect Drama sister. EXPECT drama...
Dani
Ugh this game has been putting too much pressure on me! TOO FUCKING MUCH! I haven't had sex in 2 weeks because instead of hanging out with people after school I just come home and do this. TWO WEEKS. It's getting to my head. I need dick. I need DICK, and I need it fast.
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Ep. 9 - “gosh this sucks moose” - Jake D.
https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169132233901/individual-immunity-4-who-said-that
So all went according to plan. JG went home and everyone we tried to get to vote with us did. However this tribal did show that if someone wanted an easy vote to betray people I’ll be it. This tribal also probably marks the end of my fake idol play, no one would believe my now.
I’m happy jg’s gone but feel really sad that Heather feels completely alone in this game i knew I couldn’t let her know about the vote for my own good but she’s really taking it hard and it really sucks hopefully she can continue to trust me and we can make it far in the game together but idk how things will go from here on out
But on a different note can I just say iolaire had some of the strongest player of this season and I’m so happy to have been one of them it’s trully been a struggle and I would have never imagined making it this far when I first started
Ok so I was so worried that either me or Tara were going to get voted out. I was extra messy and befriended heather to find out what the other side's plans would be. Then, I got them to switch the votes to Stephen because if it was Tara they might have had the numbers. I also talked to Aundra and even though he really wants Stephen gone he still voted with us. At this point I need to lay low because I've been in the spotlight too much. Luckily JG is gone because he would have went hard against me! If I'm really getting voted out next I would want Tara to have my idol. She's a really good player I trust her so much she's my BFF!!!! I hope she backstabs me when the time is right.
Ik this is confession overload but IM SO EXCITED TO DO THIS CHALLENGE. I remember my first game seeing this get played and I was so jealous and now I’m here playing it! This experience has littered been a dream come true I’ve met awesome people and played a very good game in my opinion an this has just been really fun I’m really enjoying myself. And what’s made my experience more worth it is being hosted by Jay and Ali they finally get to see what they possibly saw in me the first time they asked me to play and I let them down I’ve redeemed myself largely and happy they’ve got to see it happen and I hope that they’re proud.
Host Note: We are.
very tired of voting in the minority gosh this sucks moose, im gonna hafta tryhard on this immunity, however its not easy to determine some of these quotes because i dont socialize with all of them reguarly so its gonna take educated guesses, if i dont win i could leave
https://youtu.be/rM29GgGKMHI
Wow. Didn't know I was going to be a villian in this season, but I'm honestly perfectly fine with that.
I was playing a mini survivor org with tara and becka and I kinda overreacted and got pissed at tara when she was just kidding around and I hope I didn't damage our friendship over this. Sometimes I don't trust her because she's such a troll and I question her loyalty in the games we play. It is so confusing because I want to support her in whatever she wants to do but I also really enjoy playing the game with her as an ally. I dont want it to end! So if she wants to blindside me I'd be happy for her but I'd also be CRUSHED. And the thought of blindsiding her before she blindsides me is tempting me way too much!!! Why does she have to be such a troll sometimes ajdshfkjashdf. LET ME LIVE TARA!!!
Welp, my answers are terrible for the challenge. I might have been better if people would actually talk to me first instead of me scouting to save my ass. See ya at Ponderosa. Or not.... hopefully not
I just wanted to say Incase it wasn’t obvious in any way Tara and I are like the bestest friends and have been a tight union this entire game even though she tried to vote me out and flipped on me at the beginning she and I are close and have planned on going to final 2 since day one and we seem to be on path to furfill that goal if we do I would say we are one of the strongest she’s to play this game simply because it was pulled off
https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169164002976/immunity-results-with-a-score-of-920
My my, Tara won immunity. I've been warn she might turn but that's okay. Ain is keeping me updated on the other side and apparently they think Stephen and I are tight?!? Like uh excuse me. We're only working bc our goals are alike. O well, we shall see
So I would have preferred if I had won immunity because the further into the game we get, the more likely it is I will he blindsided. And from what I can tell I don’t think theres a possibility for me to blindside my alliance because Jake and Heather and even Aundra would much rather blindside me than work with me. But at least Heather didn’t win, because shes an easy vote for my alliance and a huge pain in the backside, ruining my reputation.
Can I not be a comp flop for once and actually win something I even used a 20% advantage I HATE! anyway I’m glad Tara won she’s cute but I NEEDED IMMUNITY SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather bb why do you think I’m not likely to win if I get to the end? It’s true but I’m mad you think that??? I HAVE PLAYED SUCH A GOOD GAME!!! IT ONLY GOT MESSY WHEN SAORSA JOINED US!! I deserve some RECOGNITION! I LITERALLY TRICKED ALL OF YOU GUYS INTO VOTING STEPHEN AND GOT JG OUT!!!! AND NOW YOU STILL WANT TO WORK WITH ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! Do you think it’s easy flipping Aundra? HMM? Do you think it’s easy trying to figure out if rebecka is a threat or not or if she’s telling the truth?? Do you think it was easy talking to JG when he only developed a personality at the Olivia vote???? And do you think it’s easy working with Stephen?? Vi??? Stephen doesn’t talk much and idek what vi is doing in the game?? Why is she so nice to us? Why won’t she play the game? I DONT KNOW BUT IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER ON MY SIDE. Also I even got Olivia to trust me and spill all her plans which I used to turn people against her!!!! THIS WAS WHEN YOU GUYS WERE IN THE MAJORITY. I would understand if you were deciding between Tara and i that you’d go for Tara because she’s literally amazing BUT we have been playing similar games!!!!! We found idols together!!! We flip people together!! And we get into fake alliances together!!! I SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE IT A LITTLE HARD FOR YOU TO DECIDE BETWEEN US!! I hope I get to f2 just so I can prove you wrong !! That is if I don’t leave next asdgjklljhgfss
Welp I guess my only choice rn is to trust Aundra Ain Tara and Jake. Whoopdie fucking do
Tara is a QUEEN!!!!!! I? am going to bring her to f2 and then SELF EVICT !!!! Its iconic I know. Jay dont kick me out im just kidding tara whomst?
So I’ve figured out my game plan from here till the end, and the next two votes i think might be the most dangerous ones. But even if I don’t get voted out I might not be able to bring the goats i want to the end because Jake refuses to talk to me. At all. He does know its a social game yes?
Looks like my optimistic fairy dust from the moors has already worn off, because I am scared for this week. I don't trust anyone in my new "final five" alliance and no one has really said anything to me, it makes me think I am the one going home. I went to the moors seeing as it is possibly my only chance at survival and I got nothing. I can definitely see myself going tonight, but I am not going to stop trying to stay. I want to stay here and if that means doing anything it takes I am willing. There is no plan on who to get out as of now, so I am completely lost at the moment.
Happy New Years everyone!! Im still drunk from last night. I think I might go home tonight but it's ok Bc it's just a game!! Love u all I am gonna take a nap now ❤️
Meant to post this a while ago
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xaPbW7F1trOxb-YUptDItsUe3d5Wz1qr
Tara is really annoying me right now. She really wants rebecka gone and I don't even know why. Getting Heather out now seems like the safest option to me! We don't make anyone suspicious of us. Aundra/Jake already know by now we're the majority so I don't think they would be too surprised. Then we can go on ahead at final 7 to blindside rebecka and stephen. We gain back the trust of Aundra and then vote stephen out next. It'll be PERFECT. BUT SHE DOESNT GET IT. She wants to do rebecka first and then stephen will be pissed??? He's gonna want to flip the vote on us and it's gonna be JG level chaos! I'm TIRED and I don't want to stress out at f7 when it could have been an easy blindside with least worrying and campaigning. Everyone would be ready to vote rebecka out with us then. Idgi. I also do not want Heather in the game she keeps me on edge! I'm sure she'll be going hard every time to win immunity and advantages. This is the best time to get her out. I wish Tara would listen to me for ONCE and let me have my way instead of being so STUBBORN!!! Like I love and support her but I need to get my way sometimes too!!!!! This has been a rant.
ya known getting this far in an org reminded me of how mentally wearing it can be, i can't imagine how drained the actual players feel having little food and being in the changing weather conditions, i suppose im just venting because im sad it could be a potential loss, but im not giving up!
ain always bitches about me and its kinda rude! like i get u don't want us to seem close btu um telling ppl i'm gonna win in ftc no thanks xoxo
I’ve openly campaigned ALL DAY to save Heather simply because she doesn’t deserve to be going home I really feel like she is getting robbed and it’s so annoying that I can’t control a vote for once and now heather is going home because of it another annoying thing is that these people don’t want to get Stephen out all they have to do is vote him out yet they’ve decided against it tbh I should’ve just let him get voted out when it wa going to happen it was somewhat nice to get to know him but i still strongly want to get him out
It has been brought to my attention that I am a "threat" who has a lot of "advantages" because people told me where some used to be. I have one advantage, but I am not going to say that. I sent Rebecka some quoted things that people have said about her being a threat. She said she will vote Ain with me but I don't know for sure if she will vote with me. This is my last effort to stay in this game, and it could screw me over, but it is a risk I am willing to take. Ain will not get any votes in jury and I will make sure of it when I get to ponderosa, her game has been messy at best. Yes I may be saying this out of anger, but it is called jury management and so far she has turned her back on every person in the jury minus maybe Tim. Aundra told me he loved bitter juries, well I may be that bitter jury member to Ain. Love you girlie but also, buh bye.
Praying to the survivor gods JGs dead vote goes to Ain for SOME REASON
https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206013441/merge-tribal-4
Heather voted out 5-2-1-1
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