like not to sound like some edgy piece of shit but that is also why horror is like such a breath of fresh air to me lmao like in almost all the horror media i've seen

Sometimes I'm like broooo how did leigh make such good books with soc and ck with such good characters and plots and wordbuilding but she had made a (very entertaining) trilogy but with so many grating 2D characters and sometimes the plot was just ... not it

Like soc and ck obviously have their flaws too but not to the same extent as the trilogy

Like did you feel leigh was very unnecessarily sympathetic to the darkling and treated Nikolai as a mostly good character in the text even though he did sooooo many shitty things

And that zoya was treated (unknowingly) with a lot of misogyny in the narrative which has caused many people in the fandom to hate her

And alarking and nikolina were romanticised in the books and in the fandom far too much

???

YES OKAY so this is a Big Thing for me. very controversially, i prefer tgt to soc solely because i find it much more enjoyable to read. HOWEVER, there's no denying that leigh's writing definitely improved from tgt to soc, i agree.

while i think that leigh clearly portrayed the darkling as a villain (she didn't tamper down his crimes or make them seem less horrific), i agree that the narrative was definitely (arguably too) sympathetic towards him. i could use a lot of examples for this, but none work quite so well as:

“Once more,” he said. “Speak my name once more.” He was ancient, I knew that. But in this moment he was just a boy – brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity.

“Aleksander.”

His eyes fluttered shut. “Don’t let me be alone,” he murmured. And then he was gone.

leigh's choice to have alina, one of the people who suffered most at the darkling's hands, sympathise with him and even grant him his last wish, was a bad one. this man is a thousand year old p*dophilic mass murdering sex trafficker and she had the nerve to describe him as "just a boy" and "brilliant [...] blessed [...] burdened". of course you can argue that this is the residue of his grooming of alina, but i just think that after all the shit he'd done by this point, after a whole book of alina talking about how manipulated she felt and how much she hated him, these few words offer him clemency from the narrative that he does not deserve. all he did to earn alina's kindness (not forgiveness, to be fair to leigh) was die.

and yes, nikolai was hero worshipped by the text for absolutely no reason. even though we see both alina and mal put up a lot of resistance to him + the shit he pulls (punching him, criticizing him etc), the narrative basically shoves their eventual "pity" and "admiration" for nikolai down the readers' throats.

“[...] Nikolai might never have made it out of the Grand Palace.” It hurt me to say it, but I forced myself to speak the words. “He could be dead.”

and

The too-clever fox. Even once he’d abandoned his disguise as Sturmhond, that’s who Nikolai had been to me, always thinking, always scheming.

and

[to nikolai] “I’m just happy you’re alive,” I said, hastily blinking my eyes clear.

imo this sympathy + romanticisation is much worse and much more prominent throughout the latter half of s&s and the whole of r&r than the sympathy with the darkling, purely because the bad things nikolai does are essentially never acknowledged. there is (unsurprisingly ig) no talk of his imperialism, no talk of his pursuing alina when she's a minor, no talk of his racist remarks and generally very little talk of him being an asshole (particularly to mal).

moreover, i agree that nikolina + darklina were too romanticized by the text. i have a very complicated relationship with leigh's portrayal of alarkling, because a lot of alina's earlier feelings and sympathy for the darkling stem from his grooming and manipulation of her, which i think this quote from the start of r&r shows pretty well:

Even now, after everything he’d done, I wanted to believe the Darkling, to find some way to forgive him.

but then we get the whole mental house call thing that alina + the darkling do, in which they can visit each other and no one else can see the other. that was a mistake narratively. the ability to do this implies a sort of deeper bond, and even though the darkling then uses this bond to show alina the corpse of the only mother figure she'd ever known, it still carries almost romantic connotations with it throughout the rest of the book(s) for some reason. this dynamic is similar to a lot of "soulmate bonds" in mainstream ya (namely sjm's mating bonds), which helps to explain why so many people ship darklina; it is written & coded the same as the majority of (abusive) ya relationships, so readers pick up on this as a sign of romance rather than some attempt at narrative foils or something (bc in reality zoya is alina's foil). this isn't even mentioning the repetition of alina's desire to forgive the darkling and her confusion over her "feelings" for him, which once again just reinforces darklina as a viable ship in a lot of readers' minds.

as for nikolina, as a less prevalent ship in the series it gets less attention in the fandom. most often, i see people turn to nikolina because they don't like malina or the darkling, or because they wanted alina to become queen (to which i remind everyone that alina never wanted to be queen). at first i was alright with leigh's portrayal of them because alina punches nikolai + is angry with him for kissing her non-consensually etc, which is the closest the narrative ever comes to condemning him for his actions. but later on alina seems to forget all this and considers marrying nikolai, even joking with him a little when he proposes:

[during nikolai's marriage proposal]

“Stop that,” I said, still grinning.

“What?”

“Saying the right thing.”

there is zero acknowledgement of how predatory nikolai is, and instead the narrative goes on to sympathise with nikolai and have alina feel guilty for rejecting him. imo alina's characterization (her initial disdain for nikolai, which was much more in character) was sacrificed to raise up nikolai, and also show him to be a plausible and "likable" love interest for zoyalai, which is where leigh obviously intended for nikolai to end up (zoya is even mentioned during nikolai's proposal).

finally - yes, zoya in tgt is basically a manifestation of leigh's internalised misogyny. from alina's initial slut-shamey disdain for her, to leigh weaponising her against malina (repeated sexual encounters with mal), to zoya being seen as evil & a bitch by the other female characters just because she's powerful + isn't "nice", zoya's character was assassinated before it even had chance to materialize. even though zoya was also a victim of the darkling and is, as i mentioned before, alina's narrative foil, alina has very little sympathy for her and assumes that she's an evil bitch. tbf, this gets better with each book, but even in r&r there's a lot of tension between zoya and the other characters because she's seen as unlikable and difficult. i can't speak to her characterization in kos or soc, because i haven't read one and don't really remember the other, but i have heard that it improved from tgt to kos.

anyways this has been a long ass rant and i'm very sorry to anyone who scrolls past it on their dash. fuck the darkling, fuck nikolai lantsov, and stan malyen oretsev

In Defense of a Death Wish: Abby Griffin

(TW: Suicide, Depression) Listen, I was as shocked as all of you when Abby “Let’s Call It Hope” Griffin asked Marcus Kane to let her die. It came out of left field. It had JRoth’s brand of Shock Value™ written all over it. But... was it OOC? I honestly don’t think so. In fact, it’s my personal opinion that it might be the most refreshing evidence of character development (and, god forbid, an actual arc) Paige Turco has gotten to play with in far too long. Now, I gotta put a disclaimer, here - it makes me extremely uncomfortable to agree with, let alone defend the decisions this show makes for its characters, especially Abby. This season in particular was excruciating to watch as the integrity of her character was repeatedly brutalized. So, no, I’m not going to argue that I trust the writers, per se. And I’m definitely not going to argue that this was their plan all along. What I will argue is that they did, actually, piece it together with the help of a  sleeping giant they found amid the landscape of Abby’s character: Just because she can see the light doesn’t mean she doesn’t know the darkness.

She’s often billed (sometimes by the actors themselves) as “the constant”, the one who steadfastly clings to her values and therefore anchors the rest of the characters in their struggles to find their own.  But what I, personally, love most about Abby is that all of these romantic notions she preaches, such as her faith in humanity - they’re earned. They’re not flimsy declarations borne out of ignorance. They have weight because she has gone through her own struggle, dug deep into the worst of herself, and then had the courage to challenge it and pull herself back up. But my god, as a stubborn idealist myself, I can tell you - that shit is exhausting. There isn’t a whole lot to support a positive belief system in our world, let alone a world where apocalypse and the literal end of humanity are frequently the order of the day. So it’s (understandably) the rational choice to be a cynic instead - leaving people like Abby to be the minority. Being an idealist is lonely as shit, y’all - it takes an unfair degree of stamina to uphold, which I don’t doubt that Abby has. But having her ideals, her vision of the future, constantly challenged... you can’t tell me that hasn’t taken its toll. Here’s why: Abby “Hope is Everything” Griffin? She can be pretty fucking bleak.   In 1x05, after the Culling has been carried out - she’s been alone in her cell, has had time to think, and... she’s come to the conclusion that maybe the gift of another chance would be wasted on them:

Then, perhaps most strikingly, we see this come up again in 2x13; where she’s come face to face with every sin she’s ever committed and the repercussions they’ve had on the next generation. She’s gotten a taste of what her legacy might be, and she’s not sure she wants it:

The heartbreaking thing about this episode (okay, one of many) is that if they’d just stopped with hers and Marcus’ miraculous rescue, she might have taken that as a sign that her faith was well-placed after all. But, unfortunately, this is The 100, so that lasts about a hot second before...

Sigh. Whatever faith she had in the goodness of humanity is run through the damn shredder, with her being directly exposed to the extreme cruelty mankind is capable of - from both sides - for the sake of survival. Season 3 is a little kinder to her, in this respect - albeit, largely because she just... wasn’t.... used.... I’m not bitter. But! Those three months of peace did her a lot of good. Not to mention she’s had Marcus by her side to be a source of strength for her that she didn’t have before - this is so important. And not only does he support her and take care of her - he’s slowly started adopting her beliefs. She has a fellow idealist! She’s rejuvenated by this enough to be able to face the situations with both Pike and Jaha, her own people (and even her daughter, arguably) turning against her, and still be a pillar of encouragement for others. But then. She faces losing Marcus, her support. And suddenly the burden of being the one to “show them the way out of the dark” is hers alone - the weight of which she doesn’t resent for a second, but... that doesn’t make it any lighter?? And she’s been here before, but she’s been through so much more since the last time, and.... she’s starting to lose steam. So, we get this:

And like, Marcus ends up surviving, and he loves her, and all is well - but again, it’s for a hot fucking second, this time before she’s subjected to some of the worst of Jaha’s manipulations to get her to take the chip. From there, we all know the atrocities that she and everyone else were forced to do under ALIE’s control, and we know how much pain she was in when she woke up, but... I’m not going to argue that as being connected to my case here bc that’s just... yaknow... a natural response to the situation. So we’re just gonna go ahead and skip to S4 - because while yes, everyone was angsting hard, the show did make a point of showing that it might be weighing a little more heavily on Abby:

”We focus on what comes next,” Marcus says, reassuring her. And what, exactly, comes next? There is nothing more straining to an idealist than being forced to reduce their expectations. Back in S1, Abby might have had a vision of the future where humanity thrived, working together towards progress and a better world than the one they’d said goodbye to a near-century earlier. She might have nurtured prayers that love would finally win, that even the severity of life on the Ark would be a distant memory amongst the freedom to flourish that they’d find on the ground. They’d learn from their mistakes, and as early as to be within her own lifetime, she’d get to see the rise of the absolute best of humanity.   Instead, she finds herself tasked with committing imitations of some of the worst things she’s found mankind to be capable of. The things that she herself has been victim to. The things that have chipped away at her spirit - she’s now doing them to herself. So what is her vision of the future now?

Instead of a bright, brilliant, innovative future for humanity to thrive in... she just wants to be able to take her next breath. Talk about shrinking down. This is a management of expectations that everyone this season has had to do, but once again, it weighs a little bit more heavily on Abby, because "your humanity is your greatest strength” - it’s literally the most fundamental part of her character, and she’s being forced to put it aside just to get to tomorrow. All while she’s in a strange lab on a strange island miles from anything familiar, working to accomplish an impossible scientific feat to literally save all of mankind. And she has brain damage. But because of the pressure of all of the above, she doesn’t feel like she has the time or energy to deal with it; and in pushing forward, she isolates herself from those who might have been a support to her. The task at hand, ethically-ambiguous as it is, becomes the only thing that matters, above even minimal self-care like, yaknow, sleeping. Because of The Cause™. And then she starts saying shit like this:

Like..... when Clarke “I Am Become Death” Griffin is like “EASY THERE, EDGELORD”...... you know things are bad. But then, after all of her sacrifice - the all-important Cause turns out to be a loss. The serum doesn’t work. An innocent man dies horrifically. She’s been completely betrayed by her goal. And then The Cause brings death to hang low over her daughter’s life - and Abby suddenly breaks.   So, too, does her faith in the future. Her faith in humanity. Her faith in herself. What does she have left? With 4x11 comes an opportunity for her to come back to herself; if she can rescue Marcus, she can “do better than you did yesterday”. She can give a future to the innocent Grounders they’d selfishly locked out. Maybe there’s still peace to be found between all their peoples. Maybe doing the right thing is still possible. Only.... doing the right thing ends up sending 364 people to their deaths. Now, at this point, I’m gonna come back to the brain damage and just say that I absolutely think it was a huge fucking part of why she wanted to sacrifice herself. Why would she waste a spot if she’s only going to die in a few weeks anyway? Only - at the beginning of 4x12, long before Abby makes her decision, Raven tells her that death isn’t imminent, after all. There’s a cure. But Abby isn’t interested in pursuing it; still keeps Marcus in the dark about it. She sends her daughter out on a doomed mission, and her goodbye feels final. This is where we finally arrive at The Scene. If you trace back through all of the examples I’ve laid out, here, the language Abby uses suddenly makes sense: - “Is it right, Marcus?” - “The things I let myself do in that lab...” - Why “we will find our humanity again” wasn’t enough This isn’t the language of someone nobly covering up their illness - this is a very raw, very honest Abby. And the line that strikes me hardest is this:

This, to me, is the key to this shocking, “out of the blue” decision. Being Abby Griffin used to mean something; but the continual sacrifice of her humanity, her most core value, has taken its toll. She doesn’t know how to steer herself without it. She doesn’t know where she’s even headed, and if she really wants to go there. She’s fucking tired. And even if it does end up being a positive future, she has thoroughly convinced herself over the course of four seasons that she really doesn’t deserve to see it. But. There’s so much more to Abby than disillusionment - as I know you’ve quietly been arguing at me in your head while reading this post. Trust me, I hear you. Our girl is resilient as fuck. She always picks herself back up. And she’s going to do it again - but now that she’s hit rock bottom, it might take her a little while longer. And frankly, I do actually hope it’s a primary thread in her S5 arc?? I’m excited to see that journey play out as the quest to rebuild humanity gets a fresh start. Its already been suggested that S5 is going to center around a theme of whether or not humanity deserves that chance; and I would be so fucking thrilled if Abby got to be at the heart of that, from the perspective of someone who was once a believer who now needs to have her old faith restored. I’m excited to see Marcus be instrumental in that, swapping roles to take up the mantle of being the idealist in that relationship. I’m excited to see how it shapes her relationship with Clarke, who has now spent years nurturing hope for the sake of a “daughter” of her own. I’m excited to see other people support her the way she’s supported them. It’s going to be different. It’s going to be challenging. It’s going to be beautiful. We’re going to get to watch Abby Griffin come back to life.