#ayo wut the fuck???
Note
Hey I can you draw your oc wearing a maid dress please, will become i think it will look good on him...
Please... 🥺
Ok? Just please don't go too far with the dress...[:
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nightmare gang as shit my friends and i have said pt ✨2✨
———————
killer: i’ll drive us
*gets in drivers seat and starts car*
killer: kay.. now which one of these is the gas pedal again?
error: wait wHAT
———————
cross: i’ve grown exactly one inch since 7th grade
dust: that sounds like a you problem
———————
*looking at a perfume with a picture of a nun on it*
horror: oh nice nun flavor
nightmare: don’t eat that
horror: :(
———————
nightmare: you need to get laid
cross: lol wut
nightmare: you are just such a virgin
nightmare: hell i’ll let you fuck my brother
cross: AYO
———————
cross: i can’t masturbate if i come over :/
killer: not with that attitude
———————
horror: i went to see a therapist…
dust: yeah..?
horror: i didn’t know what to say at one point so i accidentally quacked at her
———————
error: no officer we aren’t drunk
cross: yeah i’m just really sad and an already shitty driver
———————
dust: i woke up from a 12 hour nap and i’m still tired
horror: have you tried sleeping
#undertale#undertale au#dreamtale#error sans#errortale#killer sans#nightmare sans#cross sans#horrortale#horrortale sans#dustale#dust sans
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I HAVE GASOLINE LAYING AROUND IN MY HOUSE AND IM OMW TO SET KANA ON FIRE :))))
ok im about to compile possibly like 10 chapters worth of kana hate KJHLDSDJS
so. sorry i wasnt able to respond to so manyyyyyy of these on time and all, i get overwhelmed super easily but i truly, truly love all of you and appreciate each msg :DD these have all either made me think real hard LMFOAHJSKD or had me laughing so hard and gasping lmfao. but yeah, i appreciate all of these and everything i mightve never gotten bc tumblr asks is dumb as well as the ones ive still yet to come back to or answer. almost each and every single one of these have been a guidance with what i wanted to do with the smau, whenever i wanted to switch something up or make something better in the smau, your msgs helped a lot in improving it in some way and helping me figure out what i truly wanted to do with the smau and for that, thank u!!!
Anonymous asked:
FUCK KANA ALL MY HOMIES HATE HER
HANA SPILLED HER DRINK ON HER? SHE DID THE RIGHT THING
ALSO FUCK SUNA BC EVEN UF HE HAD SEX WITH YN AND SAID HE ADORES HER HIS ACTIONS/AFFECTION TOWARDS KANA GIVES MIXED SIGNALS AND ITS TIME HE GET ACCOUNTABLE OF SAID ACTIONS
sorry for the rant 🥴
Anonymous asked:
the “tw kana” absolutely sent me into orbit i cackled 😭
Anonymous asked:
anons bonding over kana hate🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻
Anonymous asked:
yeah its only you who doesn't dislike her FGHDJGKUJ IM KIDDING no but really more than hate her its hate the way shes in between like it pisses me off the cockblock she is 😭😭
Anonymous asked:
if i were kana,,,i would either tell him i still have feelings OR hurt in silence (step back) since technically he or should i say they decided to be JUST bestfriends
not cockblocking the possibility for him to be in a relationship
Anonymous asked:
kana has to make a choice: she confess or shut the fuck up bc as far as we know they decided to be just bff (highkey think suna was more into being just friends and kana kinda lied) so IF he likes someone else why the fuck try to sabotage him (his happiness with someone else)
when he find it out then what? would he still keep her as a friend? 🧐
Anonymous asked:
What if I just...shift or whatever you guys call it, into As Friends universe...and bonk Kana on the head...lol just kidding...ah ha ha ha
No please she is starting to sound like the girl best friend that would make couples break up because she does not care about boundaries...honey, you're the best friend, yes, you're important, but that's his girlfriend...stay in your lane.
Lol like "I don't want to confess" but "He's mine so I have to get rid of all competitions" lol fucking clown yeah no, I don't have to wait for you to write more about her to make me hate her sksksksksk I already do
Anonymous asked:
Ayo istg kana's been giving y/n the stinky eye... if she stares at y/n like that one more time LAWD HELP HER SOUL, im coming for her eyes!!! But fr,, Rin better treat y/n right and put kana in her place. Bc y/n got a best friend too (samu) u^u and he can cook and would treat her good.
Anonymous asked:
likE I KEEP SAYING
eAT SHIT KANA
Anonymous asked:
I am CRAVING IMMENSE VIOLENCE bring that girl kana here lemme knock her teeth down her throat. >:(
Anonymous asked:
kana (derogatory)
Anonymous asked:
istg if a bus doesn’t hit kana i’m gonna do it
Anonymous asked:
kana toxic best friend it’s time for suna to realise IT 😤😤
Anonymous asked:
kana has family problems only rin knows about? what in the ao haru ride manga 😐
Anonymous asked:
WHY KANA FUKC
Anonymous asked:
NAH MY GUT FEELING TELLING ME KANA WAS BAD NEWS SINCE THE BEGINNING
also she wants suna all to herself (he sees her as a bff) but doesn’t say shit to him... if course he’s gonna find someone in the future whether in college or after (unless the bitch will still to his ass even when he goes pro)
Anonymous asked:
everyday i wake up with notifs from u i feel like im about to get subjected to pain and IM RIGHT THIS TIME TOO what the hell kana u will never be yn (me) 🙏🏼🧇
Anonymous asked:
bro part of me wants to punch suna so bad bc like hes so awkward but so smooth like who tf do u want stop being a smooth ass mf u know these two bitches like u
Anonymous asked:
i might just obliterate everyone named kana cause of as friends THE WHOLE TIME MY EYE WAS TWITCHING CAUSE OF HER FUCK KDDSKDLSDK EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO OBLITERATE HER SAY "I" but like hi! i hope youre well
Anonymous asked:
even tho u always insist you'd never het mad at me
girl HUHH i used to be genuinely good w kana now she's just a manipulative bitch :// kana babe sorry but ur best friend is allowed to spend time with other people 🙄
xmyshya asked:
I 👏 love 👏 Hana 👏
Also 👏 fuck 👏 Kana 👏
and Rin you idiot, what do you mean he's not gonna pursue dating T_T it's just a few chapters till the end T_T wut T_T
yourstarvic asked:
Kana needs to back up before she gets beat up 😤 me and my homies ain’t playing no more 😤
Anonymous asked:
omg that ur probably mad (even tho u said u’d never get mad at me!) broooo
Anonymous asked:
kana gonna get even more territorial in the next chapters im getting kinda scared to see how rin reacts 😒 shes gonna lowkey (highkey) manipulate rin like oh u said youll never leave me you said i come first and all that mhmmm girl dont make me break your neck 👎🏼👎🏼
Anonymous asked:
huh
so is kana basically a pick me girl
Anonymous asked:
“you’d be selfish abt this” girl
Anonymous asked:
why tf kana gotta ask yn bro u don't know her just ask suna directly 🙄 putting her in an awkward ass position how's she supposed to say no i'm sorry kana's being annoying as hell rn
Anonymous asked:
it’s time for kana to realise:
- yn aint just a fling bc suna is spending more time with her
- suna clearly sees her just as his bff
Anonymous asked:
Kana saying "I was worried you'd be selfish about this haha" well bitch now I gotta be 😒
Anonymous asked:
“i was worried you’d be selfish about this hahaha” -the one who’s for the streets
kana better watch herself…y/n was being kind, i will not be
Anonymous asked:
DID KANA REALLY HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK US?????? TO POSTPONE OUR PLANS WITH RIN???? pls that « you understand, right? » was just so manipulative oh my god-
Anonymous asked:
kana can go cry & write to her diary about it 😘😘
Anonymous asked:
“y/n right?” after literally meeting her plssss
Anonymous asked:
miss kana is just gonna have to miss him a little more bc i'm not canceling SHIT!!
Anonymous asked:
kana is playing chess while we’re playing checkers
Anonymous asked:
everytime you post and kana gets fucked over my day is made and it all I'm going to think about
Anonymous asked:
im catching up on as friends bc i havent read a few chapters and kana saying “arent you just with yn” made me extra angry go trip down some stairs kana
Anonymous asked:
u made my week with the update 😭🖤
i hate kana sfm lol
Anonymous asked:
kana suffering either way the story goes? I'm in -🦄
Anonymous asked:
kana n suna need to grow up lowkey it’s very highschool
Anonymous asked:
WHOEVER SENT THIS I AM CHOOSING VIOLENCE
who's in, let's go beat kana-🦄
Anonymous asked:
hELL YEAAHH GET FUCKED KANA /neg
#wait im adding more i just#it noncon posted KLDHSKJDD#;bubble#smau ; as friends#tw kana#this is gonna be like the tw kana hall of fame post LKJDSHKDJS
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bbs without context
if u wanna know which vid a quote’s from, i remember (most) of them 👉😎👉 (or at least have a general idea) so don’t be afraid to ask !
“HE’S GOT LIKE ONE HEALTH, JUST POKE HIM. POKE HIM WITH A STICK AND HE’LL DIE”
“So this goes on top,, and then you’re on top of me……… this is really gay”
“This is so gay”
Brian: I never thought I’d say this but,,,, we need to fuck 407
Craig: heya, don’t threaten me with a good time
“See this C block? Ya know what it means?”
“Uhhhhhh”
“It means you’re a cunt”
“God dude your mom’s still probably really disappointed in you but she’s a little bit happier now”
“The scout? Like I scouted out your momma’s ass before I- intense breathing "STUCK it in her”
“COME ON EAT THOSE COINS YOU FLOWER FUCK”
“Mario Kart nein”
——————
“Oh a coin again SUCK MY TINY DICK”
Ohm: “OH NO,,, Marcel you just ate my ass”
Smii7y: sarcastically “Oh no what a terrible event to happen!”
“Ahaha whose the little fat egg down the bottom left?”
“FUCK YOU DICKHEAD”
Ohm: “Oh fuck me”
Mini: “I’d rather not”
“I’m like in extended last place I don’t know what’s happening”
“Son of a fucking shit my ass”
“Nothing like a good pussy trumpet”
“You may have to censor that part because I literally just got fucked”
“Ayo it’s ya boy lubeless back in the building”
———————
(Nogla’s live stream 5/10/17)—–
“Into ta HHHNNNNNNN”
“Fuck my ass!”
“Now Brian,, is that an offer?”
“YOU’RE A CUNT. A BIG CUNT.
C-U-N-T IN CASE YOU WERE ILLITERATE.”
(mom mode activate)
Brian swears
Moo: “Watch your mouth young man!”
——————————–
“I am the ghost of Christmas,,,, ass whoopin”
“AH my pussy’s very,, smoist”
“I’M NOT YOUR BABY, BABY”
“Go mini you deserve it!!”
“I’m going baby I’m going!”
“Yeah I did what’s-wat-wut-what’s ya-what’s it to it”
“Time to eat some ass!”
Scotty: This is what daddy needed!
Mini: Daddy
Scotty: oOOOHH suck me daddyyy
“What really happened to the dinosaurs?”
“Now listen the dinosaurs are NOT extinct that’s a lie propagated by Fox News”
——Mini’s stream 6/8/17———
“Get away mini !! You and your golden dick mushroom tip.”
“smitters”
Mini singing:“Scotty like a melody”
“It’s me, bald bitch”
“How to get depressed in 10 minutes or less. That’s what I should name all my videos now”
“BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WHITE VANS”
“Back at it again with the old memes”
“Holy SHIT. Craig just turned into satan”
“I am a bag of cunt”
“How dare you call my memes shit”
———————————–
Mini: I’m twizzling my stick!
Scotty: Oh baby, talk dirty to me~
“You piece of shit Scott!!!”
“I’ll hug you all day bb”
Scotty talking about Marcel: He’s trying to blow me now !
Mini: Wouldn’t be the first time
“You fucking died to chickens dude!”
“I JUST GOT MOLESTED BY A JIGGLY PUFF”
“I’ve got a whip attached to my ass!…… Its called a tail”
“Sometimes they say less is more but in this case less is a disconnecting dick”
“PUT YOUR DICKS ON THE TABLE WHOSE GONNA WIN”
“It’s like an episode of the magic school bus!”
“Come on kids! Come on and climb inside my ass!”
“My space bar can only take so much abuse”
“Anthony, eat a dick”
“Noo I don’t wanna”
“Eat a dick Anthony”
“ITS NOT ON THE MENU”
“Eat a fucking dick”
“Ohm can we talk about the fucking ring right now. Th-the giant armor. The giant riot shield protecting everything that can come your way”
“Jiggly is my guardian angel now, K? That’s one of his testicles.”
Anthony starts singing opera
“So first I put a ring on it, than I give you a banana-”
“wOOOAAAAAHHHH MY NIPPLES ARE HARD”
“Wanna know what else is in Canada? Naked panda men”
Brock: Why don’t we look into each other’s eyes while we do it
Brian: Ok
Tyler: I bet you do look into each other’s eyes while you do it ;)
Panda: Holy. Shit. I’m gonna suck my own dick right now
John: I’m gonna suck your dick
“I WENT IN MY HOLE”
“I betcha did buddy”
“I suffer from premature congratulations. I always tell people happy birthday one day too early”
“WHY. WHY. MISS AMERICA PIE eat my ass”
“I’m sick n tired of people. Theres too many in this world”
“Evan, theres literally three”
“Guys guys, your minimum wage pilot just jumped out of the plane”
“OOOHH good NIGHT fucking sweet moon bitch boy”
“Well there’s no need for profanity dude”
“Shut up dude someone just got their dick sucked,, in a video,, ok? We are far past profanity”
“You’re the one who spent 20 minutes putting make up on alright don’t give me that shit”
smitty giggling “You’re the one who spent 20 minutes trying to get a blowjob”
“I got pussy planted again iNTO A BANANA”
“AAHHisuckdickforalivingbYE”
Cartoonz doing a hotel room tour: “-It’s really big…. hAHA YEAH IT IS”
“DONT TOUCH ME SMITTY”
“I’m sorry…. Restraining order?”
Law and order starts playing
“DAMMIT ANTHONY. I SAW YOU GET FUCKED, WHY AREN’T YOU FUCKED?!?”
“Oh wow, nice fucking hoowheel”
“When i’m sittin’ on the royal throne, just use a lotta lube” “………………………………………no”
“PAUL HAS FRIENDS OF COURSE PAUL HAS FRIENDS WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE HAVE FRIENDS FOR”
“FUCK ME IN MY PUSSY HOLE”
“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could fuck you”
“Christmas isn’t about love it’s about materialism get that shit right”
‘Casper the friendly fuckboi’
“If a chic takes a pickle out of a jar, she a tot”
(playing kiss marry kill w/ marcel, tyler, and evan)
Scotty: “I’d marry Marcel”
blows kiss @ screen
“love you Marcel…..
Kill Tyler, cause he’s a fuckin asshole. What’s the last one? Kiss? Kiss Evan, cause he’s a beautiful man. A beautiful Asian man.”
Panda: “I would, I’d probably kiss Evan too, I mean look at him,, he-he’s a beautiful man.
I would marry Tyler, because-” deep sigh “I love that giant man.
(scotty: "i don’t understand it”)
And kill Marcel,, why?“
Scotty: laughs "Say it!!”
Panda:“…. Black guy always dies first! Sorry man."
#sorry for posting this again#added some more quotes so reblogging#bbs#banana bus squad#quotes#vanossgaming#h2odelirious#mini ladd#wildcat#terroriser#moo snuckel#daithi de nogla#smii7y#kryozgaming#407#basicallyidowrk#bigjigglypanda#ohmwrecker#brycegames#cartoonz
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honestly? EXO’s two moons will forever be a bop and my fucking jam. (but seriously, it gave us the meme of “aye yo wut up krease” “aYO wassUUUUP”) + key is in this <3
may u all be grateful for this masterpiece
#exo#chanyeol#park chanyeol#exo-l#kris wu#exo kris#kris#wu yifan#yifan#xiumin#exo xiumin#minseok#kim minseok#lay#exo lay#yixing#zhang yixing#kai#exo kai#kim jongin#jongin#sehun#oh sehun#tao#zitao#huang zitao#key#shinee key#kim kibum#kibum
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Shut the fuck up dude. ...Sure i'll marry you. - 🔪 anon
AYO ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ so when the marriage???
wut r ur pronouns + nickname knife nonnie 🤗🤗 since ur my spouse now
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My First
I failed my driving test.
That was in the fall of 2017, I was a senior in high school. All of my friends were getting their licenses and cars while I was stuck being a passenger. The woman who failed me thought I wasn’t confident enough. Like damn, can’t even be nervous without being penalized these days huh? She failed me for the most ridiculous shit. But that has nothing to do with the story I plan on telling.
A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday I tried again. This was something I needed to do before I turned 18. Giving up wasn’t an option. There was no way I wanted to retake my written if I didn’t pass before I was considered a legal adult. The guy who tested me this time? He was fine as hell and now that I think about it, I was supposed to text him when I turned eighteen. I lost his number, sadly. But that also has nothing to do with the story. I want to tell you the story about the first guy I-
-’ve always been cheap. I was ten when my aunt was going to get a new car. I convinced her to save her old car for me so that when I started driving I wouldn’t have to buy a car. By the end of the summer of 2017, my grandpa fixed up the old car and I was all good to go. Free to go wherever I wanted. I no longer had to wait around for people, waste money on lyfts or walk. So naturally, I took myself on adventures.
One night, against my better judgement. I lied to my mom and said I was going to hang out with my friends. If I would have told her what I was really going to do, she would’ve gone into over protective mode and I didn’t want that. I just wanted some time to myself. I drove over the bridge and into Philly. Not for a concert or any other event. I just wanted some me time. I parked my car. Got oreo ice cream and sugar cookies from Insomnia Cookies and walked around the city.
Not going to lie and say I knew exactly where I was at all times. I wasn’t even guaranteed that I was safe, I wasn’t focused on my surroundings. All I know is I was somewhere around Broad Street, because that’s where Insomnia Cookies was located. I came across this huge, gorgeous building, I’m not very good at names. Everything was lit up and there was art on the sides of some of the buildings surrounding it. There was even a fountain in front of it all. The scene just looked so beautiful. I walked across the street, hopped up on a ledge and just took it all in. It felt serene, even with so many people flooding the sidewalks. I sat and continued eating my snacks, I was enjoying clearing my head. Until someone interrupted me that is…
“Hey.” I looked up to see a cute guy. There were a few girls not too far from me talking. It was the beginning of August, late at night but still pushing eighty degrees. Of course they were clad in clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I figured he was talking to them. Guys like the ones who look easy. He couldn’t have been talking to me. So I went back to dipping my cookie into my ice cream and admiring the scenery. I didn’t really acknowledge the fact that he moved a little closer to me. He said hey again and I finally looked up at him directly, before looking around. He laughed a little. “I don’t blame you for being that into ya snacks. I love their shit. But I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.” Yep, he’s definitely talking to me. I was confused as to why though. I get hit on by guys pretty often, I know I’m not ugly but with him talking to me, I felt extremely insecure. Suddenly I wished that I had dressed a little better. I looked like a child for fucks sakes. I was wearing a gold fish shirt, black tights, a hat that said “Hoodrats” and Chucks. I was even swinging my legs off the ledge, eating ice cream!
He introduced himself as Dey. I wanted to know the name his mom gave him so I asked him for his full name. Ayinde. Pronounced Uh-zhen-day. Unique. It has African origins. He told me that my name was almost as pretty as I was. If I were white, I definitely would have blushed. I didn’t understand why he made me feel so shy.
I learned that he was mixed with Irish, Haitian and Cuban. Interesting mix, I know. Despite his slight baby face, he turned out to be 20. He was tall, about 6’1. He had taken his hat off to redo his ponytail, he tied his curly, brown hair back into a man bun. He was light skinned with a slight tan. Doe brown eyes paired with the cutest smile. He was dressed in all black, I would’ve been a little concerned if it weren’t for the logo on his hat. I could see a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeved shirt. Just my type.
I was tired of the small talk and beating around the bush. “Why’d you come over here to talk to me?” Instead of replying, the douche just smiled and then hopped up on the ledge next to me. It was weird. I was supposed to be having me time, if any other guy did this I would’ve been rude. I wouldn’t have given them the time of day. I wasn’t even afraid, Ayinde strangely made me feel safe. Something was telling me to give him a chance, instead of shutting him down.
“Well, I was on break, I work across the street.” He points to a small cafe. “I saw you walk by and… I don’t know I thought you were beautiful. Now that I’ve gotten closer, it seems so effortless. No make up and you’re not even dressed up.”
Shit, I have no clue what to say to this. He’s been nice and respectful. “Thank you.” Well, that was lame but it was safe. We talked more before he had to go back to work. He was funny as hell, we both had the same rude, dark, sarcastic humor. He complimented me pretty often and he seemed kind of bummed that he had to leave once his break was over.
“Why don’t you grow some balls and just ask me what you wanna ask me.” I thought to myself, I should be a fucking actress. I’m great at faking confidence.
He laughed and just smiled at me for a second. “Well, I would like to get to know you more. Can I get your number?”
You know when you give someone your number, you almost expect them to wait days or weeks to text you. Surprisingly, Ayinde texted me that night.
AYINDE: hey beautiful, u get home safely?
ME: Oh shit, I see u found ur balls!
AYINDE: lol yea yea yea. I know I was acting like a pussy earlier but that’s not how I usually am
***
AYINDE: FT me? I haven’t seen u since we met punk
ME: No I look crazy rn
AYINDE: Is tht even possible? I think you’re cute af
ME: aww thanks but everyone’s entitled to their own insecurities
AYINDE: Ig but that’s y u need me
ME: wym?
AYINDE: to take away your insecurities
ME: Doubt that’s possible
AYINDE: try me
***
ME: entertain meee! I’m bored, stuck at my great grandma’s house :(
AYINDE: I literally just woke up, still in bed
ME: Luckyyy, my head’s fucking killing me
AYINDE: wish I could help
ME: me too lol do u have superpowers?
AYINDE: no, do u?
ME: Nah I’m not tht awesome
AYINDE: I think ur pretty awesome
Ayinde and I got closer over the next month. We hadn’t actually seen each other after the first time we met. He worked crazy hours and still had school. I worked everyday and had school as well. Plus, I wasn’t completely comfortable meeting up with a guy I didn’t really know. He understood that. He always made sure I was comfortable before we did anything. He eventually convinced me to facetime him… a lot... and when we didn’t he acted like a big baby.
ME: u happy now?
AYINDE: lol no
ME: y not -_-
AYINDE: I got nothing pretty to look at now
ME: whose fault it tht?
AYINDE: idk. Do u kno?
ME: Lol yea ik
AYINDE: tell me
ME: yours :P
AYINDE: well if u came over we wouldn’t have this problem
I was a very late bloomer. I knew freshmen girls who got pregnant, meanwhile I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 16. I didn’t start dating until 17. I was a fresh 18 and I was still a virgin. I waited a while to tell him because I liked him and didn’t want to scare him off. But he surprised me, I learned that he wasn’t like other guys. Most guys only want you for one thing. And that’s to get them off. Not all are gonna be lovey dovey when you’re not putting out.
ME: I hate being a girl. I think my uterus just exlpoded. Im dying
AYINDE: Aww u can’t die yet, I havent taken u out yet
ME: wut do u want from meee
AYINDE: I told u what I want
ME: hmmmm
AYINDE: i didnt?
ME: u could have an ulterior motive
AYINDE: lol what? Ayo y cant I just think ur gorgeous and want to get to kno u, find out who u r
***
He was very protective of me. Anytime I even looked a tiny bit sad or sounded off, he was ready to beat someone up for me.
AYINDE: ur awake?
ME: Yea just woke up on some bs
AYINDE: u good?
ME: yea im ok lol
AYINDE: u sure? I’ll fuck someone up
ME: lol yea im good now
And as the oldest, always looking out for my little brothers and my friends. It felt good to have someone looking out for me for a change.
***
ME: I move into college tmw nd I aint pack shit yet
AYINDE: ur bugging
ME: Pack 4 me?
AYINDE: lol ill pass
ME: my back hurts like all hell, some of this shit is heavy
AYINDE: what u carrying…?
ME: 4 one, I hav a lot of clothes, they add up nd I had to take em downstairs
AYINDE: lol whoakay wittle wone
ME: fuck u, this shit weighs more than me! I almost fell down the stairs!
AYINDE: thts cuz ur like 87 lbs
ME: Aye! Give me my props, im like 120
AYINDE: lol i see u killa
I fucking loved when he called me that, made me feel invincible.
Despite how it seems this isn’t a love story. This isn’t a memoir about me finding my first love. Bleh. That’s so sappy. I want to tell you about the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. You’ve experienced a snippet of our relationship. Ayinde and I were never together. We were just people who met at the wrong time. Had too much going on in our separate lives to focus on developing a relationship. But it didn’t stop us from pursuing the unique friendship we had. For years we maintained contact, I’d visit him pretty often but we always kept our distance when it came to personal things. We used each other as escapes from our realities. We were each other’s vacation after a long week.
One night we were hanging out and things got more heated than they usually did. I wasn’t prepared to take the next step with anyone. No worries, I’m not about to make you uncomfortable and talk about how I lost my virginity because that isn’t the point. Before I say anything, I did have a great childhood. But some things did leave me scarred, I struggled with intimacy as a result. To make a long story short, it makes me self conscious, not something I’ll flaunt for the whole world to see.
I’m the type of girl who will wait until the bathroom is empty to change my pad or start going to the bathroom. If it’s too busy, I’ll wait all day until I go home. In the locker room, I’d find the farthest corner or wait until all the girls leave to change my clothes. I’m not comfortable being alone around men. I used to clench my pocket knife in my hand when I walked home alone at night. The list goes on.
The point of this memoir is to tell about the first time I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. Let alone, around a guy.
They were everywhere. Trailing from my neck and back up against mine. His lips were distracting. I could barely focus. Let alone notice that the both of us were wearing less and less clothing by the minute. I stopped.
I wouldn’t be able to handle him not liking what he saw. What if I did a bad job? What if he stopped talking to me?
“Do you want me to stop?” Ayinde pulled back from me looking concerned. He looks so cute right now. I kind of wanted to pick up where we left off.
“Ye-No. It’s just, can you turn the lights completely down?” He liked his room dim, not too bright or dark. It was normally perfect but at that moment, they were making this situation turn into a nightmare.
“Um, why? What’s wrong?” He’s still hovering above me. I didn’t really want him to move. I bit my lip, contemplating.
“Just don’t look at me any differently. Okay?” I pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Hoping that my issues with myself wouldn’t be a big deal, I’ve never gone this far with anyone.
When the time came. I held my breath. Okay, I see my pants on the floor near the dresser. My shirt is near the door. I was locating my clothing so that I’d be able to leave quicker. I’m not really one to feel embarrassed but this was going to be borderline humiliating if I wasn’t enough for him. This reminded me of how I felt when I failed my driving test, but I wanted to do this with Ayinde. I didn’t want to quit just because I hadn’t grown the balls to show anyone else. I didn’t want to miss out because I was nervous as to what he might think. I had to at least give him a chance.
What Ayinde did shocked me. Instead of being grossed out or losing his hard on. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything. He kissed every part of my body and when he was done he leaned down to kiss my lips. I was worried, about him seeing all of me, for no reason. He wound up giving me the confidence I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. He told me what I needed to hear from a guy that I was into, not my parents:
“You’re beautiful.”
And just like that... I didn’t have anymore insecurities.
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