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for-fucks-sake-h · 4 years

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As You Held Onto Me - Five

a/n: Hiiiii! Welcome to the final chapter of ayhom! I’m SO excited to finally be sharing this with you. It’s been a long time coming. Huge, huge, HUGE, thank you for my loves for supporting me through this story @idk-who-she-is @andwhenshesays @oh-honey-styles I couldn’t have done it without you. And to anyone that celebrated today - Happy Mother’s Day 🌸you’re amazing and deserve the world! Alright babes, I hope you all enjoy this! xx

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Rated: M, mature // Word Count: 4.9k

Sometimes, love can feel like it’s everything. And sometimes, we hope it can be.

***

- Friday, September 27, 2030 -

You turned the shower’s water off, messily shaking your hand through your sopping hair as you slid the glass door open with your other hand and grabbed your hair wrap off the hook. You were quick to flip your head upside down, twisting the cotton towel around your hair and securing it at the nape of your neck. Your heart was fluttering the tiniest bit as you grabbed the plush bath towel to dry yourself off. Lotion was hastily applied as you stood at your bathroom counter, and some oil was frivolously smoothed through your hair, your towels discarded in a ball next to your feet, deciding you could take care of them later.

You were eager to join the party down the hall.

With a pep in your step, you flicked your ensuite light off and made quick work of throwing on the first pair of shorts from your pj drawer, your sopping hair clinging to the material of an old, worn out Kiss shirt of Harry’s that you had conveniently confiscated years ago. And with some fuzzy socks quickly pulled on, you headed to the room at the end of the hallway, laughter becoming more prominent the closer you got.

You already felt like your heart was in your throat as you paused at the door, slowly creeping it open as discreetly as you could. The vision in front of you never got old.

Their laughter was infectious, practically identical in the way their noses creased and dimples etched into their cheeks. They sat on the bed, side by side as they both leaned back against the headboard, ankles crossed in the same way, most likely laughing at one of Harry’s horrible jokes. They weren’t horrible to her though. No - to her, they held the moon in the sky.

“Finally,” Harry chuckled when he noticed you.

You shot him a look, one that he’d been on the receiving end of plenty of times throughout the years, and one that had a slight curl of your lips that you desperately tried to keep at bay as you walked over to them.

“Hi, mommy!”

You leaned down to kiss her head before sitting on the bed beside her, intertwining your arms as she rested her head on your shoulder.

“Hi, love. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! How was yours? We missed you!”

This was what you lived for - getting home after a long day to spend the evening with your two favorite people.

“Good, happy to be home.” You kissed her head once more, your eyes flicking up to meet Harry’s, a warm smile spread across his face. “What have you two been up to?”

“We got some stuff for tonight, didn’t we baby?” Harry nodded at your daughter, encouraging her to share.

“We got face masks,” she beamed at you as you dropped your mouth open in excitement. “And daddy picked out a yellow nail polish.”

“Did he now?” You smiled, warmth encasing your heart at how happy she looked.

“Yeah! We were just waiting for you,” she nodded, her eyes fluttering fondly as Harry kissed the back of her head.

“Go grab them, love.” He nodded with a smirk pulling at his lips.

She was quick to crawl down to the bottom of the bed, practically skipping out of her room.

“Where’s she going?” You laughed.

“They’re refrigerated face masks, love. All the rage.”

“Ah, I see.” You smiled, taking in his ruffled hair and soft hoodie, the thin layer of facial hair that scattered across his jaw and upper lip.

He leaned down onto one elbow, inching himself closer to you. “We missed you.”

You breathed out through your nose as you ran the backs of your knuckles across his jaw, leaning down until you could rest your forehead on his. “Missed you too. I’m just glad she still wants to do this,” you admitted softly.

“Me too, baby.”

He extended his neck enough to softly slant his mouth over yours. He was warm and tasted like the honey you knew he put in the tea they had while you were still at work. With one last kiss to the corner of your mouth, he pulled away, chucking two fingers under your chin.

He was gone way too soon, leaving you blinking at him as your daughter entered the room. Harry must have heard her coming and didn’t want to get caught. He was the one that got yelled at for “always being all over mommy” after all. The thought made you smile fondly as you watched your daughter set up the nail polish, some nail art stickers, the face masks and even a small bowl of M&M’s for you to snack on.

“Can’t believe my baby’s gonna be ten years old tomorrow,” you shook your head in disbelief.

She crossed her feet under her legs before smiling up at you, “Don’t cry, mommy.”

“I’m not gonna cry,” you scoffed.

They laughed in unison, the same boisterous laugh escaping their mouths at the same time. And you couldn’t help but laugh too as you blinked the tears from your eyes, enamored with the life you and Harry had created.

Every year, you had spent the night before her birthday as just the three of you, even when she was too young to remember. It was your tradition, one of many that your little family had created over the years. As she got older, she started requesting new things; coloring night, movie night, game night - and tonight, spa night. It was special to you, and you knew it was special to her and Harry too.

“What should we talk about?” Harry asked as he extended his left hand onto his daughter's knee as she opened the nail polish jar.

“When you asked mommy to marry you,” she smiled brightly.

Harry laughed, watching as she carefully painted the yellow polish on his first finger. “How many times can you hear that story!”

She giggled softly before her eyebrows crinkled in concentration, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth, the same way Harry’s did. “Hmm, okay when you first met? Or when you told grandmom and grandpop you wanted to live together!” She rattled off stories you’d told her numerous times, her eyes trained on neatly painting her dad's nails.

“How about a new one?” You suggested.

You looked over at Harry, a smile pulling at his lips as he chimed in, “Yeah, was thinking when you were born?”

***

- Tuesday, September 28, 2020 -

It was like you could see the bright overhead lights before you even opened your eyes. You blinked slowly, adjusting to the harshness and groggily taking in your surroundings. A warm bed, soft socks, a faint beeping sound - it all started filtering into your senses as you came to. It was almost blissful, being unaware and waking up to a fresh day.

Except reality started to quickly set in and your heart rate began piterpattering as your eyes focused in on the band that wrapped around your waist and the dopplers that were attached to the sides of your belly. You suddenly felt way too warm. The blanket laying across your legs felt suffocating, the hospital gown itchy against your skin.

But the machine to your right - the one with the beeping, tracking your daughters heart rate - that settled you.

“Hey, welcome back,” Jess smiled as she checked the machines you were hooked up to. “Gave us a nice scare.”

“What happened?” you spoke roughly, your voice cracking around your dry throat.

“You passed out. You were dehydrated, babe.”

“Fuck,” you breathed.

“And your blood pressure is through the roof…”

“Fuck,” you breathed out again. “Preeclampsia?”

She hummed in response as she sat on the edge of your bed. “You’re okay, Dr. Wood is here. She already has you on the magnesium and everything looks okay so far.”

“How long do we have until she has to come out?”

Preeclampsia; a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure that, if not treated, can lead to organ damage. And the only treatment is to not be pregnant. So you knew your baby was coming out sooner rather than later. Magnesium; a drug used to prevent seizures in women with preeclampsia, could only be administered for so long.

“She’ll be in to talk to you soon, but they want to get you on Pitocin right away, see if it can jump start you into labor. They don’t want to mess around with it babe.”

You sighed, already anticipating that answer. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Is she okay? Charts look alright?”

“She’s doing great,” Jess smiled, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

You released a deep breath, settling back into your pillow more. “Shit... did you call Harry?”

“He’s on his way,” she nodded.

You relaxed a bit more just knowing he would be with you soon. And as if his ears were burning, your hospital room door burst open and your frazzled husband eagerly stormed into the room.

“Christ baby! You okay?” He rushed as he practically power walked to the side of your bed, sitting down parallel to Jess. “Hey, Jess,” he shot her a quick glance and a smile before bringing his worried eyes back to your face.

She laughed as she stood, squeezing your hand once more. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“I’m okay,” you chuckled as Jess pulled your door closed, taking in Harry’s messy hair and creased brows. “Was dehydrated. Passed out,” you chuckled. “And... I have preeclampsia.”

His warm hand cupped your cheek, fingers tucking behind your neck as his eyes flitted across your face. “Shit, babe. What does that mean?”

“They’re gonna induce me.”

He nodded as he processed what you were saying. “When?”

“Now,” you smiled. “It’s okay,” you breathed when his eyes widened.

His other hand went to your belly, fingers spreading across the roundest part. “Is she okay?”

“Mhm. She’ll be a couple weeks early, but she’s okay. I’m considered full term.”

“Shit, so she could come today?”

You nodded. “That’s what we’re hoping for. It’s not ideal, but we’ll be okay.”

He quickly leaned forward to awkwardly wrap himself around you in a hug, his face tucked into your neck. You scratched his back with the hand that wasn’t attached to an IV, breathing in the scent of his hair. He eased you in a way you couldn’t explain. He didn’t even have to do anything, he just had to be.

“Well fuck, we can be excited then? Right?” His voice was muffled as he spoke into your neck, his breath tickling you just so.

You hummed and nodded against his cheek, suddenly feeling your throat tighten with emotion. You’d waited so long for this to happen, and now it finally was, in the most overwhelming way possible. But you were excited to meet this tiny human that you already loved more than you ever thought was possible.

His hand gripped the side of your neck again, his lips finding yours with practiced ease. His taste warmed you from the outside in, completely infiltrating your senses as his soft lips caressed yours. You could feel him start to smile into the kiss, a small snicker escaping his throat as his fingers flexed into the back of your neck.

When he pulled back, all you could focus on were his glassy green eyes, knowing your own eyes mirrored his.

“It’s happening, baby.” He spoke softly as you traced your thumb across his bottom lip.

You couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at your lips, your eyes watering even more before you tugged him closer to rest your forehead against his.

***

Twelve hours. That’s how long you’d been induced before anything started to happen. It was a slow process. And even though you figured it would be, it still left the tiniest bit of anxiety to sit on your chest.

Your body was not ready to give birth, having two weeks left until your due date, so it fought the Pitocin until it literally couldn’t anymore. And you fought against the contractions the medicine brought on for as long as you could before raising the white flag and asking for the epidural, which you also knew could possibly slow down the process even more.

Hours passed as you sat at one centimeter. Every time your doctor came in to check, you held your breath in the hopes of progressing, just to be let down over and over. You’d started to discuss the possibility of needing a c-section. If your body didn’t want to let the baby out on it’s own, she was going to have to be taken by force.

It was a little past 8pm and you were passing time with Law and Order repeats, the only saving grace available on the hospital television, when Dr. Wood knocked.

“Okay, YN. It’s that time again,” she spoke softly as she sanitized her hands before pulling the latex gloves on.

Harry muted the TV from where he sat next to you, a chair pulled over to the bed to sit right next to your head so he could play with your hair.

Dr. Wood made quick work to check your cervix as you and Harry both waited with bated breath. And then her eyes lit up.

“Four centimeters.”

“Oh thank god,” you breathed as you dramatically tilted your head back before laughing.

“Yes, this is good. We’re finally getting somewhere.” She removed her gloves as she walked towards the trash can to throw them away. “So I’ll come back to check again in about an hour,” she walked back towards your bed, her hands casually tucked in her coat pockets. “I think we’re going to be moving a lot quicker now. Hopefully we’ll have this baby before midnight,” she smiled. “Hope you like this date.”

Harry scratched your head lovingly, giving you the most beautiful smile when you glanced at him.

“So relax, have some ice chips,” Dr. Wood joked, “and I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Thank you!” You called excitedly as you grabbed your cup from the bed tray to tip some of the ice into your mouth. “I’m so relieved,” you turned your face to Harry as you chomped on the ice noisily, letting your eyes fall closed as he scratched your head again.

“Me too, baby.” He leaned in to place a soft kiss to your forehead. “God, she’s gonna be here soon. Can you believe it?” His voice was soft and full of wonder, it made your heart clench in your chest.

“No,” you chuckled, “but I’m ready.”

“Me too,” he kissed your head again before lowering his mouth to yours, his warm lips a soothing contrast to your cold mouth.

You were so ready.

***

“You’re doing so good baby!” Harry’s face was right next to yours, his hand gripped to your knee as you fought to keep your eyes on his.

“Good,” Dr. Wood agreed. “Catch your breath, then you’re gonna push again, YN.”

Your doctor, nurses and Harry had all been encouraging you like that for at least an hour. You couldn’t really be sure. It felt like an eternity.

“This baby’s almost here. A few more good pushes, YN. She’s right there. When you’re ready.”

You could feel your eyes watering as you looked at Harry, watching him nod along with what Dr. Wood was saying. “Doing so good. She’s almost here,” he spoke lowly, as if he only wanted you to hear him.

And for a second, it felt like it really was just the two of you.

It was like your life together - the good and bad - flashed in your mind like a movie. As if you were watching the ending credits, glimpses of your past selves and everything you had been through that brought you to this moment.

You took a deep breath, a tear slipping down your cheek as you pushed with every ounce of strength you had. You pushed, and pushed, and pushed - and then it was like your eyes looked down on their own accord to watch your daughter enter the world. And it was the most breathtaking moment of your life. The nurses were congratulating you as Dr. Wood held her up for you to get a good look at her, and your husband was praising you with his hand gripped tight to your leg and his lips on your cheek.

“You did it baby! She’s here,” he cried, kissing your clammy cheek over and over again. “Oh my god, she’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love you. I’m so proud of you.” His voice was rough with emotion but his lips were soft against your skin.

You cried when she cried, and you watched with blurry vision as Harry cut the umbilical cord, feeling like your heart could burst from your chest.

Finally feeling complete.

***

- Friday, September 27, 2030 -

“You did all that for me?”

She looked so shocked by the end of the story that it genuinely made you laugh, Harry laughing right alongside you at her wide eyes and disbelieving tone.

“Yes! And I would do it again in a heartbeat. You know why?” You watched her shake her head no, her eyes still wide as saucers. “Because I would do anything for you. Daddy too. You are the best thing that ever happened to us.”

She smiled at that, blinking softly at you. She may have had Harry’s dimples, but that was your smile, through and through.

“Alright, love. It’s late. Don’t want you to be tired for your birthday!” Harry spoke up after a moment before climbing out of bed. You watched as she got herself tucked under her covers, smiling happily up to you. He leaned down to kiss her head first, then the tip of her nose as she scrunched it up the same way Harry did. And then you did the same before pulling the covers over her more.

“Good night, Rae. Love you.”

“Love you,” she whispered as you turned her light out and quietly left her room.

Harry’s hands were on your shoulders as you pulled her bedroom door closed, massaging a seemingly always present knot. “Can you believe she’s gonna be ten tomorrow?”

“Nope,” you laughed as you turned towards him, wrapping your arm around his waist as he slung his around your shoulder to walk down your dimly lit hallway. “I know I say that every year. But every year it blows my mind.”

“Mine too.”

He kissed your head as you made your way into your bedroom before separating at the foot of your bed. You pulled the covers down in silence, tossing the decorative pillows onto the floor before climbing into the crisp sheets. You watched Harry as he stripped down to his boxers before slipping in beside you, quick to pull you closer and turn you to face away from him, fitting his front perfectly against your back.

“Do you think she’s asleep already?” he asked, his breath tickling down the back of your neck as he pulled you even closer, his hips casually flexing against you.

“Oh my god, you’re the worst!” you laughed as you squirmed against him.

“What?” he exclaimed, the smile evident in his tone. “Just missed you.”

That had you humming, arching your back against him a silent plea. “Missed you too, H.” You spoke softly as you smiled into your pillow.

“Is that a yes?” He flexed his hips again with his question. “Think she fell asleep extraordinarily fast? All that pre-birthday excitement knocked her out?”

“Mm, doubtful.” Your voice lowered when you continued. “So I guess you better be quiet.”

“I can be quiet.”

His words and the deep timbre of his voice sent a chill down your spine in the same way his hand gripping your hip and his mouth finding your neck did. That was all it took for your body to warm, arching against him more to feel the way he was already puffing up in his boxers.

He sucked soft kisses to your skin as he awkwardly tugged your shorts down as much as he could before you kicked them off the rest of the way. He was quick to follow suit, pulling his boxers down his thighs so he could feel your soft skin against his own. Your ass curved perfectly into his groin, his warm cock perfectly tucked against you, his leg hair tickling the backs of your legs, his chest flush to your back as he softly bit your shoulder through your tee shirt.

His hands roamed your body - squeezing your thigh, your hip, your waist. His breathing picked up against the skin of your neck as he rolled his hips against you. You sighed happily at the way he practically massaged all your sore spots, his fingers digging into new spots every so often. And when he pulled your hair up off your neck to suck at the spot where it met your shoulder, you couldn’t help but let out the smallest moan.

You could feel him get harder the more he pressed himself against you, until he was straining against your ass cheek, hot velvet grazing your skin.

“God... I want you,” he whispered. “I always want you.”

His hand found it’s way up the front of your shirt, his warm palm cupping your breast as he pulled you even closer.

“Harry,” you breathed as he pinched your nipple just enough for a warm zip of pleasure to caress your core. He flicked his first finger across your pebbled nipple as he sucked another kiss to your neck.

“Gonna open up for me?” He pressed his hard length into you more, your legs involuntarily opening for him. “Think I can slip in?”

“You tell me.”

He bit into your shoulder again in retaliation, his hand quickly smoothing down the length of your stomach until his middle finger could slip between your folds.

“Fuck,” he spoke in a hushed whisper. “I’ll never get tired of it.” He slipped his finger lower, finding the pooling arousal waiting for him at your entrance. “Get so fuckin wet for me.”

He wasted no time pulling your wetness back up to your clit to press slow circles against you. It was amazing how quickly he could make you feel like you were on fire, even after so many years. It was something so uniquely yours. He knew your body like the back of his hand, and he used it to his advantage to turn you on as quickly as possible.

“I want it, H.”

“What, baby?” He flexed his hips into you again, his length teasing between your legs.

“You. Want you to fill me.”

“Shit,” he breathed. And then he was pulling his hand from your clit to take hold of his cock to guide himself into you.

He pushed in slow, a moan catching in your throat as you adjusted. Your hands fisted your pillow as you took in the heavy pressure of him until he was fully seated inside you, his pelvis pressed tight to your ass. He waited for you, getting the tiniest bit of smug pleasure out of your need to adjust to his size. He withdrew and pushed back in just as slowly, rolling his hips at the same torturous pace until you whimpered into the pillow.

“So good,” he moaned softly as he picked up a steady rhythm, one that had a soft clap of his thighs against yours every time he pushed in. Your back was arched, the angle hitting perfectly. He was big, and taking him that way only intensified it.

His moans were soft, but still present. And you were happy they were, even though he said he would be quiet, you didn’t really want him to. Every sound he made turned you on more, every hushed curse and choked moan, every breath and pant against your skin, it all made your arousal bubble under your skin like a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt.

“Harry,” you moaned softly as his hand traveled up the length of your side, until it could smooth across your chest and up to your throat, his long fingers cupping the front. He didn’t squeeze tightly at first, just enough to feel possessive in the best sort of way. His hips picked up pace a bit, rocking into yours steadily as you clenched around him. And when his hand did tighten on your throat a bit more, your vision went spotty with pleasure as you coated his dick with your arousal.

“Fuck… fuck,” he moaned as his hips flexed against your ass to push even deeper until you were gasping around a moan.

You whined and whimpered as he fucked you before you were panting when he released the grip on your neck to slide his hand down your body once more, fingers immediately finding your clit.

“Oh my god,” you moaned as he flicked his middle finger across your swollen bud. You were burning up beneath your skin, red hot currents of arousal shooting from your belly throughout your body.

“Come on,” he encouraged. His hips were relentless and completely unforgiving. Your orgasm was right there, dangling in front of you, just out of reach. “Be a good girl and come on me.”

And that was all it took for it to wash over you, soaking his cock more as you moaned his name and clenched down on him over and over. Your hips spasmed with it, his fingers flicking against your clit as best he could to ride the high out with you.

Your orgasm pushed him over the edge too, as it usually did, the tight grip on his cock pulling the deepest moan you’d heard from him all night. His hips stuttered into yours, his mouth pressed to your neck as he panted your name while he came.

You both went completely lax at the same time, sinking into your mattress together in bliss.

“I love you,” he breathed, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist.

“Mm, I love you too.”

You laid in silence for a few moments, catching your breath together as you settled, only to be pulled across the mattress, until he was standing and bringing you with him.

“Sorry,” he looked down at your pouting face. “We’ll fall asleep if we don’t get cleaned up right now.”

He kissed your lips softly as he walked you both to the ensuite, your legs feeling like jello as he carried most of your weight with your arms wrapped tightly around his neck. And once you were back in bed, he pulled you into the same position you started in, with his warm skin seeping through the back of your shirt.

Neither of you had to say anything as you settled together. It was late, and you had a long day ahead of you for the birthday party. But you were both happy and loved, and your life together was everything you could have hoped for and more.

And that was how you contentedly fell asleep, wrapped in Harry’s warm arms.

***

- Wednesday, September 29, 2020 -

The soft sound of Harry’s voice slipped into your senses as you slowly started to wake from a much needed nap. You knew exactly what you were going to see before even opening your eyes, a smile pulling on your lips just at the thought.

As you slowly turned your head in the direction of his voice, cracking one eye open to check, you were met with exactly what you thought.

Harry tucked away in the chair in the corner of your hospital room next to the window, your daughter swaddled up in a security blanket that you’d picked out for her months prior, slowly rocking back and forth as he sang softly, barely above a whisper.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

You knew this scene, having caught the same exact visual a few times already. You watched him sing it over and over, his index finger softly tracing over her cheek, his eyes never leaving her face. It made your heart ache in a way that you knew you would never get tired off.

You watched him quietly, only speaking once he was quiet for a while. “Hi.”

Wet eyes reached yours, a smile spreading on his face as a rogue tear slipped down his cheek. He didn’t say anything - just silently lifted from the chair to come sit with you, tucking himself next to you on your bed.

“Mommy’s up, Rae.” He spoke softly as you rested your head on his shoulder, looking down at your beautiful baby. A perfect mix of you and him.

You smiled as you turned to place a kiss on his shoulder, the smell of your laundry detergent present on his freshly changed clothes. You felt a kiss to your head, prompting you to lift your own to meet his soft gaze, his lashes still wet with happy tears.

He kissed you slowly, pouring his love from his soul to yours. It was quick and it was sweet, and you found yourself silently sitting next to your husband, watching your dream come true sleep, blissfully aware of the hold she had on both of you already.

You smiled at her, all of the possibilities of your life to come at the forefront of your mind as you spoke softly.

“Our little ray of sunshine.”

***

Thank you so much for reading and coming on this journey! To anyone that has ever struggled with infertility or miscarriage - I’m sorry. I love you. You are not alone.

If you enjoyed this, please let me know your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! xx

Masterlist

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #ayhom

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