#at least he looks less nervous than yesterday!!! 🫶 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blueaetherr · 2 years

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angst w john where he and the reader get into a big fight but it ends kinda cute..🫶🫶

love, my (infrunami)

pairing: john stones x gn!reader [they/them]

warning(s): none

summary: the one where john realises that his lover has been right in front of him this whole time

now playing: infrunami by john stones

He said one wrong thing, and the argument began. He said some things, they said some things, unpleasant and unfiltered words becoming common in the conversation. There was a lot to be said and neither refused to hold back. Then John said it and suddenly, he could only hear himself. It was crazy how fast your choice of words could ruin the relationship.

"I don't think we should be together anymore."

There was a bit of confusion in the room. From Y/N, from John. They waited on him, patiently looking on at John to explain his words but his silence remained as loud as their own.

"Okay then," Y/N bit down on their lip, nodding. "I just don't understand. Where did all of this come from?" They didn't understand where this energy came from, the switch was so sudden. But that was okay. If he no longer liked them like that then they couldn't change how he felt about them. He seemed so certain yet unsure but they wouldn't argue it. They refused to. There was no point in fighting for a one-sided relationship. At least some reasoning and understanding were needed, something to ease the blue heart.

"I... I—I don't know." John couldn't find his words. He had them indeed, in his thoughts and feelings. But he didn't want to say anything out loud. He saw it all and more. The tears threatening to fall, the shaken expression, the nervous ticks. So much pain and sadness and confusion fell on Y/N's shoulders all at once. A heart was breaking because of him—he was essentially a heartbreaker, and he didn't want to add to it. "I'm sorry."

Y/N sniffled as they wiped their nose, exhaling a low breath. "It's okay." Even in heartbreak they were calm and collected in how they felt, something they did to reassure John that they were okay.

And the two went their separate ways, with dignity and respect. Though it didn't feel like it to John. It was hard to not think about them. Remaining friends, he saw Y/N everywhere. They were always there. At his matches, helping him with recovery, crossing paths through mutual friends. After everything that happened, John and Y/N remained friends. It was all love from them to him. They were his friend way before they were his lover.

There was a lot to love about Y/N and John failed to see a lot of that before the relationship even existed. Only did he witness a whole lot of that when the two fell apart.

They were the embodiment of his favourite poems, anything that held words, feelings and thoughts. They personified everything he wanted to feel, the good and the bad of it all, felt alone or together with another. Today, yesterday and tomorrow were his favourite days with them. They got along with everyone around them. John thought Y/N was nothing less than magnificent and amazing and whole. And this was only half of it all.

When it was John and Y/N, all was complete. He was complete. But when it was simply John, he felt left without, apart. Withdrawn from, lacking in more than less—anything that could be John and Y/N.

Sitting under the dim lights in his back garden late at night, John turned to Y/N, saying, "I've been thinking—"

"You've been thinking..." Y/N let out a scoff, shaking their head. They let their voice dip as their sight wandered out to the sky. "Sounds just like you." John was always the pensive one in the relationship. Always in his thoughts, in his feelings. Sometimes drifting through the unreal and it became hard to get him back into reality when he was really into it.

"Have you thought about us since we broke up?" He saw the mood visibly fall from Y/N's face but he expected it. With the way the two ended and all the time that has passed, why would Y/N want to talk about it all now?

"And why would I do that?" Y/N cocked their head to the side, eyeing John. "I remember you being so sure that there was nothing left to this relationship." Time had passed since the two broke up and Y/N remained hurt from it all. That didn't mean, though, that they would cling onto John as if everything would fall back into place. How could you wait for someone to come back when they were so sure of never returning? Not because they couldn't, but they simply didn't want to. John made it so clear that he didn't want to return to the relationship.

"I think I was wrong. I know I was wrong, Y/N," John said.

They turned their focus back on John, folding their arms. "Where did this switch come from, John? What changed? Was it me? 'Cause that wasn't my intent." No longer were they heartbroken, but the relationship was still something that they always came back to. What did they do wrong? Why did it really end? John never gave them peace of mind with the way the two ended.

"No, no, no. You didn't, actually." He tried to reach for their hand but they pulled away. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Fair enough, I guess. He removed his hands from his face. "I thought I fell out of us and ending the relationship felt like the right thing to do. And it was but I made you think it was all your fault when really it was all on me, and for that I'm sorry."

"I know I've gotten so much wrong so I'm just trying to make rights here if you would like that." John took in a small breath and let his focus fall solely on Y/N. "I want to start over, Y/N. Make some amends between us, get myself right with you. You might not want to... and that's okay, I'll understand. I get it. But if you ever want to, I'm here."

There was some relief in getting everything off his chest. It might all just backfire yet John was content with getting everything straight, offering some understanding that Y/N should have gotten time ago. He wanted to get another chance with Y/N if they allowed it, of course. If they refused to give him another chance, that would be okay. And if they did then that would also be okay; either choice would be understandable from every single angle of things.

He knew that maybe he was asking, even begging, a lot from Y/N. To hear him out for his wrongs in the relationship, to forgive him, to start again with a new relationship. But John simply couldn't resist the idea of getting Y/N back. The idea of not even trying pushed him to do the exact opposite. He missed everything about them. That was all he wanted, all of Y/N. In the relationship and the friendship.

Their smiles, their laughs, their company, their humour, the list was endless with Y/N. And the crazy thing was Y/N was always there; the break-up killed the relationship yet never did they go astray from John. Never was there a mystery in Y/N. They had always been in front of him. The thing was John had been too blind to see all of them for what they were, and that's how the relationship fell off.

But John was ready to build it all up again, if he was given the chance.

His hand was open and ready to take but Y/N took their time, brows pulling together. They were hesitant about this. They were potentially fooling themself, going back to the same person who let their heart turn blue, going back to the person who couldn't organise their thoughts. A change in actions wasn't a guarantee and they knew that well.

But it also wasn't impossible. Y/N never fell out of love with John. In fact, John never fell out of love with Y/N. It was simply a situation of misplaced and unspoken feelings and thoughts. In truth, John and Y/N were inevitable. The two were bound to one another in the name of love that ran very, very deep.

Y/N let their hand slip into his own, fingers interlocking. It was then that they let themself fall into his embrace. John was simply too much comfort for them to pull away. "You know how to say sorry a lot, you know."

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