feel like with the amount of writing i want to do about this show i should just crib the vulture review format and write up fully graded, serious recaps. anyway im on 2x04 now and it is like...the whiplash throughout what is in many ways a filler episode like yes they are advancing the plot but mostly isobel is trying to make the diner instagrammable to the absolute bafflement of liz’s dad, liz and kyle are stealing equipment from his job and fake making out in a closet and bumping into a new alien nobody knows about that he just thinks is some weird chick at work, and michael and alex are attempting Platonic Bros Hardy Boys Time and climbing fences (michael: effortlessly, like a guy in an orville peck song) (alex: understandably badly. christ dude do you want a hand) and running into a guy with a suspiciously unassuming unrelatedness to the plot who seems specifically designed to appeal to alex’s long-buried scene boy sensibilities. and then in the middle of filler episode nonsense there’s a scene where like. michael sees one of those height markers that people do with their kids and assumes it’s some kind of esoteric code because he has never seen that before in his life. not because it’s an alien custom (his mom who had been on earth for a single year knew what that was) but because he has no memories before the age of seven and after that time just never had anyone in his childhood do anything as simple as make a note of his growth . even the guy whose dad spent his entire parenting career trying to groom his offspring into carbon copies of himself for the glory of the american military industrial complex marked their heights . and you’re like oh that is very heartbreaking. oh and that dad is possibly trying to get his hands on a bioweapon that is specifically capable of wiping out entire demographics and it's not hard to guess what he'd point it toward first. and there are flashbacks tinted in the warm, saturated tones of a feel-good family movie from the nineties, complete with a caring single father figure and a spunky kid, but you already know how it ends and it ends in such pain. oh and isobel, in an attempt to help rosa’s re-integration into the world (and more importantly, her family), stumbles upon one of rosa and arturo’s worst fights while looking around in his brain, and is like oh, this is a job for an Influencer, and all he wants is to be forgiven for what he considers his greatest failure as a parent, and maybe a miracle can be constructed to give him that, and maybe it’s not that, cannot be that, simple. and seventy years ago, nora’s idyllic year recovering from the crash that left her stranded on an unknown planet, hiding out with her friend and her friend’s human lover, unable to even know if it would ever be an environment safe enough to consider bringing her child into, is cut short and she is separated even from those few loved ones and imprisoned for the rest of her life and won’t see her son again until the day she dies

The Chronicles of the Dark One:  The Dark Curse

Chapter 133:  The Right Plan

"Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after…"

He'd been hearing that singsong rhyme in his head all night; almost as soon as he'd decided to summon his mother and ask her about the Curse. The rhyme sounded like something a child might sing, but it was known by adults and children alike throughout the land where the pair had once reigned. A stupid couple, really. Jack had been the bastard son of a King. He took a woman named Jill for a wife. In his youth, Jack's thieving brother had risen to the throne, and Jill had convinced Jack that he would make a better king. He'd managed to gather some followers, risen against the King, his brother, and then, because it really had been a stupid path to follow, his brother had crushed the rebellion. Anyone else would have probably made sure Jack and Jill were both killed, but being that special kind of evil, his brother had a different idea in mind. He'd killed every last supporter his brother had, man, woman, and child. Meanwhile, Jack and Jill were permitted to be released back to their farm, to "live with" what their actions had brought. It was the King himself who had come up with the song to commemorate their terrible failure. Now it haunted them just as much as the silence from their friendless life. For the King's lesson was well remembered with the people. No one dared to make Jack and Jill their friends after what had happened. The King had made it so that exiling them would have been a far kinder fate.

And why was he so suddenly consumed with thoughts of this pair? Of their children's riddle?

Because a few months ago, Jill had given birth to a baby boy named Gideon. She'd done it on her own with only coaching from Jack because no mid-wife would work with her. And if no mid-wife was willing to bring the boy into this world, he assumed that if the boy went missing, no one would care to help the pair or listen to their cries of remorse.

It killed him to do something like this. All around, there was an element of darkness to his current plan that he'd never sensed or felt before. He hated to take a child from his parents, if only temporarily, he hated to use Belle in the way he was going to, but most of all he hated to summon his mother into this world for any amount of time.

However, close as he was to getting his son back, he felt certain that he had no choice. "Gideon"…it was one of the names that the Seer had placed in his head when he'd first taken on the power. He was now convinced this was why. He was meant to take the child, to use him, to speak with the Black Fairy. It was imperative for moving forward, for planning the Curse, for finding his son! He'd come this far; he couldn't risk something going wrong now. So, he'd searched his books for the summoning spell that was necessary to get his mother to the Enchanted Forest. It wasn't as simple as raising a dagger and calling her forth from wherever she was. She was in another realm, and that meant that she required a special summoning.

For one, she required bait. Summoning someone from another land had to have heart to it. There had to be a connection of some kind. He needed a child, that was where Gideon came in. If his childhood had taught him anything about the Black Fairy, it was that she was always happy to come and take away children from those that didn't want them. Gideon was hardly an unwanted child, a few hours of watching him with his parents told him that, but he was hoping that the Black Fairy wouldn't sense that.

He took Gideon one afternoon while he was napping, leaving behind a note for his parents that so long as they were silent and didn't alert authorities, the child would be returned to them within a fortnight. It was his hope that he'd have him back sooner than that, but he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep.

The child secure, he had to make sure the next part of his plan was in place. He'd looked and looked and looked for one that he could translate…but sadly, all he ever found was in a fairy language he couldn't read. Even the Dark Ones were suspiciously silent when it came to translating it. However, he had seen this language before, just once, he'd seen these characters on a book that was sitting on a nightstand of a certain princess whose mind he'd saved.

Belle had an affinity for languages. He'd known she was intelligent before she arrived, but now that she'd been here for months on end, he knew that she enjoyed translating languages. She stood a higher chance of translating the spell than he did. But he couldn't just ask her. She'd ask too many questions if he asked her. He had to have a plan. And the moment he brought Gideon into the castle, his plan was in place…even if it did make his stomach churn.

"Rumpelstiltskin, you're back!" she exclaimed almost cheerfully as he strode into the room just before tea time. She was happy to see him; she almost seemed excited about it. After skulking around his tower for these last few days, ignoring her, skipping meals, he almost understood it. He tried to maintain a confident gate, to keep his heart steely in her presence, to tell himself that he didn't care, but he couldn't help but wonder what kind of relationship they'd have after all this was possible, after he locked her in his tower and took the child home. Would she trust that was what happened? Or would she think he'd sold the child to his mother?

It didn't matter. She was nothing to him, and as soon as he realized the real reason the Seer wanted her he'd send her away and prove that.

"I uh…I did the wash, and I polished the silver, like you asked."

"Good. Now you can take care of this."

Without looking at her, he dropped the basket with Gideon in it onto the table. Immediately, the jostling woke the sleeping child. Every instinct he had inside of him as a father demanded he move forward, lift the baby into his arms, and comfort him back to sleep. Instead, he walked away and left Belle to explore what he'd left her.

"A baby?!" she shrieked, looking into the basket at him.

"But where-where did it come from? What…" she stuttered, looking about as if it had appeared out of thin air. "Where are it's parents?"

"They no longer matter," he dismissed as he forced his eyes down onto some books he'd purposefully left out before his departure. He'd hoped that by leaving them there, Belle might be intrigued and tempted to look through them, but they appeared to be in the exact same place he'd left them. That was fine. It only meant that he'd have to try and make her temptation to look irresistible. He had to do this just right. He couldn't let himself be absorbed by her or the child's cries. "The child's mine now."

"Y-yours?" she blanched. "What you…you stole him?!"

"Yes. Scandalous, isn't it?"

He glanced up just long enough to see her face morph. Shock. Horror. Dread. Disbelief.

Disappointment.

He could tell that she was working up to say something, opening her mouth to scream at him, to give him a piece of her mind, which in this case he would have happily admitted he deserved, but before she could Gideon let out another shriek.

"Shh," she hushed, finally pulling the child into her arms and bouncing him up and down like an expert.

Belle with a baby in her arms.

The flash he'd had the day he caught her forced its way into his mind's eye, but he quickly pushed it out.

"It's okay. Shh. Oh, shh…" she cooed, bringing him back into reality. It wasn't a vision. Merely a fantasy, male hormones running wild! Besides, this didn't fit that fantasy, the room was a lot darker in that fantasy, clearly at night. This was mid-afternoon. It was only further proof that it meant nothing. Surely it was just some embarrassing evolutionary habit of seeing attractive women with babies.

"What kind of beast steals a child from its parents?" she questioned with fire in her voice. "I mean…what happened to you that made you like this?"

Well that was the thing, wasn't it. He didn't know. But maybe, just maybe, if things went according to plan, he might find out. If he had a little bit of extra time after he'd asked the necessary questions, of course. His questions. Not hers.

"You'd do best to stop asking so many questions," he responded coldly before plucking the scroll with the summoning free from the books. "Ahh, there it is!" His pronouncement drew her quizzical gaze. She was intrigued. Good. Now he just needed to get her to translate it for him. "I have work to do. I'm not to be disturbed."

"Well, at least tell me his name so I can soothe him! Or did you not even bother to find out!"

Give her his name? No. Everyone knew the second someone or something had a name, there was an attachment formed. This child wasn't staying. It was his hope that in twenty-four hours, he'd have him back home with his family. She didn't need to know a name. She just had to look after him for a few hours. And want to protect him. Yes. He smiled as a new plan formed in his head. She hadn't done any translating when she'd put the scroll right in front of her, but if she knew he was going to use it against the child…that might be what he needed to get her to do the translation.

Of course…if he just told her about Baelfire, if he told her what he needed, she might also do what he wanted. She might even take his side.

No. The last time he'd told anyone about his son was Cora. He wasn't about to repeat those mistakes again.

"Why would I?" he giggled aloud. "A name's a special thing. You don't waste it on something you've no intention of becoming…a-attached to."

That was good. He'd done well up until that last little stutter. He nearly believed it himself. But more importantly, the suspicious look in her eyes told him that she believed him, and that was enough.

"What do you mean? What do you plan on doing with this child?!" she demanded frantically.

"I shall be back at sundown," he instructed strictly. "Don't think about trying to hide it. I'll find out."

"You-"

"Ah-ah-ah!" he hissed at her. He'd given her a timeline, he'd given her a child to protect, he'd made a show of taking something important that she knew to be crucial to the child's fate. Now he just had to give her the opportunity to rescue him.

And so without an explanation, he left her standing there with the baby in her arms.