#as you can may or may not tell that I lost my ritsu batch of icons LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bucketsofgiggles · 7 years

Text

Other Side of the Door (MP 100 fanfic)

Summary: It can hurt when you see your friends make the same mistakes you do, but Serizawa knows that reaching a hand out in the darkness can do a lot. Speculation on what might happen after the current manga arc. Spoilers for the current manga arc. Teen and up, gen. Content warnings for depression and implied disordered eating. AO3 link here

Serizawa gave a second glance down at his phone to check his GPS app, confirming that the directions read “Arrived at destination”. He looked back up at the house he stood outside of, before triple checking the GPS.

It wasn’t like he thought this couldn’t be the Kageyama household - it was a perfectly respectable house for a family of four - but he really had to make sure he had the correct house. He’d never been to the Kageyama’s before, and all the houses in this neighborhood looked similar to each other and he’d rather not knock on the wrong door. Coming unannounced was nerve wracking enough; going up to the wrong house unannounced would probably kill all the courage he’d build up to come out here. And he couldn’t let that happen. Kageyama-kun needed him.

He’d gotten Kageyama-kun’s address from Reigen earlier, after they had talked this morning. His boss had come into the office looking frazzled and dismayed, bypassing his desk to go straight to the couch, head in hands. Serizawa had quickly checked to make sure the sign was still flipped to “Closed” before joining Reigen on the couch.

Comfort was still something Serizawa was learning to give, and he was a bit relieved when Reigen leaned into the hand he had put on his shoulder. There was a few moments of silence before Reigen sighed and spoke “I went to see Mob yesterday. Or more like tried to.”

“How is he?” Serizawa asked. It had been a few weeks since Kageyama-kun’s accident and all that had followed, and he’d been out of the hospital for a week. They had both tried to see him while he was recovering, but do to the severity of his injuries and the circumstances surrounding them, visitors had been limited to immediate family. Neither knew much of the details, but apparently Kageyama-kun’s powers had reversed somehow when he awoke from the state he had entered and it fixed most of the damage. With the additions of his young age and that he didn’t go out with the intention of damaging the city, the government had decided to exonerate him from any potential crimes. Once he was released from the hospital, he had been allowed to return home.

And since then, Kageyama-kun hasn’t left his home.

Neither he nor Reigen was surprised when he didn’t come into work right away. He was probably still recovering from the massive power usage and his physical injuries. Plus, both of them understood that he might need a break from using his powers. But when Reigen learned that Kageyama-kun hadn’t returned to school, he made the decision to go visit after work. Especially because he had been contacted by Kageyama-kun’s younger brother Ritsu, in a move that must’ve been very uncharacteristic of him, judging Reigen’s reaction to the phone call.

“I literally had the door slammed in my face,” Reigen said, trying to put some mirth in his voice and attempting a grin. But it slid off as the mirth fell flat and Reigen turned serious. “He isn’t talking to anyone . Not his friends at school, not Hanazawa, not his parents, not even Ritsu. His parents told me that he isn’t leaving his room, not even to eat. They have to bring his plate up to his door and leave it there, and he’ll leave the empty plate outside later.

“Ritsu called me to talk to him because he thought I might be the only one left he’d listen too. But Mob wouldn’t even look me in the eye, didn’t even try to hear what I had to say. I just talked to a shut door,” Reigen sighed, looking up at Serizawa with red rimmed eyes. “I don’t know how Mob’s gonna recover from this. I’m worried he never will.”

Serizawa could not let that happen, he just couldn’t . Not after what Kageyama-kun had done for him, for so many people. And it was that thought that gave him the resolve to open the front gate, walk up to the door, and ring the doorbell.

After a few moments, a woman answered the door, only opening it enough to stick her head out. Exhaustion clearly lined her features. “Hello?”

“H-Hello there, um…” Serizawa took a quick breath. “Is this the Kageyama household?” At her small nod, he continued. “My name is Serizawa Katsuya, and I work with your eldest son, S-Shigeo. I was wondering if I could speak with him?”

Kageyama-kun’s mother stared at him for a minute. “Serizawa, is that correct?” He nodded. “Shigeo has mentioned you a few times. You should know he isn’t taking visitors.”

“I’m...aware. But I have been in a situation similar to the one your son is in now.” She flinched slightly and Serizawa had to swallow a new batch of nerves the movement brought before continuing. “And he helped me out of it. I wish to at least attempt to do the same. May I at least try?”

Kageyama-kun’s mother glanced to the ground for a few moments, biting her lip slightly. Serizawa glanced away, giving her some space to think. After a bit, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and met Serizawa’s eyes. He tried not to shrink under the suddenly intense stare she was giving him. “You may try,” She said, opening the door more and Serizawa stepped in, removing his shoes. He could see Ritsu sitting at the kitchen table, staring at them, forgotten textbooks in front of him.

“Shigeo’s bedroom is up the stairs on the right,” Kageyama-kun’s mother said. As Serizawa began to go upstairs, she grabbed on to his arm suddenly, causing him to stumble lightly. He turned and met her eyes, full of desperation. He found he could not look away as she spoke.

“Please get through to him. Help him . I’m running out of ideas to help my own son.”

Surprisingly, Serizawa did not feel him shrink or wither at her plea. Instead, a sense of resolve filled him as he met her stare. “I’ll do my best.”

As he climbed the stairs, the muttered conversation echoing below his feet, he tried not to think of how he saw his own mother in her eyes.

Kageyama-kun’s bedroom was not difficult to find, right around the corner of the stairs. He stood in front of it, debating knocking, before realizing that would just get him rejected completely. As rude as it was, he would have to just open the door and let himself in.

It still took few minutes of mental preparation before Serizawa could even put his hand on the doorknob. And even then he could not push down. Whatever was waiting for him beyond this door, it would resemble his past, his far back past, the one he never liked to think about. He spent 15 long years locked away from the world. He lost his youth to his fear, his anxieties over his powers. He missed out on so much growth, so many experiences and activities and excitement, because he feared hurting people, because he had been hurt by others rejection. He was starting his life over at 30 because of this.

He would not let any other person, especially not Kageyama-kun, repeat his mistakes.

With that thought in mind, he turned the knob and entered the room.

It was dark, far darker than the rest of the house, but Serizawa noticed it wasn’t as filthy as his room had been. Then again, he had tried to keep his room clean before the apathy took over. It gave him some hope to see that Kageyama-kun hadn’t seemed to reach that stage yet.

Remembering what Reigen had told him earlier, he fully stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. It was that noise that alerted Kageyama-kun to Serizawa’s presence, judging by the movement underneath the futon that had escaped Serizawa’s notice until now. Kageyama-kun slowly made his way out from under the covers, blinking up at Serizawa as he moved to a standing position.

Serizawa felt his heart hurt at the state Kageyama-kun was in, to the point he realized Reigen hadn’t gotten a good look at him. He didn’t think it would be this bad in only a week. Kageyama-kun’s hair was disheveled and slightly tangled, he was wearing his pyjamas and, despite the fact he was apparently getting food, was skinnier than Serizawa remembered him being. His face had the look of someone who was oversleeping and hiseyes . Serizawa was struck cold by how haunted they looked, so old and hardened for a 14-year-old.

He was beginning to realize he had underestimated the challenge this would be.

“Serizawa-san? Why are you here?” Kageyama-kun croaked out, voice obviously underused. When Serizawa didn’t answer right away, he spoke again. “You need to leave, you shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe.”

In a blink of an eye, Serizawa had gone back 3 years, to the day the President came to his house, handed him an umbrella, and fed him false promises about re-entering the world. Only now, he wasn’t sitting on the floor, looking at the President. He was looking at himself , scared and confused, afraid of hurting the person across the room from him.

He was on the other side of the door now. He was the one standing over an esper terrified of himself and the outside world. But he couldn’t give him false promises of quick control and an easy life outside. He had to do this the hard way of telling the truth.

“It’s okay, Kageyama-kun, you can’t hurt me,” Serizawa said, slowly entering the room. But all that did was make Kageyama-kun yelp and dart to the back of the room, curling up on himself and not meeting Serizawa’s eyes. He sighed, and sat down, working to get on his level. He wasn’t going to be the President, standing over him patronizingly.

“Somedays the days I spent in my old bedroom feel like lifetimes ago. Those are good days; days where we help a client with a big problem and they leave with their life so much better. Days where I score well on a test or understand the math concept the first time it’s explained. Days where I wake up and the birds are singing and the sun is warm and I feel good about myself.” He looks at the ceiling as he talks, respecting Kageyama-kun’s wish for no eye contact.

“But there are hard days. Days I don’t want to get out of bed. Days where the world seems to loud, too crowded. Days where I can feel my powers pulse under my skin like it’s trying to break out and I fear that we’ll have a client with a truly spiritual need and I’ll hurt them trying to exorcise it. And some days I wonder if I should go back to that room. It was lonely and dark, but there was no risk of hurting people.”

Serizawa looks down when he feels Kageyama-kun’s eyes on him, but he looks away the moment eye contact is made. Still, Serizawa considers it progress, and he slides forward just a bit.

“Bad days happen, Kageyama-kun, I can’t lie to you about that. But I can tell you that good days happen too, and they’re not worth missing being locked up in your room. There is so much that you can do, that you’re allowed to do.”

“But it’s not safe,” Kageyama-kun breaks in, muffled by their arms as his head is tucked into them. “It’s not safe for other people when I’m outside. What if something happens again? People could get hurt again .”

“You can’t sacrifice your life on that fear.”

“I have to.” There’s so much determination in Kageyama-kun’s soft voice and it makes Serizawa hurt. “No one seems to realize how dangerous I am, even after all that, but I do. I thought I could change, that I could be normal and be around others, but I realized that I was fooling myself. I can’t change, and because of that, the world is safer if I’m in here.”

Serizawa took a deep breath. He knew he needed to chose his next words carefully; they could make or break Kageyama-kun. He slides forward a bit more.

“When you approached me in that office building, you said so much to me. A lot of it was hard to hear at the time, some of it painful, but I needed to hear it. So I’m going to try and repay the favor.”

He slides forward again.

“Change is difficult. It almost never comes easy and you have to work at it every day. Sometimes it makes you do things that are uncomfortable or that you’re afraid of. Some days you don’t make much progress. Some days you even go backwards. But the days you go forward, where you can feel yourself making progress, you can see yourself improving? Those are the best days. Those are the days that help you get out of bed and out the door, help push you through the bad ones. And they’re possible. And you showed me that, Kageyama-kun.” Another slide forward.

“When you ricocheted that energy blast back to me in that stairwell, I felt your emotions. And I could feel your capacity for change. I could feel your progress in making your body stronger, in making friends at school, in controlling your powers. And that part of you isn’t gone, Kageyama-kun. It’s still within you, you’ve just lost sight of it.” Just a little bit more…

“But you know, Kageyama-kun, that wasn’t the most important thing you said to me that day. It also wasn’t that Claw was using me, though that was very helpful.”

Serizawa slides forward and the motion catches Kageyama-kun’s attention, and he almost startles at how close Serizawa’s gotten to him.

“...What was it?” Kageyama asks, still not making eye contact.

“It was ‘Then I’ll be your friend’. For the first time in my life someone wanted to be my friend. You weren’t scared of me, and you didn’t just see me as something to be used. You saw another esper, a kindred spirit, and a potential friend. And because you were my friend, I saw how poorly Claw was treating me and came to the realization that I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I got to meet Reigen, who gave me a job and works with me on my powers. I got the courage to go to high school and start to truly become a member of society.

“You helped me out of my darkest point. Let me help you out of yours.”

Kageyama-kun is looking up at him now, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. The motion pushes his bangs in a new position and Serizawa can see a piece of gauze taped to his forehead. It looks old, stained yellow and wrinkled, the corners of the medical tape starting to peal.

“And let me start with your head there,” Serizawa says as he stands up. “And I’m gonna need some light to do it.” He opens the tightly drawn blinds of Kageyama-kun’s window, letting the late afternoon sun into the room. Kageyama-kun blinks at the sudden light while Serizawa spots a first aid kit by the door. He walks over to pick it up, and notices a light layer of dust on the top. Kageyama-kun’s parents must have left it for him, but he hasn’t touched it. He opens the kit and pulls out a non-stick gauze pad, the roll of medical tape, a tube of antibiotic cream, and a pair of gloves.

He slips the gloves on as he walks back over to Kageyama, who has started to push himself away from the corner. Serizawa kneels and gently pulls the old gauze off. It’s a large gash, Serizawa can see the stitches threaded into the skin, but there’s no sign of infection. He pushes a little bit of the cream onto a finger and, as gently as he can, swabs it on the cut. “Does that hurt?” he asks when Kageyama winces a bit.

“No, just...tingly,” He says as Serizawa rips the covering off the gauze pad and pad and places it over the cut, then tapes it into place.

“Better?” Serizawa asks, and Kageyama nods.

They sit in silence for a bit, as Serizawa can tell that Kageyama is trying to think of something to say. He gives him the space to pull the words together.

“But what if something happens again? I know I didn’t mean to do what I did, but I could always get hurt again and… I can’t go through that a second time. Not again.” Serizawa can see the haunted look in his eyes grow as he speaks. He knows that touch may still be too much right now, so he settles for putting his hands in his lap.

“I hear you; that is a valid fear, especially considering your circumstances. But you also can’t let ‘what if’s’ run your life. I let that happen, and lost 15 years because of it. I could’ve done so much in those years, but I didn’t. I want you to experience the things I didn’t allow myself too.

“And, if you think it would help, we can train our powers together. I think it would be good for the both of us to have another esper to help out with things like this. And it’s a safety net; someone is there if things go wrong.”

Kageyama-kun looks up at him, and, for the first time since entering this room, Serizawa sees a flicker of hope. “I’d...I’d like that.”

“Good, I would too.” “But, I still don’t think I’m ready to go back to work or school yet,” Kageyama-kun admits, looking down. “It’s just too much right now.”

“That’s okay, you should take things at a pace you’re comfortable with. If those things are too big, we can start smaller.”

A knock on the door interrupts them. “Serizawa-san, would you like to stay for dinner?” Kageyama-kun’s mother calls through the door. “They should be enough for five.”

“Uh, one moment please,” He says back, checking the time on his phone. Kageyama’s house is on his way to school, and he should have enough time before classes start. And, if he’s a little late, it’s not a big deal. “I’d love to, thank you for offering.”

“You’re welcome. Come downstairs in about five minutes, okay?”

“Okay,” Serizawa replies as footsteps receded down the hall. He turns back to Kageyama-kun.

“You know, one small thing we could start with is going downstairs for dinner and eating with everyone,” Serizawa says. Kageyama-kun’s brows knit together, thinking.

“Can you come back tomorrow morning? Help me make sure I keep working at changing?” Kageyama-kun asks, and the answer is easy.

“Of course, it’s not a problem,” Serizawa smiles. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I should be a polite houseguest and help your mother set up dinner.” He stands up and, to his mild surprise, Kageyama-kun follows him, even going ahead of him to get the door. Serizawa thanks him as he walks out, but stops short when Kageyama-kun calls out down the hall.

“Uh, mom? Don’t bring my plate up here, please, I’m going to come down once I get dressed and brush my hair.”

Serizawa looks back to Kageyama-kun, covered in a golden light as the sun sets behind him. And at that moment, he’s certain the kid could get through anything.

#MP 100 #Mob Psycho 100 #MP 100 Spoilers #Mob Psycho 100 Spoilers #MP 100 fanfic #my fanfic #Serizawa Katsuya #Kageyama Shigeo #i had combo feels on the current arc and 100% friendship #and then stayed up until 2 AM writing about it #WHOOPS #however the current arc ends I think it would be helpful for Mob to talk to Seri #@ ONE please give me it #if i messed up the honorifics please tell me!#i continue to write Serizawa because his anxiety is so relatable

14 notes · View notes