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#as you also mentioned 'dreamwife'
myheartxmyman
·
29 days
Text
Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.
#right now it's all too much
#got so many problems and they are going round in circles through my mind-uncontrollably
#my mind jumps from one painful thought over to the next and all I currently manage to do is stay calm
#endure this vicious cycle of traumatic events
#and stop myself from screaming
#I am calm I do endure and I suffer
#maybe in a bit I will help myself out of this situation I am currently trapped in
#right now calming myself down despite of all those things is hard enough
#tonight I am drowning in waves of heart wrenching and soul crushing sadness
#after a good night of sleep everything is gonna be a bit better I am sure of that
#currently I am fighting I am crying I am breaking; but that's alright
#when I endure feelings like this now then I don't have to endure them on another time
#Life is an up and down
#it will get better again
#I remember the years when I got so depressed or whatever it was that I felt like everything just got worse and worse and worse
#that's one of the things I feel sad about currently I am not doing well at all but nevertheless I KNOW there are gonna be better happier
#lighter times
#that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own
#I am slowly healing myself
#I am changing
#I am evolving
#I am slowly getting better
#and it hurt me a lot last year that you didn't acknowledge mile stones I reached all by myself you didn't see me as me
#it felt like you looked at me with what you wanted to see and then you blamed me for not being that version of your
#as you also mentioned 'dreamwife'
#you also put me under pressure with saying things like that it made me feel like I am not good enough
#like you are looking down on me
#like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain
#I mean how old are you?
#also you said things that forbid me grieving over the loss of my father and Louis
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