I ran this morning AND wrote some AND made art and I’m so proud of me

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

October 6th, 2020

I have something to admit... I didn’t get on the waitlist for this October and I’m starting school at the end of January. Big suck and idk what to tell my family. I think I’m going to lie to them and keep grinding learning as much as I can and putting energy into myself. A part of me tells me this isn’t the right thing to do, but my mom would not react to this well at all. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not doing anything with my life because I am. Without my introspective and growth mindset, I wouldn’t be where I am today. In fact, I’d probably be chasing a dream with no purpose. I’d be living in what I thought was my dream. My true desires are to grow, build, and cultivate a lasting and wealthy life for myself as well as the people around me. My passions remain the same, but my path is not easy. I admit. Pursuing a double career and learning to grow is hard especially when you dont have an emotionally supportive environment. All you got is yourself, but that’s the beauty of it. From when I was a kid till now, I’ve always relied on and believed in myself. I just didn’t fully realize it because I was chasing other people’s dreams and what I thought was my own. Now, I know. It’s simple, but I gotta overcome myself to trump my challenges. That’s what it takes to be my own boss. I’m confident that I can. I want it. Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear.

Not sure if I wrote about Andy’s bday dinner yet, but I’ll just express my thoughts here. That night, I realized that Dony was right and my suspicions of Eric were true. He is a narcissist and he’s entitled to his ego. That’s something I couldn’t get him to see because of his defensive mechanisms: gaslighting, lying, and aggression. As a friend, I feel bad for not being able to accomplish my hopes in helping him, but how could I when he’s such a pathological person who can’t tell the difference between kindness and disrespect? Before I decided to choose to ultimately side w Dony over both of them, I kept believing in Eric knowing that if I could stoop to his level of extreme authoritarian communication, challenging his idea of a successful man with fucking testosterone boosted dialect, he’d understand, but whyyy the hell should I? That’s not of me to adjust my world to fit his. Why should I accept his POV if he can’t even acknowledge mine? “I know it’s not right, but from where I’m from...” boy stfu. idgaf where ur from. If i smack the shit outchu u and tell u to fuck off for getting personal w me and then say it’s normal for me, anyone should be walking away from that. it doesn’t justify shit. None of it can actually and none of what I try and do for u will get through to your head if you cant see that for urself. and quite frankly, no one wants to put ur stupid ass down bc everyone knows you’ll just get uncontrollably mad again and fight back  just to save face. Gaslighting ass. I cant believe I gave him this much sympathy and let all these accounts slide. Besides, what kind of real friend doesn’t try to acknowledge and take into consideration someone else’s opinion? Especially if he was being real w u? His ego got to him and he didn’t even realize the two brothers who stuck w him the most were the ones he turned his back on. Who would’ve thought? but honestly, we should’ve seen that one coming. I was wrong about Eric. It took a conscious effort to see it. That boy sus.

Anyways, I finished reading Way of the Wolf. Really good content on how to improve sales presentations and smooth conversions. Though the book is tailored towards 1 on 1 sales, I plan on applying these concepts I learned into affiliate marketing. I learned about rapport building, state management, advanced tonality and body language, looping, prospecting, taking control of the sale, intelligence gathering, script making, and the Straight Line elements. It was pretty hard to finish the last 20%. It got less interesting as I began reading about scripts and loops probably since I won’t be significantly applying that to myself atm. It definitely fortified my assumptions on how to approach sales though.

I’ve also noticed that my mind has very slightly expanded from reading. It’s as though my processing and idea conveying is more efficient. It might also be bc reading triggers parts of the brain that u dont use often, but damn how I wish I could etch everything I read into my mind and apply it right away, but I just learned that reading is not enough to learn. I also have to apply it for that’s when information is transcribed to knowledge. My brain can’t just be a library of information. If I don’t how to use the information and make use of it, all I’ve learned would just be theory! Got that off of a Quora post today. The person who answered it said he created a 30 day log where he experimented on the concepts he learned and could apply. By the end of it, he integrated the knowledge into his life and made noticeable changes. I found it interesting bc it’s true. Applied knowledge is power, not just knowledge. So, now, I’m starting my own logs to see how that goes. I’ll update on this later on. 

Bruh I just saw the older post about me being mad about my family. I was so wrong. I learned that there are two sides to every story and before I judge one side, I have to consider the other. Why? because ppl have different experiences and can purposely lie. Found out that Bao’s mom was a helluva a cheater the whole time and lied to her daughters to skew the story to her perspective as the heroine. Truth be told, there were no heroes, my family included. None, but this is a story that has to be resolved by Anh and Bao themselves. It’s not for me to act like I know and can solve this conflict myself. only right that I help them see for themselves. boy when the time comes though, it’s about to get real