i have finished packing everything i can pack before tomorrow morning except for a couple food items, and i just need to do dishes tonight and then doublecheck i'm good on packing and then i will have a nice hot shower while sitting down and then i will go to sleep and hopefully not wake up at 5:30 for a third night in a row !!

also i highly recommend tortellini + pesto + bacon + chopped cucumber !!! that was my dinner tonight and it was such a treat and its the first time i've enjoyed eating in a few weeks !!!

double also !! i get to reconnect and see a friend from highschool (who moved away while i was in the psych ward) for the first time in four years starting on friday, AND i might get to see a couple friends that i've never met in person before so this is like. so insane. i cannot really grasp it fdsjlk it doesnt feel real at all. and then i also get to see a broadway performance of Cats, one of my favourite musicals???

im fhsdgjkl like... this kind of thing does not happen to me !!! i have not been thinking about any of this at all bc i feel like either smth is going to go disastrously wrong and i will be crushed if i allow myself to be excited at all, OR that i will wake up and none of it will be real fsdgjkl. but we leave tomorrow morning so like. as long as we do not get into a terrible car accident or the truck breaks down and as long as none of the three friends die or get terribly injured then ,,, this will all happen,,, and i am not sure how to hold all of this in the little birdcage in my chest cavity. i feel like i am going to explode a little bit bc there is too much hope in me for the first time in over a year fdgjkl, i have not been glad that i am not dead for a long time and it feels scary but nice i think :')

oh and last thing sorry i just thought it was really sweet but we are taking an RV camper thingy for this trip, and last night when one of the kids in the brain/system was talking to our very good friend they called it a "little house box" and i love that so much fsdgjkl what a sweet way to think of it !!