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intrulogical · 4 years

Text

Enough

author’s note: remember when i said i wasn’t going to write ever again? well, i lied. here’s another long fic about remus and logan being personally attacked by the other sides, lmao. this is a somewhat sequel to my fic worthy and reading that would help me a lot because some stuff in this fic is only explainable if you read that one first. anyway, this fic is more romantic, softer, yet angsty all at once, and i hope you enjoy it. special thanks to the logang discord for your help again, especially to orb, aj, jem, remy, kei, el, anders, lo, rem, and raph! (to those i didn’t mentioned, i still love u ok <3)

pairings: Remus/Logan (this time it’s more romantic)

warnings: remus typical stuff, swearing (remus says fuck a lot), religious talk (remus and logan do not have good experiences with thomas's catholic upbringing and i'm self projecting), morally gray light sides (they do not appear but logan and remus dislike them), light sides negativity (again, logan and remus hate them), self-esteem issues, and slightly nsfw comments coming from remus.

word count: 7242

summary: His relationship with Remus was difficult to describe, to say the least. Logan recognized that Remus was probably the closest thing he had to a genuine friend in this hell of a Mindscape, but at some point, there was a definite shift in their relationship, and Logan couldn’t find a proper word to describe it.

But even if they were close friends, Logan wasn’t sure if he was able to provide everything a stable friendship needed. He just wasn’t used to it. Moreover, his inability to defend Remus during the argument earlier just proved that he was— dare he said it— a worthless friend.

Logan picked up the pace of his mug-tapping as he buried his face further onto the table, his arm resting underneath his head.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

or,

After an argument between Thomas and the "Light" Sides, Logan and Remus seek comfort in each other. Plate throwing and discussions of their relationship ensues.

(ao3 link)

Logan numbly prodded on the mug he borrowed that stood useless on the kitchen’s counter.

(He was literally able to prepare the hot chocolate with jittery palms, but how come every time he tried to take a sip, his glitches decided to betray him and let the hot liquid spill onto his shirt?)

Grumbling to himself, he clenched his hand as certain parts of his palm began to twitch and dematerialize, transforming into odd shapes of flashing colors. Logan knew digging his nails into his palm wouldn’t have done anything to make the glitching vanish, but at this point, he was so frustrated in himself that he didn’t really give a fuck.

He was just so foolish for believing in Thomas, so foolish for thinking that Thomas would have stopped ignoring him. Thomas has neglected him continuously for the past thirty years and Logan was just so tremendously stupid for thinking it would have all ceased now. Admittedly, Thomas was peer pressured into agreeing to the other sides’ reasoning over Logan’s during the argument earlier, but Logan still felt immensely infuriated that Thomas didn’t acknowledge his points despite being presented with multiple facts coming from Logan.

Logan should have just remained pessimistic from this point onwards. Thomas’s neglect for him has never changed and never will, and it would have endlessly persisted if Thomas’s unconscious bias for the other three “Light” Sides remained.

With Thomas’s growing neglect, Logan’s dilemma would have only worsened further. Initially, Logan’s glitches would have only been triggered if he was in his room, but the situation has gotten so severe that Logan didn’t even need to be in his room to experience them. Logan considered discussing the issue more prominently with Thomas, but there was a niggling feeling inside of him that made him hesitant to approach Thomas altogether. Logan abandoned the idea of discussing it thoroughly with the rest of his “FamILY” as well, as they have openly shown their distaste towards him constantly. Logan even feared that the others wouldn’t even be concerned about his wellbeing unless he has reached rock bottom, but he really didn’t want to imagine a corrupted state of himself that was overridden with glitches and errors.

This left Logan in a figurative loop where he will constantly be disregarded which, in consequence, would have worsened his glitches, and that cycle would’ve been repeated until he would be stripped of the “Light” Side title. Logan from the past would’ve been fearful of being pushed into the darkness, but as he lamented about his problems daily, he exasperatedly accepted his inevitable demise.

The “Dark” Sides had a more stylish interior anyway, so maybe it wasn’t all that bad. After all, he was currently staying in their kitchen to escape the chaotic, sporadic glitches that have invaded his own room.

(But he also was there for another reason, of course.)

But even if he had grown accustomed to the idea that he was becoming a “Dark” Side, he was still uncertain if they were going to accept his presence with open arms. He and Orange still loathed one another to an unhealthy amount, while the friendship he shared with Janus was extremely… odd. They had moments where they were fond of each other’s company (poor Janus has been living with lunatics for most of his life) but at times, Janus gave him the cold shoulder, and Logan was unsure if it was him simply joking around or being genuine.

And Remus.

Logan tapped nervously on the mug as he thought of the boisterous yet lovable maniac.

His relationship with Remus was difficult to describe, to say the least. Logan recognized that Remus was probably the closest thing he had to a genuine friend in this hell of a Mindscape, but at some point, there was a definite shift in their relationship, and Logan couldn’t find a proper word to describe it.

Logan picked up the pace of his mug-tapping as he buried his face further onto the table, his arm resting underneath his head.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

“Fuck,” he heard a voice coming from the staircase behind him, “Hey asshat, sorry I’m late!” the voice continued, sounding partly enthusiastic and partly exhausted as they hurriedly descended the flight of stairs.

“Remus, you’ve dubbed these little meetings ‘Late Night Hangouts’— they’re supposed to be late.”

“Hardy fuckin’ har,” Remus replied as he shoved his hands into his hoodie’s pockets while approaching the kitchen. Despite looking incredibly ragged (to be fair, when was he never?), he still managed to maintain his flamboyant saunter. “Okay but, seriously though. Orange was being such a fucking prick, and that argument earlier wasn’t helping. I just— I’m just fucking—” Remus inhaled sharply, “God. Tonight was too fucking much.”

Logan’s eyebrows knitted together worriedly as he eyed the green-clad side, “I… apologize. I should’ve been able to mitigate the situation earlier but I foolishly allowed my temper to cloud my thinking.” Logan said with a guilty expression as a constricting feeling wrapped around his throat. Remus responded with a confused look as one of the tentacles that protruded from his back began rummaging through the cupboards. Logan assumed he was getting a drink for himself as well.

“Ironic how those bastards wanted you to show your emotions but when you finally get to do it, they get pissed.” Remus said exasperatedly as he took a seat on the kitchen table rather instead of grabbing a stool for himself, “It’s like that one episode with the puppets where they act like everything is your fault when you literally aren’t one to blame—“

“But I—“

“—’But I handled the argument badly, yadda yadda,’. Yeah, no, Logan, this isn’t your fault.” Remus said sympathetically as one of his tentacles rubbed Logan’s shoulder to provide comfort.

“‘M still sorry,” Logan said faintly and Remus’s eyebrows knit together.

“Hey, it’s alright, dork,” Remus said calmly, “I know you won’t stop apologizing, so I’m gonna make this loud and clear— I forgive you.” Remus said, enunciating the latter part of the statement dramatically, causing Logan to snort. Remus grinned at the logical side, proud at himself for being able to make Logan crack up. He then added, “It’s not all your fault anyway— I should’ve grabbed my morning star and popped in before Janus had the chance to pull me away. Fuckin’ Janus,”

Logan chuckled before replying, “To be fair, Janus was probably correct for restricting you from participating. Judging by your sullen cheeks and reddened eyes, I predict you wouldn’t have lasted long arguing before you break down sobbing in front of the others.”

One of Remus’s other tentacles slammed a mug on his side while another started mixing in the instant hot chocolate powder and the hot water from the pitcher. Logan could only quirk an eyebrow at him, “Hey, I thought you were here to be my source of comfort, you traitor.” Remus replied with a pout.

Logan let out a smirk, “I still am, and I’m saying that you listening to Janus’s advice was a commendable move, so you're not the one to blame.” Logan said, earning a huff from Remus, “But are you okay now?” asked Logan.

Remus pursed his lips before replying, “Better now, but I don’t think my state isn’t as bad as…” Remus gestured at the glitching particles surrounding Logan, “...that.” Remus continued, and this time, it was Logan who huffed.

“Believe me when I say that I’m completely fine,”

“Yeah… no, you look terrible.”

“Same as you.”

“I aim to look like trash anyway, so…” Remus retorted but Logan looked at him incredulously, “What, do you want me to vent?”

“I believe it was you who said, ‘Venting’s like blowjobs, Logan, it makes you feel good and have some sort of release’.” Logan stated, giving a scarily accurate impersonation of Remus, which consequently made the impersonated side cackle loudly, “You seemed to have encountered an issue with Orange right after your talk with Janus, so I am certain you still have some bottled up frustrations within you.”

Remus took a sip of his hot chocolate and rolled his eyes, “Fine, okay, you’re right. Frankly, I am still pissed at S— Orange,” Remus quickly corrected himself, “But if I vent, do you promise on your dead body to open up to me as well?”

“I assure you I’m—”

“Logan ‘Logic’ Sanders,” Remus said scoldingly, “You act as if I totally did not hear your outbursts a while ago. Moreover, I thought we were over the whole ‘keep secrets from one another’ thing? I admitted to you that the snake infestation in the Mindscape was entirely my fault and not Janus’s and— and I also told you about that time I decided to be a bit cynical and bury my beating heart under the floorboards just to scare the shit out of Virgil and Roman, so it’s unfair if you keep any secrets from me when I could literally be arrested for confessing all of my crimes to you! If, y’know, this was real life, but whatever, you still understand what I’m saying here, right?”

Logan sighed tiredly, “I suppose you’ve a point.” Logan said, and Remus looked pleased for a moment until Logan continued, “But, while I still insist that I don’t have much to— er, ‘vent’ about, I will only do it if and only if you go first.”

Remus immediately looked annoyed by Logan’s offer but merely sighed in acceptance. Logan, on the other hand, smiled at him smugly. “Fine, whale penis,” Remus said, taking a dramatically long sip of his beverage, “You promise?”

Logan nodded, “We aren’t children, Remus, but yes, I promise.”

And with that, Remus set his mug aside next to Logan’s unused one and rested his hands on the table. He gazed upwards as he seemed to ponder where he was going to start as Logan merely stared at him intently. Eventually, after much pondering, Remus began, “Y’know, sometimes I wonder if Orange hates me.”

“What makes you think of that?”

“Well, we both know he represents Thomas’s beliefs, right? Superstitious, religious, supernatural, whatever, but let’s focus on the religious part of it.” Remus explained, “When Thomas’s Catholicism is ever discussed, he gets so weirdly aggressive and powerful and blunt about his feelings. Like, I love harsh honesty as much as the next person but he literally won’t shut the fuck up about how disgustingly ‘sinful’ I am.”

“That’s a bit… rude.”

“I know right! Beyond rude!” Remus exclaimed, “And most of the time, it doesn’t bother me, but that mixed with Thomas and the other three White Sides—”

“It’s ‘Light’ Sides—”

“Whatever, white people suck and they suck too, so technically, I’m not wrong.” Remus grumbled, earning an amused half-smile from Logan, “But back to the point— I just don’t understand why people like to— uh— like to paint me as—” Remus took a sharp yet shaky inhale, “—as a villain. I mean, yeah, I know I’m gross and lewd and everything God would condemn, but it wasn’t— it isn’t my fault that I’m like this. Do they…” Remus swallowed thickly, “Do they understand how cruel the first ten years of my life are? The hate they have for me does n-not compare to the hate I had for myself for most of my life. Even now, I— sometimes I—”

Remus wasn’t able to finish his sentence as lip trembled harshly. With Remus’s eyes becoming glossier by the second, Logan decided to muster enough courage within him to raise his hand and put it atop Remus’s, thumbing soothing circles in the hopes that it’ll provide him some comfort. Remus blinked twice before intertwining his fingers with Logan instead, holding it dearly as if it was a lifeline.

“Why is it so hard for them to understand that while Thomas’s Catholic upbringing could be good, it’s also so…”

“Detrimental? Harmful?” Logan offered.

“Yeah, that, thanks.” Remus said, chuckling at Logan, “And even if they wanna defend it, why do they have to drag me into every damn conversation? I’m not the side that represents sin, thank you very much. Sometimes they all just act like Karen’s to me. What’re they gonna do next, blame me for Thomas being vaccinated? I bet Patton is this close from forcing Thomas to drink some radioactive mushroom-citrus essential oil.” Remus joked with a broken smile, but with one stern look from Logan, he reverted back to what he was originally rambling about.

“Sorry, I just— do they not understand the fucking work I do so that Thomas wouldn’t experience intrusive thoughts 24/7? Do they forget that without me, Virgil or Roman or, shit, even Patton could have their fair share of intrusive thoughts? Why do people think that all I do is fuck everything when I’m so much more than filthy jokes and violence? I just wanna— I just want to be viewed as their equal, is that too much to ask?” Remus finished his rant with an extremely peeved yet heartbroken expression, his lips forming a thin line as his nose crinkled sourly. Despite the tone of finality, Remus’s fingers still had not stopped fidgeting within Logan’s grasp.

Logan understood that Remus also had his fair share of troubles concerning intrusive thoughts— Logan even thought that Remus’s dilemma was vastly more horrendous than Thomas’s situation. One visit to Remus’s room was enough to convince Logan that Thomas’s situation was absolutely nothing compared to Remus.

Logan also understood that out of all the other sides, Remus was the most misunderstood; it’s something they both have in common. While Remus is described to be naturally uncaring and crass, he understood there was much more to him than what meets the eye. He was relentlessly vigorous, but he was also fragile and delicate. He was described as stupid and excessively foolish, but deep within, he’s brilliant and passionate, yet no one seems to credit him for that.

Lastly, Logan also understood that Remus was the only side that saw something in him. He had a genuine fondness and affection for Logan, and while they didn’t like putting labels on what they had, Logan cherished it nonetheless.

(And Logan also knew that while he was content with where they were now, moments like this reminded him that he also feared about not being enough for Remus. But of course, he didn’t want to say that.)

“Remus,” Logan said, “One or two?”

Logan developed a helpful method to use whenever one of them is feeling low. It was simple: one meant you’d want the other party to say something to comfort you, and two meant you didn’t need to be told anything and you just needed the other’s presence to help you calm down.

“One and a half.” Remus said unhelpfully.

“What?” Logan said, getting caught off-guard, “Rounded off, that would be two.”

Remus pouted, “Nerd.” and Logan shrugged as if he was saying ‘and what?’. “What I mean is, I’d prefer one, but like, a bit toned down? I don’t need an entire powerpoint presentation like what you did last time.”

“Then you should’ve said zero point five, or simply referring to it as one-half would do as well.”

“I’m gay, Logan, I don’t fuck with math!”

“We’re both gay, Remus.” Logan retorted. “But back to the topic at hand: you’re valid for who you are, Remus. What the others say about you doesn’t matter at all when they literally don’t have much evidence or experiences to backup their claims. You are generous, caring, and quite frankly, tremendously fun, and while I cannot specify every occasion to support this claim because you wanted me to be as concise as possible, you know you should believe me more than any other side in this Mindscape. Besides that point, words cannot describe how grateful I am for you. I wouldn’t exchange who you are now for anything else.”

While desperately trying to compose his sudden quickened heartbeat, he chanced gazing at Remus’s direction. Remus appeared to be less crestfallen but the glossiness in his eyes returned for a different reason. The hand that was gripping Logan’s tightened as Remus raised one of his tentacles to wipe a tear that escaped his eyelids.

“Remus… are you alright?” Logan inquired, and Remus rapidly nodded his head with bubbled cheeks in an attempt to restrict more tears from falling.

“Yes, one hundred percent, doing absolutely fine.” Remus replied, “You’re such a fucking sap that I could literally eat you alive,” added Remus, gaining a bemused look from Logan.

“I am unsure of whether to be terrified or flattered but thank you…?” Logan replied, “I wasn’t aware I was being a sap— I was simply being intellectually honest with you.”

Somehow, that made Remus even more emotional. Logan internally panicked, thinking he had done something incorrectly, but then, one of Remus’s tentacles wrapped around his neck, slowly pulling his head closer to Remus’s chest. As Logan’s forehead leaned against Remus’s hoodie, he smiled fondly at Remus’s sudden affection. Even Remus’s tentacles couldn’t help themselves as they began combing and playing with Logan’s hair tenderly. “You’re too precious, I can’t believe you.” Remus said.

“Well, you’re quite welcome, Remus.” Logan replied, “I’m not quite sure what I said in particular that would elicit this sort of reaction from you. While I do know you are a touchy-feely kind of person, you do not typically get this affectionate with every conversation…” Logan paused, “But I do like it. Keep doing it.”

Remus laughed at Logan, somewhat impressed by his appreciation, “You sound like you’ve never been hugged before.”

“Well… I receive them, but just rarely— Patton and Roman used to be my main sources, but they’ve barely given me any offers nowadays. On the rare occasion that they do, their offers would come off as disingenuous, so I usually decline them.” Logan explained, trying to disguise the hurt he was feeling. But somehow, Remus saw through it, just like he mysteriously, always does.

“Sounds like you have something you want to talk about.” Remus said, slowly releasing Logan from his tight grasp. Despite the loosened grip, Logan still willed to remain physically close to the other side. Something about Remus provided him with an unfamiliar yet soothing feeling of warmth and ease. If Logan were to be ‘sappy’ like how Remus dubbed him to be, he would have described Remus as a figurative atom as Logan would’ve been the electrons surrounding him. There was something so compelling about him, something so magnetic, and Logan couldn’t help but be pulled closer to him, couldn’t help but revolve his entire being around him.

(There was also a meddling feeling within him that nagged that this metaphor meant Logan was also someone who was “negatively charged”, but in Logan’s defense, this was the first time he ever tried using a metaphor— cut him some slack.)

“Well, sorta kinda,” Logan replied, not letting his thoughts distract him. He sighed before continuing, “I mean, mentally, I think I’m utterly drained.”

“We been knew, sis,” Remus replied.

“Is that— what does that mean?” Logan’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, uh, it just means like, ‘we’ve known that for a long time’.” Remus explained, “I forget that you’re literally the most boomer person I’ve ever met, but nevermind that, just go on.”

Logan sighed and continued, “It’s difficult for me to recognize if I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown, mostly because I have not allowed myself to be thoroughly acquainted with my emotions, but ever since you’ve assisted me in understanding how my feelings work, I’ve suddenly realized that I have… not been okay for most of my life. Despite having your support, I still feel deeply terrified because I am usually uncertain of how horrendous my problems have gotten.

“And the fact that the others dismiss me nonchalantly doesn’t ease my troubling thoughts either. I don’t know if I’m overthinking, but I’ve noticed that their interactions with me are borderline manipulative. At times, they like to coax me into thinking that they know what’s best for me, or they accept me for who I am, but then a few moments later, I learn that they’re only being courteous because they want to utilize me for a certain issue they want to resolve.”

While fiddling with his fingers in an attempt to alleviate the unsettling emotions that arose within him, Remus spoke up, “Is that what happened a while ago, and why you got all pissy at them?”

Logan nodded with a disheartened expression, “It isn’t the first time this happened, so of course I’d be pushed towards my breaking point. I practically had to voice out my frustrations even if I know that they won’t listen to me anyway.” Logan stated, quite agitated, “It also distresses me to no end that they frequently add Thomas into these conversations. I know Thomas’s intentions are pure but when being told something repetitively, Thomas would eventually believe in what they say over what I say.”

“But doesn’t that, y’know, worsen…” Remus gestured to the flickering polygons encircling Logan, “this?”

Logan hummed, “While it doesn’t bother me as much as it did the first time around, it unfortunately delays my work schedule. Moreover, the others are still oblivious to my dilemma, and I’m… scared to confront them about the issue. There’s really no telling with them, especially if I confess that I’m on the cusp of becoming a ‘Dark’ Side. They’re going to paint me as a villain, similar to what they did to you, and I don’t— I don’t think I can handle hearing all of that.”

“I already have… an abundant amount of insecurities that I cannot seem to rationalize and it’s only worsening for… obvious reasons. You already understand I’m quite the perfectionist, so when someone informs me that I’m ‘mistaken’ or decides to disregard my contributions entirely, I feel— I feel like—” Logan shakily inhaled before continuing, “I feel worthless. Pointless. No matter what I do, it will always be deemed as useless, and I can’t help but hate myself for it.”

“Hey Logan?” Remus said softly, raising one of his hands to cup his cheek. “Breathe for me.”

Logan didn’t realize how quickened his breath had become until Remus pointed it out, and as he tried to ignore the suffocating feeling that was crushing his chest, he followed Remus’s instructions obediently. They breathed together silently, Logan attempting to not let himself cry embarrassingly in front of Remus once more.

“Hatsune Geek-u,” Remus spoke, “one or two?” Remus asked, lowering his hand.

Logan averted his gaze from Remus, thinking before he should’ve replied to his question. “Uhm,” Logan said, “While I’d like to say I’m leaning more towards two, I still feel unexplainably frustrated for some absurd reason.” Logan said wearily.

“So… a one and a half?” Remus replied comedically, and Logan failed to suppress a snort.

“Dick.” Logan rebuts, causing Remus to gasp audibly.

“Logan, this is a Christian household, don’t be a sinful little bitch,” Remus whined and Logan delightedly laughed at him.

“I didn’t realize we were holding a ‘Who can impersonate Patton the best?’ competition.” Logan joked, but then he returned to the main topic at hand, “In all seriousness, I still cannot comprehend why I feel so aggravated. Venting usually uplifts me but I suppose everything, even certain coping mechanisms, will stop working after a certain point.”

“There are other things we can try out.” Remus explained, “Before we were friends, there were a lot of things I did in my room and in the Imagination that helped me calm down. Not every problem of mine could find a solution through venting so Janus recommended that I should channel my emotions into doing something physical.”

“That actually… makes a lot of sense— considering you’re a very active and energetic person and all.” Logan said, “But I’m vastly dissimilar from you in a physical sense, Remus. I can barely lift a single Encyclopedia book without toppling over.”

“God you are a weakling, but that doesn’t matter! I’m not your gym instructor, dork, I’m still your local rat bastard and I have some… fun plans up my sleeve.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “What are you suggesting?”.

“Okay, hear me out—”

“Oh God.”

“It’s going to sound a little weird—”

“That was to be expected.”

“But hear me out.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Plate throwing.” Remus suggested, slightly starry eyed as if what he said was the most magnificent thing on earth. Logan, on the other hand, was quite the opposite. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern as his lips thinned in disapproval. That didn’t dissuade the more chaotic side from summoning multiple sets of plates on the table, all stacked neatly, ready to be used.

“Remus,” Logan spoke sternly. “It’s late.”

“And?”

“We might disturb Janus and Orange.” Logan explained, “Considering Orange’s unhinged state and how exhausted Janus must be, I don’t think it is the smartest idea to throw plates.”

“I promise you, the other two won’t care.” Remus told him, “Orange literally plays Catholic praise songs all the fucking time— he won’t notice anything that’s going on outside of his room. And Janus? He soundproofed his room because… well, there’s this one time I did an experiment with horny foxes and lemme tell ya— he did not like that. After that, he literally wasn’t bothered by anything else. I once decided to test how soundproof his room was by blasting Megalovania on ten thousand speakers but he didn’t hear anything. Nothing at all. Zip. Zilch. Nada—”

“Okay, okay, I understand.” Logan said, still quite reluctant to participate, “Why do you even have these plates?”

“Well, remember the art project I was doing where I decided to make a replica of the town from that horror manga using weird materials?”

Logan’s eyes lit up, “The one of Junji Ito’s Uzumaki?”

Remus snapped his fingers with a grin, “Bingo.” he affirmed, “I’m almost finished with the thing save for this entire area with like, bones and er, I can’t really explain it well but imagine human bodies made out of concrete.”

“A very comforting image.” Logan remarked sarcastically.

“I know, right?” Remus replied jestingly, “I thought broken, ceramic plates would be a fun material to work with— not because it seemed like an appropriate material for the rubble but I just thought breaking plates would be fun to do. I was going to do it on my own but it seems like you’re willing to break a few plates for yourself. Y’know, as a release.”

Using one of his tentacles, Remus chucked a plate at Logan who caught it accurately. “Remus, you know I love you very much, and I do want to help contribute to your wonderful art project, but this is somewhat too childish for—”

Interrupting Logan’s spiel, Remus snapped his fingers loudly. Logan blinked twice in bewilderment, unsure of why Remus did that in the first place, but then, he noticed that something behind Remus had changed. The dark hardwood cupboards had some pinned banners on them with each depicting one of the three “Light” Sides. What intrigued Logan the most were the giant red circles that surrounded their faces; Logan guessed that they were painted on by Remus. The circles that enveloped the sides made it seem like Logan was supposed to target them as if they were—

Oh.

“Remus,” Logan spoke.

“Yes?” Remus said chipperly.

“Am I supposed to—?”

“Go for it.” Remus insisted, giving Logan a nod of encouragement.

Logan glanced at the plate he carried in his glitching palms, noticing how his fatigued expression was shining back at him due to how clean the plate was. Like always, his eyebags were incredibly pronounced, and it seemed like a new wrinkle had developed on his forehead. And… were those white strands of hair tucked behind his ear?

Logan grimaced— how long has he been this tired?

He raised his head and looked at the three pictures of the other sides. All three pictures developed a sense of dread within him. Besides the fear that was eating him from the inside out, there were several other side effects like the sweatiness and unsteadiness of his palms, the dryness of his throat, and the sudden urge to rip the banners off the cupboards and tear them to shreds.

Logan bet Remus deliberately made each picture show the others at their highest, all of them smiling and laughing mockingly at Logan. At weak, frail, useless Logan.

Logan looked down at his plate again. The same weary expression stared back at him.

And when he looked back at the cupboards, each of the sides were still smiling in blissful ignorance. They fucking knew Logan was exhausted, they knew he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

And yet, they laughed anyway.

Just like that, something buried deep within Logan cracked. Raising the arm that was handling the plate, he ferociously hurled it towards the cupboards. The suppressed wrath he has forcibly ignored for years seeped out all at once, and for the first time, Logan let it happen, he let himself be angry.

And honestly, with how many times they viewed Logan as a controllable utility, with how many times they’ve figuratively stabbed him in the back, with how many times they’ve dumped all the responsibilities on Logan without asking if he was alright— Logan deserved to get outraged.

An earsplitting, loud crack was heard, its sound reverberating across the “Dark” Sides’ living room and kitchen.

The plate precisely hit the cupboard with the picture of Patton, its pieces exploding right at the center. It was incredibly scary how Logan was able to execute a perfect and direct shot at Patton despite how his glitches made him constantly spasm.

“Holy—“ Remus spoke as Logan withdrew his hand. Logan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, quite astonished at his accuracy. “Holy shit.” Remus remarked proudly, the large grin on his face suggesting that he was extremely impressed by Logan.

“Holy shit indeed,” Logan murmured, similarly as stunned as Remus. “That was… surprisingly exhilarating.” Logan stated, a smile creeping unto his face.

“Fucking yes,” Remus grabbed two more plates from the stack, “I feel like a proud mother watching their child graduate,” Remus remarked, and before Logan could have commented on how strange Remus’s statement was, Remus aggressively chucked the two plates he carried towards the pictures of Roman and Virgil. His movements were so quick that Logan could’ve sworn he felt a cool breeze brush past him when Remus threw the plates.

“That’s what you get for abandoning me, fuckin’ assholes!” Remus hollered, emitting an impressed laugh from Logan.

“I think the best word to describe what I feel is ‘Mood’.” Logan responded, snatching a handful of plates for himself.

“Glad you understand, but if you really do relate, then you should keep throwing your plates, Invader Simp.” Remus stated, “And whatever you do, do not hold back.”

Logan didn’t need to be instructed twice before chucking his plates mercilessly, unleashing all the rage and energy he possessed within. Every time he heard a vicious crack or the sound of the ceramic pieces colliding with one another violently, an overwhelming, thrilling sensation washed through him. Remus wasn’t exempted from this feeling either, his face expressing pure ecstasy and enjoyment, and that only increased how entertained Logan was.

Additionally, the countless insults and jabs they had for the other sides only enthralled Logan more, making this experience oddly therapeutic.

“Quite unfair of you, Virgil, that your asshole demeanor is always glossed over by Thomas and his fans when you’ve threatened to cut my air supply on camera. Oh, but of course Patton insists you’re a sweet, harmless, angelic—”

Another crashing noise, “To be fair, Patton’s pretty fucking stupid.” Remus interrupted, throwing another plate at the worn out picture of Patton, “Plus he has ten Minion posters in his room.”

“Eugh.”

“At least he isn’t like Roman. Stupid Roman who acts as if everything Thomas does is his doing.” Remus grabbed an excessive amount of plates, throwing at Roman’s photo, “Last time I checked, it was me who helped Thomas when he was cast in Heathers—”

“And it was me who helped Thomas schedule all his auditions.” Logan commented irritatedly, “They act as if I didn’t contribute anything to Thomas’s theatre career, act as if I’m the villain, when it was me who had to adapt to a sudden change in Thomas’s career. They say they hate me for wanting a different future for Thomas when they were the first ones to change Thomas’s life plans without my permission!”

“Say it louder for the people in the back, sister!”

“Wait, ‘people in the back’...? Is someone watching u—”

“Shit, wait, I forget you are a literal boomer, sorry,” Remus said, “What I mean is, you’re abso-fucking-lutely right.” he added, and while doing so, he decided to put some of his tentacles into good use. Picking up an entire stack of plates, he tossed them one by one at each picture. The table was getting emptier now, with only one stack of plates left, “All of them are massive hypocrites and it’s starting to piss me off.”

“Agreed,” Logan affirmed. Slightly jealous Remus was hogging all the plates to himself, Logan challenged his physical strength by grabbing the entire last stack of plates for himself to throw. While this earned some concerned look from Remus, Remus didn’t protest against Logan’s decision. This was enough encouragement for Logan to hurl the dishes relentlessly against the cupboards, creating a clamorous noise as every single plate shattered into uneven pieces.

“Woah,” Remus said in awe as he casually chucked the last plate he was holding, “I would like to see this feral side of you more, Logan.”

Logan cracked his knuckles, feeling oddly satisfied after that session of plate throwing, “Thank you,” Logan told Remus, “I’m thinking you’ll get to see it more when I have fully converted into becoming a ‘Dark’ Side.”

“Oh, it’ll match with the ‘Dark’ Side aesthetic we have, I’m sure of it.”

“Good,” Logan said.

There was a comfortable silence exchanged between both sides as the adrenaline began to wear off. It was only at this moment they realized how much damage they’ve created outside the broken plates as the cupboards are now embellished with multiple scratches and chipped off wood. Additionally, some of the broken ceramics were scattered on the other countertops, and it seemed like some of the appliances nearby were also caught in the crossfire. Logan should’ve known that once the banners have started ripping, they should’ve halted their plate throwing to examine the safety of the other equipment in the kitchen.

Ah well. He still didn’t regret participating in the activity anyway.

“This should be enough.” Remus said, sweeping the plate remnants up with his tentacles. Each appendage was seen efficiently picking up the fragments, dusting off specks of dirt found on them, and delicately placing the pieces on the countertops. Logan doesn’t understand why Remus decided to choose the countertops over the tables, but he doesn’t make an effort to inquire about the matter.

“That is… more than what I expected.” Logan mentioned, “I suppose we got too carried away with our endeavors.”

“Doesn’t mean it was a bad thing,” Remus told him, and somehow, he was holding a nail filer. Logan assumed he was going to polish the shards using the filer to precisely imitate the sculptures and skulls from the book.

“While I did admit we were a bit overwhelmed by the thrill of the activity, I did not specify it being a horrible experience.” Logan corrected him, “In fact, I actually… enjoyed it. And it’s rare for me to find physical activities like these exhilarating.”

“See? This is why you don’t doubt The Duke,” Remus said, leaning against the table as he let his tentacles do all the cleanup work, “And you’re welcome, Elpha-bae Thropp,” added Remus, and somehow, that nickname made something in Logan’s heart swell. Swell in a positive or negative sense, he didn’t know.

“That is an upgrade from ‘Swell-phaba Thropp’.” Logan replied.

“Ugh, don’t even remind me of that atrocious nickname.” Remus said, nostrils slightly flared.

“I won’t, but the nickname has very close ties to some memories I hold dear, so pardon me if I ever bring it up again in the future.” Logan said, referencing the first time he and Remus had shared an intimate moment with one another. He was glad to see Remus’s expression soften as he seemed to have recalled it as well.

“Aw, you’re being a sap again,” Remus commented, leaning his chin against his hands as his arms were propped atop of the table. He gazed at Logan dreamily, “That suddenly made me hate the nickname less now.”

“I didn’t say it was a good nickname,” Logan retorted with a smirk.

“You hurt my pride, love, I am wounded,” Remus said, putting a hand dramatically on his chest.

Logan almost sputtered upon hearing the nickname but only managed to raise his eyebrows. Remus typically coated his nicknames with a joke, or some kind of atrocious pun but this was something different, and Logan couldn’t have helped but feel flustered because of it. “‘Love’?” Logan murmured, and immediately, he felt the atmosphere of the room shift.

Remus immediately looked apologetic, and Logan could’ve sworn one of his tentacles almost dropped one of the plate fragments it was holding, but Remus was quick to defend himself, “Ah, my apologies, I know you don’t want to rush things and I’m— well, I am Remus, so words just slip out of my mouth and—”

“No it’s— it’s quite alright.” Logan instantly corrected him, “I apologize too if I, uhm, swiftly dismiss your acts of affection. I know I’m not—” Logan’s voice decided to betray him and crack involuntarily, “I’m just not well adjusted to, er, romance, and anything of the like. It’s— it’s not that I don’t enjoy it, per se, I genuinely appreciate the relationship we have now, but I just… do not know if what I’ve been giving back to you is enough to satisfy you? I understand I’m quite monotonous and stoic so I’m not always— I cannot find— I’m trying to—” Logan sucked in a breath as he shut his eyes, “I’m just… very awful at this kind of stuff.”

Logan should’ve known Remus was still going to be compassionate about his problems, would’ve still been unexplainably considerate despite how Logan is the way he is, but a single pesky thought lingered in his head, whispering how Remus might decide to just end it, how Remus might just tell Logan to forget about everything they’ve ever done.

(Logan really had forgotten that his insecurities about being worthless to the other sides are different from the insecurities about not being enough for Remus, huh. Calming down those intrusive thoughts obviously paved the way for other ones to take over, and unfortunately, those ones all involve Remus in one way or another.)

There was a troubled expression on Remus’s face, and Logan was bracing himself for the absolute worst thing to come out of Remus’s mouth. But then—

“Logan, you know I love you, but what on earth are you talking about?” Logan stared at him blankly, thinking he misheard what Remus said, but Remus still appeared to be extremely baffled. “Logan, you do know that you can’t measure affection, and even if you do, you’re damn good at providing it.” Remus stated, leaning closer to Logan with arms planted on the table, “More than anything, I feel like I’m the one doing something wrong here.”

And now it was Logan’s turn to look perplexed, “You? Remus, you’re the more romantic and affectionate one—”

“That is exactly what I mean!” Remus exclaimed, making Logan appear to be even more confused. “What I mean is, I feel like I’m taking things too fast when I know we promised to let this… thing we have to be more gradual. I know we’re allowed to be fond with one another, I’m not that stupid, but I’m kinda scared that I’m being too gross or intrusive or quick or—”

“Remus.” Logan cut him off before he would inevitably begin to spiral downwards, “Out of everyone, you told me to love myself for who I am. And I admit, I do struggle a bit sometimes, but you need to take in your own advice as well.” Logan said while Remus gazed at the table, lips curved downwards, “You’re not gross, nor are you someone who’s ‘too much’. You’re enough for me, Remus, and I admire all the efforts you make to show your fondness for me.”

Remus then began to look up, directly gazing at Logan, and his frown softened. Like the chaotic side he is, he jumped on the table quickly and pushed himself forward to move closer to Logan. They were then in the same position they were in the first time they met tonight, Remus sitting cross-legged on the table as he loomed above Logan who leaned close to him.

“Thank you, dork,” Remus said, “I could also say the same for you, though. You can’t say you’re doing ‘too little’ when you’ve literally done so much for me. Even small things like listening to me rant about my gory fantasies make me feel happy. Or loved. Or appreciated or wanted, but you get the point. Don’t you ever think that you’re doing less than stellar when literally everything you do is enough for me. You’re enough for me too, Logan.”

“Remus,” Logan gazed at him, and this time, it was him with the glossy eyes, “I’m getting too emotional and it’s almost 3AM,” Logan told him, “but that… that means so much to me. Thank you so, so much.”

“You sound like you’re on your deathbed.” Remus said, earning a chuckle from Logan. “But you’re welcome, love.”

This time, the nickname made Logan flush crimson, and Logan didn’t last long before he leaned his forehead against Remus’s chest once again, wrapping his arms around the green-clad side like the flustering idiot he is.

“Aw,” Remus said, bringing his hand to pat the logical side, “You actually like it when I call you love.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“I almost hate you.”

“And I love you too.” Remus replied, kissing the top of Logan’s hair lovingly.

And that sums up their relationship well, doesn’t it? Their insecurities forgotten thanks to their fondness for one another. A weird yet lovely symbiotic relationship that made Logan feel genuinely happy— something he hadn’t experienced much since Thomas’s teenage years. Logan always thought he never deserved experiencing joy anyway— but Remus showed him that he did, convinced him he was worthy enough. Logan would’ve never thought this gore-obsessed, chaotic trash man made his heart swell the way it does now, would’ve never thought this trash man would have helped Logan overcome his insecurities using the oddest of methods—

But Logan wouldn’t have it any other way.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #remus angst #logan angst #fanfiction #my post

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