#anyway that plus maybe i associate a typically gendered term with like. simply a sound of comfort or nostalgia in a moment
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does anyone else like, misgender themselves because i do and i find it so embarrassing and it makes me feel both ashamed AND that i’m Faking™️ somehow
#*deep space noises*#i know it probs comes from a double of ‘i know other people misgender me so im trying to ‘translate’ so to speak’#like how i see more american media and ive had to translate trousers to pants so often that sometimes i skip straight to pants#regardless of context#anyway that plus maybe i associate a typically gendered term with like. simply a sound of comfort or nostalgia in a moment#like i just tried to persuade myself to do something by saying ‘ok be a brave girl’#im not a girl but since ppl wouldnt have used neutral nouns with me as a child#and neutral nouns in general like person or child etc feel kinda... clinical or detatched#my brain is trying to sift tjrough its memory banks looking for kind or soothing language thats been said to be#and since i havent come out fully since leaving school or spoken to myself like that#my brain is trying to pull from SOMEWHERE familiar#sigh. well trying to understand the process here has helped a lil at least
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