#anyway my point is its really nice seeing Astarion able to achieve these things
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All that trauma and bullshit and he still has the capacity to trust and have a healing journey?? To love? I think a lot of people don't fully grasp just how difficult that is
#bg3#astarion#seriously#speaking from experience trust is HARD#I have friends. Plenty. Do I trust them? to a point. I trust them in the sense that I love them and trust them to be friends#I trust them to be there for me - to a point. I trust that they're trying (maybe I just don't trust myself to be worth it??)#But I don't trust them not to hurt me eventually. I'm always preparing myself for that#and I don't trust them to keep me safe. Even when they're bigger or stronger than I am#I'm always prepared to get in front of them if something happens. even if I know I'll get hurt from it.#feeling that way is tiring. but its so hard to turn off#I don't think I've even fully felt safe with/trusted anyone I've been with romantically. Not for lack of trying#tbh I don't think anyone can make me feel safe#or maybe I just don't give people the chance to. I probably don't#in my defense tho someone I loved deeply tried to murder me several times SO I think it's pretty damn understandable to feel this way#anyway my point is its really nice seeing Astarion able to achieve these things#trust. healing. a happy ending. love#all those things feel insurmountable in the face of trauma#i need to stop rambling like this#q
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