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#and with kids neber will be in? i won’t have a kid. i knew this but I didn’t /know/ this I won’t be able to follow
hobisexually · 2 years
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#hi I am back with a long tag post about how I can’t keep up with life#very boring 30 year old stuff that I am struggling with very much and isn’t interesting to anyone#but I just put on my hobi playlist to feel better and instead sobbed so hard to just dance (which is a very happy song I don’t even enjoy)#that my pillow is soaked through so obviously sleep isn’t gonna happen until I get this out somewhere#so first. get this. one of my best and longest friends gets engaged and lets 1.5 months go by before she bothers to tell me#in front of four other friends who are decidedly less close to her but we all found out simultaneously.#Bad enough. you get confronted with the fleetingness of life and friendships and how everything changes even when you don’t want it to.#then. you talk it out. another friend’s dad just died. another one just bought a house and is moving away#engaged friend comes by again? And suddenly says she’s gonna get try to pregnant within the remainder of the year#and suddenly I’m hit with the fact that our friendship will never be TBE same and the life I thought we would live together is just not#gonna line up? We’re not gonna hit the clubs we’re not gonna go on adventures we’re not gonna paint the town red now that I’m a little bit#more chill re: covid. All of that? Gone. i thought I could make up for all of it but all my friends are in stages I’m not in#and with kids neber will be in? i won’t have a kid. i knew this but I didn’t /know/ this I won’t be able to follow#I’ll be aunt amber and I’ll love all their kids to the moon and back but I won’t follow. i know I don’t want kids#but I don’t think I thought about it before. what that would mean in relation to others#and I also just pictured myself with my own baby and though I don’t want it I never envisioned it and now I can’t stop crying#over the fact that I won’t have a baby. And it’s by choice yes but it doesn’t make it easy????????#I’m suddenly saying goodbye to a life I’m closing the door on and that’s. terrifying#and I’m so. so scared I’ll end up all alone and never find love or fulfilment#30 is great in terms of feeling calmer and knowing what you want bht this whole ………. this whole thing?#i HATE it I HATE it I can’t stop crying and I’m panicking I HATE IT#FUCK. CHANGE TRULY FUCK IT ALL#and FUCK everything the last two years have taken away from me and how low I was because of it and how hard my friendships got because of it#can I STOP crying now that would be GREAT
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mrs-falcon · 4 years
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Unexpected Savior [SotRW]
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*WARNING: Following text contains slight mention of blood and cursing*
      Thirteen hours per day, working among assholes, doing the same shit no-one would do and still I don't have enough money for my on flat. Fuck, how I hate this life.; The older wolf was about to end his shift like the last day, and the day before. Everything was repetitive, meaningless. Since the day the wolf lost his family, everything seemed incredibly long. Days turned into months for him and every single minute in his life was a suffering. There wasn't a single second he'd stopped regreting not saving his family, not being there when they needed. Now, the wolf is paying for this terrible mistake. Wish I could finally die and see you all again... thought the suffering creature.
      "Yo, Vincent! Clean the second floor and take out trash before ya leave, or Frederich's gonna kick your ass!" shouted the rabbit throught the long metal hall and as soon as he finished yelling, he ran away. "Fuck you, Clark." Even though Vincent hated being commanded by the others, he had to do as he was told.
      The metal factory Vincent was working in, belonged to his half-brother Frederich Manson. Formerly, it was their father's property but after their father passed away - to be certain, was murdered - all of the property inherited his second lovable son. Vincent had never had such a good relationship with his father like Frederich had. In fact, their father blamed Vincent for his first wife's death. Vincent hated this cruel beast that hungered for money and reputation, the same goes for the second son. The wolf neber wanted his father's property which was bult on others' corpses. But after that "incident" with his family happened, Vincent was glad Frederich offered him a job in this factory and a secret stayment as well. If Vincent didn't listen to his brother's orders, now his boss, Frederich would let him arrest for whatsoever reason. As a wealthy and powerful person, you can do anything.
      The night have already swallowed the city and Vincent was about to truely end this day. "Just this trash and after that I can finally have some sleep, jeez." As the wolf was leaving to the containers by rear entrance of the building, he heard some noises. Before he could step out, some gang ran away as the lights turned on. This was normal in this big city. Still it's better not to get in their way. Vincent suddenly remembered his "teenagehood" spending on the streets like this to make some money. Even for such a strong wolf it is still a living nightmare, what he had to do to take care of himself...
      As the wolf got closer to the containers, he noticed something. Something lying on the trashbags. A strong iron smell hit his nose. Blood. There was definitely someone lying. Now the reason why that gang ran away so quickly was clear. They have murdered someone. Vincent's mind was suddenly filled with so many questions. Have they been in this location for a long time? How many people have they killed yet? What is their main reason? "..." Have THEY murdered my family? Rage and sadness ran through his entire body. Vincent knew this feeling, just like that time ago. Expecting them to be alive, but...
      Vincent stepped closer to see that body better. A shock made him freeze and only stare at the body covered in blood. IT'S A KID?! Vincent couldn't believe what was he seeing. Why have they attacked a kid?! The wolf hunkered down, terrified what he was seeing. A tiny weak body beaten down, torn clothes and... missing half face. The small cat's head was pouring out so much blood, her eye was almost scratched out, the long scar cutting her ear, fur soaked in blood. It was definitely over.
      Vincent looked away. This reminded him of his daughter. "Those bastards..." he said slowely and bitterly. Suddenly the cat's other ear twitched. Vincent allerted his ears and took a surprised look at her. She is still breathing! Vincent checked the pulse on her neck. The pulse was weak, but her heart's still beating. What should I do, what should I do?; panicked the wolf in his mind. I can't call the police, they would suspect me as the murderer. Vincent looked around, then glanced back at the battered kid. I can't leave her just like that... The wolf gently picked her up and headed back to the factory building. "Don't worry, kid. I won't let you die." There's a first aid kit for an urgent cases for employees,; thought the wolf. I hope it will be enough...
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**NOTE:
I'm starting to like drawing only with black and white palette 'cuz colours suck xd I spent like... 45min on deciding colours for Vincent?? And I'm still disappointed with the final result plus screens of pc and tablet ALWAYS show diffenrent colours and it's so confusing sdsssaf Ok, it's enought of complaining and NOW straight to the story - this is Vincent's and Raven's first meet... The story might sound really edgy but I put so much effort into this I can't wait to write down more "chapters"  (I have actually more, but I want them to public with drawings so shhh) This is probably the very first part of everything in SotRW (Shadows of the Real World, my universe).
Artwork, story, characters & SotRW (universe) © me
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Tag Game
Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people
Tagged by @kdfrqqg It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these lol. I wasn’t even in the SPN fandom the last time I did one. 
1. Drink? Pepsi
2. Phone call? My dad
3. Text message? My sister
4. Song you listened to? Say You Won’t Let Go by: James Arthur (literally gives me goose bumps every time I listen to it.) 
5. Time you cried? 4th of July (Don’t ask) 
6. Dated someone twice? No, I’ve only ever had one REAL boyfriend and a bunch or near misses
7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Never kissed anyone 
8. Been cheated on? Nope
9. Lost someone special? Yes 
10. Been depressed? Yes, like all the time 
11. Favorite colors? Purple, Blue, and recently Red 
In the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends? Yes
16. Fallen out of love? Love-love no, semi-love yes 
17. Laughed until you cried? I dont think I’ve ever laughed til i cried??? Laughed until my stomach hurt sure but not til i cried 
18. Found out someone was talking about you? Unfortunately 
19. Met someone who changed you? Yes, not in a good way 
20. Found out who your friends are? 100% yes I love my girls so much
21. Kissed someone on your facebook list? No one that wasnt in like a family matter 
General 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? a solid 97% only because some are family that ive never met. 
23. Do you have any pets? No Dad hates pets, but do babies count? because they are equally as frustrating and I live with two under the age of 3.
24. Do you want to change your name? yes too many jokes and annoying nicknames
25. What did you do for your last birthday? Got my hair done, had some pudding cake, and went to Iguana Mia for a free lunch with my mom and her boyfriend and then binged Gilmore Girls b/c mom didnt feel well so we went home and did nothing after like 2. 
26. What time did you wake up? 7:30 because of the babies I live with but didnt get out of bed till 8:15
27. What were you doing at midnight last night? On here actually 
28. Name something you can’t wait for: Graduating College but that ties with Getting Married 
29. When was the last time you saw your mom? a few weeks ago?? I know im horrible but her work schedule is all over the place and my life is so unpredictable but i do try and talk to her every other day. 
31. What are you listening to right now? My family messing around 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? yes
33. Something that is getting on your nerves? my job not giving me shifts and my step nephew with his lack of respect for adults 
34. Most visited website? Tumblr
35. Hair colour? Dark brown with a tint of burgundy because I havent gotten it dyed since december (my bday) and red washes out real fast but leaves subtle traces especially in the sun
36. Long or short hair? As of now on the shoter side, like shoulder length, but if you would have caught me a month ago it would have been hella long got 10 inches cut off 
37. Do you have a crush on someone? As of now NO because my last crush stomped on my heart and crushed then ran it over with a semi so I have sworn off men unless celebrities count????
38. What do you like about yourself? Honestly, right now nothing thats one of my issues. BUT if I had to pick I guess my loyalty??
39. Piercings: just your standard, run of the mill ear piercing 
40. Blood type: 0+
41. Nickname: Don’t have one because I refuse to share what my mom called me throughout my childhood. So i just go my full name Sommer
42. Relationship status: single and hating men 
43. Zodiac: Sagittarius 
44. Pronouns: She/Her
45. Favourite tv show: UGGGHHH too many. SPN, most superhero shows, most crime dramas, Greys Anatomy, and more. I used to be a tv addict and started watching a bunch of shows and although i dont watch them much anymore doesnt mean i dont still love them
46. Tattoos: Yes, on my right foot. Its part two to a quote that me and my sister got together. “....but thankful for the one ive got.” she got “A perfect sister i am not.....” 
47. Right or left handed: Right
48. Surgery: If getting my wisdom teeth taking out (all four of them at once) counts then yes other than that no.
49. Piercing: Already answered 
50. Sport: None, I suck at all sports and hate them all too. I was and am more of a book person than a ball person, but I do enjoy a leisure swim on occasion
51. Vacation: Would love to take one but im broke. My last was a high school trip right before i started my senior year where we traveled through five states making stops in each until we ended in indiana for the convention we needed to go to and then came back.
52. Pair of trainers: don’t know what this means
53. Eating: I wish I was lol My dinner sucked ass. Man, I wish I had a nice juicy steak right now with a baked potato and asparagus yum 
54. Drinking: at the moment nothing but the last thing I drank was at like 2 pm and now its almost 10 (oooppps) and that was a mocha coffee from DD
55. I’m about to: take a shower then outline some god damned stories that are haunting me right now 
56. Waiting for? something good to happen in my life for once 
57. Want? To be prettier, but I am slowly losing weight which is helping that problem. OOOOHHH and my best friends to be with me right now
58. Get married? I would love to at some point. Not anytime soon, but I also have to find someone who can put up with my difficult moody ass for the rest of our lives sooo..... that could be awhile
59. Career? Now none after college hopefully a forensic scientist/CSI since that is what my degree is going to be in
60. Hugs or kisses? Bith
61. Lips or eyes? On an S/O eyes hands down on me i guess my eyes
62. Shorter or taller? On an S/O taller I guess I have a type lol a bit of a height kink. On me shorter im only 5′2
63. Older or younger? Older although if it was only like 2 years younger Ii would be cool with that just not any further 
64. Nice arms or nice stomach? These questions are so superficial and I feel superficial for answering them but I guess in a S/O stomach on me I have neither soo...
65. Hook up or relationship? Relationship, im a sappy sappy romantic at heart a hook up is too impersonal and so crass I want the feelings 
66. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant
67. Kissed a stranger: No
68. Drank hard liquor: Being that I am only 19 I’m legally obligated to say no, but my oldest sister is a horrible influence so I may have had a taste a few times 
69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No but I have lost a retainer, twice, in the garbage. Yeah my parents werent to happy with me 
70. Turned someone down: Depends? for a date no. for anything havent we all. sex never been offered.
71. Sex on the first date: Virgin, so no and I’ve only had one real boyfriend that wasnt really a relationship anyway so yeah
72. Broken someone’s heart: I want to say no, but I guess I have not in a relationship way but you can break anyones heart for any nimber of reasons
73. Had your heart broken: Hell the fuck yeah but so many damn people 
74. Been arrested: No, close once but the store guy let me go on a warning
75. Cried when someone died:  Yes, doesnt everyone unless the deseased is like an axe murderer or something
76. Fallen for a friend: Ugh this question. I hate it so much. Yes, that boyfriend I mentioned that was the situation and that didnt end well. And then my sophomre year I was like in LOVE with this kid I had known back in elementary school and he was my best friend and he was out of my league and let me down gently. Then i fell for my frenemy my senior year, but he neber knew and it was just a phase for me I guess it didnt last long 
Do you believe in… 77. yourself?  Wish the answer was yes, maybe come again another day? 
78. Miracles?  sometimes 
79. love at first sight?  I would like to but Ii just can’t
80. Santa claus? I wish, but I am glad to pretend for my niece and nephew 
81. Kiss on the first date? Sure if it went well 
82. Angels? Nope. Sorry 
Other 83. Current best friend’s name: Well, I got three. They are my girls, my squad. Weve all been best friends for going on 4 four years. Sam, Dana, Solange 
84. Eye colour:  Brown, boring I know
85. Favourite movie: Can’t choose just one so like the entire Marvel franchise? Can I do that? Too bad I just did 
Im supposed to tag 20 more people but honestly my hands are cramping its after 10 and I really need a shower so if you want to take a crack at this I totally encourage you too. 
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