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talldarkandroguesome · 3 years

Text

19th of Morning Star, Tirdas

I spent the early part of the afternoon in quiet contemplation and prayer. I did not wish to overstep any boundaries and wear out my welcome. So I avoided the dining area and any areas outside of the places where one might pray. And of those, I tried to remain away from where any groups were congregated.

As I stood and turned to leave one of the rooms because others were filling in, I caught sight of the Earl. His eyes met mine and he approached, looking annoyed at the sight of me, and asked what I was doing here.

I tried not to let that bother me too much. I had hoped that his opinion of me would not have gotten worse. Though after that, I fear that it may have.

Noticing how many people were about, I asked if we might have a little privacy for me to explain. He nodded and led me to a room away from any of his followers.

I went through a brief explanation about going to Coldharbour to stop the Planemeld and fighting the Prince of Pain and retrieving my soul. Then I pulled out the satchel holding it and said that my soul was contained within a soul gem, not yet back within my body.

We had discussed some of my predicament before and he had been so understanding and willing to assist me, I thought it best to be completely honest with him about things if I should have any hope of success. I knew that, if the plan I had come up with was impossible or unwise, he was likely to offer an appropriate alternative. So I laid out my plan to offer our Prince my soul as a sign of devotion and asked for his assistance.

He brought his hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed deeply. I realized that this was even more of an imposition than I had hoped.

After a moment he told me that I was asking for a lot. I knew that it had been, but for him to say as much meant it was far greater a request than I had realized.

The Earl said that typically items offered to our Prince were destroyed within the process.

I pressed upon him the gravity of my situation, that were my soul to reenter my body, with my House knowing my situation, I was certain to be killed as soon as I regained my mortality. That similarly, if they could find my soul gem, they would seek to destroy it as well. That I knew that it was possibly unwise, but that it was the best of a great deal of poor options. I asked if the offering of my soul meant that it would be destroyed for certain.

He said that if it was offered in by conventional means tat it almost certainly would be. However, he explained, if we preformed a summoning ritual that Mephala would likely send a messenger to retrieve the offered item.

I cannot say that such a prospect did not cause me immediate concern. Daedra are only so obedient to their Princes and it is in their nature to seek to harm mortals. It is hard to say what outcome might befall me in such a case.

Yet what choice had I? I felt rather defeated after everything, if I am honest. I said that I had known that it was a slim chance that it would be possible. That I was too naive to have realized just how slim. I made sure to thank him for always being so patient with me. And I asked him realistically what he thought my chances of success might be.

The Earl told me that there was no harm in trying, so long as I was willing to accept the consequences of my success or failure. I nodded and had to think for a moment.

I trusted the Earl’s judgement in this. He is always fair and honest with me about such important matters, and for all his annoyance in my invading his nest, he does always make sure to support me.

A part of me feared what might happen should I fail, but I also knew that in these despairing times the most important thing to do was to have faith. If I cannot put my life and soul into the hands of my Prince, then I should not follow Him. While I know it is a dangerous enterprise and surely far more risky than is smart, I had so few options available, it was best to give myself over to fate. My Prince is a spinner of fates and weaver of plans concerning mortal lives. If I have done enough by Her will, then I know that He would open Her eight arms and welcome me.

So I told the Earl that I was ready to accept whatever consequence befell me and asked what was the next step moving forward.

He said that he did not know if we would succeed in performing a summoning ritual outside of the Spinner's summoning day, another nine months, and said that Her realm is not close enough to Nirn for us mortals to muster the sheer magickal power required to summon a prince. In the meantime. So he suggested a simple offering of nightshade which would indicate a desire to communicate while putting the burden of breaching the veil onto the Prince rather than us mortals.

I admitted that it was not an option I had considered because I had always thought myself unworthy of presuming to ask our Prince to come to Nirn for my request and asked for instruction. I had heard others speak of attempting such things in the past, but I thought they were being too conceited to believe that a mortal’s whims were worth bothering a god over.

The Earl gave me the very simple instructions and I asked him about the nightshade of the offering.

After he was finished, I asked how safe I was in this nest, given the anti-Pact sentiment common in the Isles. He told me that he believed that if I did not bother them, they would likely not bother me.

I agreed to keep my distance and stay out of the way. Then I made my very sincere thanks for his hospitality. I apologized for continuing to have to lean upon his generosity. I said I simply did not know where else I could turn. I trusted no others who I could reach. That his wisdom was appreciated more than I could express in words. And then I gave him a formal bow.

He told me that if I used the altar tonight, I should not be bothered by anyone else and I agreed that I would proceed with haste.

I took my leave and returned to praying from the darkest corners of rooms.

As the hours past, and I admit it is so strange to be back in a place where time passes properly again, I made more prayers to my Prince. I asked for good luck in collecting nightshade and for Her to accept my soul. When dusk began to creep in, I redressed myself in my disguise, then carefully made my way outside and searched for nightshade.

I said a small prayer of thanks to Azura for providing me cover.

I managed to find a small nightshade plant that was in bloom. I realized belatedly how lucky I was that we were in the Isles, where it was warm enough for the nightshade to be in bloom, rather than back east where it was cold enough that there would not be any blossoms to find.

Carefully, I scooped up the plant, including the roots and some soil. I wanted to make sure it was as fresh as possible until I placed the flower on the altar after midnight.

I brought the whole thing back to the Cathedral and I have been carefully keeping it within a bowl so that it does not lose moisture or soil. I continue my prayers.

I went by the altar and, as the Earl said, it is empty now, even after midnight. Yet I need to work up my nerve. I know that I may cease to exist hereafter.

I have written some letters and tucked them into the pages behind this in the event that I have passed. Hopefully this book would be found and those letters delivered to those who they are addressed to.

The Three guide me.

#ESO #TES #RP #Dunmer #Elder Scrolls Online #The Elder Scrolls

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