#and they always fuck the kon&clark relationship which always makes me want to bite.
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when people act like the only problems kon ever has are a) tim dating bernard and b) lex luthor
#rimi talks#every time i see another of those posts its just ben affleck with cig.png#deep fried ben with cig.png#i love my little boy more than you i dare you i dare you etc#lex can be an interesting and fun villain in kon's life but so many people are just... geofflike about it.#and they always fuck the kon&clark relationship which always makes me want to bite.#and as for tim/ber its just like.... do w/e idc but leave kon out of it if ur just gonna treat him as an accessory to tim lmao#hes his own character not just tims abandoned love interest#and i say this as someone who LIKES timkon!!!#but the timkon i like is like. yknow. the canon comic book interactions they have. where they have like. mutual respect and shit#not cardboard cutout kon who's only there to prop up wishy washy drippy pathetic nothing tim#tough to like timkon while the entire fucking timkon tag is my enemy
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Too Bad Santa’s Dead
Prompt: “Too Bad Santa’s Dead” (Bones s3e9)
I know, I know... A Jew writing a Christmas fic... I am confused about it myself. Anywho, here's a fic that was prompted from a line in a Bones episode from a rewatch and... and basically I wrote this in May. I wrote a Christmas fic in May and I'm a Jew so like... yeah. Join the confusion.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all who celebrate and by the by Tim and Kon are aged-up to at least 18 because yeah.
ao3
“Dude, this sucks.” Kon said as he floated over the dead Santa.
“You know I’m an atheist, right?” Tim poked at the body and finished his oral report on the body and crime scene.
“Hey, I’m only part-Christian but that doesn’t mean this doesn’t suck.”
Tim rolled his eyes. “Santa isn’t real, Kon.”
“How do you know? I’m a clone of an alien and an evil corporate super-villain overlord. Santa could be real.”
“He’s not.” Tim snapped.
Kon recoiled. “Okay, it was just a joke.” Tim didn’t respond. Something had clearly upset Tim. Kon frowned, had Tim and Kon never had a conversation about Santa before? They’d known each other for years, not to mention that they’d been dating for around a year. Though, this would be their first Christmas together.
Did Tim hate Christmas?
Why did Tim hate Santa?
“Are you okay?” Kon asked as he floated.
Tim exhaled annoyedly (Kon knew that reaction well) and he stood. “I’m fine. Sorry for being snappy.”
“Are you sure?” Kon asked.
Tim pulled his mouth into a smile. “Yeah.” He was lying.
Which obviously meant that Tim wouldn’t tell Kon why and if Kon wanted to understand him better there seemed to be only one way to figure out why Tim hated the concept of Santa: ask the family. “I’ve gotten everything I’m going to get from the scene and I collected samples. Do you mind if we go back to the Cave so I can run tests?”
For once, Kon didn’t. “I’d love to go back. Want me to keep you company?”
Tim smiled, this time a real smile. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.”
Dick’s first reaction was: “Someone killed Santa?”
Tim rolled his eyes. “Santa isn’t real, Dick. Someone killed someone dressed as Santa.”
“Uh huh.” Dick said. He leaned over to Kon and whispered, “Tim doesn’t like Santa.”
“Yeah, what’s that about?” Kon whispered back. Tim worked without sign of hearing them, they continued to whisper for Tim’s sake.
Dick raised an eyebrow. “He didn’t tell you?”
“Not that I can remember.”
Dick zipped his lips. “Not my secret to tell.”
“At least a hint?” Kon asked. “Help a boyfriend out.”
Dick looked at Tim, hesitated, then back at Kon: “It’s not just Santa, it’s also Christmas.”
“Wha-Really?” But Dick zipped his lips again. He walked over to Tim and rubbed his hair.
“See ya, kiddo.”
“Bye, Dick.” Tim raised an eyebrow. “What’re you doing all the way over there?” Tim asked Kon, just realizing how far away from Tim he was.
“Nothing, just thinking.”
“Sit next to me?” Tim asked.
Kon smiled and pulled up a chair next to Tim’s at the Batcomputer. He kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. “Sure babe.”
“EW!” Someone cried, seeing Kon kiss Tim. Tim rolled his eyes.
“I don’t ‘ew’ you when you kiss Cass.” He called to Steph who bounced over to Tim, resting her arms and head on Tim’s.
“That’s ‘cuz we’re gorgeous and there’s nothing to ‘ew.’ You on the other hand...”
“Hey!” Kon cried.
Steph grinned at him. “Not you of course, Kon. You’re just as gorgeous as us.” She winked at him.
“Stop hitting on my boyfriend.” Tim said, eyes never leaving the Batcomputer screens.
“Tim is gorgeous too!” Kon cried outraged.
“You only say that ‘cuz you’re his boyfriend, I’m his ex so I can say that he isn’t.”
“Thanks, Steph.” Tim said.
“You’re welcome.”
Tim switched to his crime scene pictures of the victim and frowned.
“Aw! Someone killed Santa?” Steph cried.
“Santa-”
“I know, I know, Santa isn’t real.”
“Who is not real?” Damian asked, Kon jumped out of his skin. He knew the gremlin was a ninja and all but like? Seriously? Damian hadn’t been there five seconds ago. He pushed Kon and Tim out of the way so he could see the case.
“No one you care about.” Tim said, pushing Damian so he could go back to his past position in front of the computer.
“Dami, see the red suit and the white beard? In our society that is a marker of a man named Santa Claus.” Steph explained.
“Santa Claus is imaginary.” Damian said.
“I can’t believe we agree on something.” Tim muttered.
Wait, Steph had dated Tim before… “Hey, Steph? Can we talk for a moment? Y’know, alone.”
Steph looked surprised. “Yeah, sure thing Hot Stuff. Step into my office.”
Kon stood and they began walking away from Tim when Damian said loudly: “If you are discussing sexual encounters with Drake, please walk farther from my earshot.”
“We’re far enough away that you can’t hear us, Kid!” Steph shouted at him. She turned to Kon, “what’s up?”
“Why does Tim hate Christmas?” He asked softly. Steph glanced at Tim. “Please, Steph? Help a boyfriend out?”
“You used that exact line on Dick, didn’t you? And he didn’t tell you?”
Kon chewed on his lip. “Possibly…?”
“If Dick didn’t tell you, no way I’m telling you.” Steph said.
“Aw, please Steph?”
“The key to a healthy relationship is communication, Sunshine.” Steph said, patting him on the shoulder.
Kon sighed. “Whatever, thanks anyway.” He went back to Tim but Damian was sitting in his seat, conducting tests. “Dude, move.”
“Find another seat.” Damian snapped.
I can’t believe I’m arguing with an angry munchkin. Kon thought. Tim glared at Damian. He turned to Kon and stood, kissing him on the cheek. As if sensing his anger towards the little man, Tim suggested, “you know what, I’ll see you at home Kon, okay?”
“Are you sure?” Kon asked. He glowered at Damian but the youth ignored him. Tim nodded and Kon kissed Tim again and Damian rolled his eyes.
“Please take your possessive sexual activities somewhere else.” Damian said.
Kon was about to bite something back but Tim hit Damian on the back of the head and Damian growled something at him. Tim went back to the case and seemed to forget that Kon was in the room which was understandable, he always got that way when on a case. Kon guessed he’d go home then. He glanced back at the dead Santa on the screen and got an idea.
“No.” Tim said. Kon frowned, he hadn’t expected Tim to react so strongly. Tim stumbled backward, eyes staring. He tumbled into the wall, his gaze breaking. He turned and walked out.
“Tim?” Kon grabbed a robe, following him out into the cold Gotham night, “Tim, come back! If it bothers you that much I- Tim!” But Tim was nowhere to be seen.
Kon had fucked up. Kon had really, super duper, absolutely, indubitably, and terribly fucked up. Kon was about to jump into the air when a strong wind blew into Kon’s robe. Someone above him snorted. “Wow, trouble in paradise?”
Jason. Great. “Why are you here?”
“To stare at your wonderfully beautiful ass. Or maybe just to annoy Tim’s. I like to keep you heroes guessing.” Jason said. Kon was sure he was kidding.
Kon glared at him. He sat on top of Tim’s apartment building, mask on, leg hanging lazily over the edge of the roof. He looked Kon up and down, physically moving his mask to make sure Kon knew what he was doing. Kon looked down and closed his robe tighter (which probably wasn’t helping Kon’s modesty). “Are you here for a reason? Because if not, I have to go find my boyfriend and make sure he doesn’t want to kill me.” Kon grumbled.
“You really fucked up, didn’t you?” Jason shook his head. “Didn’t you know he has a thing about Christmas?”
“How did you know? You’ve tried to kill him.”
“Oh please, Krypto-Boy, we all have a thing about Christmas. For the demon-spawn and the mute it’s a detachment; they aren’t Christian, they never had a reason to love or want to love Christmas. Christmas was one of the only days Princess Eggplant’s dad was allowed to contact her, which didn’t always give her warm and fuzzy feelings. Not to mention a cheap Christmas and no presents, nothing that you want from Santa. And Dickiebird and Brucie? Well, being an orphan isn’t too fun on a family-centric holiday.”
He hadn’t known. Kon didn’t know what it was like, sure he was lonely and alone. Sure he didn’t know of a family before Tim and Bart and Cassie and Dubbilex and Jim and… but he had Ma and Pa, he had Kara and Clark and he had Lois. He had Christmas. They didn’t.
“And you? Tim?”
“Me? I was a street kid. Christmas meant cold, it meant pity charity from people too rich to care about me except for one fucking day of the year. Then? It meant Bruce and Dick and Alfred and family. And then? Then it meant nothing. But this is about Tim, and Tim? Tim wasn’t like us. Tim’s family wasn’t like any of ours. You’re never going to make Tim like Christmas. Tolerate it? Maybe. But like and love? Never. Just give up on that dream, don’t force him.”
“So? What do I do now?”
“So, you wanted to find out why? Ask him yourself clone. You want to accept that he just doesn’t like Christmas and he never will? Do that. It’s up to you now, Luthor-spawn, make the right choice.”
“Why are you here, Jason?”
Jason stood and brushed off his legs. “I heard Kris Kringle bit it, I thought I might have heard something, I was going to tip off the replacement, but clearly this isn’t the time. Go after him, Wannabe. He needs you.”
Kon nodded. He was about to take off again when Jason added, “and put on some pants. Maybe things are different in Metropolis, but in Gotham ripped dudes flying around wrapped as a Christmas present isn’t appropriate.”
Kon ran into the apartment he and Tim shared and changed, then he closed his eyes and followed the sound of his love’s heartbeat.
“Here, huh?” Kon asked, landing on the top of the Wayne Enterprises Tower.
Tim shrugged, his legs swinging off the edge of the roof. “I like being up high. How’d you find me?”
“It’s not hard, I know you. I know your heartbeat. And I know when I’ve clearly upset you.”
“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-”
“No. It’s my fault. I knew you were upset about Christmas and Santa and I pushed it too far. I thought... I thought I could make it right. Give you some good memories. Clearly I was wrong.”
“Clearly.”
“Tim, please tell me: what I can do to make it right?” Kon asked. He sat down next to Tim. Tim stared out at the illuminated street below him.
“When, when I was three I learned about Santa for the first time.” Tim began slowly. “I was at pre-school and my teacher asked if anyone knew who Santa was. I was the only person in class who didn’t know. That night, that afternoon really, Mrs. Mac picked me up from school—Mom and Dad were in Africa for Christmas. I told Mrs. Mac about what I’d learned that day, about Santa, and she, and I’ll never forget this, she turned around in her seat with the most pitying look on her face and she said: ‘oh, Tim dear Santa isn’t real.’” Tim stared at his hands and inhaled shakily. “Just like that. To a three year old. I mean, I’d figure it out eventually, but really?” He paused before continuing. “I didn’t really believe her, not entirely. What my teachers and classmates said… it had to be real, I mean Batman was real so why not Santa, right? Well I waited up for him that night, after Mrs. Mac had gone to her family for the holiday, I stayed up. I stayed up and I made milk and cookies and I hid with my camera, a birthday present by the way, under the couch and I waited for Santa to come. And by morning Santa didn’t come, and there were no presents under my tree. And until Mom died that was my Christmas, alone in the house. When I turned five I started buying my own presents, Mom and Dad gave me the money of course, but I bought them. I wrapped them. I hid them under the tree. Christmas didn’t really seem so magical, and soon I just… stopped, all together. After all I could buy whatever I wanted with my parents credit cards whenever I wanted, what was the point of celebrating Christmas?” He finally stopped to breathe. The breaths were thick and his shoulders shook, his voice trembled. “So when you… I don’t want Christmas. I-I know you were trying to be helpful, but I just-I don’t want Christmas!”
“Okay.” Kon said. “No Christmas, promise.” Tears fell from Tim’s eyes and Kon wrapped him in a hug. “No Christmas. Promise.” He repeated.
Tim walked into the apartment on December 24th not expecting what he saw. But it didn’t make him walk out. “You-you cleaned the apartment.” He stated.
Kon grinned. He wore Tim’s favorite sweater for him (it was an S-Shield pattern that Ma had made for him one year) and the apartment was flawless. The mouth-watering aroma of Chinese food filled the air. A blanket lay across the couch and Tim’s laptop was plugged in, laying on top of it. The TV was on and ready to be watched. “What-what is this?” He asked, slightly overwhelmed by the sparkiliness of the moment.
“I figured, since you don’t like Christmas, how about we don’t do Christmas. How about we never do Christmas. Instead we do an ‘us’ night. We stay in, eat our favorite foods, pizza is on it’s way by the way, we marathon Wendy. We cuddle on the couch. Then, tomorrow we can go out on patrol or whatever you want to do.”
“An ‘us’ night?”
Kon nodded enthusiastically. “Unless, of course, you don’t want to. ‘Cuz then we don’t have to. I just thought… since I’ll never be able to give you good Christmas memories, what if we never had to worry about Christmas at all? Y’know do kind of a new holiday, just for us.”
“Just for us.” Tim repeated.
Kon nodded, trying to gauge Tim’s reaction. When Tim said nothing, Kon’s face fell. “Actually,” he said bashfully, “it’s stupid, we can just do nothing, I’ll just-”
“No!” Tim said, freezing Kon in his tracks. “No.” Tim said. “It’s perfect.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And very sweet.” He walked over to Kon and hugged and kissed him lightly.
“Um, excuse me?” A voice said from behind them.
The pizza guy had arrived. Kon paid him and took the pizza from him. He closed the door and Tim and Kon settled onto the couch. Wendy the Werewolf Stalker played and they began stuffing themselves with food. The night wore on until they were out of food and halfway through Wendy’s first season. Kon lay drowsily on Tim’s shoulder while Tim curled the blanket around his feet.
“Tim?”
“Hmm?” Tim asked.
“Where do you want to patrol tomorrow?” Kon asked, yawning.
“What if we... didn’t patrol?”
Kon frowned and sat up, looking at him. “But you love to patrol.”
“And you don’t, and I also love you. This is an ‘us’ day, right? So let’s do something we both like. Maybe head down to the arcade.”
Kon smiled and kissed Tim gently. “I love you so much.”
Tim smiled and laid his head down in Kon’s lap, stretching out on the couch, his legs hanging over the end. “I love you too.”
#diana writes timkon#diana writes#diana writes batman#tim drake#Kon-El#superboy#conner kent#kon el#timkon#aged up!timkon#merry christmas#why did i write a christmas fic? i am not christian
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