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writings-from-the-hart · 4 years

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Happy Meet and Greet Monday! For whicher character wants to answer: What do you do when you can't sleep? How does it affect you the next morning? What kinds of things keep you up at night?

Happy Meet and Greet Monday!

So sorry I’ve been answering asks kinda late, there’s just been a lot happening lately at home and work so as anyone can imagine the stress is real. My dog Max who I’ve had for twelve years just recently passed away and even though I knew he was an older dog and to expect it I wasn’t ready to let him go. . . Then again nobody is ever ready to let go of a loved one no matter the circumstances. So ya, there’s a tiny slice of my life, I try to not put too much of it out there but I wanted to explain my sudden absence.

Question: What do you do when you can’t sleep? What kinds of things keep you up at night? How does it affect you the next morning?

Eric: Constantly on guard for something Eric is the lightest sleeper out of everyone in the House of Cards, a feather falling on the carpet could wake him up, and he’s as stiff as a board when he’s sleeping. Not much happens in Eric’s mind when he’s sleeping, a dream hasn’t occurred in his life since he was eight, and he prefers it that way so he takes medicine for what used to be insomnia. “I’ve let go of my dreams and the idea of monsters living underneath the bed. I’m not a child, so why would I need dreams while I sleep?” However, everything isn’t what Eric wants it to be — he’s beginning to learn that being the commander of the House of Cards — and sometimes a vague night terror will send him bolting up in bed drenched in a cold sweat but with no recollection of what he was dreaming about. When things like this disrupt his “usual sleep cycle” he simply finds something to calm his nerves; such things include his boxing hobby or smoking a cigarette in a secluded area where he won’t get caught. These “disturbances” usually don’t affect his mornings as Eric is a natural early bird, but there have been certain cases where he’s remembered fragments of these night terrors and they stick with him for days at a time.

Valentina: Valentina hasn’t gotten a good sleep since she was twelve and constantly lives on a max of four hours of sleep, anything above that seems suspicious to her or she was probably unconscious from some kind of wound she suffered from. One time she “fell” from a two-story building and suffered a severe concussion and broken arm, she slept for six hours for a week straight. However, when Valentina can’t sleep she spends time cleaning weapons, tending to what little plants she owns at her home, going for a drive around whatever city-state she’s currently in, and planning the next string of “assignments” she’ll do next. She is plagued by constant nightmares and night terrors about certain events in the past she wishes to forget forever. “You can’t outrun the past; it’ll eventually find you, hunt you down and strangle you to death like anything else.” Since she’s been living with these nightmares and night terrors for over fourteen years her mornings aren’t super affected but instead, it’s rather routine to be running on roughly four hours of sleep. Her body has adapted to it by running on a “polyphasic sleep cycle,” meaning Valentina sleeps for thirty minutes every four or five hours for a daily total of only four hours of sleep. “It’s called a micro-nap and yes I’m fine.”

Xavier: “Get much-needed work done in the workshop.” Xavier’s workshop is a place created out of labor and love, full of his favorite things and stuff he loves to do, it’s his “happy place” as well as “hiding place.” While it’s not as expansive or nice as his actual workshop at his home base in Eshar Xavier has come to love the workshop at Blackwell. Very few things keep Xavier up at night, Valentina says he sleeps like the dead, “Silent and unmoving, you sometimes forget he’s even there.” But what does keep him up are things relatively new to him. Being the youngest out of all of the House of Cards (19) and practically a child compared to the others Xavier has never seen battle or warfare, only on holofilms about the history of the Republic, so new fears about blaster bolts, bombs, and ion blades fill his mind. The nightmares will keep him up all night, so he’ll retreat to his workshop to “get work done” till the sun rises again and there are dark circles under his eyes.

Eris & Brazen: After certain events in the past the twins never sleep alone; they can always be found curled up beside one another or Eris hogging the whole bed sprawled out like a starfish while Brazen hoards all the blankets. It’s the only way the pair can achieve a somewhat peaceful sleep with as few night terrors as possible, but even if a night terror does strike the other is there to provide comfort. On nights when either Eris is restless or Brazen can’t close his eyes without fear and the night terrors are relentless the twins do something called Mindscape. “It’s like creating a world outside of this one, but everything is different. . . Everything is okay.” It’s an activity only the twins are capable of doing because it requires the special bond that they both have and to be able to meld the mind with another person. A Mindscape will chase off night terrors or other kinds of sleep disturbances (nightmares) and allow the twins to create a space of peace and serenity within their minds. But because Mindscaping takes an extreme amount of energy to do the twins will sleep extremely hard and soundly, meaning they will not want to wake up the next morning without a fight. “Reality sucks to live in sometimes

Adira: “The night is simply a reflection of the day. There is nothing I can do about dreams; I can only change my pattern of life.” Like anyone else, there are nights when sleep is abundant and joyous or there are nights when sleep is absent and hellish. There are many lessons Adira learned from her Sensei Jia Wu but one of the important ones is “Mindfulness through meditation.” “You cannot, per se, tame the mind or tell it how to act. The mind has to come to a natural state of rest all on its own; all we can do is relax and remain present in the world.” Adira knows what troubles her and the grief that clouds her vision sometimes, so on sleepless nights she utilizes this time to reflect on her inner self through meditation instead of unhealthy rumination.

Dante: “Vodka solves everything.” Dante doesn’t have the healthiest of coping mechanisms when it comes to his insomnia, nightmares, or life’s problems as a whole. He won’t tell anyone or confess to it out loud but Dante has many inner demons to fight and some days it’s too much to handle, so he just disappears down a bottle when he can. In the confines of his quarters Dante will try to tire himself out through exercise in order to find sleep before picking up his flask, but some nights his demons have a stronger hold on him than he can fight off. Being a gladiator in the pits of Ares there is a multitude of things that keep Dante from getting a peaceful sleep, but there are also things long before he was gladiator that keep him up well into the morning and even afraid of falling asleep. “Some wounds run deeper than the flesh and blood of a man; not all scars fade with time.” Dante takes one day at a time and the same goes for his mornings, some mornings are plagued by tiny headaches while others it feels as if his head is about to be split open. But he’s a warrior by trade and he knows he can weather just about any storm or fight.

Mallory: Normally Mallory doesn’t leave any time for sleep; she’s an extreme night owl, morning bird, and all-around functioning insomniac. “Sleep is an unnecessary requirement to live. I don’t need sleep to live I need entertainment.” Now that she’s confined to Blackwell and its military base along with the rest of the House of Cards she’s left to face herself and the reason as to why she avoids sleep. So Mallory has found multiple ways to sneak out of her quarters and wander the military base the House of Cards is confined in. However, her favorite place to seek solitude in is the kitchen. Mallory is a stress baker and loves to cook, this is knowledge she will take to the grave with her and nobody else will know, so once she found out where the kitchen was and that it wasn’t staffed at certain hours she started going there when she couldn’t sleep. The thing is Mallory doesn’t cook or bake for herself, she makes food for an army but she can’t throw away the leftovers because she considers them labors of love, so from time to time the squad eats food she has made and left in the kitchen for the cooks to serve. The cooking and baking takes her mind off certain things like why she’s with the House of Cards in the first place and the reason for why she’s on the run from certain people of power. Since Mallory is a born night owl, morning bird, and all-around functioning insomniac in the morning it doesn’t look like she’s spent an entire night with only two or three hours of restless sleep, instead, she’s full of energy and ready to kick ass. “Sleep is only a concept; a concept I’ll avoid if I can.”

Thanks for the ask! Happy Writing!

#wip: renegade #my ocs #my ocs: the house of cards #meet and greet monday #wip ask game

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insanityembraced · 5 years

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Abnormal, Different, and Sometimes Extraordinary But Not Defective or Degenerate

I suffer from borderline personality disorder. It drastically influences my thoughts, actions, and understanding of the world around me. My perception, is and will always be altered by my, some say warped, I say realistic and unnaturally insightful, evaluation of emotional energy.

My personality disorder, label, or peculiarity, to me is a gift and makes me exceptional, not broken or in some way dangerous to leave unsupervised amongst non-afflicted personalities that perceive the world in a bland, underwhelming, and arguably are disordered, because they have lost or failed to attain enough focus or mental dexterity. In fact, the more we allow rigidity to limit man kinds ability to feel, sense, and accurately understand the emotional forces that bond us to each other and create the vivid colors of passion, creativity, and intensity only strong emotional tethers can sustain.

Sometimes my intensity and extrasensory ability is overwhelming and manifests in ways society labels as disordered, but in reality it is extraordinary and has mostly served to save rather than hinder my ability to navigate life. However, not every cloud is bright and humanity will always struggle with self control when faced with uncertainty and inesacapable animalistic urges that test our ability to get perspective in a world that never stops changing and evolving.

The following are some things that give insight into the extraordinary or even completely debilitating effects of my borderline personal perception of a world others see differently than I am capable of understanding:

I am insanely fickle. I can change my mind over and over and often times drastically reimagine my understanding of people and how we have shaped this globe or domed furmament into a prison with imaginary boundries created by hate and fear continuously infused into every fiber of human understanding.

As humanity becomes more and more oblivious to pure unadulterated empathy our sense of self blurs and society begins to eliminate diversity by allowing humanity to be silenced by fear built atop a drift of sand in the desert. However, even after the mirage has been unveiled as an invasive and aggressive sickness that has spread over the world consuming the rage and ignorance created by destroying pure empathy and viciously ripping humanity apart.

The more I explore the reaches of human understanding the less I believe we are even capable of understanding anything with certainty. Those who have attained great knowledge should have also gained an openness to the existence of many different kinds of intellectual perception that transcends traditional understanding of fact, fiction, or hypothetical scientific "certainty". Now I am convinced that the only thing I know with absolute certainty is that knowledge is currently to vast to contain within the limitations of our perception.

One thing that plagues those allegedly inflicted with a sickness so pervasive it has apparently permanently corrupted our souls and left us with scarred and impossibly broken personalities that now defines us entirely. Civilized, brainwashed, and fluoridated masses, given an instinctual fear of people labeled as mentally I'll. This instinct is based on a indistinct and uneducated manipulation of the different types of intellectual dexterity that can bless, awaken, and be a source of harmonious unification; instead the talents that I possess give me a different perspective on nearly everything. Different does not mean wrong. Failure of other humans to understand me or grasp the fiber of what makes me decipher the world in a different fashion that transcends even our sense of culture or language to create a group of individuals who consistently perceive stimuli from feeling, emotion, electrical charge of ions affected by forces not understood by those who close their mind to bothering with the difficult task of trying to think with other parts of your brain, even if it is unnatural or difficult.

I believe all intellectual or sensory talents are of value and should be developed in different environments that foster the use and improvement of our naturally occurring talents in says that create harmony and richer depth of understanding once we have opened our minds to different sensory observations that do not prove I am insane. All your label has done is help me to understand myself in a deep and intensely critical fashion that has helped me truthfully identify things I need to work on controlling and I also have had the opportunity to evaluate my triggers, identify signs of irrational or destructive thinking. This has allowed me to develop and institute coping mechanism and other internal and external tools to keep myself from allowing myself to overload my sensory system, not because I am permanently and invasively altered by psychic dysfunction that renders me a rambling, irrational nutcase unworthy of being trusted, believed, and people labeled borderline or who are labelled as having a personality disorder are just blessed with different sensory sensitivity that does create distinct differences in observation and unless there is effort exerted to understand and effectivy communicate with individuals who have a spacial or coordinated dexterity that can traslate into movement fluidity or accuracy that I am not natuRally blessed with and need help understanding and fostering such talent since I have an actual natural tendency to manage to fall inexplicably without warning or even applicston of outside force, but simply an internal lack of balance and a long term battle with my ability to see and thus manage my four dimensional space with grace.

All of this introspective personal reflection and growth should be a part of every human being on earth. Then those who suffer from similar difficulty in adjusting to certain triggers do not need to be defined by their diagnosis. The diagnosis is just how we find people who understand why my perception is differently aligned. We do not have to be feared, send to bedlam because of fear, or an irrational fear I will suddenly and violently embody my Hollywood stereotype and fatal ataction someone because I have been labeled and my internal bomb has been officially triggered.

Of coarse that is ridiculous and even people with the same disorder or same perspective still live life with shifting social, financial, qwwd many times has lead even similar differently abled souls to different ways to use our gifts to hopefully work towards harmony and unxersdnsign. 0⁰

t at your own understanding of the things you percieve. f we could acceptinstead of trying to force humanity into a mold f different talents and maybe even extraordinary abilities understanding with our surroundings. efear fear my extra personality have particularl feared the intense s have a history of failing to comply with medications and I am not good at consistently maintaining routine of anykind. I can only maintain a routine for days, occasionally weeks, and rarely have I ever maintained a consistent routine for more than six months.

I am capable of liking or becoming interested or disinterested in anything without warning. I consume myself with a fiery intensity for things that I will let consume me until I burn out. I have completely abandoned interests, hobbies, people, or career paths in a moment. The thing that I wanted to do every minute for the last 6 months, like when I fell in love with painting, instantly and without warning become unfulfilling, tedious, and inferior to a new and exciting passion to focus my obsessions on. I feel so intensely that I cannot enjoy or contain my energy in any repetitive or monotonous activity.

I unintentionally attract emotional disfunction; I have an uncontrollable urge to save certain dysfunctional or misunderstood humans; I become particularly enraged by the self designated elite, and often intellectually inferior humans, that intentionally exploit the weak, poor, uneducated, or disenfranchised; I cannot always protect myself from the emotions of others, human emotion produced by strangers can be so powerful I have literally fallen to my knees, began crying uncontrollably, or even been unable to breath based on proximity alone; pure emotion can be released from the body like a shockwave, but only if the emotion is genuinely produced; I cannot always distinguish liars, but I can always spot people who really are devoid of any kind if emotional depth, and they are the truly dangerous, because they dont care, feel, or empathize with humanity at all; I am intensely impulsive, particularly when I am having difficulty understanding and communicating with others; I am bad at maintaining relationships because of paranoia, constant fear of abandonment, and an inability to truly understand individuals; I only understand emotions and emotional energy, but fail miserably at understanding or anticipating actions driven by selfishness or purity of evil intent; I am unpredictable, even I cannot understand or predict all my begavior; once I cross the line into a psychotic episode, I lose all control, awareness, or ability to understand reality; I will black out entirely, and have absolutely no memory for hours or even days; when I gain control of my sanity the blackout lifts slowly like a thick fog; the lingering fog of psychosis is like a mental sedative that makes even simple tasks impossible, like remembering your name, or knowing if you are awake or asleep, or being able to understand basic human conversation; overwhelmingly emotional, and I have occasional breakdowns peppered with forced hospitalizations. Mental hospitals, particularly those that restrain the liberty of people who aren't capable of faking the numbness society expects of us all; are ineffectual, uninspired, and often the patients are treated without feeling, dignity, compassion, interest, competence, respect, understanding, and often staff not only refuses to listen, observe, or address any of the specific problems facing an individual. Instead the psychiatrists often do not even pretend to do their job and blindly medicate those they do not understand until they become someone else's problem.

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starsaboveyouadoption · 4 years

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stars aligning - matching (part 1)

Last blog, I mentioned that I wanted to take an important pause before getting into the logistical aspect of how matching operates post-approval panel, and first examine the incredibly emotional side of matching.

One of the unique, but very disconcerting things about adoption as a route to parenthood is that you find yourself in the position of having an active part in “choosing” your child. Having come through the other side of the matching process, I am less inclined to believe matching to be a romanticised artform of instinct and meant-to-bes, but rather a science based on a myriad of factors that you explore thoroughly during your application, which comes into play once you have been through approval panel and begin the next step. It may sound cold and clinical to some to call it such, as obviously there is a lot of excitement and emotion wrapped up in it, but I mean it very positively in the sense that the strong relationship you build with your assessing social worker should ideally manifest itself in a sense of relative clarity which all parties can draw upon when the chemistry of matching happens. All of the conversations you had during Stage 2, all of the personal reflection, references, prep training comes together in the matching phase and in my experience, it’s where you start realising with hindsight why all of those pieces of knowledge, tips and advice you’ve picked up along the way matter. Your application ceases to be administrative or abstract, and starts to involve a real-life human child, and the thought of that can be incredibly daunting but also exhilarating. For many reasons, I found the matching phase the biggest emotional rollercoaster – it taught me things that will stick with me for life, really truly helped me know myself and what I had to offer better, and took me on a whirlwind of highs and lows. In the next blog I’ll speak about the “mechanics” of matching, but in this blog, I’ll be exploring some of the more emotional aspects that factor into the decision…”how do I know this child is right for me?”, or, “how do I know we are the right family for this child?”.

It is worth saying that by the stage you move into matching, you should have a very clear sense of the theory of which type of child you wish to be matched with, but we found that this changed during the process as those tick boxes became a reality and we had to have some challenging conversations between ourselves. In my view, it is never too early to consider the following in preparation for this stage. There is a lot of waiting involved with adoption – and my advice would be to use some of this time truly exploring the following:

Age

You will have been approved in recommendation for a particular age range when you passed approval panel although it’s quite possible you will narrow this down further or change your views to expand this slightly when you start looking at profiles. This will depend on how important it is to you that you have the experience of parenting a very young baby or infant. Please please please as we’ve said before, do not mistake a young baby for a baby who has not experienced trauma or has no additional needs. It became clear to us very quickly that there are actually a lot more unknowns with very young babies. Often, any additional needs won’t have presented themselves yet, there will be limited medical information at this stage, and many adopted babies will have experienced trauma in utero so do bear this in mind. On the other hand, the younger the baby, the lower the chance they have had multiple moves between foster carers and the lower amount of time they may have been exposed to abuse or neglect within the birth home (if applicable). Some may have been fortunate to have been placed into secure foster care from birth and developed stable attachments with foster carers. Each case will be very different. It is a fact that the majority of children placed for adoption will be older than 1, owing to legal procedures, and older children wait much longer to find forever families as young babies are so (for want of a nicer word) “popular”. It is very very rare these days to be able to adopt a relinquished baby from birth. You can check out my blog on Foster to Adopt if you are particularly keen to explore a match with a very young baby. Some things to think about are:

· How important is it to you to witness “key milestones” and to have the “baby experience”?

· How comfortable are you with being matched with a younger baby or infant with a lot of information gaps and potential medical uncertainty?

· Are there particular ages of children you are drawn to or have more practical experience with?

· If you have birth children in your own or extended family, what age child would best fit into this?

· Do you feel able to parent an older baby or child who may have had multiple moves across foster carers and have difficulty forming secure attachments?

· Does your own age affect the age of child you feel most suited to?

· Could you cope with the emotional uncertainty of fostering a newborn/very young baby with a view to become adoptive parents, to facilitate contact with birth family, with the risk they could be returned to their birth parents? How would you feel about having certain emotional boundaries in place until an outcome is decided (for example, your child not being able to call you “Mummy” or “Daddy” (See foster to adopt blog)?

· Do you feel equipped, robust and resilient enough to parent an older child who may bring with them significant trauma and challenging behaviours? Who may test boundaries and be slower to trust or form bonds with you?

· How would you feel about parenting a child who has memories of living with their birth family and may feel a strong emotional loyalty to their birth parents?

Gender

In adoption, you are able to specify a preference for gender. However, as with anything in this process, social workers will want to understand the rationale for your decision rather than just a preference for its own sake. It is a sad reality that I learned through the journey that in the UK boys wait longer on average to be chosen for adoption, and so you will find there are often a higher proportion of baby boy profiles, reportedly because boys are perceived to be harder to parent and more likely to be troublesome. What this says about Western gender ideals I’m not sure, but I know I found this very sad. That said, there are some legitimate reasons you may wish to think about gender:

· How would a boy/girl fit into your immediate or extended family?

· If you have birth children, would the addition of another boy/girl upset birth orders or roles in the family? Would sibling jealousies be an issue?

· Is there any particular experience you have with boys or girls that you feel suits you better to parent a particular gender?

Siblings

The heartbreak of many adoptions is that sibling groups wait much longer to be adopted than single children. This is a really difficult emotional choice for adopters, as nobody would want to think about children waiting longer for their forever home, but of course you will have very real, practical and emotional reasons as to why you may or may not feel able to adopt siblings. Sadly, because sibling groups often include an older child (who tend to wait longer due to preferences for younger babies), and can be large given birth families’ circumstances, this means that whilst every effort is always made to keep siblings together, some end up having to be separated. Sometimes older children will be placed for adoption separately from their younger siblings. This is understandably probably one of the worst decisions social services have to make and for this reason, and the emotional wellbeing of the children (it doesn’t bear thinking about being separated from your brothers and sisters), social services will be very keen to explore all avenues to place siblings together unless they are unable to find adopters. Expect to be asked your views about adopting siblings, and to explore whether this feels right for you. Adoption is intense, and it is understandable that you may not feel siblings are right for you. Some things to think about:

· What size family had you visualised having? If you planned on having more than 1 child, what age gaps felt right for you?

· Do you see yourself adopting again in the future? If so, would your preference be to go through the process once or return at a later date? Would your preference be for siblings who share biological ties?

· Do you feel equipped at this stage in your life to parent more than 1 child at once?

· Do you have the financial resources to parent multiple children? Do you have a spare room per house in your child? How would this impact on your return to work and childcare costs?

· Do you have a strong support network around you to help you with the demands that may come with parenting siblings? How might multiple children impact on your relationship dynamics and roles and responsibilities?

· How would you feel about potentially bonding with one child differently than the other in the early days?

Lifestyle

Lifestyle is a huge factor relevant to the type of life you can provide for a child. As with any relationships in life, the way you live your life, the types of things you enjoy doing, and your emotional and practical resources will suit some children better than others:

· What type of physical space do you live in? Do you have outdoors space for outside play? Do you have enough space for an adopted child to have their own room? Does your home present any physical challenges (for example, there may be health and safety reasons why it may not be suitable for children with additional needs or disabilities)?

· What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? What are your hobbies and interests? What type of child may enjoy them with you?

· How important is work/your career to you? Do you have fixed ideas about the income and and work life balance you would prefer upon your return to work?

· How much time can you take out from work if needed?

· Do you have pets? If so, how compatible are they with young children or with children with disabilities and or health conditions?

· What are your financial resources and what could/couldn’t they stretch to?

· What’s your neighbourhood like? Does it suit a particular age or background of child? What are the community resources, nurseries, schools and outdoor spaces like in your area?

Skills & Experience

Your social worker will be keen to know if you have any particular skills or life experiences which might especially resonate with the backgrounds of some adopted children. This might relate to factors you can relate to through your own childhood or major life events, your job or volunteering history, or simply aspects of your personality that are a nurturing fit for some children. In short what can you “bring to the table” for the child who will enter your life?:

· How much practical childcare experience have you had with children outside of babysitting within your immediate family? What age range?

· Have you worked in any particular settings in the past which have provided you with an insight into particular issues such as mental health, addiction, safeguarding, youth issues, special needs etc? What have you learned or gained from this which you can apply to supporting your child with their own needs or issues from their birth background?

· Which aspects of your own childhood and experience of being parented may be relevant to what you can offer as an adoptive parent?

· What experience does your wider family have of adoption and/or fostering? What are their views, comfort levels and hopes?

Culture, Ethnicity, Values and Religion

This is a very large area of consideration which will warrant its own entry, but suffice to say for now that throughout the adoption assessment things such as the culture you identify with, your beliefs and values, and those in which you would hope to bring your child up within will be explored in depth. Prepare to be challenged on this area, and to consider potential lines in the sand or ethical challenges that may be posed for you:

· As a family, couple or individual, do you subscribe to any specific belief systems or religion? How integral are these to your day to day life?

· Which ethnicity and/or culture do you identify with? How has this shaped your self-image, your values, and your way of life to date?

· How might you feel adopting a child from a different ethnic, cultural, or religious background? How important is it to you that your child is brought up in your faith (or lack of)? Do you feel able to support your child to pursue their own values and identity, regardless of whether these contradict with your world view? How comfortable might you be in baptising or christening your child say, in accordance with birth family wishes?

· What are your views on gender identity and sexuality? What values around these do you plan in passing on to your children?

· Do you have the capability and resources to support an adopted child in exploring and celebrating a culture that may vary widely from your own lived experience?

· How equipped might you feel to deal with social stigma surrounding adopting a child who does not have the same heritage as your family?

· How open do you feel you can be in supporting your child to both celebrate difference and explore feelings of “otherness” as they grow up?

Birth Family Contact

In many adoptions, contact agreements are put into place to agree the type of contact a child will continue to have with members of their birth family post-adoption. In most cases this is indirect via “letterbox” contact (an exchange of letters annually facilitated via social services) between close birth family members such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, but in rare situations may also involve some supervised direct contact also. Considering how you might feel about this and areas that feel negotiable/non-negotiable for you may help inform your thoughts on suitable matches:

· How open are you to your child maintaining contact with close birth family members through annual letters, facilitated through you and social services?

· For an older child or a child who is not at risk of immediate harm from doing so, would you be open to direct contact with certain birth family members? Say, annual meet ups with birth siblings?

· Are you comfortable with birth family members seeing annual photos of your child where deemed safe to do so?

· Would you be open to a one-off meeting with your child’s birth parents facilitated by social services, to understand more about your child’s family history?

· How might you feel if your child wishes to make contact with their birth family in the future? How will you balance your own insecurities with your child’s right to know their heritage?

· Are you prepared for the possibility birth family contact may happen earlier than expected, due to social media?

Adoptive Children’s Circumstances

Finally, your social worker will work through all the above and more with you throughout your assessment to help you feel equipped to make informed decisions about the types of backgrounds you feel able to adopt from. As I’ve stated numerous times in other blogs, it would sadly be incredibly unlikely that an adopted child would not come with some form of trauma associated with their background, and many present with additional needs, some of which you may not feel comfortable considering. My partner and I found out in a very harsh way which I will tell the story of in another blog, of how important it is to be deeply honest with yourself and each other about what you feel you can cope with. It is incredibly easy to be whisked away in the romance of adoption at times, in the thrill of wanting a child, and of being so close to it, to find yourself over-stepping boundaries that you’d agreed from the start.

An adoption cliché for a reason, adoption is about so much more than love. You will hear many adoptive parents and professionals alike tell you love is not enough for adopted children. Love is of course an excellent basis for a family, but in the case of adopted children, very concrete practical reasons need to be considered when deciding whether a match is right for you and the child, and despite what will be purely benevolent motivations, in the end it can be an unintended cruelty to be in denial about what you feel able to cope with. My advice is to really, as much as it is possible to, go into adoption matching with your eyes wide open. Don’t be tempted to blinker out warning signs and red flags that worry you in the early stages or minimise professional advice about additional needs that may arise with a child. I truly believe in the power of adoption to transform children’s lives, and do not wish to say anything to scare anybody off – I actually think there is far too much scare-mongering about adoption that is deeply unfounded – but it is so vitally important to really truly consider what you are comfortable in taking on.

The following is adapted from a list that your agency will provide you to support you in thinking about the types of children you may be open to adopting. I know that when we first saw this, it was overwhelming, daunting, and despite thinking we were very well prepared, included a lot of things that hadn’t even occurred to us. I believe it would have been beneficial to think these things through at an earlier time, and so it’s to help and support you to think about some of these issues that I have included this. These can be very upsetting to think about but are important. I would like to caveat this by saying though that every child is so much more than what they appear to be “on paper”. There are a lot of things from Little Star’s background that would have really worried us on first reading, but we realised, going back to skills and experience, that we had a lot to offer a child from his background and they were still the right fit for us. There will be things on the list you may disagree with your partner about – keep the communication open, but we were always advised that if it’s a no for one, it’s a no for both. Your social worker will ask you to complete a similar list with “yes”, “no”, or “would consider”. You will be encouraged to get quite clear about these matching criteria and it will feel cold and clinical and horrible doing it, but it will be greatly valuable in securing the right match for you. I understand that this is tough to think about, and I am no expert but if anybody would like to discuss the below further, I would be happy for you to message me privately:

The List

Would you feel able to consider a child who has…?:

· Specific medial needs, e.g. medications, injections, treatment etc

· An unknown medical prognosis

· A visual and/or hearing impairment?

· A speech or language difficulty?

· A long-term condition such as cerebral palsy?

· Downs syndrome?

· Asperger’s or Autism?

· A high risk of developing a life-threatening condition?

· Limited life expectancy?

· A need for special educational provision?

· Severe learning difficulties?

· Uncertainty in relation to development and ability to meet key milestones?

· A facial disfigurement?

· Been sexually abused?

· Been physically abused?

· Been neglected?

· Been abandoned?

· Been emotionally abused?

· An inability to form secure attachments with caregivers?

· Behavioural difficulties?

· Been known to display sexualised behaviour to adults/other children?

· A tendency to reject authority and boundaries?

· Been relinquished for adoption by parents who are still in a relationship together and may have other children?

· Been born as a result of rape or incest?

· No or little available familial medical history?

· Birth parents with a history of severe mental illness?

· Birth parents with learning difficulties?

· Birth parents with past or present criminal history, including violent and/or sexual crime?

· Been exposed to drug and or alcohol abuse in utero, or has birth parents with a history of substance misuse?

· Foetal alcohol syndrome?

· A birth family with a history of domestic violence, and/or affected by domestic abuse in utero?

· An ethnicity different to your own?

· A religion different to your own?

· Complicated or delayed legal status?

This has been a long entry and no doubt it will have raised a lot of questions, maybe worries and concerns about adoption. I will end by reiterating that the above list does not represent issues that all or even many adopted children will necessarily have but is inclusive of some issues which are very common in particular – namely, domestic abuse, substance misuse, learning difficulties, and histories of neglect and or abuse. Deciding to move forward with adoption entails having some difficult conversations with yourself, family, partners, and really testing your beliefs and values about what type of child you feel able to parent. That said, all of this is done with a great deal of support from your social worker over a period of time that allows you true opportunity for deep reflection, so please do not be afraid! There are so many wonderful things we’ll come to discuss about adoption that will show you the very positive side of the journey and this type of special parenting and I can’t wait to share more with you. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to private message me with any questions you may have

Until next time!

#adoptionadoptionblogadoptionbloggeradoptionukadoption adoptionbloguk adoptionbloggeruk adoptionblog adoptionblogger adoptionrocks adoptionco

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kukiverzum-blog · 7 years

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Solid Parental Advice When It Comes To Kids Playing Golf Clash Hack

Adults and children alike like Golf Clash Hack . Video games are a great stress reliever for people of all ages. To get the most out of your experience, though, you need some good tips and tricks. The key is to have the right knowledge and information to increase your know-how. Read on to better your game.

To master a video game, practice all that you can. When you feel like you've practiced enough, stop, breathe and then practice some more. Video games are a passion for many players, and if you expect to compete online, your skill sets will need to be honed extremely well.

As a parent, it is important to remember that children do not have an "off" switch in their brain. Without parental intervention, kids can (and will) play video games for many hours without stopping. It is important to monitor the amount of time your child can play their games. Set a limit and be consistent and firm with this limit.

Get the most for your money and buy Golf Clash Hacks used. If it isn't necessary to buy video games when they first come out, wait until you can buy a used copy. You will be able to save a little bit of money this way and still enjoy the game.

Invite your friends and family to play a video game you like. You can spend time with them, catch up on old times and play your favorite game. You never know, they may want to buy it for themselves so you can play together from the comfort of your own homes.

Video games are expensive, so rather than purchase one that you are unsure if you will like, rent them. Many services offer video games for rent for a certain price every month. By renting the video game first, you can test it out to see if you like it and the buy it if you do.

Try a little one-on-one video gaming with your children. This lets you bond with your child and learn more about what they like to do. Sharing video gaming with your kids can help to strengthen your closeness. They will also benefit from having you close by to see and aid in the progression of their developmental skills.

Think about the kids in your house before letting them play mature games. Generally, you can set up your console so that kids can't play Golf Clash Cheats that are too mature, although computers are a little harder to work with. It is best to monitor your child's gaming.

When buying games for your kids, consider their interests. There are enough video games out there now that your daughter, who likes ponies, can get a fun game just as well as your son, who enjoys army games. Browse the gaming store and ask the clerk for gaming recommendations for all interests.

Check out game sites that offer reviews and trailers before you purchase video games. Kids usually choose games by what the packaging looks like, or what their friends want. But you can make a more informed choice by reading what other parents and kids are saying about the popular games. You can get good information by word-of-mouth.

Today a lot of the most popular and enjoyable games out there are available free-of-charge. Be aware that developers rarely produce these games out of the goodness of their hearts. Figure out where they intend to make a profit, i.e., how the game encourages you to spend money. Whether or not such games are worth your money is your own decision, but you should understand the mechanism that's intended to make the game profitable.

If you're playing a game online, and you run across another player who seems to be aggravating other players (or you, in particular) intentionally, don't take it personally. This is called "Griefing," and it's the gaming equivalent of Internet trolling. Griefers are just out for negative attention, and you give them what they're looking for if you interact with them. Don't get emotionally invested in what's happening and simply try to ignore it.

If you choose not to preorder (or just forgot to), you can maybe still benefit the first day or two a game comes out. Many retailers bundle a freshly released game with a gift card or certificate worth ten or twenty dollars. This can make buying a new Golf Clash Hack Gems at launch much cheaper.

When you create characters for online roleplaying games, give some thought to the world they're supposed to inhabit when you name them. Although some players don't care about the names of the other characters they encounter, some will react negatively to out-of-place names. Not everyone in a medieval fantasy game will be willing to partner up with "WeedToka420."

Try using parental controls. Some newer video game consoles and some handheld hardware devices let you limit the type of content that they allow their children to access. You can do this by activating some parental control features that are already built in. This makes sure that your child only plays games with the ratings you feel are appropriate for them.

Buy used games to get even more bang for your buck. Many game stores are selling previously owned copies of console Golf Clash Gem Hack for half the price of a new copy. When you finish playing a used game, so long as it is in good shape, you can turn around and sell it back to the store yourself, too.

If you want your partner or spouse to try gaming, carefully choose some games that he or she might enjoy. Forcing your own tastes onto your significant other won't work. Cooperative games are a good place to start, so you can share the experience and find out what your significant other likes and doesn't like.

Playing video games is much more enjoyable when you understand what you are doing. Whether you like sports or deep storytelling, there is a Golf Clash Mod Apk out there for everyone. Pick a platform and a title and start having fun. This is one of the most enjoyable hobbies in which you can engage these days!

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